Disclaimer: Everything is as it should be. No copyrights infringements intended. It's just fan material.

A/N: A Gift to Miggy but we can share.

- 40-

Against our Better Judgements

After Warren said goodbye to the staff, Meredith saw him coming out from Weber's office through the open blinds of her faculty office. Catherine and Richard were walking him to the front door, chatting and exchanging pleasantries. She quickly dropped behind her desk as they crossed the distance separating them from the elevator. Why did she do that? She asked herself all the while holding the chair in front of her to shield herself completely. They didn't see her it seems. They entered the elevator. She breathed a sigh of relief. What happened to opening her black book someone might ask ? Oh well, she knew Cristina didn't really believe her. She didn't quite believe herself as she said it. Anyway, that wasn't happening with Warren Fresker. There would be nothing happening with him.

He probably discussed the job again with Richard and they finally came to the reasonable conclusion that it was not a job for him. He probably said he did not want it again and again since he was already Chief of Staff in Annapolis. They probably exchanged some chief's anecdotes and congratulate themselves on keeping their sanity today. Now he was probably getting into that car which was going to the airport. She was never going to see him again. A relief in itself!

Meredith looked down rather annoyed with herself. She erased those words which had nothing to do with the typing of her reports. For a minute, she contemplated her own behavior. Why was she relieved? Why would she care? At some point she had been the kind that did not care. Why suddenly was she caring about this stranger? She sighed again and typed angrily on the keyboard of the computer. She did care. She hugged the man. Twice. One time had been totally selfless. Meredith felt her throat tightened at the reminder. They were even. Like they needed to say goodbye? No, she hated goodbyes. Goodbye would only be awkward. They would use banalities, make small talk, and it would be so unlike them. She didn't want that. She admonished herself again. As if what they had was so special! As if they had a thing! Not really… It's just… They got along somehow not knowing much about each other. That was certainly the beauty of it.

Meredith grabbed her phone and searched through the app store directory. There, she downloaded Instagram! She took a deep breath. She downloaded Tinder and five other matchmaking apps. There, baby steps! She was getting back into business. This single thought brought forth a wave of sadness she couldn't possibly explain. She felt the emotion getting caught up in her throat. She pursed her lips together and blinked many times to force the unshed tears to dry. What happened to her? What would become of her? Would it be so bad?

The kids were with Wendy. Alex would be in his new home with Jo. Arizona was out. She understood she had a new girlfriend she was seeing on the side. Maggie would be home later but it was not like she needed Meredith. Well, she could do things too. It's not like she owed anyone an explanation. She could be dark and twisted. She closed her eyes. The memory of his arms around her almost left her breathless. She looked around her. She was still in that office. She closed her eyes. Derek's lips were on her neck and he was taking his sweet time there when he knew she wanted to kiss him deeply. She shivered as she took in her surroundings again. It had to stop. She let down her hair and leaned in that chair. Concentrating was so difficult in those conditions. She rolled her shoulders and closed her eyes again. The raw memory took her by surprise, pinning her in her chair violently.

"You took advantage of me and now you want to forget about it."

" I did not take … "

"I was drunk, vulnerable and good looking and you took advantage."

"Okay I was the one who was drunk and you are not that good looking."

"Maybe not today. Last night? Last night I was very good looking. I had my red shirt on. My good looking shirt. You took advantage."

"I did not take advantage."

"Want to take advantage again? Say Friday night?"

That knowing smirk of his… She shook her head as she felt the tears coming back. Taking a sharp intake of breath, Meredith stood up briskly and gathered her things together. She was going home. She was going to take a nice shower and a cup of wine. She could grab a burger on her way home and indulged herself. She was going to kiss her children as they sleep and watch a good movie. She would try taking a look at this Tinder thing tomorrow. She was about to call Alex to tell him but at the last minute she changed her mind. He was probably busy making up with Jo. She had to let him be busy with Jo. She also needed to stop clinging on Alex. He needed to live his life. Well, if he wanted to live it with Jo she had to let him do just that.

Trading Yesterday- Shattered ( MTT version)

On her way out the changing room, she paused in the doorway as she saw Amelia enter the elevator with Owen. They were whispering and looking intently at each other. Meredith just caught a glimpse of them kissing before the door closed. Meredith leaned heavily against the wall and tried to breathe. Her mind was pounding. It crushed her. More than anything in the world, it crushed her to see that they all get a free pass at moving on but her. That was not fair! She could move on too! It was not too late for her! Was it?! She took the stairs, stopping so many times between floors, to wipe the tears from her eyes. Oh why was it so hard? She started to walk faster to her usual parking spot before remembering that her car was in the car shop. She froze. Oh now that was perfect! Meredith bit her lips hard. She needed to wait for a cab now. She dropped herself, lowering to gather strength. She will make it. She had to... for the children. For her friends... She won't complain. She won't say another word about the pain and she will simply...

"Need a ride?"

She was surprised at the familiarity of his voice. She stood back up, avoiding his gaze to wipe the tears on her face.

Warren had been sitting in the back of that car for god knows how long, maybe an hour, more or less. He was lost in his thoughts consulting the journal of daily surgeries on the servers of his medical center when Meredith suddenly appeared on the threshold of Seattle Grey Sloan. She walked quickly, head held low, her hair floating around her face. She came to an abrupt stop as she reached the edges of the sidewalk, as if remembering something. He followed her gaze and scanned the parking lot at once. That's right. She didn't have a car anymore. Of course, he had asked himself what he was doing here. He had come to no particular conclusion. He had a choice between going back to his hotel alone or waiting for Meredith. Well, he just happened to prefer doing the latter.

"I was supposed to get a rental. Guess, I forgot… "

Meredith finally turned to face him. He just stood there, his hands in his pocket.

"I thought you were already gone… That you left for the airport."

"My flight is tomorrow. 7. am."

She bit her lips not knowing what to say. She scratched her head.

"I guess this is goodbye then."

He scoffed.

"Now you want to tell me goodbye, Dr Grey, after you cowardly and conveniently holed yourself up in your office tonight"

She felt her cheeks blazing with hot shame. He saw her.

"You saw me."

"I saw you."

She shrugged defiantly. He made a couple of cautious steps toward her, still maintaining a reasonable distance.

"It was nothing personal. I don't like goodbyes."

She made a few steps toward him.

"Then let's not say goodbye then. "

Meredith pulled back her hair with one hand and tied them in a ponytail. She didn't know why she was so self-conscious to have them down when he was there. Maybe it was because he was so tactile, and she was so sensitive and easily distracted these days. It didn't seem like a fair fight between them. He was all too skilled at feigning his cool detachment when she couldn't hide the effect his proximity had on her. Chemistry. She always hated that subject in High School despite excelling at it.

"You were waiting for me…"

"Maybe… Yes…" He admitted with a tilt of the head.

She could do detached and demure too.

"So can you drop me home?"

"I was wondering if you still wanted that drink."

She could see he was amused. He probably could see right through her. He was having a field day waiting for her to express her possible hesitations at going forward with this thing between them she possibly initiated.

"Well…"

"I'm also quite hungry actually. We could do that too."

Meredith briefly glanced at her own clothes. She was not really dressed for dinner. She was basically wearing the same clothes she had two days ago, a plain white tee shirt and indigo jeans. A black blazer and some high-heeled boots completed what couldn't really be called a look. She looked up. He looked well. He still looked insanely good. How could he look so perfect after stopping a mad man from killing his wife?

"I'm not sure. I…I'm not really dressed."

"You'd like to be dressed for this?"

A smile crept on her face. She cocked an eyebrow at that in amusement. She caught the double entendre. But at the same time, she realized he was quite right. He didn't formally invite her to a date. He just offered dinner.

"I probably don't need to, is what you will tell me next?"

Possibly with no strings attached.

"Well, I certainly have my opinion on the question."

She came closer. She heard it again the sound of his open laughter. It was a very straightforward sound and his smile... Well, she was wrong to say he couldn't possibly know how to smile or that his smile couldn't lit a room. It could probably ignite the atmosphere right now she would not mind. She smiled back.

"Which is…?"

"Don't…dress. You don't need it."

Now, she had to bit her lips to suppress said smile. He had no right to be teasing her so freely.

"Because… I can go around not dressed."

"…Because you're so beautiful you could probably get away with…anything… Including going around butt naked."

Meredith's face reddened under the intensity of his gaze. Well, she went fetching for it but it was still pretty blunt and straightforward of him.

"Don't say anything… That would be awkward. Let's not do awkward tonight!" He said.

"Warren…"

"I don't really like eating alone. Let's leave it at that?"

She took a deep breath and nodded. It was not that dishonest a proposal. They were both hungry and thirsty people who didn't like eating alone. In fact, it didn't even count as opening the black book at all. It didn't count as a date. It didn't count at all. They could stop in a McDonald's drive-thru she would not care. She was just really hungry and he was being… helpful.

"Yes, let's just…"

He opened the door for her. She looked into his eyes one last time with a bit of mischief. He suddenly looked taller.

"How's your ribs?"

"Pretty fine. I had the good stuffs early, thanks to my doctor."

He smiled at her remark and held the back of her neck gently to help her in.

"It's been a while since I've been in the back of a limo."

They stared at each other. Oh no, she did it again. They both laughed.

"I won't ask. It would be asking for trouble. Believe me, I don't want trouble."

"Because you're…"

"Because I'm cold…unlike McSteamy and McDreamy. I'm a very cold McSomething!"

Meredith started laughing nervously.

"Sir, where are we going?"

He looked at Meredith for an answer. She looked up the address of his hotel and was delighted when she remembered a nice Italian restaurant in the same corner. They made a very good pizza there, served quickly which was honestly an added bonus, and she could certainly eat that or a full plate of Linguini and shrimps… Anything actually since she just realized she hadn't had any solid food since this morning. She told the driver the address and he nodded in acceptance.

"So, you know about McSteamy… and McDreamy…"

"Well, it certainly sound like the Mark I knew…"

"The steamy part. Right?" She joked. "Were you close?"

"Well, I don't know."

"How could you say you don't know?!"

"People say they are close to other people all the time. I simply think it's rarely true. Mark, he was my neighbor, my really cool neighbor. He was planning the best parties. He was surrounded with the most beautiful girls. I was just a 18 year old who was about to go to college in a country he barely knew. He welcomed me… Me and my brother that is… Then we met again after med school and my residency, on an ENT fellowship. He was still doing the best parties."

"Sounds really like Mark… And Derek?"

"We said nothing… awkward."

"You can tell me what happened between you and my husband."

"You would ask me to stop that car."

"Is it that bad?"

"We were rivals for the chief of surgery position in NY Presbyterian."

"That's all?"

"Yes, pretty much."

Meredith observed him from the corner of her eyes.

"Okay, then what about your brother… What's his name?"

"Dyshiki…"

"Dy-shi-ki… It's pretty. I like. And you? What's your name? You know your real name? I think I heard it before but I'm not sure."

"Ambesa… Amb is fine."

"What does it mean?"

"Does it have to mean something?"

"It definitely means something."

"It does mean something… ridiculous and mortifying. But well again, my parents they possibly invented the hippie bohemian lifestyle. Ridiculous and mortifying was my way of life."

Meredith giggled again.

"Where does it come from?"

"Ethiopia… That's where I was born."

Meredith's eyes widened.

"You're Ethiopian?"

"As a matter of fact… I am… I have dual-Citizenship."

Their car stopped just in front of the restaurant's entrance. Meredith was suddenly nervous at the idea of getting out of the car. Bartoli was a low-key but trendy restaurant downtown. It was always busy at nights and she wondered if they would manage to get a table at such a late hour. She looked at her watch anxiously. She came a few times in the past with the gang. It was one of Alex's favorite places. He also called everybody by their names, including the owner, Giorgio. It was always very lively in there. Cristina and Alex had improvised many competitions of the fastest pizza eater in there. Sometimes, they even invited other customers to participate. Obviously, Cristina always knocked the competition out and Georgio always got the winner a free pizza. This place was just like the emerald bar. It was filled with happy memories of their resident years. That's why she chose it. But now that she was thinking about it, he said he had expensive taste and that wasn't really it. She probably should have chosen something more high-end like that French restaurant Derek used to take her to for their non-anniversary, that is to say any day in the calendar they were miraculously free of surgery and which felt like a day to celebrate an anniversary.

"Meredith? Is there something wrong?" Warren asked.

She came out of her reverie. Leaning against the open door, he was holding out a hand to help her get down. Damn, it was cold outside. She looked up to see a couple of patrons staring at them. Did she look like she spent ten hours in the OR? Did she looked like she'd just been in a shooting? She made two steps and they were still looking at the car. She turned back. Well, it was definitely the car with its black suit driver effect. Warren didn't seem to care. He ordered a table for the two of them and she only realized when she sat down that he had his hand on her back the whole time. Was this a date? Meredith kept staring at the arts on the wall with that haggard look. Were they on a date? Was it okay for her to be on a date? She almost didn't hear when he asked what she will drink. She answered evasively something red and sweet. Her glorious shift had officially ended when she left the hospital. She was suspended for a week. So, technically she was free to drink herself into oblivion in order to forget this whole idea of a date thing. She looked around at the other tables. A young couple were studying their pizza with something akin to lust. A group of friends in their thirties was collapsing with laughter at something one of them said. Meredith almost didn't dare to breath.

"I knew I saw a familiar face. It's the Brain princess! Brain Princess, how are you?"

Meredith looked up at Giorgio just in time for her to understand why she was pulled into a big warm hug.

"Hi! Giorgio! How is it going?" She asked weakly as he literally crushed her against his chest.

"How are you my dear? It's been a while. How's your friend, the Goddess? And Alex, my man?"

"She is… They're both fine."

Giorgio turned to Warren.

"How are you, Sir! I am Giorgio, your humble host."

He held out a friendly hand.

"Call me Warren. I'm starving. I think the Brain Princess here is close to fainting. But that may as well be because she realized she wanted to be anywhere but here. No offense to you. It's my fault!"

Giorgio laughed at that.

"She is a tough crowd I should know. But after I fixed you two… She will be in the best of mood, I promise. I made it a point that my customers always leave with a smile."

Meredith couldn't take her eyes of the floor. It was like they were speaking another language. She nodded until she realized they were indeed speaking another language, italian. The two men laughed again and she wondered what made them laugh. Her brain froze on autopilot mode as soon as she got down the car. Warren was staring at her with this amused expression. What were they talking about? What was he thinking?

"See, she is smiling already. Some wine?"

He said something in italian again and Meredith simply nodded. She needed wine… She needed a bottle of something… anything… really. She closed her eyes as she breathed in sharply. She wished she had not let Cristina put ideas in her head, even if by all technicalities, it had been her idea. She wished Cristina would have done something to discourage her from trying to cheer her up. She was not going to make it. She thought for the second time today.

Forty five minutes later, two empty plates pushed in front of them and their second opened bottle of Red Saint-Emilion, Meredith was convulsing in laughter.

"It was not like this. I was a resident who happen to really like neuro… and well, my husband was not just a good teacher. He was a sexy teacher so I was quite good at it. "

"Sure, I believe you. You would have made a great Brain surgeon… You sure have the hands for it. Vascular repair is no easy task…"

"No way, I would have made it as another "Shepherd" neurosurgeon. There is just about enough of them."

"That's also true. Instead you chose to be another Grey general surgeon…which is way better indeed."

She laughed at her own contradiction.

"Back there, I sure didn't think I would walk in my mother's steps one day. I'm sure she didn't really believe it either. But I like general. I like variety and change and being able to do anything. My mom used to say that Cardiology was about competition and being a winner. Neuro was for the elite who wanted to feel special even when they were not. Both specialties asked you to know everything on one subject and one subject only. You become this expert, you see. But general is different. It is for the surgeons who like challenges, the truly badass one. You have to be good at everything to be General. "

"Yes you do."

"You should know… You're General too. But I understand you don't practice or consult."

"Very rarely… nowadays. I don't really have the time."

"I was an exception?"

"Yes, you were. You were a lucky exception."

"I made it."

"You're still alive, yes. Surprisingly… "

She snorted.

"I'm just teasing you. It's like bike. You know or you just don't know how to. You… You definitely know. You were right at home there. You single-handedly diagnosed that rare breed of cancer just like that. We could have easily missed it."

"No, I don't think so…"

"Is that modesty?"

"I don't even know that word. No, it's the truth. I was surrounded by very competent physicians in there. No way you would have missed it! Though I caught it earlier… You're very talented just like your mother."

"My mother she was…"

" … A superstar… Five times Harper Avery nominee… Twice winner… First woman to win Best surgeon in America… If there's a moment to be in awe in front of someone's career, that would be it. I thought I would be among the lucky few who had her as a teacher but she was already gone by the time I made it to Boston."

"You're fangirling. That's cute." Meredith said.

He laughed. He could admit that much.

"Just a tad bit… How was it?"

"Growing up being Elllis Grey's daughter?"

"No, growing up knowing that really really deep down you wanted to be like her."

That was quite a pertinent question.

"It was hell. They were days I was not even deserving of walking in her shadow. So I had a couple of challenging teenage years. And you?"

"My teenage years… If I said it had been my wildest years, I'd be lying."

Meredith suddenly remembered something.

"Oh! Is that true?"

"What?"

"You did your first surgery when you were eleven?"

"Unfortunately, it's all true."

Meredith frowned.

"What happened?"

He played with his napkin nervously. Though, his eyes were neutral, his face was still relaxed, she knew it was unnatural for him to remember and he looked like a fish out of the water doing so.

" Sorry, you don't have to talk about it."

Warren stared into her eyes. He never talked about it.

"It's not really… It's just… It's a bit complicated… See, like I told you, my parents they really wanted to invent their own lifestyle, live in borders of common society and hope they will change the world for the better one little step at a time."

"That sounds like a great plan."

"It only sounds like a great plan. Believe me it gets worse… My father was the heir of a pharmaceutical company who like many youth of that generation resented his inheritance."

"Which company?"

"Nothing you would know. FSK."

Meredith laughed nervously.

"Oh! Right, you mean the ones who delivered our surgical tables, our scalpels, our surgical lamp… Our screen boards… our pain medication…"

"Only the good stuffs!"

"…Even the shelves in the OR are made by FSK or one of its subsidiaries. You're being very funny. You're a billionaire!"

"You have to say it louder. I'm not sure Giorgio heard you from the counter. I'm not a billionaire, Meredith. My family is… well-off. I have a very large family… To be even more precise… My grandfather is… the one who hold all the power in the world."

"Chadwell Fresker is your grandfather… And the FSK Research Grant is your family too…I suppose…"

"Yes! My cousin Bryce is head of the committee. Interested?"

"You lied to me! You said you like this restaurant."

"I like this restaurant."

"You have money to go have dinner in Paris and come back for a nice juicy American breakfast."

"You would like to have dinner in Paris?"

"Not me… You, Mister!"

"So technically I should like Paris food better because… "

"I don't know. That's not what's important here…"

"Then what is important?"

"You're wealthy... You are so wealthy your family could probably create its own currency."

Warren chuckled at that.

"That doesn't make any sense…"

"I know… I'm a bit overwhelmed here… I lack imagination."

"Your husband was a neurosurgeon whose skills was most sought after… You have money too…You come from a privileged background. "

"I just… It's not the same… It's in Seattle Grey Sloan… It's not even really my money. It's a different kind of money. We are doing good work in Seattle Grey Sloan Memorial."

"Why? Your money serves a purpose and mine don't?" He retorted.

"I guess I was surprised. You look so normal. Not normal... normal... But quite normal..."

"Well, maybe because …I'm normal… That's just a thought… You want the whole story or not?"

"I'm sorry… I interrupted you. That wasn't fair to you and all your money." She teased. "I"m gonna shut up now."

He let out a snort.

"Sorry I had to… Tell me…"

" To explain… though I don't feel any obligation to… As the eldest child, my father had this huge legacy to uphold to… My mother also came from money. It's my cross to bear..."

She gave him a mischievous smile. He continued on the same humorous tone.

"She was a rebellious socialite who loves parties and burning American flags at Charity dinners. They were a match-made in heaven. My dad left the United States just after med school without his father's consent. My mother followed him out of love. They eloped. Their first stop was Addis Ababa where my dad finished his residency in the main hospital in the capital. A couple of years later, I was born. Two years after that, it was my brother Dyshiki's turn… then my other brother Kanaan… Then the twins… Maleki…and Makida… There you got it ! My entire family tree complete with our exotic name chart"

She snickered while sipping on her glass of wine.

"We never stayed for long into one place. My parents, these brave charming people, they were convinced that the whole world needed them. So my father co-founded with a couple of his european friends a little organization called Doctors without borders. He worked very hard to build the organization from scratch. "

Meredith's eyes opened wide in mock admiration. Not that she wasn't impressed! But she just liked the idea of teasing him on his privileged childhood.

"Everything was going well… We were very organized travelling the word, gathering funding, opening clinics and medical centers, emergency camp here and there, living a nomadic life. But when I was eleven… We had been in Sierra Leone for three months when a civilian conflict arose. The clinic my father built was caught under fire."

He sipped on his glass of wine.

"I see…"

"That day… The rebels… they just started shooting the villagers… It was a panic… and pretty much a massacre… Lots of people died. Everybody ran for their life."

Meredith' s smile faded.

"We should have done the same. My mother...she tried...She urged my father to leave everything behind and just leave the country while we could. She was always smart for the two of them. But my father didn't listen to her. He didn't want to give up his project and the people there. He very stubborn that way... He thought the rebels would not dare attack a place of healing. But he was wrong… They came inside, demanding money, materials and… medications…"

He seemed to look at her for the first time.

"My father begged them to take everything they wanted. He was a naïve man."

"Warren…"

"They shot him… Twice actually… and they turned to my mother… and… they took her... more precisely she went with them."

"Oh my god!"

"Before she left she asked me to stay there with my father. She asked me to save him… She said she would come back. She said I needed to be the responsible one... to be strong… And she went with them…"

Meredith put a hand on her mouth, at a loss what to say.

"He was already unconscious and he was going to die. I couldn' really count on Dyshiki. He had a temper. He grabbed a gun that had been abandoned on the ground and ran after them. The twins were screaming in their crib. Kanaan was scared and useless. He was too young. I gathered what I needed because I saw my father do this a few times. I lacked proper medication… Proper training too... but I had no choice but to give it a try… "

He laughed. Meredith sighed.

"I don't remember what I did that day. When I wrote my essay to get into Ivy-league, the one everybody keep referring too, I embellished a few things. I said the patient was a stranger. I said I knew what I was doing. I said my hands didn't shake in fear. I said I knew it would end well. I said my father taught us to do our best to hope for the best… Complete lies… I said that my father he guided me through it. I lied. He was unconscious for three days. I constantly stayed up. I had to find food for the twins... For Kanaan… For the children that stayed behind… The one that weren't dead. Dyshiki came back the day after that with the only person who consented in following him. A priest. It got somewhat better than. He had blood on his hands just like me. I never ask questions. He never asked me questions, my brother. We just… We were good like that. Honestly, I don't remember what I did for my father to make it. I was only glad I didn't kill him…"

Then he stopped talking and there was a morbid silence. Meredith really didn't know what to say. She rattled her brain in order to find a one word sentence to save them both this silence. She brushed his left arm with a light touch. He stopped playing with that napkin.

"Your mother…"

"Oh she came back! At least, she physically showed up one hot sunny day. It was after my grandfather arrived to fix the mess… The politicians going crazy... The media frenzy... The international outrage... He fixed it all. I think he paid a ransom for her… He never talked about it… I don't remember much from that time. She was gone for nineteen days… I remember that because that's how long my father didn't talk to me after she came back. Not a word… Well, after that it didn't get much better but at least he greeted us in the morning. Now… It's easier to understand why… She was never fully with us... My mother… And one day, maybe a year or a few months later, she packed her bags, took Makida and left… I never saw my mother again."

"Makida, your sister?"

"My only sister… One of the twins… Maleki, my brother stayed with us. Makida was the only privileged one, the blessed baby. My mother dropped her at her parents' house. She was raised here between the Hamptons and Martha's Vineyard. She is one of the top executives at Bergdorf Goodman, New York. Nowadays, you can find her easily on Page Six."

"Oh…"

"And that's the unedited version of things… Sorry… Meredith, you look terrible... I usually do not get into this much details."

He finished his glass.

"It sounds much worse..."

Meredith looked into his eyes.

" … I had my hand closed around a bomb... a real bomb who detonated and killed people. I almost drowned and I'm a very good swimmer… I promise. I almost drowned. I saw people getting shot… My husband, my friends getting shot… I crashed in a plane where I sat three days with the corpse of my sister. We've barely met to tell you the truth. I thought I knew her… But I realized as she lied there that she came so late into my life and I'd barely had time to love her properly like a sister should. She was my sister. And I should have had a lifetime with her… not just a couple of years… She was one of the resident here. And to look at her lying there… her body decaying… I thought I would become insane."

She took a deep breath.

"I thought that was it… My sanity was gone. I couldn't come back from this. Even when they saved us… I thought things could never go back to normal after that… but things did get back to normal...and I feel awful for saying it. But I made it because Derek had been there. I had him… He was there…with me… Every step of the way… I always made it because he was there during each of these events. He was the common denominator. He was there. But when the two police officers came at my door last year, I was back to that place… that dark place… those woods… where I laid with the noise of the broken engine… I thought I would die… standing there listening as they call me Mrs Shepherd and told me to sit down so they could talk to me. I felt like it was the end of me. I felt like I was dead… I should have died back there. I should have died…already... and be spared of this... Because when they told me I had to go see my brain dead husband… Of course they didn't put it that way. They say nice encouraging things to get me into that car with my kids. But I just knew… I felt it… The moment a part of me went missing again… I just knew there was no way I would make it… When I got into that car, I honestly didn't care how it would end. I just… hit reverse and drove back. I wondered ever since… But when I saw you enter that room… with those eyes… I recognized that look… I understood the line I was walking on… I got afraid of falling for the first time. I left that room very afraid. You got me to be afraid just by looking at you. Thank you, you probably saved my life."

Meredith swallowed. He briefly put his hand on her shoulder, and brush away a few strands of hair. She smiled like a true Mona Lisa.

"It's never gonna get better?"

"Well, we're still standing and you saved a life today."

"You did too."

"It should be enough, right? It should be enough for one more day of..."

"...Silent insanity.."

"Maybe it will get better… Maybe not... There's always a cure… We just didn't find it yet."

Meredith filled their glasses again and nodded as she sipped slowly on the content. When they left the restaurant to walk to his hotel, it was closer to midnight. They had sent the driver home. Warren gave him a very large tip and told him something about being sorry he had been an ass the other day. Meredith waited for him on the sidewalk, his coat covering her shoulder. She was only too happy about the new arrangements. She'd gladly exchange this nice car which attracted way too much attention for a dirty cab. They went for a last drink in the bar of his hotel since he taunted her into putting everything on the tab for Catherine to pick up. Meredith was currently perched on a stool drinking Tequila. He was having his second Cuba Libre. She tasted the first and it burned her tongue. She was a bit flushed and sweaty because of the alcohol. She ditched her blazer on the back of her chair. He did the same with his coat.

" No, you did not?"

"I did…"

"You really got dreadlocks?"

"It's the sad truth. 3 years… Worse, I was going to start college like that… But Dyshiki decided he would save me… from the pain."

" What did he do? "

"He gave me cough syrup mixed with Caipirinha. We were in Brazil. It knocked me out real good. Sesen and him shaved my head…then… I was bald the next day. I started freshman year bald as a bowling ball. It was never the same after that. I still cried over my wonderful lion mane."

Meredith dissolved into laughter.

"Sesen... Who is Sesen?"

"She was a friend from home."

"Tell me there are pictures of your impressive mane! Tell me where I can find them?"

"That's not funny."

"That's hilarious!"

"I think I destroyed everything when I came to my senses."

"I will use google on this. You never know. People tend to not like you much and Google never forgets."

"They don't like you either. They call you Medusa. You're a monster of mythical proportions, Meredith. You're a legend."

"Thank you! I'm also known as Calamity Jane, Terminator, Big Grey, and the second Nazi… But shush, don't tell anyone, I'm a big softie deep inside."

"I'm sure you are… The way you ruled that OR screamed of softness and tenderness…"

"Hey I never said I didn't have a spirit!"

" You do… You're very spirited. I heard something else. I think it may be a mistake or a misinterpretation of sorts. Maybe I got lost in translation…"

"Like?"

"Maggie Pierce is your sister?"

"Ah…you almost scared me. I thought you were in on one of my really dirty secrets or something. But yes she is… Maggie is the lovechild of my mother and Chief Webber. Unlike you who was fortunate to grew up with your siblings, I have a tendency to meet my sisters rather late in life."

"Richard Webber? Seriously?"

"Yes. They had a torrid love affair while they were both married. My mother got divorced and he stayed with his wife. My mom put Maggie up for adoption when she was born…I was just a kid back then. I just found out a little over two years ago. My mother, blessed her diabolically misunderstood soul, led a very complicated life."

He was just smiling. She tilted her head.

"You think I'm just joking."

"You have to admit."

"I'm sorry my life is a bit…out of the box?"

"Only out of the box? Your life is crazy."

"Thank you! You with the crazier life! Why didn't you become a Doctor without borders? A very hot one?"

"Where is my brother Kanaan to hear you? I don't know. I came to like a little comfort and luxury. I'm a sell-out."

"Apart from that time, did you ever have another near death experience? I only remembered when I almost drown."

"I caught Malaria once and we were short on medicines. I never sweated so much in my life. I thought that was it… I was going to leave this world. I saw my grandmother. She looked very young. "

"Malaria, was it all they're saying it is?"

"Well, I had very naughty dreams that night."

"Gross!"

"Not with my grandmother, Meredith!"

Meredith snorted.

"It didn't sound like she was not involved… My bad... You looked like the type with a kink..." She teased.

He grinned.

"You are terrible."

"I stayed in this state of hypothermia for hours. I saw my mom as she died. She died the same day."

"Why don't you beat me into a corner, do you? With your perfectly unorthodox life …"

"What can I say? That was really not my first concussion. I saw things but it's strange that you don't get to remember afterwards. I do not remember any of it in details now. "

"Maybe it's for the best… You would not want to live knowing what may happen afterward."

"I wouldn't be fighting so much to go back to it." She laughed.

He did not.

"That was not funny." She conceded.

"That was very funny. That's not the problem.

He avoided her stare and pushed his empty glass aside. She was surprised at what he said next.

"Meredith, I don't do relationship well. In fact, like you may have guessed, I'm terrible at it."

"Makes us both."

"I don't want to lead you on…"

"Lead me on? Let me tell you… I met a guy… in a bar… once. Next day I learn he was my boss… Next thing I know he was the one… He was the guy…he was perfect for me… Did you ever meet that person? "

"I wonder… I don't know... I don't think so..."

Meredith frowned slightly and licked the slice of lemon.

"I have not done this in a long time."

He remained silent for a while.

"And do you want to do it… this thing you haven't done in a long time?"

She shrugged with just one shoulder. He stared at her, his hand holding the side of his face in contemplation.

" It's like bike. Like Surgery… "

He couldn't take his eyes of the corner of her lips drenched in acid flavor lemon juice. With two fingers, Meredith played with the crystallized sugar on the edge of a glass as a strange atmosphere set in.

" I don't really know. Sorry…"

He said nothing. His fingers brushed hers softly. Then he really picked up her hand on the counter. Their fingers mingled together until it felt really natural, his hand perfectly framing hers, and then he stood slowly. She didn't hear what he said to the bartender. All she could hear was the sound of her own heart beating in her chest. She breathed slowly and looked around her. It was almost empty at this late hour. A man was sitting alone in the dark corner of the bar, his hands around his whisky. She couldn't see his face. His elegant silhouette was drawn out like a shadow against the wall. He was holding that glass of whisky like a neurosurgeon. She felt a soft pressure against her palm. Warren was ready to go. She let go of his hand to put back her own jacket. He didn't try to grab it back. They were walking through the lobby and he was on his phone again calling for a driving service for her.

She stopped just before the doors. He was putting away his phone.

"I don't like goodbyes." She said.

"Well, we said there will be none of that tonight."

"Why?"

It couldn't be a question in answer to his statement. He had no idea what she was talking about.

"I'm really messed up. I mean truly messed up, Dr Fresker."

He turned to look straight into her eyes.

"You should know the answer to that, Meredith."

"Is that you flirting?"

He took a step forward and took a deep breath.

"That's me flirting... That's me inciting, suggesting, proposing…luring you to the dark side… Essentially, that's me playing the devil in this relationship… "

"This is a relationship?"

He brushed the side of her face, the nape of her neck, played with a lock of hair.

"This is whatever you want it to be...preferably short-term commitment."

"It leaves us with a large choice of possible."

"Meredith Grey, you're a conundrum and I'm a born troublemaker. This is not going to end well."

"No, it's not."

"You should go home."

"Oh yes! I should! I should go home. I have children. Three. I'm a mother of three."

"Yes..."

"But no strings attached. No promise. No goodbyes. That I can do. Can you?"

He tilted his head slightly at that. The expression in his eyes shifted. They both nodded their consent with an understanding smile. She felt his hand on the small of her back and she leaned back slightly in invitation. Indeed he caught the invitation loud and clear. There was this momentum before their lips brushed against each other and Meredith didn't know what to expect. She half expected for it to be unpleasant, the sensation to be foreign… She was reminded in that brief instant that she didn't really know him… She felt like she barely brushed the surface. It honestly troubled her for a second that she genuinely wanted to know more about him. But at the same time it may very well be one of this heresy or whims only the old Meredith was known for. And instead of frightening her, stalling her, stopping, this thought delighted her to the core. She was fully ready when his lips met hers and reason be damned.

XO- Beyoncé

She could see he wanted to go slow and give her time to run. How kind of the Devil? He was an angel unlike her. His lips became more demanding against hers and she simply crashed into him, holding onto him as if this was either that or falling. His hand was snaking around her waist, under her jacket, and she felt this urgency building. And the rest of the world became a blur and an afterthought. It was not important that it started raining hard outside. It was not important that they were standing in the middle of the lobby under the curious gaze of the hotel employees. It was not important that the room seemed to spin around her. It was unimportant until it suddenly mattered so much. His hands on either side of her face, his kiss turned bruising, on her lips, on her heart, on her soul. It burned with intensity and Meredith gasped. He jumped slightly too as she accidentally brushed his belt. He had the slightest hesitation before his lips seized hers again and they soon went back to that slow torturous dance. When he left her again, she was as breathless as him.

"I think we should go if we don't want them to call the police on us for display of lewd behavior."

She found her breathing again and nodded weakly.

"I'm sure that wouldn't be the first time for you." She muttered.

He gave her a wink as he pulled her toward the elevator.

"Actually that would be the first time… I'm surprised you're just okay with it."

As soon as the door opened, they both climbed inside and it delayed her answer for a couple of second. She leaned her back against the wall.

"Maybe that wouldn't be the first time for me…" She winked back.

Warren tried to suppress the smile on his face but instead he realized he had licked his lips in anticipation. The elevator stopped to get another mature couple in. The new couple didn't look like they were particularly in a sensual mood. So, Meredith just stayed in her little corner right there, giggling at the disappointed face he displays. Warren shook his head at the incongruity of this. Meredith could see he wanted to join her or grab her right there, these people be damned. She didn't know he was strongly considering a boycott on elevators all together. Meredith laughed in earnest as they stopped again but there was no one on the floor. Fortunately, they made it to his floor in a matter of second and he urgently dragged her out of the elevator.

A/N: Thank you for your wishes.

¤ On Cristina

I have my idea for Cristina but I will probably continue to explore it more in part 2.

¤ On Scandal

This show often killed me and rarely was I resurrected after binge watching it. I can't with Fitz. For me, he is me the most unlikable male protagonist of all time and that's said after I watched Huck swallow Quinn's face in season 2. Scandal jumped several shark and ambushed too many baby dolphins for my taste. But I adore Shonda's try. I can't wait to see her new show: Quantico or FBI's anatomy.

¤ On GA's premiere

I'm glad I was not the only one thinking "Meh, that's the best you could do?"