Merlin could feel the life in the hand he held. Gwen's fingers twitched and her muscles tweaked around his own, causing a wave of false hope to flood Merlin's mind.

Gwen isn't dead, she's moving. She's moving, in my hand. I can feel her, I can –

"Merlin! Please! We don't have much time!"

Nimueh's voice broke Merlin out of his shock. She was standing above him, a cloak covering her head and part of her face, with her arm extended. Arthur was beside her, looking at Merlin through hollowed eyes. Merlin's gaze ventured down to the limb that he held so dearly in his hand, tracing down, his eyes ran over the unique ridges, the creases in her knuckles, the narrow strait of her forearm, but then it… stops.

It stops and forms a crimson tear, as jagged and ripped as it is sorrowful and tragic. Merlin couldn't pull his eyes from it. He could feel the heat on his arm, matching the scorch marks that lined Gwen's torn arm. The bitter reminder that the other side wasn't so kind to the flesh that remained. His mind filled with images. Did she hurt? Did she scream?

But most importantly, is she happy now... with Morgana? Happy with her, like he knew he couldn't be with Will?

"Merlin!" Nimueh yelled again.

Merlin's stare jumped from the arm to Nimueh, who was looking at him with pleading eyes. Her face was broken, just as Merlin's was. He reached out his hand and took hers, letting go of Gwen, and he stood up and together they ran out of the dark room.

The outside was different than it had been before. The sky was no longer vivid and the colors were no longer intense. It was as if the life had been sucked dry from the world. The buildings we're gray and the lights dim, barely able to cast shadows in the dark moonlight. Merlin, Arthur, and Nimueh quietly walked down the empty streets, none of them speaking, not until they reached a small house.

Nimueh rhythmically rapped on the wooden door. There was the sound of swift footsteps that fell short of the door. Nimueh looked around and made sure that no one was looking.

"Who is the king of the ones who are white?" asked a voice from within the house.

Nimueh cleared her throat before responding, "Dragoon, the Unseeing."

Merlin flinched at that name. The door unlocked. He had felt something along time ago, something when he fought Mordred for the first time. Dragoon. Was Nimueh referring to him? A man in black quickly pulled the door open and rushed them all in side. He looked around swiftly before closing the door and relocking it.

"It's good to have you back, sister," he said tenderly.

"It's good to be back, brother." Nimueh smiled back. The man looked to Merlin and Arthur.

"Is this... is this him? The Unseeing?" the man asked. Nimueh nodded and the man took a few steps towards Merlin. "It is an honor to be in your presence my lord, I am Alvarr." He extended his hand in greeting.

"It's a... a pleasure, sir," Merlin awkwardly responded, taking his hand and shaking it. Merlin looked around the inside of the house, it was dark, even with all the lights on, the color was pulled from the wallpaper, it was as if all the happiness and joy had been pulled from the world.

"Nimueh, what's going on? What's happened?" Merlin asked. He was up to his neck in confusion, and he needed answers.

"Come with me."

Arthur stuffed his belongings into his bags. The hunting trip should be quick and easy, so he packed light and on his own He didn't need Merlin to do everything for him. The autumn air filled his nose and blew all thoughts of being king from his mind. Tonight, he was going to hunt with his Royal Knights and, of course, Merlin.

Merlin came wobbling behind, just like he always did. He had his little medicinal pouch filled with little things Gaius has given him, just simple things like bandage wrap, gauze, alcohol, wolf's bane, and other antidotes for simple woodland poisons. Merlin approached his horse with frailty and utter clumsiness. Before he even mounted his horse, he'd fallen off and dropped his supplies all over the ground.

"Are you serious, Merlin? Can you really not even mount a horse without almost dying? I swear…" Arthur joked while chuckling.

"Not all of us can be as skilled as you, sire," Merlin mockingly retorted as he continued to try to mount the horse. Each attempt getting closer and closer to making it up, but not entirely.

"For heaven's sake, Merlin," Arthur scoffed. He dismounted his horse and walked over to Merlin, placing his hands together at placing them at his waist.

Merlin looked confused, Arthur was going to help him mount his horse… shouldn't it be the other way around? Merlin didn't argue and placed his foot in Arthur's hands. With a quick jump, Arthur pushed him up, and then causally placed his hand on Merlin's arse to give him better leverage and help him on the horse. Merlin could have sworn Arthur left his hand there for a few seconds too long but, again, he didn't argue.

–o–

A few hours had passed. Arthur and Merlin approached the section of woods where boar and deer were common and began to set up camp. Arthur couldn't keep his eyes off of Merlin, as per usual. Something about that milky white skin, those ears, that hair, Arthur could feel his blood pressure rise, his heart race, things he wanted to do, to feel-

"Sire, did you hear that?" Lancelot asked.

Arthur listened carefully, gentle crackling filled the woods and it sounded like a large amount of people were approaching.

"Bandits," Arthur said harshly under his breath. "Quick men, we must make haste, by the sounds there are many of them and we don't have much time to escape."

Quickly Arthur and the knights mounted their horses; of course Merlin had a lot of trouble getting on his.

"Everyone, this hunting trip is over, try to get back to the castle, we will meet there in four hours, if you are not back we will send a search party so stay calm, quick split up and make your tracks prominent, we need them to split up with us."

Arthur took notice to Merlin's inability to get on his horse. Damn it.

"Seriously Merlin we don't have time for this!" Arthur yelled, he extended his hand and pulled Merlin up onto his horse, and together they all galloped off in different directions.

Merlin held on to Arthur tightly, his hands wrapped around Arthur's waist. The wind in his hair and being so close to Arthur the thrill of being chased and just barely making their escape.

He loved every second of it.

"It's Richard. He's here."

Merlin and Arthur's eyes both opened in wide in shock. They were in the kitchen room of Nimueh's house.

"We... we were wrong, Merlin," Nimueh confessed. Her eyes dropped to the table she was leaning against. "It wasn't Mordred calling the shots, it was Richard."

Arthur and Merlin exchanged terrified glances.

"He arrived the other day. It was... chaos, destruction." Nimueh closed her eyes as she took herself back to that horrifying day. "The second he laid foot here, the world became dark. His touch was like cancer, growing and twisting its host until it either killed them, or left them comatose. The longer he stayed, the darker the world became, he began to suck and bleed the magic of this land dry, saying he 'was going to bring a new world order'." Nimueh shook her head. "All creatures here are dependent on magic to survive, but Richard steals all of it, over half of the community is either dead or dying."

"I'm so sorry," Merlin said. He couldn't think of anything else to say. He knew it sounded dumb and forced, but what was he supposed to do.

"It's not over it, yesterday – yesterday was the day that hope arrived. A dragon named Kilgharrah."

"Kilgharrah was here?" Merlin asked.

"Yes, you know him?"

Merlin shook his head. "We met once; I freed him from a mountain."

"Well, it's good you did." Nimueh reached across the table and grabbed Merlin's hand. "Richard was about to finish this place, destroy it and suck it dry and move on, when he came. A large fiery portal in the sky. He swooped in and somehow, with one breath, was able to push Richard back into the chapel in the middle of town. He was able to do in one breath what the strongest witches and warlocks here couldn't. It was... amazing. But it came with a price."

Merlin let out a small gasp and Arthur instinctively grabbed his hand, holding it tight.

"Richard was able to hit him, hard," Nimueh whispered. Her voice was weak. "He landed in the Dragon Lands to the east, he holds the key, Merlin, he knows how to hurt Richard, something none of us can do."

"Wait." Merlin cocked his head at Nimueh. "Are you saying you want me to go find him?"

Nimueh nodded. "I sent Will after him this morning but he has not sent word back." Arthur's hand twitched around Merlin's and that's when Merlin realized he was holding his hand. He looked at Arthur lovingly before slowly letting go. Arthur's heart sank and he dropped his hand to his side. Merlin turned back to Nimueh.

"Is he also a Dragonlord?" Merlin asked.

"No, but in The Fade, all beings speak the same tongue," Nimueh replied. She pursed her lips.

"Alright," Merlin said firmly. If this is what was needed to defeat the wicked man who had lured him and his mother into his evil grasp, then he would do it. He would find Kilgharrah again.

"I'm going with you," Arthur stated.

"No, Arthur it's –"

"Merlin. Haven't we talked about this?" Arthur was calm but stern. He lifted his hand and brushed a lock of hair behind Merlin's ear. This was the first time Arthur had spoken to him since Merlin had confessed his affection for Will. Merlin was surprised at how tender his voice was - it was one of the reasons why he had fallen in love with Arthur in the first place.

"It's my decision," he reaffirmed.

"Ugh – Alright." Merlin gave in. "We leave at dawn."

Arthur tossed and turned in his bed. The loneliness, the regret, his memories flooded over him. He thought about the year he spent with Mithian. How had she been so clever, how had he not known? He ran through his memories.

He thought she loved him, even if he didn't fully love her back. He felt betrayal and foolishness overwhelm him. He felt stupid, stupid and weak.

Arthur turned into his pillow, burying his head in the soft texture of the cotton. How could I be so stupid? It was obvious, in plain sight; love wasn't an option for someone like him. Every time, every single time love had come around, even in its lighter forms, it was stolen from him. Merlin, Mithian, his family, all gone.

Arthur let out a chocked sob and sniffed against the cool wall, letting himself mourn, letting himself cry.

"Arthur?"

Arthur gasped in surprise. He slowly rolled over, his bloodshot gaze meeting Merlin's tender blue one. The window above Arthur's bed gave just enough light that he could see the sapphire halos shallowly buried in Merlin's eyes, their colors resonating with his heartbeat, forcing butterflies and shame to unravel in his stomach.

"Arthur, are you alright."

He laid there for a bit, thinking about what to say;

No, I'm not alright. I thought you were dead, why didn't you understand? Why couldn't you just wait? I would have left her, Merlin, left her in a fucking heartbeat. No, Merlin, I'm not okay, I need you, you're sleeping just feet from me yet I can't hold you, I can't love you, I can't kiss you. You've been the only thing I can think about, you've been in my mind, in my dreams.

He really wanted to say, No, Merlin, I'm not alright. I love you, but you love someone else. I'm not good enough.

Arthur turned away from Merlin, his eyes stinging with resentment and agony.

"I'm fine, j-just please... leave me be."