Jane lay in bed that night, running things over and over in her mind.
The woman was so enigmatic. A little socially awkward and stilted, and yet there was such a genuine warmth. Almost eager to make a connection but then quick to presume she was at fault if there was a small disruption to the flow of conversation. And yet so poised in other ways. Jane had never met anyone like her. It clearly wasn't just that she was extremely physically attractive, and so well presented. There was something she exuded that just made Jane want to gather her up. In a range of ways. She played over and over in her mind what it was about Maura that got so under her skin. It was nothing in particular. Maybe the whole package. Maybe those contrasts. Superfically so together and professional, and yet vulnerable and open in some ways. Who knew what the real Maura Isles was like. Anyway, Jane mused, whilst she kept playing with the theory of why she kept thinking about Maura Isles, probably it was best to just let those thoughts float by. Maura was looking for a professional colleague. And maybe they could even develop a professional friendship. But that was all. Jane mused on how it was this woman made her worry so much she would overstep her professional boundaires. For sure, she had found the odd frisson of attraction to professional colleagues before, but just noticed it, catalogued in her mind, and packed it away in the "not professional" box in her mind. Maura just wouldn't stay in that box. And then, when she ran her hand gently up Jane's arm. What was that? She didn't remember such a physical response to anyone, ever. Well bad luck. No matter whether the context they met in was a professional one, this woman was so out of her league it was irrelevant. And then the fact that Maura was likely straight as a die. And possibly had a boyfriend called "Bass", odd a name as it might be. And those things alone hardly needed adding to them the "Professional No Go" alert running through her head. Still Jane's brain worried her with how it almost hopefully tried to edge her around the professional no go sign. Ah well, she reassured herself, at least she could let the professional boundaries worry go – as no matter what fantasies her brain might generate about Maura Isles, Maura at least appeared well able to keep their relationship entirely professional.
…
"Maura Isles"
"Maura, Jane Rizzoli"
"Hi Jane. How are things with Nathaniel?"
"Moving along a little. I meant to ask, any word from your end? Like any sense there is any new information on the case or court processes?"
"No Jane, I am afraid not. I have asked a couple of questions but Police feel pretty sure they have their guy, and a few hopeful questions from a kooky defence team isn't enough to have them question that"
"And the next hearing?"
"Look maybe 4-6 weeks. I am not sure whether that is good or bad. I feel bad that if Nathaniel hasn't done this he has been in a secure facility so long. But right now, I have nothing new to offer the court and I guess would have to talk to him about a plan to plea"
"well Maura, I wouldn't swap my apartment for the facility, but he does seem well looked after there, not bullied, not harassed, and he doesn't report any concerns about it. He can't think of anywhere he would rather be, which is fairly sad in its self. He says the only thing he really misses are his usual classes at school"
"do people visit?"
"Not really. He tells me his cousin has been in once, but as everyone presumes he has murdered his family, it isn't as if the family are in a hurry to embrace him. You know whatever the story is, whether he did it or not, I can't help but think he is something of a victim in all this, I just can't get the pieces to fit. And of course, I'm a bleeding heart liberal psychiatrist in the eyes of most – to the family who have lost their relatives, his parents, I suspect seeing him as anything other than a monster is a big ask"
…..
"Maura Isles"
"Maura, Jane Rizzoli"
"Hi Jane. Any news?"
"Possibly Maura, possibly. You know I have been slowly getting alongside Nathaniel, building trust. Finding out a bit about his childhood. Building his capacity to cope with maybe trying to put together some memories from the days around the murder?"
"mmmhmm"
"well just the last two sessions, a few more things have started to fall in to place. One of the key things I guess for you to know is that Andrew seems to have been of the "spare the rod, spoil the child" school of parenting. So Nathaniel got a fair few beatings when he stepped out of line. And Andrew's sense of out of line sounds pretty harsh. Not just misbehaviour, but anything Andrew didn't like. Particularly, Andrew had a real thing about Nathaniel not being "manly" enough. So if he looked too interested in tea parties, might get a couple of canes. That sort of thing"
"oh, poor kid" replied Maura
"Yeah, sounds rough. On the outside a nice looking family. But on the inside, living it, much harder. I don't know if you can use probable physical and emotional abuse as a mitigating factor. I reckon it would be worth asking someone who has experience with these things to check him over for evidence of old physical injuries consistent with physical abuse. Although you mayn't find anything – some of these guys know the line they can get to, causing pain, not leaving a scar"
"any recommendations?"
"Not my usual area sorry. I could ask around?"
"Thanks Jane, but that's okay. If no one springs to mind, I have a few ideas I could follow up for that bit. Anything else you think might be relevant?"
"Well yes. So with that in background, and you might imagine, Andrew's fairly unsympathetic interpretation of the bible, certainly not one to pick up the message of love thy neighbour, rather condemn thy neighbour for anything you consider impure, well….as far as I can gather, Nathaniel's memories are still fairly disorganised (which I would expect in PTSD, some people see it as things being so traumatic they disrupt the normal laying down of memories and their processing). Anyway, as far as I can gather there was quite a fight the night before, between Andrew and Nathaniel. Nathaniel seems a gentle soul and was pushing his father a little, suggesting Andrew be a little less dogmatic in his interpretations of the bible, and expressing his own more tolerant take on the message. It seems Andrew doesn't like being challenged, least of all by his own son who Nathaniel feels that Andrew felt he should have all his opinions taken as well, a second gospel I guess. So then Andrew starts telling Nathaniel he is so sappy, next he will be hearing he has signed up to be a communist or a gay. Nathaniel isn't sure he made any response to that, but remembers Andrew getting more and more irate, stating that Nathaniel had 24 hours to clearly disavow himself of any communist or homosexual thoughts, or get out of their godly house. I imagine it may be at this point the neighbours heard Nathaniel yell "I hate you".
"Well Jane" maura sounded thoughtful, "I am not sure whether to be impressed that you seem to have found us enough of a backstory to provide some explanation, or disappointed you seem to have found motive"
""agreed Maura. I am not sure whether I have made your case harder or easier. But the thing is, I think you still might be right. There now looks like a motive. And yet the more we talk and I think we are piecing things together a bit, I am no closer to thinking he definitely did it. I mean, he acknowledges saying he hated them. He is now able to clearly say he wished them dead, particularly his father. And he feels tremendous guilt about that, as no matter how much more open his interpretation of the bible is, he has had years of being taught that to think it is as bad to act it. So I can see how he may have come to say "I did it" because he wished it. But still he looks genuinely perplexed when it comes to explaining how they ended up dead. Maybe it is dissociation. Maybe his own mind can't face that reality. But maybe he didn't do it. Look, would you be free to come sit in the next session and see what your thoughts are? He is happy for you to do so."