Despite her reservations, Michigan's different this time.
It's no longer a place she's being held hostage, stuck with no way out and nowhere to go but what seems like down. She has the opportunity now to look at it with new eyes, get a whole new perspective on the city that's been her quasi-home for two years.
She'd be lying if she didn't say she wasn't completely on board at first, almost declined the trip and stayed back in New York where she wouldn't have to face this part of her life. It was a gamble, coming back with no real knowledge of how it'd turn out, how she'd feel as soon as she stepped back into these streets.
But standing on the sidewalk now, on an all too familiar street, she feels... different. She's not the same Kate that she was before. As weird as it is, it's not an awful feeling. Her heart beats at a quickened pace in her chest, nerves tickling at the forefront, but there's a lightness she can't yet explain. Her eyes fall to the ground, gaze on her pale peach flats as she blows out a breath. Everything was so different when she last stood here, so much worse than it is right now.
"It looks different," Castle says, causing her to turn towards him.
She laughs. "That's because you only saw it in the winter. Looks different when it's not covered in snow."
It's gorgeous when the snow falls, blankets everything in sight, but there's something about the bright sky, blooming flowers, and sunshine above that makes this weather the most beautiful. It was her favorite even when she lived here, gave her something to look forward to.
"Hotel first?" he asks, then looks down to his right. "You hungry, pumpkin?"
Alexis shakes her head. "Not yet."
"Kate?"
"I'm good," she echoes, shaking her head. "Let's go put our things upstairs."
He nods, grabbing one of her bags and one of Alexis's along with his own, despite her best efforts to assure him that the bag isn't even heavy and she's perfectly capable of carrying it herself. But he doesn't let her, of course, so she rolls her eyes and follows him through the lobby and into the elevator. Alexis stands at her side, bouncing on her toes, her tiny fingers wrapped around Kate's hand, swinging it back and forth as they walk.
Their hotel room is nice—she assumes it's similar to the one he'd stayed in during his first stay here—and they deposit their bags near the beds. There are two king size beds that look divine, so soft and inviting that she almost just plops down right there, calls it quits for the day and lies here instead.
"So," Castle starts, just after lining their suitcases up so they're not in the middle of the floor, "I figure Alexis, you and I can take this bed, and Kate can have the other?"
The girl shrugs, her lips in a line as she looks between the two adults. "Can I share a bed with Kate instead?"
Kate gives her a small smile, then looks at Castle. "That's fine with me."
"Oh, I see how it is," he mutters, a hand over his chest. "Abandoning me to go with Kate, I get it."
Alexis rolls her eyes. "You kick."
He gapes. "I do not!"
"Do too! Last time I slept in your bed you kicked me," she argues, a hand on her hip. "I love you, daddy, but I don't wanna be kicked."
Kate stifles her laughter. "Shoving your own daughter out of the bed." She shakes her head, clicking her tongue. "Jeez, Castle. Shameful."
"I didn't!" he insists, but then amends the statement. "Or, I didn't mean to. I'm sorry, pumpkin."
She nods. "It's okay. But I'm sticking with Kate this time," she says, turning to the woman. "You won't kick me in your sleep, right?"
"I won't kick you in my sleep," she confirms. "And if I do, you can kick me back."
That gets a laugh out of the girl and she smiles, shaking Kate's hand in agreement. "Deal."
Walking through the streets sends waves of deja vu through Kate's body, reminds her of the many times she's walked these same roads. It gets more prominent as they pass her old apartment building and she slows down, hovers on the sidewalk, looking up at the brick building she used to call "home."
"You okay?"
She turns to see two sets of eyes on her and she gives a small smile, a nod. "Yeah. It's just weird being here without actually being here, y'know?"
"I'd imagine it must be a weird feeling. Especially your apartment," he says, following her gaze to the building. "Last time I was in there was not pleasant."
Ah, right. The last time he was in Michigan at all was when he'd flown out, not knowing whether or not she was dead in her apartment. She'd say that definitely falls under the not pleasant category.
"No, it wasn't," she agrees.
"Why not?"
They both look at Alexis, Kate's eyes darting to his a second later. Gratefully, he takes the lead. "Do you remember that night you saw the news about Michigan and asked me if that was where I was?" Alexis nods. "And then I had to leave for the weekend?" Another nod. "Well, that was because I thought Kate was in trouble."
The girl's eyes widen. "Were you okay?" she asks, looking up at Kate.
"I was okay," she affirms, and Castle nods along.
"Kate was fine, pumpkin. But I didn't know that, so it was a rough couple of hours."
Alexis considers this, giving a slow nod. "Oh. Well, it'll be fun this time, right? Because Kate's with us, and we know she's okay!"
Both adults can't help but light up at her confident assertion.
"Right," he concurs, gives a curt nod. "It'll be much better!"
Kate smiles at the look he shoots her way, dips her head at the feel of his fingers brushing up against hers. It's short-lived, and he retracts the roaming fingers seconds later, but she tugs her bottom lip between her teeth regardless. Her hand comes to rest casually on Alexis's shoulder as she stands beside her, and she chances a glance over at him again, breathing a sigh of relief when he's giving her another goofy, lopsided grin.
As she looks at Castle, at the little girl at her hip, she feels lighter than she's ever felt in this town.
It will be much better.
"So, where to?" she asks.
Her first instinct is Babs, but it's still early. Tony's usually at his busiest right now and she doesn't want to take away from the other customers by monopolizing him, so their trip to visit will come later.
Castle pauses. "Too early for Babs," he comments, and she gives a small laugh, nods at the identical thought.
"What's Babs?" Alexis pipes up.
Kate looks down at her. "A bar," she says honestly, but then continues. "Our friend owns it, and we want to visit him later."
"What will I do?"
"You'll come with us, of course."
Alexis looks at her father. "Really?"
He nods. "It has options for food too, so we'll all have dinner there while we catch up with Tony. He's nice, pumpkin, you'll like him."
"And he'll love you," Kate adds, smiling at the slight blush that creeps onto the girl's cheeks. She takes this opportunity to grab at her sides, fingers tickling at Alexis's ribs until she's curling in on herself, unable to stop the stream of laughter from bubbling out.
"Kate! Kate, stop!" She pauses for a few seconds before picking up, and then Castle joins in, tickling her from the front. "Daddy! Stop! Guys," she manages through a fit of giggles, her laughter raising in pitch.
They finally relent, sharing warm smiles with each other while the girl regains her composure. When she does, she puts her hands on her hips, levels the both of them with the best glare capable of an eight year old. The two of them just grin innocently, though, before letting out muffled laughs.
"That was not very nice," she says seriously, her lips in a tight line.
Kate gives an equally as serious nod. "Duly noted," she says with a salute.
"Kate started it," Castle teases, pointing a finger towards her.
Her mouth drops open. "Hey, I didn't make you tickle your daughter!"
"No, but I can't not join in!"
She huffs. "That's on you, Castle. Don't blame me for your lack of self control."
Alexis clears her throat. "It's both of your faults! Kate started it, but you joined in, daddy," she reminds. "Now, can we find something to do please?"
Castle laughs. "Of course, of course. No more tickling, promise. Right, Kate?"
"Right," she nods, trying her best to hide another grin. After a few seconds of silence, she shakes her head. "There's not too much to do, actually."
His eyes light up. "There's a rink around here, it's in Canton. I went there to see Nikita while I was on tour."
Canton's not far from Ann Arbor, probably a half hour, so it's totally plausible for them to head over there. He looks so excited about the possibility of going skating right now that she doesn't have the heart to tell him she hasn't skated since before her mom died, that it's something she's steadfastly avoided because of the memories she's scared it might drudge up.
But Alexis is looking up at her, flashes of hope in her eyes too, so she just smiles.
"Do you wanna go skating, Kate?" the girl asks. "Can you skate?"
She gives a small nod. "I used to go when I was younger," she lets out, tries to ignore the feeling of Castle's eyes on her. "I used to love it."
"We can find something else if you don't want to," he adds, having picked up on the tinge of hesitance.
Kate shakes her head. "No, actually I'd love to."
It's about time she went again, and she can't think of two better people she'd want to go with.
"Yay!" Alexis claps, already bouncing towards the car again. "Let's go!"
The rink is much bigger than the indoor ones she used to go to, but she supposes that's what happens when it doubles as an Olympic training center.
Frigid air greets them at the door, brushes against their faces as they enter. It's warm outside now, but she's fairly certain she'd be content with a sweater in here. There aren't many people, just a few on the ice and a couple of others meandering around the front area, talking amongst themselves.
"I wonder if Nikita's here," Castle comments, eyes wandering in search of the Russian. He looks over at her. "You want to go get the skates, and I'll see if he's around?"
She nods. "Sure, what size?"
He rattles off his size and tells her that Alexis will know her own size once they get up there, and then he's off into some back room while the two girls make their way over to the counter. They're on the benches lacing up their skates by the time Castle returns, having found Nikita, who's trailing behind him.
"This is Nikita," he introduces him, reaching down to grab his own skates with a nod in thanks. "He's incredible on the ice."
Nikita laughs, holding his hand out to Kate. She wouldn't consider them friends, exactly, but she's seen him around Babs enough to recognize the man. "He's exaggerating," he shakes his head. "It's nice to see you again, Kate. And it's very nice to meet you too, Alexis."
They shake hands and Alexis gives a shy smile in response. "Do you train here?" Kate asks.
He nods. "Seven days a week."
Kate's eyes widen. "Wow, that's quite the routine."
"He's training for the Olympics," Castle pipes up, his hands fumbling sloppily with his laces. "How's Elena?"
"Elena's my partner," Nikita clarifies. "She's doing well. She's at the gym now, but she'll be down in an hour or so to do another run through."
They talk to Nikita for a bit longer before he has to excuse himself, get in a bit more floor training before Elena arrives and they take it to the ice. It's then that the three of them make their way to the entrance, finally, and Kate watches as Castle grips onto the boards.
"You do know how to skate, right?" she laughs, sliding up next to him.
"Of course I do. I just need to get my balance again."
She bites her lip to hide the small laugh that wants to escape, amusement on her face. "Sure, sure. Mind if I do a lap while you... get your balance?"
He shoots her a look and she grins, turns so that she's looking at him as she skates backwards. Alexis still stands by her father, but it only takes ten seconds before she's abandoning him, shouting a "come on, daddy!" in her wake.
Kate smiles at the man still clutching at the barrier before turning once more, taking a long, slow glide across the ice. She closes her eyes for a few seconds, just lets herself feel the breeze on her face, through her hair as she moves. All this time she's been avoiding the ice, the rinks, because of the potential memories that would come flooding back.
And there are memories, yes.
She's suddenly thirteen again, whipping around the ice with her mother, long limbs getting tangled every so often and sending her tumbling to the ice in a fit of laughter. She sees her mother, her own laughter loud and bubbling as she reaches down to grab her hand, tugging her back to her feet. They skate arm in arm after that, keeping each other upright and smiling at nothing but the company they're in.
These aren't painful memories, don't taint the rink with a black cloud of grief.
No, these are the memories she loves, and she feels her lips quirking up at the corners. It gives her the energy, the drive to just let go and enjoy the moment; right here, right now, with Alexis and Castle and no worries in sight.
She catches up to Alexis and the two skate together, effectively lapping Castle, who has finally removed himself from the boards and is actually skating by himself. He's not as awful as she'd have pictured, but he won't be winning a gold medal any time soon either.
"Care to be my partner?" he asks when they reach him again, a hand outstretched in her direction.
A brow arches. "Your skating partner?"
"Ice dance partner, to be exact."
"You don't know how to ice dance," she points out.
He shrugs a shoulder. "Neither do you, it'll be great."
She laughs. "If by great you mean probably the most disastrous thing that could possibly happen, then yeah it'll be great."
"Oh come on, Kate," he pouts, sticking out his lower lip. "I won't try any crazy lifts."
"No, you won't!" she agrees immediately.
She has no doubt that he could lift her on solid ground, he's done it before, but on ice? Absolutely not. He can barely keep himself steady.
Alexis makes an appearance at her side. "Be his partner, Kate! Do it!"
She rolls her eyes but eventually nods. "Fine," she agrees, but gives him a pointed finger. "But no funny business."
"No funny business."
They clasp their hands together and begin to move, Castle skating forwards and Kate backwards, their feet moving almost as if they were doing an actual dance. Her eyes come up to his, find nothing but soft blue looking back at her, so much hidden beneath the surface. It threatens to take her breath away, but she grins instead, doesn't shy away.
He releases one of her hands and motions for her to come up beside him while they weave left and right, making a very careful zig zag pattern in the ice. It's sloppy and uncoordinated, doesn't look polished at all, but they manage to stay on their feet.
Until, that is, Castle tries to imitate one of the moves he saw Nikita and Elena do.
A twizzle, she hears him mumble right before he does it. She has no idea why he thought he'd be able to balance on one leg and spin, but he did, and it ended with the both of them on the ice, a jumbled pile of intertwined limbs.
"Castle," she hisses, moving to get the skin of her shoulder off the freezing surface. "Didn't we just agree that there'd be no funny business?"
He winces. "It looks a lot easier than it is," he groans as he sits up, rubbing at his legs. "Are you okay?"
She nods, easing herself back onto her feet as she wipes the ice from her jeans. "Just wet."
"You're sure?"
"I'm fine, Castle," she repeats, lending him a hand until he's standing once more. "You want to do a few more laps, Tanya?"
"Tanya?"
Kate laughs. "Harding. Nevermind." She shakes her head. "So, what about those laps?"
He gives a sad sigh, looking down at his soaked pants. "No," he decides. "We should get Alexis and head out for food."
"Good idea," she agrees, suppressing her grin at the dejected look on his face and the wobbly way he skates back to the exit.
She gives him an A for effort, though.
"Did you tell him we were coming?"
Kate shakes her head. "No, I didn't really think to call," she shrugs. "But it'll be a nice surprise."
"I think he'll be excited to see you," Castle comments, letting the hand he's resting on Alexis's back guide her in the direction of the establishment. "It's been a while now."
She doesn't answer, just nods as they walk the last block to Babs.
The sign greets them, and for a few seconds nerves flood her system, course through her veins. But it's not like it was many months ago, and she's not a mess drowning herself in her drink when Castle decided to take a seat across form her. And so she smiles, lets her eyes shine as she takes in the martini glass under their logo.
She's not in that place. Far from it, actually, and she can't help but shake away the remaining anxiety. She's happy, she's got her feet back under her again; she's in such a good place, and having this transformation to show Tony excites her. He's been so sweet the past few years, like a silent father figure, someone who doesn't push but is a constant source of encouragement. Just knowing he was there, even if she didn't take him up on the many offers to talk, was enough.
Castle's hand on her arm brings her back. "You okay?"
She nods. "Perfect."
The smile on his face matches hers. "Let's go then."
"Let's get food!" Alexis pipes up, eliciting laughter from the two of them.
Kate puts her arm around the girl, tugging her to her side with a shake. "Yes, let's get some food," she laughs, shaking her head. "Come on."
They bypass the downstairs and head straight to the staircase, but she does take a long glance out at the floor, watches as the faces of people she doesn't recognize down their respective drinks. She doesn't see many of the regulars she's so used to waving to, giving a slight nod to each day she'd bound up these same stairs.
Alexis is the first one to reach the top, a hand on her hip as she waves the two adults on. "Come on, guys," she chides, a hand on her stomach. "I'm starving!"
"You had lunch a few hours ago," Castle laughs.
The girl just shakes her head. "I'm a growing girl, dad, food is a necessity."
"She's got you there, Castle," she remarks, turning to shoot him a grin.
"We're here, we're here. Alexis, why don't you go take a seat at the counter? We'll be right over."
Alexis nods and Kate shifts to look at him. "There a problem?"
"A problem? Of course not," he assures, taking a deep breath.
"You're out of breath, aren't you?"
His mouth drops open. "What? No! Ridiculous!"
"You totally are," she stage whispers, an amused grin on her face. "Come on, grandpa, let's join your daughter."
She hears his mumbling as she moves, leaves him standing just at the top of the stairs. Alexis is sitting patiently at the counter, a few stools down from another couple, with two seats left for Castle and herself. She puts a hand on the girl's back and leans over the bar, looks down to the end, but there's no sign of Tony. Or anyone, for that matter.
"He's probably in the back," she says as Castle sidles up beside her. "Do you know what you want?"
He shakes his head. "Not sure. Tony's making it, so I'd assume it's all good."
Kate nods. "This is true," she confirms. "I lived off of his food for a while. It was a pretty unhealthy habit, but delicious." She looks down at Alexis. "What about you, you see anything you like?"
The girl pokes her tongue out between her teeth as she looks over the options—they're not extensive, just what you'd expect to find in a bar in terms of real food, but there are a few additions.
"Is the pizza good?"
"Really good, actually. I used to get the pizza at least once a week." She feels Castle's eyes on her. "What?"
He shakes his head. "Nothing, nothing. I just can't imagine you getting pizza once a week." He shrugs.
A brow raises. "You'd be surprised," she murmurs. "It's exceptional. Top rate bar pizza, definitely."
Castle just laughs, leans closer on the stool. "So, what are you getting, mighty Babs oracle?"
"The bacon cheeseburger and fries," she says with no hesitation, ignoring his comment with a small eye roll.
He hums. "That actually sounds good. I think I'll get the same thing."
No more than two minutes after they've all finally decided what they're going to get, she notices Tony walking out of the back room, a cloth draped over his arm and his sleeves—as always—rolled up to his elbows.
"Hey, Tony," Castle calls.
Tony turns at the sound of his name, a smile forming when he sees Castle. He's already halfway to them when he seems to notice Kate, his eyes widening and his smile brightening.
"Rick," he greets first, shaking his hand, and then his attention turns to her. "Kate?"
She smiles. "Hey, Tony."
"What are you guys doing here?" he asks, then brings his eyes back. "You look good, kid."
A blush creeps onto her cheeks. "Thanks," she smiles, ignores the nodding of Castle next to her, the not-so-subtle mouthing of whatever it is he's telling Tony. "We're here on a... vacation? Just a weekend away."
"And Tony," Castle adds in, tugging Alexis into his side, "this is my daughter, Alexis."
Tony's eyes light up with recognition. "Ah, the famous Alexis. It's so nice to finally meet you," he greets, offering her hand to shake. "I've heard a lot about you."
Alexis perks up. "You have?"
"I have," he nods, then leans in a bit closer. "Only the best things, promise."
The girl laughs, and Castle takes this opportunity to get their food ordered. "So, we thought we'd come in and catch up. And, of course, order some delicious food before this one withers away to nothing," he comments, nudging Alexis.
"Anything for you guys," Tony says, grabbing his pad to write down what they want.
They order and he waltzes away to put it in, promising that their food will be done shortly. It's no problem, the wait; not here anyway. There's something about this place, about Tony, that she's pretty sure she wouldn't mind an awfully long wait even if she had to.
"He's nice," Alexis comments, bringing their attention to her. "I like him."
Kate smiles. "He is very sweet, he's a nice guy."
Castle nods his agreement, mouth stuffed with pretzels from the bowl between them, and tries to mumble something that sounds relatively close to "he's great" but she can't be too sure.
Twenty minutes later they've finished eating, and the father daughter pair are over at the pool table in the corner playing with the cues. Alexis isn't nearly tall enough to play, but Castle lifts her up, lets her hit the balls and see how many she can get into the pockets just for fun.
Kate watches on with a grin, her body oriented towards their corner and her right hand around a glass of rum and coke.
"It's cute."
She looks up to find Tony leaning against the bar, cloth now hanging over his shoulder, a knowing glint in his eyes.
"The two of them, it's cute," he elaborates, nodding towards them.
"It is," she agrees. "Alexis is a sweetheart."
Tony nods. "Seems like someone's attached."
"What? No, I—I," she starts, but then pauses, looking over as Alexis erupts into a fit of giggles when Castle almost knocks himself out with the pool cue. She hears an I'm good! from his general direction. "Yeah, I guess I am."
"It's not a bad thing, Kate," Tony says, waits for her to turn towards him to continue. "I meant what I said before; you look good, and I'm sure they have a lot to do with it."
She can't help but smile. "Yeah, they do." Her lips tug up even higher. "It's been good, having other people around, being in an apartment with more than the bare minimum. It feels... normal."
"No more issues, I take it?"
Her shoulders hitch up before dropping. "The occasional nightmare," she admits, and Tony gives a knowing nod. "But nothing like it was. None recently, no more drinking myself into oblivion, no more skipping meals. It's all—it's all really good."
"It seems like you've really turned things around."
She takes a breath. "I have. I'm still trying, obviously, still going for more, but I'm almost there." Tony's fatherly smile takes over, and she can't help but appreciate him and his unwavering support, both now and even before she began to turn everything around. "I don't feel like the girl that was here all those months ago."
Tony hums. "You don't look like her either," he jokes, motions to her nicely curled hair. "Not that the disheveled look wasn't endearing, but this suits you much better."
Kate just laughs. "Trust me, I know." She shakes her head. "God, that was awful."
"I've seen worse, don't worry."
She gives him a skeptical look, a brow arched. "Well, just know that won't be coming back. I enjoy looking like a functioning human being, not like I just rolled in off the street."
"I'm glad to hear it." There's a pause, and she follows Tony's line of sight to the two still playing around the billiards table. "They're good for you, Kate."
Her smile widens as her head dips, a few curls falling into her face. He's right—Castle and Alexis are the best thing that could've happened to her when they did. She doesn't even want to think about where she'd be right now if he hadn't come to Ann Arbor for a book tour, if he hadn't wandered into Babs on accident and decided to sit down with the girl with the sad, hazy eyes.
"Are you happy?"
His question catches her off guard, but she doesn't even try to hide the smile as she nods this time. "Yeah, I really am."
Tony's face softens. "I'm so glad, kid. You deserve this."
And for one of the first times since she's left, she believes it.
You're all too sweet, and I thank you. There will be five more chapters (four and an epilogue), so we're coming up on the end!
Also, side note, I know kids don't generally go into bars, but I've been in a fair share when I was a minor because they also served food. So for the purposes of this chapter, let's just assume it's one of those bars.