Chapter 2 – Overwhelming Emotions
Terra. Even thinking her name was painful, but I was used to it by now. She could move earth with her mind. We found her in the desert. We took her in. She couldn't control her powers. She accused me of telling them about her lack of control. She panicked and ran right into Slade's hand. She came back. She betrayed us. She tried to kill us. She couldn't go through with Slade's master plan. She sacrificed herself to save us. And the worst thing of all that she did to me: she pretended like none of it ever happened.
That was what killed me inside, she pretended like she didn't remember a thing. I could tell she was lying, too. It just wasn't fair. I knew what Robin would say if he knew how I felt: "Life isn't fair. Get over it. You're letting your feelings for Terra influence how you fight, you need to forget about her and focus on being a hero. That's all you'll ever be." I knew he would be right, but if anything, the anger I felt whenever I thought of her was helping my fighting.
Someone knocked on my door again. This time, I got off my bed and went to the door. It opened, and I saw the one person who could only make me more miserable: Raven. I stepped back from the door, and it closed again. A black aura surrounded it, and it opened. I forgot Raven could do that. "Robin told me to see what was bothering you," she said, not sounding any happier than I was. "Like he actually cares," I muttered. "Look, I'm fine, so just please go away." It was clear she didn't want to be here as much as I didn't want her here "He told me that if you didn't tell me, I should read your mind instead."
I'd forgotten that she could do that, too. I hoped that my mind was either too different from hers, or too twisted up with those memories for her to read it. Neither of these were true, and I could feel her presence inside my mind, digging around. "So it really was Terra," she asked, after she'd pulled herself out of my mind. I nodded. "Why do you care so much anyway? She betrayed us, she nearly killed us." This was typical for Raven, never needing to worry about emotions, just focusing on what's on the surface.
"Because I just can't forget everything she did to us. Yeah, she betrayed us, but that's just because she was too insecure with how she couldn't control her powers that she gave into Slade's offer, and now, she's acting like none of that happened. Even someone as stone-cold as you would be hurt by that." And besides, I thought to myself, Terra's different.
I could tell I'd struck a nerve with that one. "Maybe she did forget, and you're just too immature to accept the fact that she isn't coming back, so you told yourself she was lying" she said. I glared at her. Now she'd been the one to strike a nerve. I could feel the anger rising up now. Sure, I hated Raven, but I was able to put up with her, and I didn't wanna hurt her.
"Well," I said, "You know why I've wanted to be alone, so please leave now." She didn't move. "You need to let Terra go. This hurt you're feeling is just going to get worse," she said.
"I doubt that."
"No amount of sulking is going to change the past. Nothing is going to change the past."
"I know that, I just need some time."
"You're out of time. Get up and move forward."
During this whole argument, my anger had been getting more and more intense. Now I couldn't hold back anymore. "Just get out of my room," I shouted. Without meaning to, I swung my hand at her face, and I hadn't realized I had my claws out. I saw the four red lines on her otherwise pale face where I'd scratched her. She glared at me, and pulled up her hood, so her face was in shadows. "You need to grow up. This depression isn't getting you anywhere," she said as she left.
I stood there as the door closed. When I lost control of my powers, there was a time when the rest of my team and I thought I'd attacked her. The guilt I'd felt then was unbearable. Now I actually had hurt her. I felt numb, like I was made of rubber.
"Raven, how did it go?"
Robin. He must be checking on his spy.
"It's because of Terra. Apparently, she was pretending she didn't remember us."
A sigh.
"He needs to get over her. Maybe we should-"
He stopped. He must've seen the scratch.
"What's that from?"
"It's nothing."
"He did that, didn't he?"
"Robin-"
"Beast Boy! Get out here, now!"
I could hear Robin pounding on my door, but I couldn't move, or even answer him. The door opened, and Robin came in, Raven still outside the door. He grabbed me by the arm, snapping me out of my numb state. "Why did you do that?" In the two years I'd known Robin, I'd never seen him this angry. "I-I just…I couldn't…" I was hopelessly trying to speak, but I couldn't explain what had happened.
"Answer me!" He was growing angrier by the second. "I'm sorry," I managed, but apparently, sorry wasn't going to get me out of trouble. "Robin, I'm fine," Raven said. She put her hand to her face and the black aura appeared on her cheek where I'd scratched her. When she took her hand away, she was healed. "See? It's nothing."
"It doesn't matter," he said to her, and then he turned back to me. "I want an explanation. Now." I couldn't give an explanation. I saw the rest of the team in the hallway now, watching. "I just lost control again," I said. "It won't happen again, OK?"
"No, it's not OK. You lost control twice now. What am I supposed to do if it happens again?" He made a good point. I shrugged. "Kick me out, I guess."
Everyone went quiet. It was so quiet that I could hear the old clock in my room ticking, despite the small mountain of clothes covering it. "Is that what you want," Robin finally asked.
"I don't know," I said. Robin and I were staring at each other so coldly, that I think the temperature actually dropped a few degrees. Nobody spoke.
Robin sighed. "Look," he said. "You've had your powers long enough that you should be able to control them. There's no excuse for what you did, and if I even think that it should happen again, you're off the team." This seemed fair, but I knew that with all the anger still waiting inside me to be released, this would happen again. I was a ticking time-bomb.
Everyone dispersed, leaving me alone in my room again. I walked to the window, opened it, and flew out, not caring what animal I was. I flew out over the ocean as the sun started to set, turning the sky orange. I landed in the once place I had hoped I'd never have to visit again.