I know, I know, two in a row. Mood struck, what can I say. If you are getting this chapter now, know that the previous one is new also. ;)
After the S3 finale, before the S4 premiere.
Ain't funny at all
Dean has been dead for 32 days and Sam has been gone for 29 when Bobby's phone rings in the middle of the night.
Bobby's not sleeping. He's barely slept since the hellhounds came for Dean, taking half of the only thing resembling a family he had left. He started hitting the bottle hard since Sam took off in the middle of the night, taking the other half.
He's awake and drinking and researching. Even though it's pointless. Even if all the lore and all the books and every single person he ever met say it's impossible. He researches. Maybe he missed something. Maybe it's right there.
His phone rings but there's no sound on the other side.
There doesn't have to be. Bobby's heart knows who's calling, like a mother, like the mother his Karen never had the chance to be. He settles back on his chair and stays as quiet as possible.
Can't help but be engulfed in relief just to hear the boy breathing.
They stay like that, in silence, for a few minutes until Bobby hears that breathing catching. A sob. A sniffle. Kid's breaking his heart and he really didn't think there were any pieces left.
"Sam… you are not alone."
You are not alone, Sam. Kid, I'm here. Son, I got you. Boy, just talk to me.
Bobby's been saying variations of the same thing every day for the past 29 of them. Every day. Never to him actually, always to the eletronic voices of his voicemails. Of Dean's voicemails. Of John's. Bobby's been calling every single number he ever had of any Winchester and leaving the same messages every single day.
I'm here, kid. Come back. Come home.
For the first time in all those days there's a warm body listening as he speaks. And it takes awhile, a few more minutes, but it's there. Sam's voice.
Barely a voice. Barely a whisper.
"Bobby…"
Sam chokes on the word, Bobby chokes on something climbing up his chest.
"Dean's dead, Bobby."
Yeah. Yeah. He is.
"I know, kid."
"Dad's dead too."
"Sam…"
What does he say to that? What does he say?
"I know, Sam."
"No, you don't understand…"
Bobby is about to say that yes, he does understand, he does, but then Sam is laughing.
Sam is laughing this horrible, painful laugh, full of sorrow and tears and it ain't funny at all.
"Dean is dead and dad is dead and I'm hunting, Bobby. I'm hunting!"
Bobby shuts his eyes. Oh, Sam…
"If you ever get a spell, Bobby, like a time travel spell, will you let me know?". He doesn't let Bobby answer, just goes straight on. "Let me know, just let me know. 'Cause I wanna go back. I wanna go back and talk to myself, when I was in school. I'll tell me just how it'll all play out… how I'm gonna be all alone, no dad, no Dean and hunting."
"You're not alone, Sam". It's his mantra, he'll say it to his grave, he doesn't care if the boy doesn't listen, it's the truth.
Sam's laughter is cut by a sob. Bobby's heart is cut by a sob.
"I wanted so bad to be alone…"
The kid is so consumed with guilt he's drowning.
"This is not what you wanted, Sam. You know it's not. They knew it too."
Sam mumbles his denial.
"No, I wanted to be alone, Bobby. I wanted it. I dreamed about it, I planed it, I schemed it, I left. I left them and I told them I didn't want to be with them. And they are dead, Bobby. They are dead. I told them I didn't want to be with them and I didn't want to hunt and they are dead and I'm hunting. That's… that's irony for you, man. Life doesn't get more ironic than that," Sam's laughing again, lighter, quieter.
"Dean is dead and dad is dead. Pastor Jim is dead and Caleb is dead and Jeff is dead. And I'm the one that is hunting. Isn't that funny, Bobby? Isn't it?".
It ain't funny at all.
"You don't have to hunt, Sam."
Sam snorts.
"You don't. You've done enough, kid. You earned your rest. Just come home and we'll figure something out…"
"NO!"
It's such an abrupt change in mood, Bobby jumps a little.
"No, no, no, no. I'll not stop. I'll never stop," Sam's voice is hard and dark and Bobby can hear his teeth gritting.
Sam's voice is John's.
"I'll hunt all my life. I'll kill Lilith, Bobby. She took my brother and I will kill her, I'll kill her bloody."
It's John. It's John all over again, promising revenge, promising to get Mary's killer, promising blood and thunderstorms and vengeance. It takes Bobby aback.
"I'll kill her and I'll not stop hunting. I'll kill her and then I'll kill them all. All demons, one by one, every single one that ever hurt my family, that ever hurt any family, I'll get them all, Bobby. I'll never stop."
No. Not John.
This is darker. This is… scarier.
Bobby doesn't scare easy and he's scared for Sam. Of Sam. All the same, really.
"Sam…"
Sam is back to being silent, but his breathing is ragged. Bobby can hear the harsh intakes.
"Sam?"
No answer.
Bobby lets his head hit the chair again.
"I miss them too, Sam."
A sob.
"Come ho…". The call is cut.
Silence.
Bobby shuts his eyes.
Twenty something years of criticizing John Winchester's parenting skills and when Bobby has the chance to do better, he can't get through to Sam at all. Somewhere, God knows where, he's sure the man is snickering.
Maybe not.
It ain't funny at all.