John looked down at what the cafeteria lady had dished onto his tray and a smirk came to his expression, surprising the woman, but he moved down the line too quickly for her to find out to what his source of humor had been. Alucard was sitting at the lunch table where his fledgling and Harriet sat across from him, eating their food. The vampire stared at Seras doubtfully, remembering how she had pleaded for him to make up with her friend as the girl's horrid mood had persisted through the morning. Alucard opened his mouth to speak, but a body sat next to him, upsetting the two girls.

"Look, peapods." John showed Alucard the green vegetable, putting Harriet on hiatus. He picked one up and stuck it in the pale face with a smile. "See? I know what they are."

"Congratulations." Alucard moved the hand that held the pod out of his face when he saw Harriet's temper flare.

"Do you want some?" John didn't get the message and he pushed the tray between them, putting the vegetables closer to Alucard.

"No." Red eyes assessed the situation with a growl and he glared at the teenagers that sat at the table around him. Alucard forced the creeping scowl from his face and grit his teeth. "Assure the girl that nothing went on between us, the other night, and that no current relationship exists."

John froze and stared at Alucard with an empty expression. His eyes flicked to Harriet and Seras, deciding to focus on the brunette. "Alucard's right, nothing happened."

"You…!" Harriet whispered fiercely, glaring at Alucard as she stood. "…are doing this one purpose!" She ran off and Seras stood to chase her, then decided against it and sat back down to observe the two. She looked at her Master and he watched her unhappy expression without care.

"Not my fault, Police Girl."

"Then what is your relationship?" Seras was frowning and she put her hands on the table, trying to look confident. Alucard was put off by her words so John answered before him.

"Friends. We're friends." John felt Alucard watching him and he stuffed a spork full of food into his mouth, leaving the peapods.

"Since when?"

John suddenly looked at the lower face and glowered at Alucard. "Really? Are you honestly saying we can't be, even though I told you all that stuff?"

The vampire watched the anger for a moment as it grew with his quiet. "I thought you agreed to tell me because I saved your life."

"All you cared about was hearing about some wacko killing someone, didn't you?" Seras quickly got out of her seat and she went after Harriet after changing her mind again.

"I was interested." Alucard looked up at the boy calmly and tapped his fingers on the table. "Don't raise your voice."

John bit the side of his mouth and crushed his shoes into the floor in an attempt to cool his displeasure at Alucard's callousness. He remembered his food.

"Eat a peapod and I won't bother you until History."

The vampire blinked. "What?" John made himself clear by sticking a pod in Alucard's face again.

"Eat it."

"No." Alucard pushed the green object away, but John forced it into his face.

"Yes."

"I said no."

"It's good. I'll put it in your mouth for you. Say ahhh….."

"Go to Hell."

John was satisfied by this and laughed at Alucard's irritated state while he ate the vegetable after a pause. He chewed and his eyes scanned over the uniform Alucard was wearing. "Where're the pants and the blue jacket you always wear?"

"Haven't gotten them cleaned yet."

John took a bite of food, in thought. He swallowed prematurely as he remembered the reason. "The milk?"

Alucard nodded and, not seeing a reason for him to stay there, began to get up. A hand pulled at his sweater, and the vampire glanced at the boy. "I wanted to know why you don't like the normal uniform. It's not like you look bad in it."

"You try wearing a skirt sometime, see how you like it." Tugging at the grasp John had on his blue sweater, Alucard took the satchel he had set next to himself a few minutes ago. "Let…"

"Why do you wander around at night?"

"That's my business, now let go." Alucard yanked the blue cloth free and turned abruptly to the exit, tired and annoyed. Unfortunately the skirt filled with air as he spun too sharply and it flew up slightly. Quickly holding it down again, Alucard hissed and tore at his hair in frustration. "That is exactly why I hate these things!" He looked back at John's humor and perverted smirk. The vampire turned around more slowly and crossed his arms, still holding on to the satchel. "What's so funny, brat?"

"Not only am I older and way taller than you…" John laughed a little, continuing when Alucard frowned with disapproval. "…that aside. It was funny…and now I understand your point. You don't want people to see the plain type of underwear you…."

Alucard hit the boy with the bag and left the cafeteria as John began to laugh at him again.

Seras leaned over the table and put a black rectangular object by her Master's face. He opened his eyes and stared at the cell phone. "Where did you get this?" His hand lazily closed around the object before dragging it to the edge of the table to let it fall in his lap.

"Walter sent them to us." Pink flashed in the corner of Alucard's eye. "I have one too."

"Why?"

Seras shrugged, but was unsure if her Master could see her response so she voiced it. "I don't know. Didn't ask…." She stopped when John passed her and pulled out the chair next to Alucard. She didn't say anything for a moment. "Weren't you two fighting?"

"Not really." Alucard mumbled and rotated his face towards the boy. "Shoo, vermin."

"Have you conquered the misbehaving skirt yet?" Alucard growled when John chuckled, setting his binder down.

"Shut up."

Seras gave a bright hopeful smile. "So you're friends now?"

"No."

Seras looked at John with pity, but it was unnecessary as he smiled mischievously up at her. "She's just peeved because I saw her underwear…" Alucard kicked the chair from under the boy so he cried out and fell on the ground. Seras' eyes were wide and she gaped at the ancient vampire until he surfaced from his arm.

"The skirt flew up again."

"That hurt." John was holding on the table, lifting himself up, but Alucard detached his hand and John fell down again.

The boy glared at the vampire. Then he noticed the cell phone and grabbed it, making Alucard jolt and leave his arm completely, alarming Seras who took a step back. Wide red eyes burned down at the boy as he flipped the phone open, oblivious. "Watch where you put your hands."

"I didn't think you had a cell phone." He was typing something into it. John finished and handed it back to Alucard. Curiously, the vampire opened the phone and looked at the screen.

"What did you do?"

John got up and leaned over Alucard's shoulder and pushed the button that would open up the contacts option. His name popped up under Seras' and Walter's. He smiled at the confused expression that came into the vampire's face. "Now you have someone to call." Then he paused and looked at the names again. "Who's Walter?"

"He's a butler and a friend." Seras offered, also looking at the cell phone.

"Oh." Seras slowly smiled at John's relief and she looked at her Master as he clicked on the buttons and looked through the options on the phone. There was a sudden beeping sound and she blinked when he turned the screen to her to reveal her face.

"Now I can take all sorts of pictures." He chuckled darkly. Seras paused, then colored with realization and she tried to reclaim the phone, but Alucard kept it from her reach and the bell rang. "Go to your seat, Police Girl. I'm not going to take any weird pictures of you…probably."

She whined for the phone until the teacher ordered her to her seat. Alucard chuckled again at the receding figure.

"Are you really going to take pictures of her?"

Alucard looked at John and his eyes narrowed again. "I'm not going to send them to you if I do, so get rid of that creepy smile."

John sighed with false disappointment and lowered his head to his arms while Alucard continued to explore the phone. He gave a familiar dark chuckle. "How 'bout pictures of you?" He gave the same grin to Alucard but started when he realized the phone was taking his picture. Alucard smugly showed him the perverted smile on the screen.

"Dream on, little boy." He started typing something on the pad of the cell. A shadow crossed over the table and John nearly jumped out of his chair as Mrs. Flore tried to take the phone out of Alucard's hands. She wrenched the phone away, but Alucard grabbed it back, amazing the students who had witnessed the act. "That's mine."

"No cell phone use during class, Ms. Hellsing." She held out her hand, overlooking what had just happened. Alucard looked at her for a moment and then smiled, making her hand flinch before him.

"I didn't know that rule. I'll put it away." The phone disappeared into the bag on the table and Alucard put it in his lap and smiled at the teacher. She stammered, then remembered who the girl was, and she sighed.

"Fine, Ms. Hellsing. But if I see it out again, I'm keeping it." She turned and left while a few envious faces glared at Alucard.

"People are going to hate you, you know?" Alucard ignored John and resumed his sleeping stance, hiding his head in the crook of his arm. John saw his opportunity and took out his IPod slowly and slipped the earphones onto the bent head. Alucard didn't take them off as time went on, eventually falling asleep.

Another pencil was murdered by Harriet in the middle of class and several whispers contained the vampire's name.

Walter started when the Funeral March tune beeped on his phone, signaling that Alucard had contacted him. He cautiously opened the cell phone to see he had two text messages. He sighed with relief when he found the first one was a picture of Seras smiling. The caption stated her name, 'Police Girl'. Walter saved the picture and opened the next. Several moments passed and he continued to stare at the teenage boy and the letters that titled him as 'a pervert'.

He snapped the phone close and put it in his vest before inquiring to Integra the reason why they had decided to give Alucard a cell phone.

Alucard laughed, disturbing the girls in the dorm room as he read Walter's response. 'We don't need any more perverts – Your Master and Walter'.

"Since when have I been considered a pervert?"

Seras sat on the bed and she looked at the text. "What'd you do now?"

"Boredom is driving me to distraction." He gave her the cell and she looked at the texts he had sent. She blushed at the picture of herself and then spluttered at the one of John.

"That's really…!" she got up and Alucard took the phone back.

"See? Police Girl? Stay away from boys, they're scary." He deleted the picture as Harriet became suspicious and then the vampire threw the phone into the satchel on the end of the bed with his eyes closed. Seras sat with the other girls doing her homework for a while. Minutes ticked by and Seras got up and went to her own backpack to take out her cell phone. The fledgling pointed it at her Master's sleeping face and smiled.

"Gotcha."

Walter stepped up to Integra's desk with an ashy pallor that made her heart skip a beat. He didn't say anything and showed her the phone. The picture showed a pretty girl with a soft, gentle face sleeping and her pinkish lips were parted slightly. Integra's eyes were wide by this point, but she flinched when the image moved, rolling over, revealing that it was a movie instead of a picture. Large red eyes fluttered open and looked sleepily out of the screen.

"Police Girl. I won't take pictures of you if you don't take them of me."

"Sorry." Came a familiar voice and the scene became a blur and morphed to form a grey carpet. The clip ended.

Integra's hand went under the phone and claimed a cigar that she put into her mouth. "Do you think we can blackmail Alucard?"

Walter smiled grimly and shook his head as he put his cell phone on the desk and reached into his pocket. "I don't think he would care."

"Hm." Hellsing breathed in when the butler lit her cigar.

John had been staring at the blue satchel for twenty straight minutes before he was sure the girl had fallen asleep. He reached in and then brought his hand to his lap, glancing at Alucard as he looked up the number of the cell phone. He glanced at the name 'Walter' after he had finished and typed in the additional numerals into his own phone.

Integra gasped at the haunting music that came from the forgotten cell phone on her desk. Her hand twitched as she debated whether or not she should answer as the song ran through a second time. She opened it and brought it to her ear and waited for her servant to speak.

"Uh…" came an unsure voice and Integra blinked at the unfamiliarity and obvious gender. "Is this Walter?"

"This is his phone." She waited for the boy to speak again. "May I ask who is calling?"

There was another pause and then a low chuckle and the voice spoke to himself. "Awesome. Rich people have message machines like these? That's so cool. It's like I'm talking to a hot girl."

Integra almost dropped the phone and she tried to level her voice when she answered. "I am a person. I'm Integra Hellsing."

There was a gasp and a nervous apology. Hellsing sighed and told the boy not to worry. "Why do you have Alucard's phone? And who are you?"

"I accidentally mixed our phones up when…I…yeah…" there was quiet.

"Who is this?" Integra demanded, her eyes growing colder. "Answer."

"You're a scary woman aren't you?" the mutter made her growl.

"Who is this?"

"John."

There was a pause on both sides of the line at the simple statement. "Alright, John. Why do you have Alucard's phone?"

"I wanted her number."

Silence.

"Why?"

"Because…so I can call her?"

Silence.

"Why would anyone want to call that creature?" she shuddered, forgetting that she had the phone next to her face.

"That's not really nice, lady." The voice sounded a little sharper. "You said you're name's Integra Hellsing? Are you Alucard's adoptive mother? You don't sound very old. Why do you want a kid who's almost…."

"I'm not his mother!"

There was a startled gasp at the strong response. "Okay… Do you not like Alucard?"

Integra softened and she bit her lip. "No, it's not that…."

"You called her a… well… 'his'."

Integra didn't respond. "How do you know Alucard?" She tried to change the subject.

"Friend, but she insists that we aren't. Is she usually antisocial?"

Integra furrowed her brow and then relaxed with a smile. "A bit." Unless you're an insane paladin. She chuckled.

"So she probably doesn't have a boyfriend, right?"

"No…Wait! What?" Hellsing grabbed at the phone when she lost her grip. "Boyfriend? So you?"

"Do you mind if I ask her out?"

Integra paled. "Please don't. For your own sake."

"Someone already asked to marry her, but she punched him in the face and sent the guy to the hospital. Do you think she would react the same way to me?"

"Okay…. Boy? John, you said? I'm telling you this as plainly as possible. Alucard doesn't like boys, for one and…"

"REALLY?"

Integra paused at the enthusiastic response and her mind somehow brought up the picture that had been texted to Walter. "No, I meant…." She sighed, too tired, mentally, to continue. "Let your teenage mind wander for all I care. I'm done." She hung up the phone and returned it to where she had taken it from.

"So you like girls?" Alucard looked up when John leaned to his ear. He pushed the face away with a growl. It was the last period of the day, John having called 'Walter' between classes.

"What?"

"You're a lesbian." There was a pause.

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE THESE DAYS?"

The vampire stalked out of the room before the period began without explaining his outburst to the upset teacher.

The Calculus teacher glared at John as he chuckled to himself, a little relieved and a lot disappointed. "Mr. Blake." She pointed at his seat. "Sit."

John moved to the indicated seat, thinking about the cell phone he still had in his possession.

Alucard stared down at his hand when John handed him the cell phone. The sun had already set, John having waited until after basketball practice to go to the girls' dorm. "Why do you have this?"

"I accidentally mixed our phones up… you currently have mine."

"How, though?"

John looked at his shoes for a moment. "Just wanted to look at your phone."

The vampire saw the lie but ignored it and began to turn around.

"I talked to Integra."

Alucard froze so violently that John started and had some instinctive feeling that he should run away, but Alucard's expression held a smile when he turned around. "Come again?"

"Integra…Hellsing?"

There was a sudden cackle that made a few faces appear in the windows of the building.

"From her voice, she seems like she's barely older than I am, though she kinda sounds like a robot… she has a pretty hot voice too."Alucard swallowed his humor and looked John over.

"I didn't know she had a cell phone."

John's eyes went to his shoes again before he stretched his arms over his head and looked at the sky. "I called Walter. I wanted to know how he got to be your friend."

"That's a mystery that most will never be able to figure out." The vampire chuckled, looking at the cell phone thoughtfully.

"So he really is your friend?"

"As close to one as is possible."

John put his arms down. "Integra is the one who said you were a lesbian."

Red eyes, glowing in the dark, blinked several times and a devilish smile flashed. "Oh, really? That's interesting…"

"She also told me not to do something…in particular."

Alucard smirked and crossed his arms, his humor making him in a good mood. "What's that?"

"This." John stepped forward suddenly and kissed the unsuspecting nosferatu on the lips. The boy pulled away and he smiled at the cute blank expression on the girl's face. "Will you go out with me?" When Alucard didn't answer he took the quiet as shyness and chuckled nervously. "I'll wait for your answer, tomorrow… think it over."

Seras jumped out of her chair when she heard the shrill screams and squeals erupt throughout the dorm.

"HE JUST ASKED HER OUT!" "JOHN BLAKE? NO WAY!" "A SENIOR AND A WOULD BE FRESHMAN?" "HE KISSED HER!" "KYAA! SO CUTE!" "WHAT'S SHE DOING?" "SHE'S JUST STANDING THERE…OH! SHE'S COMING BACK!"

Seras was sitting on the floor thoroughly confused as she heard rampaging feet fill the hallway. The vampire crawled to the window and pulled herself up but there was nothing outside. She slowly went to the door and followed the trailing girls.

"What's going on?"

A few girls looked back at her but only one answered. "Don't know. I just heard the screaming."

The girls crowded at the end of the hall, waiting for the elevator doors to open. Seras waited with growing excitement but her face fell when it was only Alucard who appeared. He stared at all of the girls and tried to push a button to close the elevator again, but a hand stopped the doors.

Now I know what that SWAT team felt …. He thought and stared at the excited, curious, or deadly eyes, trapped in the elevator. "Do people usually spy on others?"

"WHAT'D YOU SAY?" "YES?" "NO! SAY YOU DIDN'T!" Alucard glared at the voices and began to push his way through the crowd. He bumped into Seras who looked at him quizzically.

"It was you? You and John…?"

"Police Girl… stop smiling." He brushed passed her. Seras ran after him with a smile that resembled John's.

Voices called after them and most of the girls followed until Alucard slammed the door in their faces with a snarl.

Meanwhile, Harriet and a group of girls whispered in her darkened room. They were all smiling.

Alucard wasn't in class the next day, seriously alarming John and Seras who stared at the empty seat with apprehension. John was relieved, though, when he went into the gym, the first of his teammates as he usually warmed up before the actual practice, and he found the girl standing on the silver and blue stands. He smiled and stuck the basketball under his arm and approached Alucard, his sneakers resounding on the court. The expansive walls made the sound echo when he stopped under the bleachers. Alucard walked down them after watching the boy for a moment, and he went to John.

"Boy…" he growled slightly and bit his lip to control himself. "There is no way I can…" he hesitated again when John's face began to fall. "My answer is no way in Hell."

"Why? Why not?" he stepped forward and reached out to Alucard. Suddenly a glint and a familiar aura caught Alucard's attention and his eyes narrowed when he dove forward and knocked John to the ground as several bayonets clanged into the stands behind them. Alucard sneered at the shape that dashed across the court towards them. John got up, not knowing what to do as he saw the crazed priest, and he backed away and then saw Alucard move forward towards the man. "No! Alucard!"

Alucard's hair was waving slowly as he prepared to face the paladin and the silver glinted before him. His eyes widened in shock when John appeared between them and the bayonet continued towards their direction. "Move!" He tore John out of the way. The boy looked back as he fell and his eyes grew with horror when the girl was stuck through the heart while another blade went into her throat.

He landed on the ground seconds before Alucard's body did. Anderson readied for another attack with a twisted grin when he froze at the high scream that came from the boy. John's face was deathly white. "ALUCARD!" He looked at the priest and didn't notice when the girl's arm twitched. "YOU KILLED HER!" He jumped to his feet and chucked the basketball at the stunned priest's face, and Anderson looked on dumbly as his glasses broke and shattered on the wood flooring. "YOU KILLED HER! YOU'RE A PRIEST! PRIESTS DON'T FUCKIN' KILL GIRLS!" The boy was sobbing as he yelled, but he choked when a small hand grabbed his shoulder.

"You aren't too bright, kid." He gawked at Alucard, frozen with disbelief as red was still snaking back into his body. The bayonets were on the ground, free of blood. "When you see a lumbering crazy Iscariot, you don't chuck your only weapon at it."

"ALUCARD?"

The vampire winced when the boy yelled again and began to withdraw its hand. "Shut u…" Alucard jolted when John hugged him, making Anderson drop a bayonet.

"I don't know what's going on….how the hell you're alive…I'm just happy…"

Alucard looked over the boy's shoulder as he continued to mutter. Anderson moved forward, and the red eyes turned into a glare. "You almost killed the boy, Judas Priest. We can't fight in a school…that's obvious." He detached the arms around him and turned his glare to John. "And I told you to shut up." John began to speak but Anderson's loud voice cut him off.

"What are you doing with the heathen boy, demon spawn? And why are you in such a disgusting form?" John's eyes blazed and he turned around and glowered at the paladin, surprising Anderson again, though the man only glared back.

"Don't touch her you bast…!" He was pushed out of the way, again, by Alucard.

"Shut up. Now…" Alucard took John's spot before the priest. "…why are you here, Anderson?"

"You've been unable to find the vampire…" he grinned when the scarlet eyes flashed. "…so I've come to do the job. There are a few children I know who came here for schooling not too long ago."

"You know him?"

Green and red eyes went to John who was shivering from all the excitement and stress of what had just happened.

"Why is he trying to kill you? I thought you believed in God."

Alucard glanced at Anderson when he took on a warped smile. "Of course the demon does. I bet he can already feel the flames of Hell at his throat…"

"I'm a monster." Both of the figures paused and looked at Alucard.

"No…you saved my life. You didn't let me kill myself…you didn't want me to go to Hell…you let me cry on your shoulder…" John was trembling more violently and he began to sway. Alucard scowled and went forward to catch him when he fainted.

"What is this, vampire?"

Alucard changed his shape and was holding John's arm over his shoulder as the boy was about his own height. Alucard gave a jagged smile and voices began in the distance as the basketball team arrived. "I believe this is called a teenager, Priest." Anderson left as the voices grew louder and Alucard situated the boy on the bleachers and disappeared as a flitting shadow, first gathering the priest's forgotten bayonets, though they burned his hands.

Alucard went back to the dorm room in this form and he fazed through the window. He stared at the girls that were sticking spiders in his bed asthey noticed him come through the glass. There was quiet and Alucard decided to put the stinging bayonets on Seras' nightstand. His eyes flicked to the girls and he smiled without showing his teeth. "Hello…Harriet…other girls. What pray tell are you doing?"

The girls screamed bloody murder and dashed out of the room, leaving behind Harriet who was too scared to scream, let alone move. "Ho…How d..di…d..y…?"

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU RETARD?" Harriet flinched at Seras who stood gaping with fury at her Master in the doorway.

"Did you just say what I think you said, Police Girl?" Alucard's chuckles were wiped out by Harriet's panicked yelp as she ran out of the room, finding her strength again.

"I'm telling Sir Integra." Seras closed the door quickly and opened her phone as Alucard changed back into his form with his torn uniform. She paused and stared at the damage. "What happened?"

Alucard picked up a bayonet and held it before himself, running his hand over the blade with a smile as it reflected his face. "Anderson is here." Seras gasped and clicked hurriedly on the phone. "And he met John."

Walter's voice came from the floor. Seras had dropped the phone with horror. Alucard, meanwhile went to his luggage and opened it. He froze when a multitude of spiders came pouring out. Both he and Seras watched in silence and Walter's voice continued on the floor.

The old man jolted when he heard a familiar voice shriek in rage. "THEY PUT SPIDERS IN MY BLOOD! DAMN LITTLE GIRLS! I'LL KILL THEM ALL!"

"Master! No! What about John and Anderson? What happened?"

"After I kill Harriet and those other girls, Police Girl. I'm sure it's okay, they saw my real shape anyway. I can kill them. There are plenty of flag poles…"

The phone caught their attention and the vampire gazed down at the cell as it squeaked furiously with Walter's voice. Alucard sighed sadly as Seras picked up the phone and began to explain the situation.

"Darn it."