"Rest in peace."

Morgana, Gwen, Arthur, and Merlin all bowed their heads in respect. Morgana, with tome in hand, was at the head of the grave, reading scripture of the Old Religion. It was a solemn and cold event. The rays of sun seemed to scatter around the funeral, and they left the ground and the air cold and dry.

Morgana finished reading and held her hands up and began to sing a hymn of the Old Religion, something meant to guide spirits into the afterlife. The ground that Lance was buried in began to glow faintly as Morgana continued to sing, and from it grew small flowers—a patch of lilacs, which were Gwen's favorite.

Gwen held her hand up to her face and sobbed gently into it. Today was the first day without Lance, the beginning of the emptiness that would follow her until the end of days.

Beside her, Merlin leaned into Arthur, the sound of Morgana's heavenly voice, the flowers, and the heaviness of the sacrifice Lance had made around them. He buried his face in the crevice of Arthur's neck and Arthur, though as strong as he was, couldn't help but cry himself.

Arthur's mind wandered back to the fight. He was so worthless. What if this was Merlin, what if I had been too weak or too scared to save him? He instinctively brought his arm up around Merlin and pulled him close. The fear of death, the uncertainty of the future, and the lifeless breeze on the air made Merlin's body feel light-years away.

Morgana reached the climax of her song. Her voice was loud and triumphant, yet soft and precise, and the wind that carried it began to warm and the grave was almost completely covered in plant life.

Gwen was overrun with sorrow. This was it. This was the ending, the final rite, the proverbial last supper. The air was dense on her back.

I love you.

Gwen gasped and turned around. She swore she could have – it was a glimpse, but in the far distance in the forest, she saw him. He gave her a wave and a smile, and the scent of him was on the wind. Gwen felt hope and unity rise in her chest; somehow, something inside her told her that they would see each other again, if not in this life, then in the next. Gwen held Lance's ring close to her heart and felt the grains of her sorrow scatter in the morning breeze.

Morgana brought her arms to her chest as the song came to a close, the gusts of air around them gentle but loud, as if singing with her, and the ritual was coming to a close. The animals in the forest, Morgana, Gwen, Merlin, Arthur—they gave a moment of silence for their fallen friend.

Now, and only now, after ensuring Lance's safe departure to the unknown, did Morgana let herself grieve.

The journey back home was a quiet one. Gwen and Morgana lead the group with Merlin and Arthur trailing behind. Together they shared the sorrow, the burden of guilt, the essence of death, but they also shared the light of a new day, the healing of the morning sun on their backs, and even now, they could feel time closing their wounds. Merlin stayed close to Arthur, so close that they constantly bumped shoulders. Arthur didn't mind, the occasional contact made him remember that he wasn't alone—well, not completely, anyway. Gwen continued to turn and glance at everything that moved in the forest, hoping to see her Lance again.

Together they walked up to the back of Merlin's mansion. Merlin checked around the house and noticed that Richard still wasn't back, which struck him as weird—he was supposed to be back a day ago.

Gwen pulled out her cell phone and called the Knights, to report Lance's death, just as Merlin unlocked the door and let Arthur, Morgana and himself inside. Gwen followed soon after, her face red and wet from informing her higher ups of the good news—and the bad. Gaius walked in to see the group there; he saw the lack of Lance and Gwen's puffy red face, and he didn't have to do much thinking to know what had happened.

After they had seated themselves at the kitchen table, Gwen was the first to speak. "Right. I'm—I'm going to go. I have a long trip ahead of me." Gwen looked to the table and tears filled her eyes, but she hastily wiped them away. "I want to thank you... all of you." She took a glance at every one of them. "You all made this possible, and even though we lost... lost a member, we still completed the mission and freed Kilgharrah. Merlin, be sure to call on him if you ever need help. You are a Dragonlord. I will contact you in a few days and we'll set up a plan for finding that man and the boy, if—if he's still alive..."

Merlin gave her an agreeing nod and Gwen stood up.

"Again... thank you all."

"Wait."

Gwen turned around to see Morgana standing next to her. The other woman's eyes were full of sympathy and compassion, and they left Gwen feeling naked and cold. "Let me come with you," Morgana said.

Gwen was going to protest. She wanted to be alone so bad, but she wanted to be with Morgana more, and she needed a friend right now. Gwen nodded and when Morgana turned to Merlin, Arthur, and Gaius, she gave them a nod and a smile, and they all returned one back. Merlin stood up and walked to Gwen, pulling her into a hug. Normally Gwen would have hit him or yelled, but this time she pulled him close to her, and sighed into his ear. Merlin then moved to Morgana and gave her a hug as well. Morgana saw the spots of jealously plague Arthur's face and she very gently and very deliberately kissed Merlin on the cheek, causing Arthur to turn away.

The door shutting was the breaking point. Everything solidified and reality became too thick to breathe. Merlin could feel dread fill his body, the loss of Lance, the upcoming war, the boy and the masked man. It was all too much. He turned to Arthur, who still hadn't said anything since he'd frozen on the battlefield. Merlin rested a hand on his shoulder, both for comfort and in need of comfort, but Arthur shrugged it off, got up, and walked away. Merlin sighed and turned to Gaius who was drinking tea. He remained silent as well but he got up and poured another cup, handing it to Merlin, saying everything in that gesture that was needed. When Merlin gazed into his tea cup, his reflection was a stranger to him.

Arthur set his bag on the floor of his room. He pulled his short sword from his side and held it out in front of him. The battle ran through his mind. Why couldn't he kill someone? He thought about what would have happened if that Drinker had attacked Merlin. What if he had killed him or someone else? Arthur was furious with himself, absolutely furious. He briskly walked into his bathroom and turned on the shower. He needed something to calm him down.

Merlin set his bag on the floor of his room. He sat on the edge of his bed and thought hard about the events that just passed. He needed a plan. Someone had died this time because they were reckless, and he wouldn't allow it to happen again. He walked to his window and looked out over the fields near his house. It was calm, peaceful. He could see the magic of life, watch it mold and wash over the land, like the waters of the oceans.

Arthur felt the hot water drench his body. It was scolding him but he didn't care—he deserved this. Yesterday was the last time he would choke up, the last time he would be useless, the last time he would leave Merlin in such danger. He turned his face up to the torrent of water and felt the heat and pressure make his skin taut. The pain was a relief; it made him feel as if he was still alive, that this wasn't a dream.

Merlin walked into his bathroom, the feelings of yesterday were overwhelming. He looked at himself hard in the mirror. Is this the man I want to be? he asked himself. His gaze descended to the pale flesh of his wrist, and he reached under the sink and pulled out his black case, the scalpel inside was stained red with the memories of his previous incidences, incidences where he wasn't strong enough, wasn't ready, wasn't proud. He drew the blade against his skin, bleeding the filth from his body.

Arthur stepped out of the bathroom, skin bright red. He walked into his bedroom and noticed a bottle on his desk with a note attached to the top. It was a bottle of very expensive alcohol. Arthur stood there, reading the note.

Arthur,

This is my gift to you, my son, for turning eighteen. I'm sorry I couldn't be there for it. Richard has me working a lot lately. Be wise,

Father

Arthur laughed at himself. He had completely forgotten that today was his birthday. His eyes ran up and down the bottle. The amber liquid inside was the key to forgetting about everything, the key to just one night of being able to sleep, without dreaming of Merlin, without feeling guilty, or useless, or at least, he hoped.

He unscrewed the top and took a whiff of the drink. It was strong and toxic, and he let the fumes run through him before placing the bottle to his lips, feeling the hot liquid purge the stains of his worthless existence.

"What's this?" Arthur asked.

Merlin was holding out a black box engraved in gold. Arthur cautiously took the box from him and opened it. Inside was a pendant, and the chain it hung from was as gold as the jewel. Arthur pulled the necklace out from the box and looked at it in the light. Inside the jewel was an insect. Arthur had no idea what kind but he was amazed nonetheless.

"Do you like it?" Merlin asked. "I thought it'd be a good birthday present. I found it when I was helping Gaius pick herbs and I got Gwen to craft the necklace and the metal around it." Merlin shrugged and placed his hands behind his back, watching Arthur examine the jewel.

Arthur smiled and placed it around his neck. "Merlin, it's—it's perfect." And then he laughed, placing his hand on the jewel and giving Merlin a gentle and tender gaze. "You're too good to me."

Merlin blushed and bowed. "Anything for you, sire."

Arthur stood up and walked over to him and placed both hands on his shoulders. "Thank you, really," Arthur said softly. "This is the first gift I've gotten all day that wasn't gold or bought or weapons or armor..." He trailed off, lost in Merlin's eyes. He leaned in gently.

Arthur couldn't resist. Merlin had been there for him for so long, being shirtless, touching him, feeding him, taking care of him, all if it was just so sexy and Arthur couldn't contain himself. Merlin panicked. What was he do—

Their lips connected. Merlin felt heat wash over him and he instinctively wrapped his arms around Arthur's neck, pulling him close. Merlin didn't expect Arthur's lips to taste so sweet, to be so warm. Merlin had imagined this for years. Arthur pulled back.

"I..." He stammered, "This w-wasn't... weird, right?" he asked nervously.

Merlin smiled, and said, "Of course not," and then pulled him back in for another kiss.

Best birthday ever.

Merlin walked down the steps from the upper level. He had changed into just boxers and a sleeveless shirt. Hours had passed and after a nice rest and a shower, he felt ready to reveal himself to the world again. He needed to see Gaius, to tell him about everything that had happened. Merlin walked into the kitchen to see Arthur sitting at the table, an empty bottle in his hand and the lights off. Merlin flipped the light switch and Arthur groaned at the light.

"What are you doing in here?" Merlin asked. "I figured you'd be sleeping or something."

Arthur looked up and gave him a snobby look and then laughed at himself.

Merlin could smell the alcohol from where he was standing. He walked up and yanked the bottle out of his hand. It was a big bottle, almost forty percent alcohol. Merlin couldn't believe Arthur right now, drinking his pain away? His mind slipped to his bathroom escapade and he felt hypocritical. He was no better.

Arthur tried to take the bottle back but grossly missed and almost fell out of his chair.

"What is wrong with you?" Merlin half asked half scolded. He reached down and help Arthur sit up in his chair, but Arthur pushed him away.

"With me?" Arthur responded, irritation filling his face. "Let's see here... I couldn't do... what I was supposed to do, uhm, yesterday, and I couldn't protect you or Lance and I couldn't do anything right so, yeah, there." Arthur turned away from Merlin, but Merlin could tell he was crying. Merlin's anger softened to pity and he sat down in the chair next to Arthur, who tried to scoot the chair away but the pads on the bottom of them stopped them from moving, so he just sat on the very edge of the chair, facing away from Merlin.

"It's not your fault—"

"What do you know!" Arthur screamed, whipping around. His face was bright red and his eyes were bloodshot. "You don't... you don't even know anything! You're too caught up in your magic and your Morgana to even... care about me. And you can do stuff but when I try... I couldn't stop even one of those guys..." Arthur let a sob escape his lips and shook his head, bringing his fists to his face and yelling into them. "I can't even protect you... Merlin. I can't even... ugh..." Arthur violently shook his head again and attempted to get up and walk away but stumbled and caught himself on the door way.

Merlin ran over to him and picked him up, placing Arthur's arm around his back and using his shoulder to hold him up, struggling to helping him walk to his room. Arthur was heavy on Merlin's shoulder but he managed to get him back down the hall way to his chambers, which smelled thick of alcohol.

"You're an idiot," Merlin said simply, and he laid Arthur down on the bed. Arthur looked up at him. "If you think I'm too caught up in everything to not 'care' about you." Merlin brought the blanket up to Arthur's chin and tucked him in and gave Arthur a cold glare. Arthur never stopped looking into Merlin's eyes and Merlin felt naked and alone. Merlin shook his head in disappointment, feeling a wave of embarrassment overtake him, for a second there, it felt like Arthur and him were lovers. He sighed and turned to walk away, but was stopped by a grip on his arm.

"Will you... I don't, please, Merlin, I don't want to be alone tonight," Arthur said pleadingly.

Merlin took a few seconds to think about it. His best friend needed him; there was no way he was going to say no. Time seemed to slow down. Merlin didn't care if Arthur was drunk, and he sure as hell didn't think he was worthless, and he wanted to show him that, that he was so much more, that he meant so much more to Merlin than he could ever possibly realize.

He nodded. "Okay."

Merlin figured he would talk to Gaius in the morning and he could call Rich—

Arthur gave his hand another tug, trying his best not to fall out of bed while holding on to Merlin. Merlin kept Arthur's grip and took a few steps towards the bed. Arthur scooted over and Merlin came in under the covers beside him. They shifted only slightly, but Merlin could feel hot breath against his neck, giving him goosebumps.

What am I doing? Merlin asked himself. He's drunk and I'm sleeping in his bed and this is just wrong. Merlin gasped gently as Arthur moved as close as he could to Merlin, burying his face into Merlin's back. Merlin sighed and decided it was best to just go with it. He slid his leg in between Arthur's and Arthur wrapped his arm around Merlin, and they held hands all night.