Chapter 22

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"Well I'll be damned."
"Eric?"
Seeing Eric smirk and mumble something he saw what Eric was looking at. What was something like that doing at the Undertakers?
"So you are the rumored Sebby-darling? Pretty hot indeed."
Seeing him move closer to the demon Alan stayed close behind. He wasn't going to let his guard down to a demon the way his partner was. He hoped they didn't start fighting right now though, not that he didn't want to or couldn't but they were on a mission they couldn't afford to get sidetracked. Unless, had Eric discovered that this pair, this human and demon pair were somehow involved in the recent killings? If so then why didn't Eric tell him? What was he trying to hide from him? He could hear the other two talking as they stepped closer, was the demon truly protecting the human from them? In reality it should have been the other way around. They should be the ones protecting the boy from the demon.
"It appears that the two of you have arrived a tad late."
Was that demon filth really talking to them about being punctual? Demons were known to do whatever they pleased whenever they pleased and that included getting their next meal. Going to snap back Eric got to it first, only he was still laid back about this?
"Man, nothing is eager than fault finding. Lately, a lot of stuff happened. We need to work overtime everyday! It's really backbreaking. Say, whaddya doing here?"
Alan couldn't believe Eric was actually creating small talk with him. They had a job to do, he was a demon, they shouldn't waste time with the likes of him. Still, he wasn't sure what he was getting at or if he knew anything so he kept his mouth shut. He had no choice but to wait and see. Hopefully Eric knew what he was doing. Watching the human boy he saw he was watching the demon and Eric too, maybe they did have something to do with the killings.
"If I may ask. Do I have the duty to inform Death Gods?"
"Nah, don't think so."
"What an understanding gentleman. Completely different to some garden tool-carrying individual I happen to know."
Eric may have been laughing at the crack at Grell but no demon had any right to talk about their co-worker.
"Eric! Do not pay attention to what a demon says!" That was it; he wasn't going to let this conversation drag on any longer. He didn't care if he knew something or not, he would end this demon right here and now. Readying his weapon he went after Sebastian.

"Alan!" Watching Alan go after Sebastian Eric stayed back and let him. It would be good for him to let out some of the pent up frustration he held for this demon and this case.
"Sebastian!" Hearing Ciel yell for Sebastian as Alan used his weapon to deflect a knife back towards him he saw him move back and safe before drawing Alan away.
"It's nice to meet you." Alan was a smart fighter but Eric watched him being toyed with. That was unlike him, to run into a fight like this and fight so blindingly, unless, unless he was trying to prove a point to him, show him he could still fight well. That idiot.
"Stop it, Alan. It's not the time to play with demons." He wanted him to stop before he hurt himself. There was no way he could win with his emotions involved, he had taught him that before. Before he had a chance to do something about it though his body froze as his biggest fear for Alan came true in front of his very eyes. He wasn't sure if Sebastian had hit him or not but he saw him start to gasp for air while his weapon lowered and he tried to breathe. He was having an attack.
"Alan!" Dropping his weapon he ran to him. Placing his hands on his shoulders he watched him collapse to the ground. This was bad, he wouldn't be able to stay with Alan and fight off Sebastian.
"Hiiii!" Hearing Grell he had never been so happy to see him in his entire life, he had given enough distraction for Sebastian to put away his weapons. Good maybe Grell would do enough to allow him to help Alan better. Hearing him talk about the thorns though he wanted to slap him, or better yet cut him with his death scythe. How stupid could he be to tell the enemy about Alan's weakness? And how did he of all people know about it? He didn't think Alan ever told him because he had a big mouth and the goal was to tell as few people as possible.

Alan clutched his chest while his body stayed huddled on the ground. The attack came so suddenly it had taken him completely off guard. He knew he was defenseless right now and a perfect target for the demon so then why had he stopped? Feeling Eric's hands gripping his shoulders he tried to breathe, all that came were short pained gasps for air though. Hearing the voice that could only be Grell's he turned his head to face him for a second before being consumed by the pain the thorns brought. He could barely hear anything at the moment, he knew Grell was talking but couldn't make out what he was saying. Eric whispered something in his ear before he felt him help him off the ground; get him to sit up at least. His body was in too much pain to do anything else at the moment. Slowly regaining his senses he sat up on his own. Now he could hear that Grell was talking about, he was telling the others about the Thorns of Death. Hearing those words he couldn't help but let them sink in, let him see his hand still on his chest. For the first time he really saw how real this illness was. Why Eric was always so worried.
"Are you okay?" He heard Eric whisper to him and tried to nod yes to him. Feeling Eric's hands now gently touching his shoulder he tried to stay strong, tried to keep fighting. Feeling the pain twinge again he let out a sharp exhale and in the corner of his eye he saw Eric leaning over, offering as much support as he could. God why did it have to hurt so much? Why did he have to end up in so much pain? Holding his chest a little tighter he used his free hand to keep him sitting up as best as he could even though his body wanted to ball up. Watching Grell move past them he felt Eric let him go. It seemed the enthusiasm Grell had for the thorns and his suffering was getting to him too. Not that he didn't have long to dwell on it as the thorns attacked him again, collapsing to the ground he felt Eric pull him up and practically hold him in his arms. Seeing Eric's hand on the one that clutched his chest he used the other one to hold it, feel that it was there. He hurt, the thorns kept attacking, he could barely breathe, he needed something stable to keep a hand on.
"Are you alright? Where does it hurt?" Eric needed to help him more somehow. Feeling Alan place on hand on top of his own and seeing the pain and terror in his eyes he could see how scared he was. All he could do was keep him close though, try to tell him that he would alright. Hearing Sebastian talking to Ciel he tried to split his focus between them and Alan. While he hadn't heard enough he knew they were talking about Alan and the boys home. Feeling Alan trying to sit up he released his hand to help him.

Taking it easy yet forcing his body to work with him he let go of Eric's hand and stay up. He had heard pieces of what the demon said and wanted to make sure his thoughts were heard.
"Well what do the two of you think of it?"
As Sebastian stepped closer he felt Eric let go of him, he could tell he was still watching him. Making sure he was okay, but allowing him to make the decision on his own.
"Being invited by you arch enemy is pretty fascinating too, isn't it?"
"Alan!" What was he thinking? It wasn't safe for him to go there. They could find another inn where he could rest. He thought Alan would say no, he expected him to say no.
"For the sake of our investigation…"
So then did he have a plan of some sort? Did he think he could find clues or evidence for their assignment? Before he could voice his thoughts on the matter he heard Sebastian,
"Well then, if you would be so kind as to follow me." Giving in he let Alan go and stepped back. He would be able to keep him safe; this arrangement was only temporary anyway. Grabbing his weapon from the ground he moved beside Alan to help him stand and support him while he walked. He could still see pain on his face. It seemed the thorns had decreased their attack on his body but they hadn't stopped yet.

Taking their time they made their way through the streets, Eric's eyes never leaving Alan's face, always making sure he was alright. His body needed rest and he wasn't giving in to that yet. Feeling Alan's hand slip from its place around his neck he watched as he started to fall. Catching him before he hit the ground he tried to plead with him to stop and just rest. He seemed to be having another attack; that made two in the one day, his body couldn't handle the strain he insisted he put on it. He couldn't watch this, couldn't watch him slowly dying, getting worse and weaker with each wave. Together they got him standing again and saw him barely able to pick his legs up to walk, to not let his body go completely limp. Internally cursing that demon and his superior for making Alan go through this in the state he was in he continued with him, letting him take as long as he needed with each step. They were in no rush to the mansion. Alan stopped walking and stepped away from Eric; using his death scythe as support he tried to catch his breath. He needed to rest but he couldn't do it here. Hearing this girl's voice he looked around. It sounded so close yet from his head. Trying to find its location he took a few steps, it was near, they were talking directly to him. Eric watched with confusion as Alan moved around them, it seemed he was looking for something. There was nothing near them though. Worried, he watched Alan walk away from him, he seemed dazed. Catching up with him he got him to look at him, see that he was okay. Was Alan losing his mind? Was this a side effect of the thorns?
"Are you okay, what is it?"
Just shaking his head he stepped back from Eric. The voice was gone; it seemed to vanish from his mind. What was happening to him? Feeling sharps stabs in his chest he clutched where it hurt hoping to try and ease the pain. With his hands on Alan's arm, trying to keep him near he gave Alan his body to use as support however he needed. Once able they continued to walk together, hopefully they were close. Eric may not trust their hosts but he needed to get Alan somewhere he could rest. Before his body was pushed too far, before Alan risked his life anymore.

Helping getting Alan settled in one of the guest beds Eric stood over him, watching him slowly give in to the exhaustion his body had been fighting for. Seeing the strain in his face start to relax he watched as the thorns finally stopping their assault against Alan's body. Making sure he was asleep, peaceful, comfortable, and everything in between he looked around the room. He liked having an idea of where the enemy could attack them from. Though as much as he didn't trust Grell he saw how much he tried to stay at the center of Sebastian's attention, for once he proved useful. Glancing over the bookshelves in the room he looked over the titles. Needing something to keep him from standing over Alan until he woke up he pulled a thinner looking one off the shelf and brought it to the chair that sat beside the bed. He had never heard of "First Snow" and knew nothing about it but it would hopefully keep him occupied for now.

Eric turned another page in the book he randomly pulled off one of the shelves in the room. He was hooked, something about it made him not want to put it down, how had he never heard of it before? Had Alan? Did he own a copy of it, if not he should. He would probably love it just as much as he was. Alan's eyes snapped opened as him mind flooded with all that took place earlier. Where was he? Seeing Eric sitting beside him he relaxed and smiled a little knowing he was safe, that Eric stayed by his side even after that horrible attack that seemed to never end. Not saying anything he stared up at the ceiling, he didn't remember too much of the mansion once they arrived since he had been too exhausted to even stand but he knew it was huge and looked to hold history in its walls. Admiring the simplicity of the ceiling yet its beautiful design he allowed his mind to wander. How long did he have left? He figured not too much longer now, his body was growing weaker; the thorns were starting to attack and close in on his lungs. Soon they would reach his heart, if they hadn't already. His heart held so much for him and soon it would be pierced viciously. He dreaded the very thought.
"Thorns of Death."
Eric jumped hearing a voice, a noise near him. Turning he saw Alan looking up at the ceiling, he hoped he hadn't been up too long, he had promised him that he would stay on guard while he slept. Only he had his nose in the book. Maybe he hadn't noticed.
"You're awake."
Realizing he said that out loud he looked over at Eric before starting to sit up. "Yes." He tried to see how his body was doing.
"Is there anything you need?"
"No, I am fine." Quickly thinking about it he felt something on his mind. He wouldn't lose it though, his emotions and thoughts would remain in check.
"Do you want some water? Or some Brandy?"
"I said I'm fine!" Snapping at him he could feel his emotions swirling. He didn't want to let them loose, he had always kept them in locked away. Not trying to upset Alan, Eric dropped it. He was just trying to make up to him for slacking on his guard duty. Letting him be he repositioned himself in the chair and went back to the book, it was getting really good. He was about half way and the climax was just starting. Alan sat on the bed and stared across the room, there was a painting on the wall, so much red, the scene was covered in fire. Being absorbed in it he felt what was on his mind sliding down to his tongue. He must be losing it, he was laughing at his thoughts, only they were the furthest from being funny.
"A Death God who controls death, whose heart is pierced by some incurable disease…Thorns of Death…" He felt his body unsure how to handle the truth, all that he had locked away since the beginning was beginning to slip out. He could feel himself becoming hysterical as he struggled to keep it sealed. Eric turned to him and tried to get him not to think about it.
"Don't blabber nonsense. Have some rest." Maybe if he took it easy, maybe even slept a while longer his mind would settle down.
"A dying immortal Death God…Isn't that funny?" Saying it matter-of-factly he knew it was a contradiction. Yet, it was true, sad but true.
"Nah, not that funny." Eric really didn't want to talk about this. He hated talking about the fact that even though Death Gods couldn't die, Alan was. Turning away from him and back to the book he hoped Alan would get the hint and drop it. Besides Alan wasn't going to die, he would get the remaining souls for him.
"It's not even funny…"Feeling the tears mixed with laughter as a defense not to cry Alan moved forwards more to free his body from the covers placed on top of him from before. He hated this feeling on his skin, being covered, being buried. He couldn't sit still, his body wanted to run, run away from it all.
"Alan." It took a lot to stay even tempered with him but somehow he managed. At the moment he felt like a brother trying to get his younger one to calm down from a bad dream.
"How long do you think it takes before these Thorns of Death reach my heart?" His mind wouldn't stop, he had to get it out, his body wanted to keep going. He could feel it take a hold of him, hysterics taking over, he couldn't control anything anymore. His fears, his dreams, everything he had locked away came pouring out as the final seal was broken.
"Alan!"
"A month? A week? Three days?" He needed answers, needed to know the truth. He couldn't sleep while he didn't know how much longer he had before he his eyes stopped opening. Eric quickly got up to go to help. He didn't want to see him like this.
"This case has really gotten to you, hasn't it? Please just rest for today." Almost pleading he tried to get him to lie back down. He was scared, scared over what was happening to him, to the person he loved. Alan refused Eric's hand and jumped off the bed. He needed to move, to know he wasn't yet dead.
"Death is too frightening! It hurts! It's painful, suffocating!" Closing himself off from Eric his body turned towards the still faint presence of the thorns near his heart. "And above all…lonely…" He was alone, even with Eric near him he couldn't avoid the truth. Eric wasn't dying, would never die so he had no idea what he was going through. He faced this alone.
Going to him Eric placed his hands on his shoulders. He wanted Alan to look into his eyes; he wanted him to see that he was right here for him. Had always and would always be. He wanted to tell him right here and now about what he was doing to save his life. To let Alan know he could relax and not worry about death any longer.
"When collecting souls…when I face the dead…I have always been thinking…if only I could share their pain." Taking hold of Eric's arms that held him he felt able to hold on to his escaping sanity. Eric was still his rock it seemed like. Trying to get him to understand, needing him to understand he watched his face, waiting for acknowledgment. Instead he took a step trying to go after him as Eric let go and walked away. Keeping his distance he took a breath, he wanted Eric to know all of this. He wanted the one he loved to know all he had been thinking, the truth of it all.
"But…it was only when I became like this that I understood that sharing the pain of death is nothing but slander! I am happy I got this disease!"
Eric stared at the painting on the wall, hearing Alan say what he did bothered him beyond belief. He didn't know how to respond, didn't know what to do.
"Even if I can not share their feelings when awaiting death." With a smile on his face he moved closer to Eric, let him see that he really was happy. Eric pulled from his thoughts and walked away from him again, he didn't want to hear it. Getting ready to leave Alan alone with the hope that this conversation would end he was stopped but Alan's words.
"I managed to come a bit closer."
Alan, this was his fault, this was all his fault. If only he had protected him better, if only he hadn't gotten sick, if only he had gathered the souls faster. If only, because then Alan wouldn't have such thoughts, or such fears, or go through so much pain. But most of all, then he wouldn't say such things. Clenching his hands into tight fists he held back his own emotions. All of them were towards himself, how could they be for Alan, none of this was his fault. All he ever wanted to do was protect him and he failed to do so, even now.

Staring out the window Alan looked out over the beautiful yard Ciel kept here. This place was beautiful even with its' sad history.
"Eric, do you know what I dream about at night? Death, how stars are already dead by the time we see them. When I die I want to become someone's star, someone's light. They see us safely home each night, and I want to do that too."
Eric sat at the foot of the bed, Alan, Alan didn't know that he already was. Alan had been his light for years, since the very beginning of their friendship. So many times he tried to tell him only to have them fail in this throat. Even now the words wouldn't' come, they were right there only they were stuck in the back of his throat. Along with all the other things he regretted doing to Alan. All he ever wanted to do was help him yet he always ended up hurting him.
"All my life, my entire long life I've done nothing but drag along a shadow, a shadow that was nothing but loneliness.
Eric turned to watch him, still completely speechless, still unsure if his voice would even work. He wanted to say sorry, say something, anything to make up for being part of the reason Alan felt that he was alone. He loved him, asked him to move in with him, helped him the best he could in everything including a thorns attack but yet the one thing Alan truly wanted he hardly did, especially when he needed it the most. He always left him alone at night, he always broke his promise to stay.
"A shadow that was born only from being born alone in the world. I was born alone and I'll die alone. This I know as truth, as my fate and I'm okay with that."
Standing, Eric went to him, only to stop two feet later, these thoughts of his couldn't continue. But, he didn't know how to help him. He had caused him so much pain and there was really no way to fix it. He moved back to sit on his previous spot on the bed. His mind held so many deep thoughts of regret.

Alan may have said this, may have believed every word he said yet tears still managed to fall down his face. His eyes had betrayed him just as his body did whenever he had an attack. Eric could hear Alan's tears, not even having to face him he could tell they were there. He was a horrible person, a horrible lover, friend, partner, everything. He couldn't do anything for him, and now, now he wasn't even certain he would gather the remaining souls in time. He couldn't even say "I'm sorry," by saving his life.

Getting the tears to stop, swallowing the emotion he tried so hard to suppress all this time Alan pushed away from the window and turned to face Eric.
"I…have always envied you…"
Snapping from his feelings of worthlessness he turned to Alan. The least he could do now was listen to him when he talked directly to him. And how could he envy someone like him? Alan was and always would be the better man.
"You are better at work than anyone else." He always tried to be as good as Eric was, that was why he always pushed himself so hard in everything he did, he never felt good enough for him. In work and in their everyday life.
Turning his whole body Eric watched him, what in the world was he talking about? He was a slacker, a trouble maker, a partier, Alan's help was the only thing that made him look good. It was thanks to Alan and his constant push to stay on track that allowed him to get his work done.
"And that's not all. You seem so unapproachable and cold at first, but you were caring for all your subordinates, silently…" He saw it happen with the rookies, they were afraid to talk to him at first but when they did he helped them the best he could. Personally he tried so hard to do the same but he wasn't sure how when the thorns could hit any time and he was still shy around new people. "When they need you, you'd always extend your hand to them."
Eric didn't want to hear this. This praise was nothing he deserved.
"I have dreamt of becoming Death God like you! But now…why….why?" Tears threatened to take over again. Saying his dreams, the ones he had always strived for felt nice. Turning towards Eric he hoped to see him happy from the given praise only to look away at the realization that he would never become anything like his idol, like the one he loved, all he dreamed of would never come true.
"I…" Eric had enough of this, of being given credit when he didn't deserve it, of listening to Alan worship him for things he wasn't. Maybe it was time he told him the truth about himself, about everything. Standing he went to put his foot down on the lies.
"I can't do what you can…"
"Huh?"
"When collecting souls, I can't face the dead. I'm not like you." Moving closer to him he leaned against the other side of the bed, with a slight smile he realized how good this felt. "I have not thought of sharing their pain, nor to approach them."
Alan didn't know what to do, felt stupid, and stunned for getting a reaction quite like this.
"All I think is the merciless, hatred of death." Moving to the other side of the room he tried to keep an even temper, tried not to get too depressed by all of this.
"Eric?" Suddenly worried by what Eric was saying Alan wanted to know that he was okay, what was going on his head. Hearing Alan's worry Eric quickly looked at him hoping he didn't say too much, give too much away. With a quick smile and change of attitude he took his time closing the gap between them. "Alan! Don't think too much and get some sleep already! The sun will rise soon. The night of the Death Gods will end very soon."
Looking over at the window he saw the moon starting to fade away by the approaching sun.
"Okay." Something was up with Eric but today had been a long day and he was still recovering. Taking his hand he brought him to the bed so they could lay down together.
"Come on get some sleep, you need rest."
"I don't trust them. I'll stay guard."
"Please, we'll be fine. The demon won't do anything. You didn't sleep well last night. I'll sleep better if I know you're resting too. " Comfortable, exhausted, and wanting to shut his eyes Alan snuggled closer to Eric hoping he would relax and rest with him.
"Okay then, but only for you."
"Thank you."
Holding his arms tighter around Alan's waist he pulled him close, allowed his body to become intoxicated by his scent. Maybe tonight was the night he stopped breaking promises. Maybe tonight was the night he starting given Alan his whole self and everything he ever wanted from him.

0o0o0o0

Finally! This chapter, well the second half of this chapter was so hard to write. My favorite scene is when they are together in the room and I was so excited to get to it, until I realized how hard it was. There is so much body language and inner thoughts and gahhhh. Just goes to show how great the actors are and I love them even more for that. Well I need a mental break and my laptop is about to die so I'm gonna stop. Please review and let me know what you think of this. I hope I did justice to this chapter and the awesomeness that is Eric and Alan. See you all soon. Love you.
~Femalefighter~