Sorry I never got around to replying to reviews this week. Huge fail on my part.; Teething and packing for a family holiday / wedding is keeping me on my toes! Plus, I figured you'd like the early update!
Thank you as always to Pattinlethr, SparklyMeg and MidnightCougar. And extra hugs to Iris who betad this so quickly so I can post before I leave!
Love him, hate him, or merely confused by him he still has some more to say!
Chapter 10
We stare at each other as my mind goes into overdrive, processing what he's just said and what that might even mean. His eyes never leave me as he waits for my reaction.
"You don't think you love Tanya anymore?" My disbelief is evident by the squeak in my voice.
He takes a step closer to me. "No."
"Right." I nod. "What about marrying her?"
He takes another step. I want to retreat, but I can't. "I don't want to marry her."
"And when did you come to this conclusion?"
"You know, Bella."
I close my eyes and take a really deep breath. "You need to say it."
He closes the distance between us and reaches for my hand. I almost let him take it, but I pull it back before he can.
"That night at O'Neills. I was already dubious. Our relationship just wasn't the same, we barely saw each other, we fought... And then I saw you standing at the bar. You… you took my breath away." He smiles and brings his hand up to cup my cheek. "I couldn't stay away from you. I had to talk to you. And then we danced… I can't have chemistry like that with you and still marry someone else."
"You can't love me, Edward."
"I'm not saying I do… yet. But I can't ignore this between us. We can't ignore it." His voice is thick and saying everything I want to hear.
"Bella, say something," he pleads.
"What, Edward? You can't tell me you like me, that you don't want to marry your fiancée — who just happens to also be my very high-profile client — and expect me to have a coherent response."
He sighs. "I know, I know. But I couldn't ignore my…" He sighs again, heavily. "I just had to say something—"
"Why? To make yourself feel better?"
"No, I—"
"Then why, Edward? I can't do this." I gesture between us. "Not as long as you're engaged."
He huffs and starts walking again, and I follow. I can't turn back, as much as I want to. Too much has been said, and I need to know where he's going with this. I need to know where we stand.
He comes to another bench and sits down. "Aren't you gonna sit?"
I shake my head. "Why did you tell me this? I'm planning your wedding. Are you going to end things with Tanya?"
He looks up at me. "I want to…"
"But?" I ask, afraid of his answer.
"But if I do, I lose my job and my mom loses her place at the home. It's all linked, Bella. And as much as I want to fly to wherever Tanya is right now to tell her it's over so I can come back to you, I can't." He looks up to me. "My mom needs me. She needs me to be able to support her."
"I don't understand. Why would finishing it with Tanya result in you losing your job?"
"John wants his future son-in-law to take over for him. I only got the job 'cause of my relationship with his daughter."
I start pacing, mostly because of the cold but partly to vent out some frustration. "So, as much as you want to end it with Tanya and have… whatever with me, you can't?"
"No. I can't do that to my mom."
"And what about Tanya? What about me? This is so screwed up!"
He stands, moving so he's directly in front of me. He grips my arms, halting my pacing. "Don't you think I know that? No matter what I do, someone gets hurt."
I pull out of his embrace and sit on the bench, wrapping my arms around myself. "Then why did you even bother telling me? Did you think about what kind of a position this puts me in?"
He sits next to me, close enough so our thighs are brushing. "I just wanted you to know. I really like you, Bella, and although we can't be more, I want us to at least be friends."
I crumble as the word "friends" falls from his mouth, at the fact that we'll never be more than that, and in that moment, I can't take anymore. Without a word, I turn and leave Edward sitting on the bench — but not before I watch him lean forward, his posture screaming defeat and his gaze focused on the ground.
The journey back to my office is a blur. Edward's words and intense gazes are at the forefront of my mind, and I know I need to push them back — for now — if I want to get any form of work done today.
Jess is at her desk when I arrive.
"She's just come back in now… Hold on." She puts her phone down, and seconds later, I hear the phone in my office ring. "It's Alice."
I roll my eyes. Of course they want an update.
"Do we have to do this now?"
Jess walks in, hits the speakerphone button, and sits down. "Yes, we do. Alice, she's here."
"Well, how'd it go? What'd he say?"
I take a deep breath and rest my head in my hands. "Fine and not much."
Jess scowls. "That's all you're giving us?"
"Right now? Yes. I'm still trying to figure out what the hell just happened."
"That bad, huh?"
I look to Jess. "Yep, that bad."
Her face falls. "Are you okay?"
I sigh. "Sure. Why not?"
"Oh, sweetie. He's really pulled a number on you, huh?" Alice's voice filters through the phone, her sympathy evident.
I blink back the tears I've been fighting since I left Edward on that bench. "Yes."
Jess comes over and gives me a hug, and I welcome her arms as they wrap around me. I've never had a guy affect me like this, and it downright sucks. If I'd kept my distance from him like I first wanted, then I would never be in this mess.
"Wanna go out tonight?"
I shake my head. "Not really, no." I hate the thought of putting on a front for everyone when I really want to go home to my pajamas and wine.
"How about a girls' night in?"
I smile at Alice's suggestion. "You read my mind."
ooOoo
Work passes quickly, since I only have one appointment. I catch up on some paperwork, answer some emails, and leave at a decent time, with the promise of seeing Jess and Alice later. I haven't heard anything from Edward, and I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing.
Once home, I immediately change out of my work clothes and into my pajamas. I have wine chilling in the fridge, ice cream ready in the freezer, and some of the best rom-com DVDs ready for my friends' arrivals.
Not long after I get home, my phone rings, and assuming it's one of the girls, I instantly pick up.
"Bella?"
My heart drops. "Edward," I answer softly. My mouth goes dry, and I have no idea what to say to him.
"I needed to talk to you. I hate leaving things the way we did today." His voice is quiet, unsure.
"No. You have to give me some time. You can't dump all that on me and expect me to be okay with it. This is messed up. It's bad enough you're engaged, nevermind that I'm planning your wedding."
He sighs. "I know. I just had to tell you. I wanted you to know why."
"I get that. I really do. But no matter how we look at it, it's a shit position to be in — for me as much as it is you." I hear the door buzzer go off for my apartment. "Look, I have to go. I have friends arriving."
"Okay." He pauses. "So what now?"
"Just leave me alone. If I need to contact you about the wedding, I will." I hang up before he can protest, throw my phone on my bed, and get ready to face the girls.
ooOoo
From: Tanya M. Turner
To: Isabella Swan
CC: Edward Cullen
Time: 07:00
Re: Turner/Cullen Wedding
Bella,
Just catching up on your emails now. Work's been crazy, and I've barely had time away from the beach! The weather's fabulous, though.
Thanks for keeping me up to date on the details. I'm sure you and Edward are getting along fine. I'll be home in a week, and we should arrange to meet up and go through things before I have to leave again. I also want a dress fitting. Can you arrange this? I think it'd also be good to see the venue again.
Thanks,
Tanya
From: Tanya M. Turner
To: Isabella Swan
CC: Edward Cullen
Time: 07:32
Re: Turner/Cullen Wedding
Bella,
I just have a few questions, which I've highlighted on the attached sheet. Can you confirm? I've also had a look again at the photos of the reception room, and I think we need to add something to the decor. It just doesn't feel like it's enough. What do you think? To me, it's missing something. If you can find something that fits with the theme, email me some ideas.
Thanks,
Tanya
From: Tanya M. Turner
To: Isabella Swan
CC: Edward Cullen
Time: 07:59
Re: Turner/Cullen Wedding
Bella,
Me again. :) Having a quiet morning, so I'm going through it all!
I don't have a schedule of the day. Can you send it to me? I'd like to know the timeline — everything from hair and makeup, the cars' arrivals/departures, the start of the ceremony, cocktail hour, and reception.
Sorry for the emails. I'm just trying to get everything sorted in my head.
Thanks,
Tanya
From: Tanya M. Turner
To: Isabella Swan
CC: Edward Cullen
Time: 08:17
Re: Turner/Cullen Wedding
Bella,
I've been on the phone with Edward this morning, and I'd like you both to go and view the floral arrangements in person. He'll also take some photos and send them to me so I can see for myself. Not that I don't trust your judgment. I'd just like to see them for myself.
Can you arrange the appointment and let him know? He's just too busy with work.
Off to yet another shoot. Thanks again, Bella!
Tanya
From: Tanya M. Turner
To: Isabella Swan
CC: Edward Cullen
Time: 08:41
Re: Turner/Cullen Wedding
Last email. I promise! The bridal store's been in touch to let me know my bridesmaids dresses are in. Since the bridesmaids are here with me on the shoot, can you arrange to go in, try the dress on, and send me a photo of how it looks? They might be a bit on the small side, since they're meant for models, but don't worry. I'll get the idea. I don't trust only seeing them on the store mannequin.
Thanks,
Tanya
ooOoo
I'd read Tanya's emails on my phone as they came in, choosing to wait until Monday before I looked into them. Not surprisingly, Edward calls first thing, and Jess buzzes him through.
"So... You told your friends about me?"
"Pardon?"
"About what I told you last week. Your assistant was very… blunt."
I sigh. "Edward, what do you expect? She's my friend first and assistant second, and I needed someone to talk to after you unloaded on me."
"You could've talked to me," he says softly.
"No, I couldn't." The words come out cooler than I intend, but I don't take them back. I know we need to talk, just not now.
"Why did you call, Edward?"
He chuckles. "I'm guessing you read Tanya's email."
"Which one?" I reply.
He laughs again, this one sounding less forced. "Right. Well, I was talking about the florist one. About arranging an appointment to see them."
I scroll back through them. "Right. That's on my list to do today, but they're not open yet. When's good for you?"
He pauses, and I assume he's checking his calendar. "Well, Tanya's back at the end of this week, and I'm guessing by the tone of her email that she wants details before then. I can do tomorrow afternoon around three or Wednesday night after work." He sighs. "My week just seems to be nothing but meetings."
My heart cracks at the defeat in his voice. I want to ask him if he's okay. I want to ask him if quitting is an option. I want to ask him if he really does love Tanya or if it actually is his job keeping him with her.
I frown as I scan my weekly appointments, which have gone up considerably since Friday night.
"Hold on, Edward."
I put him on hold and buzz Jess. "Where did all these appointments come from this week?"
"They all came in Saturday morning. You were right, as usual. Your brides for this year seem to have just realized they're getting married this year, and they freaked. I managed to put some of them off until next week, but several were pretty persistent."
I want to roll my eyes. Normally, this wouldn't bother me — I'd welcome a busy week like this — but now it means I have to meet Edward after work.
"Okay. Thanks, Jess."
"So, what does wonderboy want?"
I laugh. "Wonderboy? Oh! What did you say to him on the phone earlier?"
She huffs. "Nothing."
"Lies, Jessica Stanley. All lies. I appreciate you standing up for me, but this is work. Be polite to him. You can be as big a bitch as you want to him outside of work."
"I don't like him, Bella."
"I know, and I appreciate it, but I need you to be professional. We're always gonna have asshole customers."
"Yes, boss."
I hang up and go back to Edward. "Edward?"
"Still here. Everything okay?"
"Yeah. Sorry. I was just checking something with Jess. It seems I'm just as full this week as you are. I can only do Wednesday night."
"Will the florist stay late?"
"She will when I tell her who it's for."
He laughs, but the humor's lacking. "The Turner name strikes again, right?"
"As always," I murmur. "Okay. I'll contact the florist, confirm, and send you the details."
"Sounds good, Bella. Um, what about the bridesmaids dresses?"
"I can't even think about that right now," I mutter. I'm still reeling after Tanya's "It won't fit you" comment.
"You're not the only one," he says, before hanging up.
ooOoo
As predicted, the florist has no objection to staying open late to meet Tanya Turner's groom. Once confirmed, Jess emails Edward with the details, who acknowledges it but hasn't said anything else. I'm torn between being happy he's giving me my space and annoyed he hasn't wanted to talk.
Thankfully, the next two days are spent back to back with brides. My attention is taken by color schemes, decor, cars, and pushy family members stressing out my brides. I let them rant, laugh with them when they joke about their in-laws, and enjoy every moment of my mind being occupied with something other than Edward Cullen.
On Wednesday, Jess catches me fixing my makeup before I leave. She hangs in the doorway, her hand on her hip.
"Why do you even bother?"
I frown. "What do you mean?"
"You're making an effort for a guy you can never have."
I ignore the sting of her words and finish putting on my lipgloss. I stand, brush my suit down, and flick off my computer. As I walk toward her, her face softens.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I just can't see an outcome to this situation where you don't get hurt."
I smile sadly. "It's a passing crush, Jess. As soon as I don't have to deal with him anymore, I'll be fine."
She doesn't look convinced. "You don't get crushes. You're a sweep-you-off-your-feet-fall-madly-in-love kind of girl."
"I'm fine. Trust me." I rub her shoulder as I pass. "Now, wish me luck."
ooOoo
I hope you enjoyed – thank you for reading! See y'all in three weeks!
Fic Rec: Love Hurts by Maplestyle - I met Edward Cullen on my first day at my new high school. From that moment on we were practically joined at the hip. We dated for the rest of Junior year and all of Senior. Though we didn't take that ultimate step in our relationship, we were very much in love… or so I thought.