Chapter 20

Whenever You Need Me

Kasumi opened her eyes slowly as she woke from her slumber. The room around her was shrouded in darkness and silent save for the sounds of her breathing and that of Shepard's. That alone was enough to tell her it was still too early to wake up.

Her dreams had been too peaceful to cause her to wake up suddenly, and the warmth of Shepard's body next to her was a comforting anchor ready to help her dive back into the depths of dreams. Yet there was something wrong; a foreboding feeling grappled her heart and whispered warnings not to simply go back to sleep. She was needed it seemed to be implying.

In her sleepy haze she began to take into account her senses, the location of the two sleeping bodies in the bed and if there were any unwanted people in the room. First and foremost there was no imminent threat she could hear or see. A small wave of relief came over her, but just as it did she became aware of a shift in location of her lover's body compared to how they went to sleep hours before.

She remembered carrying her Shep to the bed and switching their usual sleeping positions so she holding her instead of the other way around. Different as it was, it was also really comfortable. Being the one to carry Shepard and the cute way she cuddled into her made Kasumi smile into whatever it was she was lying on. She was so adorable.

It touched her heart to see the sleepy vulnerable redhead, and their last conversation before letting sleep take them was nice. Answering her questions involving how to express her love in Japanese was thoroughly enjoyable. Finding the new tattoo and then getting lost in their embrace were far more satisfying events though.

The thoughts made her heart beat along pleasantly almost allowing her to forget entirely about why she had woken up in the first place.

Focus Kasumi. If you are needed then you can't fall back asleep. After chastising herself for losing focus, she returned back to figuring out the new sleeping arrangement they were in. She found herself on her side with her head comfortably lying on what was without a doubt Shepard's stomach. What made Kasumi utterly certain of what she was lying on were her eyes staring across the wondrous plain of her lover's abs while her arm rested across her waist.

It took a lot of willpower to resist the urge to start tracing her index finger over Shepard's stomach. They were right in her face begging for her to touch them. Her lover's body was simply perfect and it was truly hard to resist touching it now. The next urge was to start pressing kisses on her stomach and make her way up or down the fit body she was cuddling against. Resist. Must resist…for now.

For the time being she let her lips brush against Shepard's stomach for a brief moment. There would without a doubt be time later to admire her flawless body and do all the things she wished to do right now. I do prefer to see Shep's face when I wake up but…She let her eyes trace up the N7's plain of abs to the amazing small hills a bit north of them, this isn't a bad sight to wake up to either. She laughed mentally, lacking the energy to do it outwardly.

What had woken her up was not this change of position, though. Her body had unconsciously put her here and it was quite comfortable even if she wished her head was a little bit higher. If I was lying on her chest I would be in range of capturing those amazing lips. Abs are nice unconscious mind, but her lips are better damn it, she pouted.

To feel the redhead's body quake under her touch, to feel her warm breath brush against her skin, to capture the lips blessed by Aphrodite herself in an eternal lip lock, she wanted this and so much more.

The thief fought against the rising warmth and titillating thoughts and images crossing her mind but it almost seemed futile. Everything she wanted to do was attainable if she would just let go of the restraints on her sexual desires right now.

In the end what stopped her from embracing it all and what had woken her up was the feeling of a trembling hand gently running through and on top of her hair. Sometimes the hand would move down her bare arm or brush against her cheek when moving strands of hairs that had fallen. The touch was tender and made her shiver unnoticeably. Shep, if you've been touching me like this for a long time without me being awake, you are going to be in big trouble. You know your touch is something I love.

While part of the thief wished to pretend she was asleep and lower her hand between Shepard's legs to see what kind of reaction she'd get out of the woman—she couldn't bring herself to do it. As funny as it would be to see her reaction to the thief doing that as she was "asleep" her heart and soul was in dire need of her comfort.

From her position, Kasumi could see the very fragile and faraway look on Shepard's face. Her magnificent eyes glistened with tears and her red locks appeared to be damp with sweat. It seemed her right hand was unconsciously touching the thief while her left hand was clenched tightly in front of her. Hanging out of her left hand was the familiar chain belonging to her N7 tags.

It was then she realized that Shepard was sitting up against a pillow which caused Kasumi to be using her stomach as a pillow instead of how they were sleeping originally or on her chest. Another thing Kasumi she was her lover's eyes were staring at her left hand yet they weren't really seeing anything.

They were just staring into a black abyss, and it was a bit frightening.

When her right hand began to go to her hair again, Kasumi reached up and grabbed it softly. She brought it around to her lips and pressed a kiss against the palm of her Shep's hand. Seeing her in the state she was disheartening and she planned to do whatever she could to help.

Shepard shook a little, startled by the movement but not displeased. The thief nuzzled into her hand for a moment, hoping to grant her some comfort before sitting up and scooting back to her lover. "And here I thought I would get to see you wake up in the morning. It would have been quite the sight judging on the smile you always have when you see me wake up," she teased in a low whisper.

Shepard lowered her left hand, her head dropping with it as she gave a sad smirk. "Sorry…I didn't mean to wake you."

Seeing the redhead disappointed in herself had not been the reason for her tease. Causing her lover to feel any negative emotion from something she said was never in her agenda.

Waking up was not a big deal, especially when Shepard was in need of her being awake. "Ana, I was teasing." She brought her hand to her lover's chin, gently using the tips of her fingers to lift her head and turn it so she could look her in the eyes.

When their eyes met, she noticed the almost haunted look in her lover's eyes. It was a look she decided was not going to stay for much longer as long as she had a say in the matter. Must have been one hell of a nightmare. After experiencing the horrors of the Reaper War, Kasumi was actually surprised this was the first time the commander had been shaken up by one.

Normally the master thief considered herself a light sleeper, and ever since they started sharing a bed there had not been any incidents like this. Shepard hadn't said or shown that she was having any either and had promised not to hide it.

Still, despite the haunted look in the redhead's eyes, she found herself admiring her beauty. This woman who she had stolen the heart of was magnificent. She's stunning. A goddess…She hid away her own smirk as her next thought came into mind. My goddess who I have no problem worshipping. It would have been weird for her to start laughing in this moment so the thief stopped it from coming out and focused back on the beauty in front of her.

She had intended to get closer, but it was only now she realized their lips were inches away. Kasumi silently glided the tips of her fingers from Shepard's chin to her lips, forcing down her need to capture them with her own.

Finding out what was wrong was important and she couldn't let herself or Shepard get sidetracked. It would be all too easy to let herself crash their lips together and get lost in all the desires she was beginning to feel as she gazed into the gorgeous sky blue eyes staring back at her. It would be too easy to convince herself it would make whatever was wrong go away and be forgotten forever.

No, she needed to talk to the N7 and figure out exactly what was wrong and then what they could do together to help her. Kasumi moved her hand slowly from Shepard's lips to her cheek, cupping it. "You are a beautiful goddess." Shepard blushed and smiled. "What's wrong, Ana?"

"Just a bad nightmare."

That much was obvious, but she stopped herself from making a quip about it. She's really bothered by it…I haven't seen Ana look this fragile since right before the final push. "On a scale from Javik as a comedian to a Banshee scream, how bad?"

"Which one is the worst option?" Shepard asked with genuine laugh. It was a good start but helping her was going to take a little more. Nightmares had an ability to shake up the strongest people by preying on their worst fears or replaying terrible memories. The commander let her laugh dissipate for a troubled sigh. "Banshee scream."

"Do you want to talk about specifics?" Her lover shook her head and that was enough for Kasumi to drop all questions revolving around it. Sometimes talking about a nightmare only gave it room to breathe, and this one needed to be suffocated in silence.

The task in Kasumi's hands now was to keep her Shep from thinking about it and help her get back to sleep. Getting her to sleep without worrying about going back into the nightmare would possibly be difficult, yet she was ready to give it a try. I won't let this cause her more sleepless nights. She had enough of those during the war. If I can't help then I'll stay up all night with her if I have to.

There was no way she was going to leave for a peaceful dreamland while Shepard was visibly bothered and hurt from what she had dreamt. I left her alone one time too many. Her stare hardened thinking of her decision to stay off the Normandy. I won't be doing that again. Never again.

Kasumi softened her eyes when the redheaded beauty raised a confused eyebrow. "I'm here for you Ana. Just tell me what you need."

"Ca- can you just hold me."

The thief smiled and gave a nod. That was something she could absolutely do for the rest of the night if she had to. Being held by the N7 had always granted her comfort, if she could possibly return the favor then she was all for it. "Never be afraid to ask me that." Kasumi smirked. "You know I can't resist touching you."

Shepard smiled then leaned in to close the small distance that had been between them. When their lips met, the desire induced part of her mind wished to take over. The feel of her lover's soft warm lips against her own was almost overpowering.

The moment she parted her lips with her tongue and it entered her mouth, she nearly lost all control. All of her body felt awake and alive, something only Shepard had ever made her feel through a kiss or a gentle touch.

Stopping them both from continuing was difficult, but she managed to do it. Kissing her and feeding all of her desires could wait until morning when Shepard wasn't recovering from a nightmare.

The N7 seemed to understand her reason for not continuing their kiss, although she seemed just as disappointed as Kasumi felt. "Here." Shepard unbundled her dog tags from her hand and put them around the thief's neck. She smiled at her. "I've had to hog them recently, but they belong around your neck."

Having the familiar weight around her neck again was comforting. She had given them back as she had always planned to do when the commander needed to wear them for some of the first briefings she had. Not having them anymore had been different, but they weren't hers.

They belonged to her Shep.

"But they're yours. They belong to you Ana."

"Right, and now I've given them to you." Shepard moved away for a brief moment only to readjust herself so she was between Kasumi's legs with her back against the thief's chest. She brought her knees closer to her chest, cuddling into the thief and resting her head on her bosom. "It's to make sure I'm always with you, no matter how far apart we may be."

Those words were as heartwarming as they were worrying. Kasumi wanted to ask what happened in the nightmare that caused her to believe they would be apart in what sounded like a death sort of way but chose against asking.

They had already decided not to talk about it and she wasn't entirely sure she wanted to hear what did occur in the nightmare. If it was enough to shake Shepard then it was probably best not to talk about it. Another bonus was the redhead wasn't denying she had a nightmare by saying she was fine and had given the thief a way to help—that alone was a giant step forward from her wartime attempts to assure she was fine.

Kasumi closed her eyes as she let her head lean to the side, her cheek meeting the forehead of Shepard's turned head. Neither moved, both enjoying the feel of their warm embrace and closeness to one another. The thief laid her right arm across the top of her lover's chest and used her left hand to cradle her head. The redhead gripped the thief's right arm softly, giving it an affectionate squeeze to show her appreciation for the comfort.

"I'll always be here for you Ana, whenever you need me. You'll never be alone." She placed a kiss on her forehead then returned to her original position.

"…Promise?"

Her quiet voice made Kasumi's heart ache. She was truly vulnerable right now, her voice thick with the pain left over from the dream. The grip on her arm grew tighter with the question causing the thief to unconsciously hold her lover tighter. She wanted to make her embrace a place where the redhead could find shelter from all of her pain or doubts. To make it a place where she could be safe when she felt vulnerable. "I promise." Shepard nuzzled into her chest, making her smile. "Want to pinky promise?" she tried to alleviate the mood with a small jest.

There was a soft chuckle from the woman she was holding. "I love you, Kasumi."

"I know you do. Go to sleep my beautiful goddess. I'll protect you from the boogeyman."

"Kasumi, you don—"

"Shh." Kasumi placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. "You've been the invincible hero who never lets anyone take care of you for so long, Ana. I'm not asking you to change who you are because who you are is beautiful. All I am asking is for you to let me be your strength when you're hurting. To let me be your invincible hero when you feel most vulnerable, even if it is only for a moment…because you're always my invincible hero when I need you most."

Velvet lips pressed at the corner of her lips. "Okay."

Kasumi smiled at the response. It was all she needed to hear to know Shepard would allow her the luxury of taking care of her when she needed her most. "Go to sleep. I'll sleep when I know you are."

Without any more conversation the two remained in their embrace for the rest of the night. Kasumi remained awake for a little while longer after she noticed the softening of Shepard's breathing and her body relax against her own.

For some time she simply watched the N7 sleep, not daring to caress her cheek or arms out of fear it would wake her from her now peaceful slumber. She needed her sleep and Kasumi was content merely holding her as she was.

Eventually sleep came for the thief as well and once again she plunged into the world of loving dreams involving her, her Shep and all the time in the galaxy to share their love.

Shepard let her eyes flutter open when her internal clock began ringing to inform her it was time to wake up. Shutting it off or destroying it was not an option, unfortunately, although the latter of the two was the reason why she did not have a real alarm clock.

The last one had met a terrible end when she crushed it with her biotic's.

"Morning beautiful," a loving voice cooed.

She smiled and met Kasumi's eyes with her own. "Morning." She was still comfortably cuddled up against her thief. Affectionate arms held her close as they had for the entire night, giving her security and shelter from the terrible nightmare that had plagued her hours before. She nuzzled into Kasumi's neck, not wishing to leave the warmth or the safety her arms gave her. "My invincible hero."

Kasumi chuckled. It was a lovely sound and made her heart beat a little faster. The redhead knew she would never grow tired of hearing her lover's soft laugh or the feeling it gave her. "The way your eyes flutter open when you begin to wake up is really cute." The thief had a smile on her face and in her voice.

Shepard began to feel warmth rising to her face at being called cute. Normally she would have struck down the notion that she was cute. Calling her cute had always felt more like an insult then a compliment, yet it was one Kasumi had gotten away with time and again since their time on the SR-2.

When she said the word it seemed to strip her of all her defenses, both verbal and figurative. Truthfully, the N7 hated feeling vulnerable. She couldn't afford to be vulnerable during the war or even before it, and it really wasn't her anyways. All of the trials she had faced in life had strengthened her mentally, emotionally and physical to a point where vulnerability wasn't really a part of her anymore.

There usually wasn't much she couldn't handle with a gun, a quip and a smirk.

She hadn't become cold hearted soldier but she wasn't some dainty flower needing to be taken care of. That was the last thing she wanted someone to think, and if her actions hadn't proven otherwise then someone needed to tell her so she could be frank with the person who did not understand.

As long as it wasn't Kasumi that is. When it came to her lovable thief, she had a lot more leeway when it came to things she could get away with for multiple reasons.

The only person who had ever seen her cry was Kasumi. Even after losing Thane, Mordin, Legion and Ashley she had not allowed herself to shed tears in front of anyone. Remain strong, they need you to be strong had become her chant in times of tragedy.

And strong she remained, carrying around the sorrow in her heart without releasing. She never allowed anyone to take care of her or help her shoulder the burden by letting her vent for more than a few seconds.

No, she had to be strong.

Faltering was not among her options. She now found it sad that she had considered being human faltering during those times.

Now was different, though. She was finally being allowed to show she was not invincible all the time without backlash. Her lover had made it quite clear it was okay and she wanted to be her strength when it was caused by things like nightmares.

When Kasumi was the one causing the feeling of vulnerability, however, she did not feel uncomfortable or as if she thought of her as a dainty flower that would fall over with a small breeze. It made her heart beat a little faster and reminded her of tender moments they shared as they made love. Moments where her body demanded her to follow instead of lead. Moments where she watched the thief kissing up her body as she admired her or stared up at her watching her react to her actions.

When she listened to her body and heart during those tantalizing moments she was overcome by layers of emotions as waves of pleasure crashed through her body.

Tears had cascaded down her face the first time they had made love, yet instead of questioning anything Kasumi smiled a tender smile. So many emotions flooded her as her mind thought back to how close she came to losing her own life and the thief—her thief.

Memories of their final talk before the final push and the emotions welled up inside her came flooding back. Memories of the decisions in front of her and how badly she wanted to tell Kasumi she loved her but knew she could not because she would die. Waking up to find the war over and Kasumi there by her side willing to give her a chance to experience all of her dreams of being in love with her. Their first kiss, their dance and Kasumi admitting her love for her.

As the thoughts pelted her at light-speed she could no longer hold back the tears of joy she had been holding back for too long.

She had at first thought herself foolish for the tears. She thought she had ruined the entire night but the thief moved back up to her, wiping away the tears and kissing her passionately. "You are positively the most beautiful woman I've ever had the honor of meeting and falling in love with," she had whispered.

With that one statement her whole body quivered. She had not said it to say it. Shepard had witnessed Kasumi admiring her body as she was seemingly memorizing every inch of her by touch. Knowing the lithe thief thought her beautiful even as she had tears running down her face had reinvigorated Shepard to continue.

Allowing herself to be vulnerable was not a normal occurrence for her…yet as she curled up in the arms of her lover she couldn't help but enjoy it.

Here she could just be Anastasia.

Here she could just be Kasumi's Ana.

"I could stay like this all day," Shepard whispered.

Lips pressed against her forehead. "So could I. If you ever need this, all you need to do is ask."

"You make it easy to ask." There was no jest in her voice. Kasumi really did make asking to do this or anything at all easy. She felt comfortable around the usually hooded woman, and when they were alone away from prying eyes she felt safe enough to allow all of her tough exterior down.

"Only the best for you, my dear Commander. I would not wish to disappoint my superior officer. Think of the drama that would cause." Shepard laughed which in turn led to Kasumi laughing with her. When their laughing died down to a soft chuckle, she kissed the bottom of her thief's neck.

Staying in the embrace for the rest of the day would have been satisfying, but duty did call. The galaxy still needed to be fixed. "We have to get up, don't we?" Shepard asked, not truly wanting the truth.

"Unfortunately. I do thoroughly enjoy having you in my arms, but the galaxy needs us to apply a lot more medi-gel." The N7 chuckled then sighed at the truth in her statement. She nodded without moving to leave. Then again Kasumi also made no move to leave holding her closer as her steady breaths made it known how at peace she was.

Only if we could dim the lights and light some candles.

There was a soft chuckle, alarming the redhead to the fact her inner thought had been spoken out loud. "My sappy romance ideas have rubbed off on you. My corruption has finally taken hold!" Shepard blushed as her thief kissed her forehead. "Care to join me in the shower, my dear Commander."

"Anything for you, my hero."

Kasumi gave a nervous chuckle. "Keep up with that nickname and your sexy voice and you'll have me swooning before we reach the shower."

Not wishing to pass up the moment to keep her lover blushing—as she was undoubtedly doing—she craned her neck to look back at her. "But if you swoon, what am I to do? You are my strength, my hero. You know exactly how to protect me from harm." She inched closer to her lips. "Your kisses give me life." She inched closer so their lips were practically touching. "You wouldn't leave me to shower alone, would you?"

Her initial plan consisted of turning away at the last second and making a tease, but being so close to her clouded all of those plans. For a moment they stared into one another's eyes and in that moment the redhead felt her lips begin to quiver in desire filled anticipation.

She wasn't sure who kissed who first, but it didn't matter in the end. Their lips had met with burning fervor and that was all that mattered now. With one hand she cupped Kasumi's cheek, keeping her from breaking the kiss. Her thief glided her hands down her sides then traced their way across her stomach until they both cupped her bra covered breasts.

Shepard bit her own lip as Kasumi began to fondle them, but she reengaged the kiss only to have her bottom lip sucked in and nibbled on gently. When they eventually came up for air after kissing passionately for an extended time period, the two women shared satisfied smiles. "So much for getting up," Shepard quipped.

"You started it."

"We can always take this into the shower. It might be a bit more fun," she offered.

Kasumi smiled. "You just want to get me naked, don't you?"

The redhead had walked herself into that one but she didn't mind it. She began to give a lopsided grin. "Well that might have been part of it. But don't deny you were thinking along the same lines."

Her thief leaned in closer but didn't kiss her. "Maybe. But then again if I wanted you naked, I would have gotten you naked already."

Hearing the matter of fact tone Kasumi had made Shepard begin to blush. "Is that so?" Her bra suddenly unclasped without her noticing the thief's hands suddenly not cupping her breasts. "How did yo—"

"Best thief in the galaxy. These quick hands can and have gotten into far more…secure areas." Kasumi winked and brought her hands to her shoulders as she helped the straps of her bra slide off of her shoulders. The redheads blush grew but allowed her lovable thief the victory this time. In a scenario like this there was no use fighting against Kasumi.

She had won fair and square and this victory would give them both pleasure.

"You're not going to tie me to the bed now, are you?"

Part of the commander realized how badly she was going to regret asking the question right as the words left her mouth, but by then it was too late. Her lover smiled. "Only if you want me too." She winked again.

Images of herself tied to the bed allowing Kasumi free reign to do as she pleased made her shudder with pleasurable tingles at the erotic thought. An intense blush coated her cheeks and that only fueled the smile on the lithe thief's face to become a full-blown grin.

As much as the thought of Kasumi touching her body was arousing, she decided being tied down was not required or desired. That was a little past her boundaries on vulnerability. "I- I'd rather not."

The thief nodded. "Okay. I'm not really into the whole tying up thing either." She smiled. "But to see the thoughts cross your mind was entertaining. It's so cute when you think dirty thoughts and blush."

"You are too." She kissed her on the lips. Much to both of their displeasure she backed off after a few moments. "Shower?" Kasumi nodded and the duo got out of the bed. They entered the bathroom together and undressed, hopping into the shower once the water was on and warm.

The thief encircled the redhead's waist with her arms from behind and guided them forward into the warm water, nuzzling into her neck as she did. Shepard allowed herself to relax back into her embrace as she rested her arms on top of Kasumi's. She felt her lover smile into her neck before placing kisses up it to her ear. "Whatever you need Ana, just ask," she whispered into her ear.

"I need you here, with me."

"I will never leave you again, no matter what. I promise," Kasumi replied lovingly. Her voice made Shepard's eyes water until the tears brimmed over and streamed down her cheeks.

Her nightmare had not been of the thief running away or dying or any of their friends dying. It wasn't the old nightmare either; instead it had been of her own death. It wouldn't have been so bad if it wasn't for the fact Kasumi had been holding her and sobbing as the life left her.

The sound was painful and still echoed in her ears.

Some would say instinct should be telling her to get Kasumi as far away as possible so that would never be possible. The problem with that was in her dream she had in fact told the thief to leave what she assumed was years before, causing her more heartache in the dream than she thought possible. At the time of her death in the dream Kasumi had come to help her despite what she had said, but she was already dying at that time.

Twice in the dream she had broken her thief's heart, first by leaving her behind and the second by dying in her arms with words of love in her final breaths.

It was painful even now to think about it, but instead of trying to ignore the feelings she instead turned around in her thief's arms and wrapped her arms around her neck in a warm hug. She rested her head on her shoulder and when she did Kasumi leaned her head softly onto hers and held her tightly.

They did not speak yet words were unneeded now. The comfort and security she felt in her lover's arms was all she needed to help her regain her own strength.

I will never make that mistake and I will not cause her that pain.

Eventually they detached their hug and continued on to love one another but their silent embrace had spoken the words they did not.

I will always be here for you, whenever you need me.

You have always been with me. Through everything.

I love you with all my heart Anastasia Shepard.

And my heart is yours Kasumi Goto. Forever.