It took a few days before I felt like I was doing anything more than drifting through a haze of exhaustion. I didn't realize just how tired walking that much would have left me. It was only sheer stubbornness that kept me from getting back in the wheelchair to get to school the next day. I slept through my afternoons, waking only when Dad checked on me and brought me food and my medications, or when Katniss came in after her work was finished.
She curled up in bed with me, kissing me and letting me wrap my arms around her before drifting off again. Exhaustion brought on tears I couldn't control, and more than once I woke up to Katniss wiping them from my face and rubbing my back. I barely had it in me to mumble an apology before the feel of her hand on my back lulled me back to sleep. I hated waking up to find her gone.
I found my mind going blank on more than one occasion, coming back into awareness to find concerned eyes on me. After two episodes of that Dad hauled me back to Dr. Lawrence. It wasn't quite the same as what had already had been happening, he explained, but he assured both me and Dad that it was just a different sort of seizure, and there was really nothing to worry about. My medication was doubled, and with it, the fog in my head that was my constant companion on the days I felt most exhausted.
I spent gym class sitting on the bleachers with a book I couldn't bring myself to focus on and trying to ignore the looks being cast in my direction. My eyes kept drifting toward Katniss. I had spent so much time watching her from afar, thinking that I would never have any chance at really knowing her. It felt strange when she caught my eye and smiled, after so many years of looking away the minute she glanced toward me.
"Hey, shortbread," Merx dropped down on the bleachers beside me hard enough to make me jump. The tone in his voice made my skin crawl.
"What d-do you want?" I muttered, glancing at him just long enough to confirm the leering grin on his face.
"I was just wondering if you were even going to try to be less pathetic," he said. "Or, y'know, sit around and soak up the pity for the rest of your life?"
"Sh-shut up," I hissed under my breath. My entire body tensed in the effort to keep myself angled away from him. Katniss paused and looked over at me, frowning as soon as she caught sight of Merx. I shook my head as subtly as I could.
"Although, I guess when you stop you're going to lose the pity fucking out of your Seam slut over there, aren't you?" Merx jeered. I closed my eyes and clenched my jaw, my hands balling into fists in my lap. "Hey, when you two play doctor does sh-"
"Stop," I snapped, whipping my head toward him. "Just l-" I cut myself off, the word catching in my throat. Merx snorted, holding back laughter. "Leave m-me—alone."
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he held his hands up, that stupid smirk still on his face. "I mean if you want to settle for one of that Hawthorne asshole's slag heap whores that's one less Mellark tainting the gene pool. Even his sloppy seconds are better than nothing."
"D-don't fucking t-t-talk—about her like that," I said, trying not to sag under the embarrassment of my stupid stutter. Merx's grin widened.
"Oh, I'm s-s-s-sorry. D-d-d-did I hurt your f-f-feelings?" he cackled.
"You're an asshole," I squeezed out, my jaw tightening.
"Miller," the teacher snapped. "Get your ass back out here."
"Later, retard," Merx shoved my shoulder as he got up from the bleachers and jogged back out onto the gym floor. I rubbed my hand over my eyes, trying to hide the tears I felt rising. I was long used to hearing it about me, and what Harvey had said to me really did soften the blow. Knowing Merx had lost his backup made it that much harder to take him seriously. Hearing him say anything about Katniss, though, and knowing I was still useless to stand up for her, made me feel like garbage.
I waited for her after the class ended, anxious and eager to leave. She was the first out of the locker rooms, her hair still loose around her shoulders. Her face was etched with concern. She hooked her arm through mine, leading me toward the front of the school.
"Are you okay?" she asked. "What the hell was that about?"
"He was j-just being an asshole," I said, hoping she wouldn't push for any of the specifics of what he said. It made me sick to know he thought of anyone that way, let alone someone I cared about as deeply as I cared about Katniss.
"What was he saying to you?" she asked.
"N-nothing," I said, shaking my head. There was no way I could bring myself to repeat any of it. "Just—shit." Katniss paused, looking over at me.
"It really is shit, you know," she said. "Whatever he had to say. Don't listen to him."
"I d-don't," I said. "You sh-shouldn't, either."
"Yeah, I learned that a long time ago," she smirked, kissing my cheek before we started walking again. Rye was outside waiting. Wheelchair or not, Dad insisted on him walking to and from school with me, and said he'd relent when my seizures were under control, in spite of the fact that I was getting out at the same time as Katniss most days now. She and I only paused long enough to find out that he was planning on waiting for Delly and his friends, something I had no desire for. I just wanted to get home and get someplace quiet.
Katniss and I went straight for my room once we got to the bakery. Dad was in the storefront, idly chatting with a customer, and called out a greeting as we made our way upstairs. We sat side by side on the floor, homework in our laps, though I spent as much time dropping my head back against my mattress and trying to force myself to concentrate as I did actually working. Katniss leaned against my shoulder and occasionally pointed out errors in my work. She waited for me to find the right answer myself more often than not, and waited to jump in with help until it was clear I wasn't going to be able to figure it out on my own. That had been happening less and less frequently. There was also a math test the following week; the first test I had to contend with since resuming classes. I was hoping to sneak through with a passing grade. Even though the deal we'd worked out with the principal to keep me from having to repeat the year depended on my finals and not my actual grade for the year, I would feel better about my chances of passing that if I could handle a relatively minor test.
Katniss finished her homework first. She always did. As I worked on the last of mine she sat up a bit straighter, one ear cocked toward the door. She was trying to figure out where they were in the afternoon routine downstairs and work out how much time we'd have to ourselves before Dad noticed we were still missing. I smiled to myself, forcing my way through the last of the worksheet perched on my knees. Katniss got up, stretching her arms toward the ceiling. She pulled off my hat, ruffling her fingers through my hair before dropping down to lay on my bed.
"You need a haircut," she pointed out, dropping the hat on the floor beside me.
"I know," I combed my fingers back through my hair. It hung in my eyes, and I'd taken to wearing the hat more just to keep it out of my face. "Dad sucks at it th-though."
"Twain cuts your hair?" she asked, turning onto her side and playing with the hair at the back of my neck. I glanced at her and her smile got a little wider.
"Yeah, well," I shrugged. "M-mom used t-to." My voice came out quieter than I expected, making the statement sound sadder than I actually felt. Dad had taken up going to the barber, and Rye didn't even give it a second thought until Delly started huffing at him at fussing with it. He'd turn up with a cut after a visit to her house purely to spare himself the grief for a month or two. I caught myself touching the scar at the back of my head; the bald patch I was still too self-conscious about to allow anyone else near my hair.
"Hey," Katniss said softly, snapping me out of my train of thought. I turned my head to look at her. "Get up here."
I set my notebook aside, turning to pull myself up on the edge of the mattress. I slid into the space she made for me as she wiggled back against the wall, careful not to completely stand upright in the process, trying to spare myself the dizziness that would bring. Katniss moved closer to me, letting me fold her against me as she pressed her lips to mine.
Her hands found their way under my shirt as I deepened the kiss, and I slipped my hands beneath hers, eager to feel her soft skin beneath my palms. I shifted my kisses to her neck, tasting her skin as I popped open the button on her pants and slipped my hand inside. Katniss moaned quietly as I moved my fingers over her. I shushed her gently, smiling to myself as I pulled back to watch her face, loving the expressions she moved through as I brought her to completion.
After catching her breath she pushed me onto my back, kissing me deeply as she unbuttoned my pants, pushing them down before pulling my cock through the fly of my boxers. Her grip was perfect, and I held her against me as she worked her hand over my length, pumping into her fist when I came. She'd given up on protesting the towel, just buried her face against my shirt to smother an embarrassed laugh as I wiped her hand clean before cleaning myself and pulling my pants back up.
"Peeta?" Katniss said softly, her head on my chest, playing with my fingers where our hands rested on my stomach. I murmured quietly in response. "You still want to talk about new things before we do them, right?"
"Um, I g-guess," I said, glancing down at the top of her head. "Why?"
"I've just, um, been thinking about that conversation we had in the meadow," she said. It took me a moment to remember what she meant. My memory of our visit to the meadow was mostly focused on something else she'd been doing with her mouth. I shifted and she looked up at me, biting her lip. "About having sex."
"What, um—what have you b-been thinking?" I asked, my breath catching in my throat.
"I think I'm ready. For that, I mean. With you," she said, reaching up and pushing my hair back off of my forehead. Her cheeks flushed and she smiled self-consciously. "I was wondering how you felt about that."
"I—um," I stopped, realizing I had no idea how to answer. I'd thought about it. A lot. Though I think the context that I'd been thinking about it in wouldn't have gone over very well in that moment. Imagining it, though, was completely different from actually being ready for it, and feeling her pressed against me brought more reality to it.
"I'm sorry," she said, pressing her lips together. "I don't want to push you. I shouldn't have said anything." She started to sit up, muttering another apology as she did.
"No," I grabbed her wrist to stop her, giving her a gentle tug to lay back down. "I j-just um—wasn't exactly exp-expecting, um, that to c-come up." Katniss blushed, covering her face with her hand as she dropped down beside me again. I turned to face her, pulling her hand away and kissing her softly. "You're not p-pushing me."
"Then what do you think?" she asked after a moment.
"I think—I'm ready, too," I said. Katniss smiled and kissed me.
"So, um," she paused, glancing down at our hands and weaving her fingers through mine. "No pressure, then. When it happens, it happens? It's not like we get many chances, so the next time we do-" Katniss cut herself off, glancing toward the door. I recognized my father's footsteps on the stairs, and his timing just seemed to illustrate her point. She laughed quietly, sitting up and straightening out her shirt. I got up from the bed, buttoning my pants and pulling my hat back on, smoothing down my shirt and waiting for the inevitable knock on my door. As soon as it came I glanced back at Katniss, my hand hovering over the doorknob. She nodded, smoothing back a few stray wisps of hair, and I opened the door.
"You two about finished with that homework?" Dad asked, glancing down at the books on the floor and to where Katniss sat on the edge of my bed before looking at me, his eyebrow twitching up.
"Yeah," I said.
"We just finished," Katniss supplied.
"Good," Dad nodded. "I have an order I'd like you to deliver on your way home, Katniss, if you don't mind."
"Of course not," she said.
"Okay," he said, looking me over. I could tell he was sizing things up, trying to sort out whether or not I was in for a lecture once Katniss left. "Get your things together and come on down, then."
"I'll be right there," Katniss said. Dad nodded again and narrowed his eyes at me for a moment before turning to head downstairs. I turned away from the door, both Katniss and I struggling to hold back laughter as we listened to his footsteps retreat down the hall. He'd barely made it halfway down the steps before she smothered a giggle against her knuckles. I did my best to keep my chuckle silent, turning to pick up her small stack of books from my desk. She picked up her notebook from the floor, kicking my math book closed. "So what about what I said?" She took her books from my hands and planted a soft kiss against my lips.
"Okay," I said. "No pressure."
"Right," she said, and we kissed again before I followed her downstairs to walk her out. Dad had a box waiting on the worktable, and pointed her toward it as he leaned against the sink, drying his hands. I walked Katniss out to the back porch, kissing her goodbye before she left, delivery in hand.
"Get your ass back in here, please," Dad called. I sighed. Apparently the lecture he'd been debating had won over. I closed the back door before returning to the kitchen.
"What?" I asked. Dad sighed, rolling his shoulders before taking a few steps closer to me.
"Listen," he said, pointing at me. "I don't want to know exactly what's going on up there, but I know something is-"
"Dad-"
"Don't," he snapped, cutting me off. "You need to know that I know. You're not in trouble. Yet. But if I find out you are not being responsible with that girl I swear I will kick your ass. Are we clear?"
"Yeah," I said, glancing at his finger before he dropped his hand to his side.
"Okay good," his expression softened into a smile and he clapped me on the back. "Now go grab that leftover ham out the fridge so I can make us sandwiches."
"Okay," I chuckled, turning to head upstairs.
I turned all of it over in my head again and again for the remainder of the week. Not just what Katniss had said, and the implications of it, but what my father had said as well. What, exactly, did he mean by being responsible? We were, by talking about everything first, weren't we? By making sure we were on the same page with it? I couldn't imagine that was really what he meant, though I knew I didn't have the self control to follow the hands-to-myself level of responsibility he expected. Katniss didn't seem to either; more often than not she was the one initiating anything physical between us.
On Sunday she stopped by to go over the material for the test. We sat in the living room, covering the coffee table with notes. The noise from downstairs made focusing difficult, though. Sundays were the one day out of the week that the ovens could be completely cooled enough to truly clean, and scrubbing the stone clean was the one task I didn't miss in the least. Rye hated it too, and generally did his best to make the task as difficult as possible until Dad finally got fed up enough to kick him out for the day. Dad seemed determined to make him stick it out, though. After a while, Katniss and I gave up on even trying to deal with it and relocated to my room, the closed door muffling their arguing enough for us to actually get some work done.
After a while the noise died down, and Dad knocked on my door a few minutes later. He poked his head in, reminding us he was going out to the Seam for the afternoon to see Mrs. Everdeen, something I'd completely forgotten. Rye was out with his friends, and that left the two of us with the house to ourselves. After the noise we'd been blocking out since she'd arrived, the silence we were left with was borderline oppressive. Feeling Katniss' eyes on me, I looked up from my book. She smiled at me, raising her eyebrows and waiting for me to return the expression.
"What?"
"We aren't really going to keep studying, are we?" she asked. I smirked, closing my book and tossing it to the floor.
"I was, um, hoping we were d-done," I said, stretching my legs out along the length of the bed.
"Good," Katniss leaned over me, tossing her own book on top of mine before stretching out beside me. She pressed against my side, sliding her hand over my waist as I turned to face her. She moved closer as I leaned in to kiss her, the length of her body flush against mine. "Much better."
I murmured in agreement, smiling as she kissed me again. She curled her arm around my shoulder, pulling me onto her. That was a signal from her; an unspoken request for more than just kissing that I was more than happy to answer. I opened my mouth to hers, meeting her tongue with my own as I worked my hand under her shirt. Katniss arched her back, lifting her breast to my hand as I eased my weight onto her; her legs opened beneath me. I worked my fingers beneath her bra, moving my kisses to her neck and pressing my hips against hers. My fingertips just barely brushed her nipple before she sat up, pushing me back onto my knees. I just sat back and watched her lift off her shirt.
I couldn't help but wonder if there would ever be a point that the way she moved didn't make my heart pound; if the almost-shy smirk that crossed her face just before she dropped her eyes and reached behind her back to unfasten her bra didn't make me fall in love with her all over again. I watched her lean back against my pillows, her lip snagged between her teeth, her shoulders hunching forward as she visibly fought her urge to cover herself. I forced myself to take a deep breath before pulling off my own shirt and leaning down to kiss her again. Her hands moved over my shoulders, and I rolled my hips on hers, moaning softly and nipping at her jaw as I dragged my lips down her neck. Her fingers wound into my hair as I brushed my lips over her nipple, letting out a slow, shaky breath against her skin.
She grabbed my ass and pulled me down, grinding up harder as her breath grew ragged and uneven. After a moment, she pushed me away enough to fumble with my fly, her lips straining to stay on mine as she spoke between breaths. "Peeta?"
"Yes?"
"I think we should go a little further," she said, her voice soft and hesitant. It took me a second to register what she meant.
"Um, w-what?" I managed to squeeze out, the confidence I had just a moment before shaken.
"The way we've always moved together. You know," she bit her lip and dropped her eyes before continuing. Her cheeks flushed. "Only this time without our underwear."
My eyes widened as I realized exactly how close this would come to actually having sex. Or did she mean sex, but was just unsure of how to ask? I hesitated, unsure of what to say. Katniss shook her head, her blush deepening.
"Um, nevermind," she said, flashing an embarrassed smile. "We don't have to. That was dumb. Just, um, keep going." She kissed me, and I returned it for a moment before pulling back and shaking my head.
"No! No. Sorry—that's n-not d-dumb. You, um—I j-j-ust was s-s-surprised," I said, more than a little embarrassed by my suddenly worsening stutter. She looked at me, waiting for me to continue. I took a breath, trying to sort out the jumble in my head and figure out what I wanted to say. Or ask. Or if I needed to say anything at all. Katniss was still looking at me, her eyebrows creeping up her forehead. I flushed immediately, dropping my face down against her neck and laughing in embarrassment. Katniss wrapped her arms around me, laughing along with me and nuzzling against my hair.
"How about we just get undressed?" she said softly.
"G—good idea," I murmured, burying a smile against her neck before pursing my lips to kiss her skin. Katniss reached between us again, her movement less hurried this time, and pushed my pants down off of my hips. We undressed each other carefully, kicking our clothing to the floor. Katniss reached for me, her legs parting as she pulled me back down. I'd never been this close to her before, and the feel of her wet heat urged me to move against her. It must have had the same effect on her, because after a moment I felt her hips shift under me.
"Peeta," Katniss breathed, her hands sliding over my lower back as I leaned over her. I tore my eyes away from her bare skin to look into her eyes, my breath catching in my throat. "You know how, um, we said we would just... let it happen when we were ready?"
"Y-yeah," I said, watching her cheeks flush as red as mine felt.
"I'm ready," she said, her voice barely more than a whisper. "If you are, I mean."
"Um," I closed my eyes for a moment. It was hard enough to process what she was saying, let alone examine my own feelings. I'd thought about it over and over since that conversation, wondering when this moment would come and how I'd react. Whatever I felt seemed to vary according to the day. Now that it was really happening, I was left completely unprepared. The only feelings I could fully process were shock and disbelief. Katniss set her hand on my cheek, dragging me out of my thoughts. I opened my eyes as she combed her fingers back into my hair.
"It's okay if you're not," she said softly. "We don't have to."
"I am," I said, and a shred of my confidence returned as I said it out loud. I took a deep breath and nodded. "I want to."
"Okay," she smiled, pulling me down to kiss her. "You still have those condoms, right?"
"Shit," I muttered, my heart dropping from my throat to somewhere around my stomach. Those were gone; they'd disappeared when Rye moved into the other room. I dropped my head down onto the pillow, wrestling with the fact that I had to go down the hall to see if that stupid tin was in there. Not only was I completely naked, I was also rock hard. I pressed my lips to Katniss' bare shoulder and sat up, swinging my legs off the edge of the bed and snatching my boxers off the floor. "I'll b-be right back."
"Okay," she said, barely holding back an amused smile. I turned away from her as I pulled up my boxers, careful not to snap the waistband against my erection as I left the room. I moved down the hall to Rye's room, hesitating for a moment after shoving the door open. The fact that he was going to notice them missing hit me like a sledgehammer, along with the ribbing he'd give me as soon as he did. I heaved a sigh, almost letting myself consider backing out altogether before I realized just how stupid that would be.
Fortunately, Rye's habits were unchanged. Top dresser drawer, back right corner. He kept them in an unfinished wooden box he'd made himself, and I hastily removed one of the square packets before shoving the box back in place and closing the drawer. When I returned to my room, I found Katniss had slipped under the blankets.
"I got cold without you," she said sheepishly. I smiled, slipping off my boxers and sitting down on the edge of the bed. My hands were shaking so hard I could barely hold the packet still enough to tear the side. Once I did, my mind went completely blank as I tried to remember what Mrs. Everdeen said. I closed my eyes for a moment, forcing any and all thoughts about Katniss' mother out of my head before just going for it. I placed it over the head of my cock, pinching the tip with one hand and rolling it down with the other.
I slipped under the blankets, settling myself between her legs again. Katniss smiled, sliding her hands up my arms to my shoulders, pulling me down to kiss her. She reached down between us with one hand, curling her fingers around my cock to stroke me. I gasped against her mouth, nudging her hand away under the guise of reaching down to touch her. If she kept going it would end in nothing but embarrassment. She was as wet as I'd ever felt her, and she moaned quietly as my fingers slid over her folds.
"Are you s-sure?" I asked, moving my hand to her thigh. Katniss nodded.
"I am," she said. "Are you?"
"Yes," I said. She pulled me down to kiss her, wrapping her arms low around my waist and pulling my body flush against hers. After a moment we pulled back, nearly breathless, and I let out a nervous laugh, dropping my forehead against hers. Katniss pressed her lips to my cheek, her grip on my waist loosening as I pushed myself up. I reached down between us, rubbing my fingers over her again. She gasped quietly and I kissed her one more time before looking down, curling my fingers around my cock and guiding it to her.
It took me a moment to find the right positioning, and I slowly pushed my hips forward, my eyes rolling back at the feel of how tight and warm and wet she was. I had no idea it would feel so good. As I pressed into her Katniss gasped and tensed up; I'd hit a barrier that kept me from sinking in further. What little I knew about this made me afraid of hurting her. Uncertain, I looked at her, waiting for a sign of what I should do.
"It's okay," she said softly, flashing a faint smile before her eyes fluttered closed. "Just—slow. You won't hurt me." I pushed forward and with just a little pressure felt it give way. My cock slid all the way into her, enveloping me in that impossibly tight heat.
"Oh my god," Katniss dropped her head back, her legs trembling, her hands hovering around my waist.
"Ar—are you okay?" I asked, trying to read the expression on her face. She nodded, shifting under me, her legs falling open further. I moved my hips carefully, my eyes nearly rolling back at the feel of her squeezing me. A high, quiet noise leaked out of her and she tensed up again, her thighs clamping against my sides. "Kat."
"I'm okay," she said, swallowing hard and opening her eyes to look at me. "It's just—wow. Go, um—go slow, okay?"
"Okay," I said, kissing her as softly as I could manage before I began slowly rocking my hips into her. It felt as though her pussy was squeezing me as I moved in and out of her, surprised at the pleasant sensation of what felt like ridges rubbing against me. None of what I'd heard had told me it would feel like this. The sound of her wetness and our skin making contact as I pumped in and out of her added to the complete overload I felt. I panted against her skin, just barely aware of the breathy, desperate sounds she made as they blended with my own moans. Without any warning, I felt my balls begin to tighten and the deep feeling of my quickly building orgasm. I wrapped my arms around her, pumping into her faster before burying myself in her completely as my orgasm washed over me, the pulsing forceful and strong and more intense than I'd ever felt as I spilled into the condom.
Afterward, I gently pulled out, leaning down to give her a kiss. The words I'd been trying to say hovered on the tip of my tongue. Katniss cradled my face in her hands, smiling as she kissed me. I pulled back to look at her and she flicked my hair away from my face, laughing softly as I pressed a kiss to her jaw before getting up from the bed.
I headed to the bathroom to dispose of the condom and wash up as quickly as I could, eager to get back to her. She was curled up on her side beneath then blankets when I returned, and I slipped under them with her. Katniss pressed herself against me, tucking her head beneath my chin and wrapping her arms around me.
As I laid with her in my arms, I gradually began processing what had just happened. I thought there would be more excitement, but instead I felt a gentle sort of bittersweet happiness. I didn't regret it, but I suddenly realized I was never going to be the same again. My life had entered another phase. One a little closer to adulthood. One I couldn't take back. I ran my hand over Katniss' hair, letting her braid fall through my fingers as I wondered what she was thinking.
Thanks for hanging in there, guys. We took last week off from updating after the tragedy in Boston. It didn't quite feel right with everything that went on, but we're back to normal now. If you ever have any questions about updates, please either send them to my husband (his username here is pompeiigraffiti) or me through PM here or as an ask through tumblr (I'm alonglineofbread and he's yourpeetaisshowing, links can be found through our profiles). We always post any announcements about updates over there, and you can send me asks whether or not you have an account. Leaving guest reviews asking about updates (and on unrelated stories? Really?) doesn't give us any way to answer you.
Also, this chapter would have been impossible without my husband and his firsthand knowledge of, y'know, being a teenage boy having sex for the first time. I get too much credit for this story as it is, and pretending I had anything but a minor role in this bit of it would be a special breed of unfair.