The only thing I hated more than the endless list of questions Mrs. Everdeen spouted at me on a regular basis was physical therapy. The exercises she gave me to help with my balance had slowly waned in the past couple of months, disappearing entirely once I made the decision to walk around school on my own. She had decided that was more than enough to refine my coping mechanisms. The exercises for my hand and wrist had only gotten more frustrating and time consuming. I frowned as she tested my grip and manipulated my fingers, hoping she'd be finished soon.
"You remember you're adding another class on Monday, right?" Dad asked, dropping down into one of the chairs across from us. I looked up at him and nodded, fighting off a wince as Mrs. Everdeen bent back my hand.
"Sorry," she said. "Too far?"
"Um, yeah," I pulled my hand away and flexed my fingers.
"You're going to have to add in PE and Life Studies now," Dad said.
"Why?" I dropped my hand into my lap and looked over at him.
"You agreed to a full course load before the end of the year," he pointed out. I let out an indignant sigh at the reminder. The two classes alternated in the same slot of my class schedule, with a study hall filling in the extra day at the end of the week. "We've put that rotation off as long as we could."
"What th-the hell are they g-going to do with me in gym?" I snapped, turning back to Mrs. Everdeen as she positioned my arm for more exercises.
"Watch your language," Dad said.
"You won't be required to participate," she said, lining up her fingers with mine to give me resistance to push against. "You do have to attend the class though, that's part of the deal."
"It's a st-stupid part of the deal," I muttered.
"You still agreed to it," Dad pointed out. "And we got you out of that stupid Life Studies final, but you still have to go to the class."
"Why?" I demanded. I jerked my hand away from Mrs. Everdeen's and rubbed my palm with my thumb, trying to work out the cramp that was starting. "There's n-no p-point. Even you s-say it's st-stupid." Mrs. Everdeen gave him a pointed look.
"It's a requirement, Peet," Dad sighed, shifting forward and leaning his elbows on his knees. "It doesn't matter what anyone thinks of it."
"Why is it req-quired of me?" I rubbed my hand over my eye as the muscles around it began to twitch. "I'm useless and rem-minded of it every d-damn day. Why d-do I have to g-go to this class and p-pretend I'm not all of a s-sudden?"
"Because you're not going to move on with the class without it," Dad said. "That's the deal."
"Fuck the deal."
"Peeta," he snapped.
"No!" I shifted forward. "None of that p-productive member of society bullsh-shit applies to me. You c-can't even pretend it d-does. What is that class g-going to do but rub all th-this in my face? That I'll n-never even—hold down a real job, let alone 'contribute to society'. And I'm certainly n-not g-going to fucking end up m-married. Or saddling s-someone with children I c-can't even help raise."
"Peet," Dad let out a pained sigh, closing his eyes for a moment and rubbing his hand over his face. "I wish you wouldn't say things like that."
"Why?" I demanded. "B-because they're t-true?" He didn't even have a response.
"They're only true if you let them be," Mrs. Everdeen said quietly after a moment of tense silence.
"Shut up!" I snapped, pushing myself up off the couch. "You don't know, you s-said yourself you're j-just making th-this up as you g-go." I turned away from them, ignoring my father calling after me as I moved down the hall. Buddy darted into the bedroom ahead of me, turning around and staring at me as I slammed the door shut.
I yanked off my hat and dropped down onto the bed, leaning over to scoop Buddy off of the floor when his little paws appeared over the edge of the mattress. He headbutted my shoulder before picking his way up over my head. He settled on my pillow and started licking at my hair. When I tried nudging him away, he just pushed my hand down and kept on, purring as he did. The noise wasn't quite loud enough to drown out the murmur of my father and Mrs. Everdeen's voices in the living room.
After a few minutes there was a quiet knock on my door. Dad opened it without waiting for a response and stood in the doorway. The tired, exasperated look on his face told me everything I needed to know about how much I was going to hate the conversation about to take place. He sighed, stepping into the room and closing the door behind him. Dad pulled out the chair in front of my still-unused desk and turned it around before sitting down to face me.
"You know better than to speak to anyone like that," he said, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees. "Let alone someone who's doing their best to help you. You owe Lavender an apology."
"I know," I frowned. Buddy had given up on his grooming efforts as soon as Dad entered the room. He climbed up onto my chest and sat on top of me, his little stub of a tail twitching back and forth as he stared down my father.
"And I expect you to thank her, as well," he said. I looked over at him. "For calming me down before I came in here. You don't make me mad very often, Peet, but when you do you're pretty fucking good at it."
"I st-still think that c-class is stupid," I muttered, turning my attention back to Buddy and trying to trap his tail between my fingers.
"Peeta, everyone thinks that class is stupid," Dad shook his head, shifting to lean back in the chair and putting his feet up on the edge of my bed frame. "And it doesn't actually apply to anyone. It's just assholes who buy into that propaganda who actually think that it does. You're smarter than that, Peet."
"That d-doesn't change that it's th-there," I said. Buddy whirled around and whapped at my hand, tipping himself over in the process. "Or th-that people still—listen. They're already p-pairing off to get married."
"Not everyone follows the stupid plans they lay out in those textbooks," Twain said. "Dewey and Loretta weren't racing anyone to the Justice Hall the day after his last Reaping. It'll be a cold day in hell before your damn brother willingly agrees to get married, no matter how much shit his buddies keep giving him over it. And that woman you just swore at in our living room certainly didn't make her choice based on what was best for her family's business." He could lay out as many alternatives as he wanted, but that didn't stop the fact that half of my classmates were already pairing off for marriage, and their parents were pushing it. In town it was usually a matter of securing the family business, but I'd heard enough customers talking in the bakery to know that in the Seam it was as much about easing the burden of an extra mouth to feed as anything else. Not to mention I knew one perfect example to disprove him that we were both more than familiar with.
"Phyl," I said, knowing I didn't need to say any more. Phyl was the poster child for Capitol approval. He and Darla started dating at fourteen, were married the minute they could legally sign the license after their last Reaping, and he held down one of the highest paying jobs a District civilian could hope for. They'd even had a boy.
"Do we really have to go over all the reasons Phyl is not a solid example for how to live your life again?" Dad raised an eyebrow. "And regardless of what he might think, he is definitely not the head of that household." I let out a brief, humorless chuckle.
"It's not j-just that," I said. Buddy tired of fighting off my hand and moved to the edge of the bed, leaning over to look down at my father's feet. "I'm n-not going to work. I wouldn't even g-get approved for an ap-apprenticeship if I t-tried."
"You don't really need that," he said. "It's just paperwork. Unless you were planning on leaving the bakery and decided to let me think otherwise this whole time."
"No," I smirked, watching Buddy carefully climb off the edge of the bed and onto my father's legs. "But wh-what's going to happen t-to it? To me? Is Rye j-just going t-to support me forever?"
"Rye's never wanted the bakery," Dad chuckled. "I'm pretty sure the entire District agrees that Rye should never own this bakery. They actually want it to exist after I retire."
"Th-then wh-what-" my voice hitched in my throat and I pressed my eyes closed. I know what the plan was. It was supposed to fall to me, after Phyl found better work and Rye made it clear he had no ambition beyond what he'd already been doing. He wanted to work at the bakery; he didn't want to run it. That was supposed to be my job.
"I'm working on some options," Dad said, smirking to himself as Buddy curled up in his lap. "Don't worry about that. You're always going to have a place—and a job—here."
"Thanks," I chewed my lip, unable to even make eye contact with him. I felt ashamed to have even thought he wouldn't have been looking out for me.
"And if you have your eye on who I think you do, I'm pretty sure you can forget every line they've been feeding you about marriage roles," he chuckled.
"Dad," I rolled my eyes. "D-don't. She w-wouldn't, anyway."
"Not if you try telling her that her greatest contribution to society is how many healthy kids she's gonna give you," he said.
"Stop it," I laughed, rubbing hands over my face.
"And, by the way, considering how much Lavender knows about the time you two spend in this room," he said. "You'd better not let her hear you dismissing the idea of marrying her daughter."
"Please s-stop talking," I groaned.
"Just suffer through it, Peet," Dad said. "It's a class, it's not the rest of your life."
"Fine," I sighed, dropping my hands on my chest
"Now get your ass out there and apologize to Lavender," he said, pointing toward the door. I gave him a look. After all that, he still expected me to harp on the subject? "Now."
"Okay, ok-kay," I sat up, swinging my feet to the floor as Dad scooped Buddy from his lap and pitched him toward the bed. The cat stumbled, not quite able to keep himself upright with only three legs to land on. He fell onto his side, laying there calmly as if he'd meant to all along. I pushed to my feet, walking out to the living room ahead of my father.
"Look, I know you're all pissy about this stupid class," Rye said as he pushed me and my wheelchair toward the school on Monday. The mile-long trip with me as his captive audience was getting more annoying by the day. Another week, I promised myself, and I was ditching the chair altogether. "But it's only stupid until next year, then it gets hilarious."
"Wh-why?" I asked, though I really didn't care to know.
"That's when sex ed starts, man," he said. "Wait till you hear what the Capitol has to say about you diddling your girlfriend before marriage. Did you know it's actually illegal to knock a girl up while she's still eligible for the Reaping? But, y'know, it's not like you can actually buy condoms anywhere. Well, anywhere legal."
"Then were d-do you get them?" I asked, instantly regretting it.
"Why?" Rye asked. I could hear the grin in his voice without even needing to turn to look at him. "Finding yourself in need?"
"No," I snapped.
"That one armed bitch at the Hob always has them," he said. "So do the Maynard kids for some reason. Which is a little ironic when you consider how many of them there are. You can raid my stash if you, uh, get stuck."
"Yeah, th-thanks," I muttered sarcastically.
"You two making progress?" he asked.
"None of your d-damn business," I frowned, shifting in the chair anxiously as the school came into view.
"Suit yourself," he said. "Offer still stands, though."
"St-stop," I said. Fuck the week, I was ready. Rye didn't even slow down, and I reached for the grips on the chair's wheels. "I said st-stop."
"Why? You're gonna be late," he said, stopping the chair anyway. I got up, leaning heavily on my cane as I found my balance.
"T-take that thing home," I said, gesturing toward the chair. "I don't want it anymore."
"Are you sure?" Rye asked, his eyebrows flying to his hairline.
"Yeah," I said. "I'm f-fine."
"Alright," he said, though his tone sounded more than a little skeptical. It just made me even more determined for that step to be a success. "See you."
"Bye," I said, turning away from him and continuing toward the school.
I lowered myself into my desk in Life Studies at the end of the day already exhausted and ready to bolt. It was the last class for the day, thankfully, and I still would only have to suffer through it once a week for a while yet. That didn't make it any easier. I kept my eyes on my desk, doodling idly in the margins of my notebook and barely listening to what the teacher had to say.
The class was split, boys in one classroom, girls in another, and combined two of the rotations. That meant Katniss was in another room, along with Delly and Madge, listening to whatever version of the Capitol's idea of a successful life meant for them. I was stuck at the back of the room with not just one, but both of the Whitaker twins beside me and Merx a few rows ahead. All three of them shot amused glances in my direction every few minutes.
Every look punctuated another point in what was possibly the worst lecture I could start this class with. I didn't even open the flimsy paper book that had been handed out to go along with the topic. Productive Marriage. The parts of the introductory lecture I bothered paying attention to just underlined everything I'd said to my father the week before.
"Mellark," Lee Whitaker leaned over the edge of his desk, his voice lowered to a quiet hiss. I glanced at him briefly. "They finally letting you pretend you're gonna do anything worthwhile ever again?" I rolled my jaw, shifting in my desk to angle myself away from him. Both of the twins laughed quietly, and I could just imagine the mirrored smarmy looks on their faces. "Like the Capitol needs you passing on your defective genes."
"Whitaker," the teacher snapped.
"Yeah?" Lee leaned back, slouching in his chair as he turned to face the front of the room again.
"Shut up," he said, staring the twins down for a moment before lifting the book in his hand and continuing to read.
I didn't look up once for the rest of class, just did my best to ignore the rest of the lecture and the looks around me. By the time class ended everyone else was at the edge of their seats, ready to get out for the day. It took less than a minute for the classroom to empty.
"Harv, you coming or what?" Merx paused in the doorway, moving to one side as everyone filtered out around him.
"Yeah, I'll catch up," Harvey Carrow waved him off, setting his foot on the seat of his chair to tie his shoe. Merx frowned, looking over toward me before disappearing through the door. As soon as he was gone, Harvey scooped his books off his desk and moved into the row of desks I was making my way down. "Hey."
"Hi," I stopped and leaned on my cane when it became clear I wasn't going to be able to maneuver around him.
"Listen, Peet," he gestured over his shoulder. "Those guys are dicks."
"Yeah," I sighed and looked away. I knew they were dicks before I got hurt, but it was a whole different story being on the receiving end of it.
"I don't know if you noticed, but no one's really laughing at them anymore," he said, shifting uncomfortably and scratching at his hair. "I think we're all getting pretty sick of their shit."
"I've b-been sick of it," I said.
"I know, I just—I don't know. I thought you should know their opinions aren't really all that popular lately," he said. I looked up at him. "You know how it is, though. Trying to say anything they don't agree with." He let out a humorless chuckle. I knew. I'd been the recipient of some painfully stony silences any time I'd dared to try telling Merx to lay off one topic or person or another. "I'll see you around, yeah?"
"Yeah," I said. "Um, thanks." Harvey nodded, a tight smile on his face, and turned to leave the room. I was a few paces behind and found Katniss, Delly, and Madge waiting outside the room. All three of them watched Harvey break into a jog toward the front of the school.
"Everything okay?" Katniss asked cautiously, turning back to me.
"Yeah," I said, watching as Harvey turned a corner out of sight.
"Harvey's one of the nice ones," Delly said. "Kinda dumb, but he's nice."
"Yeah, it's real nice of him to hang out with those dickheads all the time," Katniss scoffed. I chuckled to myself as we started toward the front of the school. She managed to say out loud what I was struggling to put together in my head throughout that entire conversation. It may have been hard to disagree with them, but refusing to say anything to stop the things they said and did was just as bad as joining in.
"So are you coming over or what?" Madge asked, looking at Katniss with her eyebrows raised.
"I—um," Katniss glanced at me. She was hesitating because of me, even though we hadn't made any plans. Even though we'd spent most of the day before together. And the day before that.
"Go," I said, nudging her with my elbow. I didn't want to keep being what held her back.
"Why don't you both come?" Madge said. "Since you're attached at the hip and everything. Plus, y'know, you're my friend too, Peeta."
"Okay," I said, too taken aback by Madge so easily referring to me as a friend to refuse.
"Are you sure?" Katniss asked. "We don't have to."
"It's f-fine," I said, smirking at the triumphant grin on Madge's face. "I want t-to."
"Okay," she smiled, pecking a kiss against my cheek just before we reached the front doors. "It's a longer walk than the bakery, though."
"Stop t-trying to talk me out of it," I smirked. I had confessed during lunch to ditching both Rye and the chair on the trip into school, and it had earned different reactions from each of them. Quiet approval from Katniss, not so quiet approval from Madge, and a healthy dose of fretting out of Delly. As we made our way down the walkway that led away from the front doors Delly picked up her pace, her smile growing a bit wider.
"I didn't think you were going to be here today," she said. I looked up to find Rye waiting in his usual spot at the edge of the schoolyard.
"Yeah, well," he slipped his arm around Delly's waist, smirking as she pecked a kiss against his cheek. "Blame that on Dad having no faith in Peet's decisions."
"That's nice," I snapped.
"Hey, at least I talked him out of making me bring the chair," Rye gave me a look before waving to a few of his friends as they started down the road toward town.
"When you get home you can tell Twain we're stealing Peeta today," Delly said, leaning against Rye's side as we started our walk.
"What?" Rye gave her a look.
"I'm g-going to Madge's," I said, and he turned that look on me.
"Oh," he said with an exaggerated nod.
"Excuse you," Madge snapped. "What the fuck is that tone, ass?"
"Are you sure about this?" Katniss asked, laughing and glancing toward Madge and Rye as they bickered.
"Now I'm st-starting to rethink it," I joked. Katniss kissed my cheek, switching her books to her other hand so she could loop her arm through mine.
Madge's house was enormous. I'd seen it from the outside more times than I could count, but that didn't really prepare me for what it was like inside. She led us through a few of the rooms downstairs, pointing out whatever their functions were to me as I looked around. The patterns and textures in the carpets and furnishings were overwhelming; I couldn't imagine living around them every day. I clung to Katniss' arm as we went up a wide staircase toward the second floor, and I was relieved to find it much simpler than the rooms downstairs. We ended up in a small, simply furnished sitting room near Madge's bedroom, Katniss and I parked on the couch and Delly with her legs tucked up in the chair across from us. Madge sat on the floor, leaning her head back against Delly's knee.
"So what do they teach you in that stupid class, anyway?" Madge asked.
"Wh-what?" I raised my eyebrows.
"In Life Studies!" she said, smirking at me. "I want to know what goes on in the boy room, and Gale never gives me a straight answer."
"Rye's told me," Delly said.
"And I don't trust Rye," Madge cut her off, dropping her head back. The two of them stuck their tongues out at each other and Katniss sighed, giving me a look as she shifted to lean against me. "I trust him though. So, out with it."
"I—I d-don't know," I shrugged. There was no way I was going to say any of the crap I'd heard in that classroom to Madge, of all people. That was as much of a death sentence as saying it to Katniss. The last thing I needed was either of them thinking I believed a word of it.
"Oh, come on," Madge said. "I'm sure they tell you we're hysterical baby machines that need a firm hand to be kept in line." I snorted, and that just earned me an elbow to the ribs out of Katniss.
"H-hang on," I leaned toward the table where I'd dropped my books, fishing out the glorified pamphlet that had been passed out during the class. I dropped it in Madge's lap before sitting back and draping my arm around Katniss' shoulders. "There."
"'Productive Marriage', are you kidding me?" Madge flipped open the book, her eyebrows slowly creeping up to her hairline. She paused, a smile spreading over her face as she read a few lines before bursting into laughter and passing the book to Delly, who giggled before passing it back.
"Do I even want to know?" Katniss asked.
"Probably n-not," I smirked. She laughed quietly and pinched at my side as Madge started reading a few choice passages out loud. Katniss didn't find it as hilarious as either of them did, though her scowl deepened and her posture grew more and more rigid the further they read.
"I'm not tutoring you in any of that bullshit, you know," she said, snatching the book away from Madge's hands and frowning at it furiously as she flipped through a few pages.
"Good," I said. "The hour of it I h-have to sit through in c-class is bad enough." She finally cracked a smile, flipping through the book further before passing it back to Madge. They amused themselves with it for a while, and I amused myself with watching them. I'd only spent time with the three of them together in school, seeing them interact in a different context was even more entertaining. Whenever their mockery took a turn for the serious they paused, turning toward me to make sure I agreed with whatever they were saying. Fortunately, I did. And even if I didn't, I knew better than to say so.
"You want to get going?" Katniss eventually asked, turning toward me. I flashed a smile and nodded. Trying to keep up with all three of them was getting to me. "Good." She clapped her hand against my knee and stood up.
"Ditching us?" Madge smirked.
"Yup," Katniss held her hand out to me,winding our fingers together once I pulled myself to my feet.
"You should come over more often," Madge said to me. "She's a lot more relaxed when you're around."
"I was more relaxed because you stopped grilling me about crap that's none of your business," Katniss said, kicking Madge's foot as we stepped past her.
"Don't worry," Delly said. "I'm sure that won't last." I shot Delly a look and she just laughed and shook her head.
"That d-doesn't really make me eager t-to come back," I said.
"We'll go easy on you next time, too," Madge grinned.
"Goodbye," Katniss said, rolling her eyes as she led me out of the room.
"Bye," I smirked, sharing a laugh with Delly over Katniss' exasperation before she all but pulled me from the room. She slowed her pace before we reached the stairs, murmuring an apology to me.
"Why are you ap-apologizing?" I asked, smirking at her as we picked our way down the narrow back staircase. I kept my hand pressed against the wall to keep my balance.
"Because Madge is a pushy pain in the ass," she said.
"She's f-fine," I chuckled. Madge was opinionated, but hardly a pain in the ass.
"Most of the time she just tries to get me to tell her everything you and I have, y'know, done," Katniss said, leading me through the kitchen and out the back door.
"Wait," I stopped at the bottom of the back steps, staring after her. "You mean-"
"The first question out of her mouth is usually whether or not we've had sex," she said. I turned the idea over in my head for a moment before we started walking again.
"Girls t-talk about th-that?" I asked.
"Yes," Katniss laughed. "Why?"
"I, um, I d-don't know," I shrugged. "That's just—weird I g-guess."
"I know way too much about your brother and Delly," she said, making a face at me.
"Me, t-too," I made that face right back at her. She started to laugh, cutting herself off and turning toward me.
"Hang on," she said. "Have you been talking to Rye about us?"
"I, um—m-maybe," I stammered. Her jaw dropped indignantly. "You t-talk to them about us." I gestured back toward Madge's, though it was out of sight by now.
"That's different," she said, her cheeks flushing.
"Why? B-because they're girls?" I teased. "Weren't you three j-just ranting about d-double standards and g-gender inequality or something?"
"Shut up," she laughed, nudging me with her elbow. We fell into silence for a few minutes. "Is he pushy with you too?"
"What d-do you mean?" I glanced toward her, frowning. Were they trying to push her with me? If that had led to any of the things we'd been doing recently I would have felt horrible.
"With talking about it," she said. "Like it's weird that I don't want to."
"Kind of," I said, taking my eyes off of the ground ahead of us to watch her, trying to read her expression. "He s-says I should b-be bragging."
"What?" she laughed, blushing as she turned toward me. "About me?" I shrugged and smiled at her, and she let out an embarrassed, disbelieving laugh.
"Let's go to the meadow," I said.
"What?"
"Let's go," I said, gesturing in the general direction it lay.
"You've done more walking today than you have-" Katniss cut herself off, hesitating for a moment and shaking her head. "You have to be exhausted."
"I'm fine," I said, though from the look on her face I could tell she didn't believe me. "Really. I have t-too much—nervous energy t-to just go home." Katniss pursed her lips, looking me over for a moment before reluctantly agreeing. I smiled to myself, trying to use the walk to calm the racing thoughts and the jitters that I'd earned from spending so much time in a new, unfamiliar situation.
"You don't have to push yourself, you know," Katniss said as we got further from town, slowing her pace down even further than my own.
"I said I'm f-fine," I smiled, chuckling to myself. She sighed, rolling her eyes at my laughter. "I'm just going to n-need a rest b-before we go back."
"So you are pushing yourself," she muttered, shaking her head. I nudged her with my elbow.
The rest of the walk passed uneventfully, though by the time we reached the meadow I was regretting the decision to push so far to begin with. New growth was only just starting in a few places, most of the landscape was still barren and brown from the winter. We'd only had a few truly warm days in the season, not nearly enough for anything to take hold. We sat facing the fence, our backs to a tree. I draped my arm around Katniss' shoulders as she leaned against me, closing my eyes and resting my cheek against her hair.
"Regretting it?" she asked quietly. She must have felt the muscle spasms in my hand on her shoulder, or in my face where it rested on her head.
"A little," I chuckled. Katniss sat up and turned toward me, folding her knees across my lap. She smoothed her fingers up under the edge of my hat, tucking my hair to one side before kissing me.
"So what made you give up the wheelchair today?" she asked.
"Honestly?" I asked, laughing to myself. She nodded. "I c-couldn't st-stand listening to Rye on the way t-to school anymore." Katniss laughed.
"Are you serious?" she asked. I nodded, laughing along with her. "That's as good a reason as any, I guess." She moved closer to me, draping her arms around my neck and laying her head on my shoulder. "It's a lot less awkward to walk beside you now."
"Sorry my, um, horrific injury m-made you feel awkward," I said. Katniss straightened up, turning to face me, but I couldn't quite hold the straight face I was forcing myself to maintain. I broke, and she slapped my arm.
"Don't be a dick," she snapped, though I caught her grinning before she laid her head back down. I lifted her chin to kiss her, softening my lips to hers as she straightened up to return it. A moment later she was straddling my lap, tracing my lips with her tongue as she cradled my face in her hands. I slipped my hands up her thighs to her waist, moving them under her unbuttoned sweater and over the shirt beneath. I could feel her body heat through it, warming my hands in the cool evening air. Katniss pulled away after a moment, breathless and smiling, her hips flush with mine. Her voice was a low murmur against my lips. "We probably shouldn't, um—not here. Not yet, anyway."
"I g-guess," I said, sliding my hands to her ass and kissing her again.
"Peeta," she said, laughing quietly.
"I know," I sighed. She shifted back, looking down between us and pressing her lips together, clearly holding back laughter. "Don't laugh." I chuckled in spite of myself and making an awkward attempt to adjust my hard-on without calling any more attention to it.
"I'm sorry," she laughed, biting her lip and looking up at me. "We are alone. It's not like—you know—we would get caught. Maybe, um-"
"Maybe?" I raised my eyebrows and she pressed her lips together, shimmying down my legs until she was kneeling between them. I swore quietly under my breath as she unzipped my pants, craning to look around us to confirm that we were really alone as she curled her fingers around the base of my cock and took me into her mouth. I let out a moan, dropping back against the tree trunk and watching her move over me.
I could barely keep my eyes on her after a few moments, and just closed them to focus on the way she felt. The heat of her mouth, her tongue curling against me, and the quiet noises I could feel her making. I slid my hand over her hair, straining to keep my hips still as I came. She smiled as she pulled back, licking her lips and wiping the corner of her mouth. All I wanted to do was kiss her, and I pulled her closer after tucking myself away, pressing my lips to hers before letting my kisses drift down her neck. I reached for the front of her pants and she covered my hands with hers.
"Wh-what's wrong?" I asked.
"Nothing!" she said, a little too quickly. "I mean—well. No. Nothing's wrong. Just, um. Not today?"
"What?" I frowned, wondering what I'd done wrong. Why wouldn't she let me reciprocate? Was I that bad at it? And if I was, why hadn't she said so any other times we'd done that?
"In a few days?" she said, offering me a weak smile. "Like—three? Maybe four."
"Um. Okay," I said, more than a little bewildered. She smiled, kissing the corner of my mouth before laying her head on my shoulder. "D-do I, um—pressure you?"
"What?" she asked.
"Well, um—earlier, you said that th-thing about Madge," I said, hoping she'd remember what I meant, because I was having a hard time recalling the exact words. "And you d-don't want that now, and I j-just don't want you to-"
"Peeta," she straightened up to look at me. "You don't pressure me. I just meant that Madge is weird about how she talks about sex. That wasn't anything about you and me."
"Oh," I chewed my lip, not entirely convinced. "D-do you, um—think about it?"
"About what?" she asked. "Having sex?" I nodded and her face flushed deep red. "Do you?"
"I asked first," I smirked. She looked at me, pressing her lips together before taking a deep breath.
"Yes."
"D-do you—want to?" I asked, my heart pounding against my ribs so hard I was afraid she'd be able to hear it. "W-with me, I mean."
"Well, um—not, like, right now," she said with a quiet, nervous laugh.
"No! No," I said, dissolving into laughter at how forcefully I'd denied the idea. I dropped my forehead against her shoulder to hide the blush I felt rising. "I d-didn't mean r-right n-now."
"Then yes," she said, sliding her hand over the back of my neck. "At some point. When the time is right. Maybe soon. I would like to."
"Really?" I asked, lifting my head to look at her.
"Yes," she said, raising her eyebrows. "Why do you sound like you don't believe me?"
"I j-just-" I shrugged. "I d-don't know."
"Peeta," she said quietly, setting her hands on either side of my jaw. I looked at her; at the warmth in her expression, the faint smile on her face, and I found myself wanting to say it again. Katniss kissed me before those three words even had a chance to form in my throat; her tongue sliding against mine as I wound my arms around her waist. She pulled back, taking a deep breath and leaning her forehead against mine. "Ready to start back?"
"Yeah," I said, though I didn't want to. I wanted to stay, and keep kissing her, and find a way to ask her how she felt about me beyond what she wanted to do with me. Katniss got to her feet, holding her hands out to me and helping me stand. I stood with my back to the tree trunk, my eyes pressed closed as the meadow spun around me. It took a moment for me to regain my balance and for my stomach to settle. Getting up as fast as I did had been a mistake.
"Everything okay?" Katniss asked, picking up our books and handing me my cane.
"Um—yeah," I nodded. "J-just a little d-dizzy." She smiled, and I was about to protest her carrying both our stacks of books when she took my hand in hers and wove our fingers together. I just smiled at her instead, and the two of us started back towards town.
Late update tonight, sorry guys! We passed 1,000 followers today and we're more than a little awestruck. Thank you all so much for taking the time to read and review, and for all your amazing, amazing feedback. As always, you can find both my husband and I on tumblr. He's yourpeetaisshowing, I'm alonglineofbread.