This is a break from the main story...a filler until I write the next chapter

and just to say...I have always wanted to do this in real life...so I'm making Alucard do this

please enjoy ^^

Alucard wandered outside the classroom. Anderson had finally realized that he had the power to throw the demon out, so he had done just that, claiming that Alucard was an evil incarnate of Satan for his reasoning. The vampire didn't mind at the moment as he went into the next room and found a microphone for the intercom. The beast snickered darkly to himself, crimson eyes sparking with twisted humor. He approached the desk the machine rested on, pulling out a chair and settling into it. He righted the mic, bringing it closer to himself, and sighed, smiling at the instrument. With a graceful movement, he flicked the on switch and readied to speak.

Back in the classroom, Anderson was in the middle of a lecture when he heard the familiar beep and faint static of the intercom. Growling as all teachers instinctively do when they hear this sound, he capped his marker and crossed his arms with a frown.

"Well?" The priest scowled at the speaker that hung over the whiteboard. "Get on with it, disruptive bastard."

As if on cue, a voice spoke.

"Hello." There was a slight pause and every student within the boarding school looked at the speakers in their classrooms. The pause ended.

"This is God."

A few hundred humans stared with lifeless eyes while a certain priest's jaw dropped to the floor in horror. The voice continued as if this was a casual, everyday conversation.

"Yes, I know we haven't spoken in a few years…or millennia….or ever…so here I am, and I just have a few things to say to you little brats." The students flinched while Anderson was speechless. "To John..er…Blake or whatever the hell his last name is…" there seemed to be the sound of someone taking a deep breath, and the humans pondered absently why God would need to breathe. "LEAVE ALUCARD ALONE!" There were shrieks and many covered their ears against the exclamation that almost seemed to rattle their teeth. In Anderson's calculus class, every student gasped and turned around to look at John who was dumbfounded. The paladin was shaking with fury, while Harriet smiled smugly at what she deemed as Alucard's stupidity.

"Since when has God had such a girly voice?" she said loudly, inciting a series of snickers.

"Harriet….something or other….you're to insignificant for me to even bother trying to remember your last name…" Harriet's, and the rest of the class's eyes were bulging and there was a brief clamoring as each student turned to look at the magical speakers. "…I do not, and I repeat, do not have a girly voice. And…stop pouring juice on Alucard. If you pour one more God damned bottle of pink shit on Alucard's head, I will smite you dead and then bring you back to life and smite you again, then pour that pink shit all over your grave." The menacing voice suddenly became bright and cheery. "I trust you understand the message?"

Harriet was twitching, confusion making her mind blank. Suddenly John spoke up with a smirk, already convinced that this was Alucard. "You said the Lord's name in vain, Alucard."

Eyes looked at the boy and then the speaker when 'God' responded.

"I am not Alucard, and, John, I'm God. I can do whatever the hell I want, and if you have a problem with that, I'll smite you as well."

John chuckled. "Smite me?"

"I will kill you, if you don't understand the word, you dumb jock."

John frowned, hurt by the remark. The voice on the intercom continued.

"And to Alexander Anderson."

The priest jolted.

"This is to the one called Father Anderson…."

The captivated audience leaned forward in their seats.

"You're fired."

Anderson dropped the marker he was holding in his hand and, before he could stop himself, he demanded, "Why?"

There was a pause and then the voice returned. "For stalking little boys."

Anderson's jaw dropped once more and all of the students gawked at their teacher. The paladin shocked the class by letting out a roar of rage and he glared at the speaker. "ALUCARD! I'LL MURDER YAH! YOU DEMON!"

"Tsk. Tsk." 'God' replied. "To kill your own God? Really now, Anderson… Now you're definitely fired…and might I ask how you plan to kill me? Blessed bayonets seem rather redundant considering where they…." The priest ran out of the room. "..draw their power from."

The students and teachers were enchanted, and they started when there was a loud sinister laugh.

"I HAVE YOU NOW DEMON!"

"So, Anderson. How did you get to Heaven so quickly?"

There were loud noises, and objects whizzing through the air. Then a sizzling sound was heard.

"Anderson, I do not appreciate this."

"LIKE HELL YOU DO! DEMON SPAWN!"

"You are excessively rude for a Catholic priest. All I want from you is your promise to stop stalking little boys…"

More crashing noises and clashes. A few listeners yelped when the intercom went dead. John's eyes were wide and empty, realizing, before anyone else, what the sounds must have meant. Eventually classes started up again, while the calculus class stared at the door. The students whispered to one another, but stopped abruptly when the door burst open and Anderson strode into the room covered in blood.

Seras, who had so far been silent, jumped out of her seat just as John did beside her in the back of the room.

"YOU KILLED ALUCARD?" the boy shrieked, gazing at the blood spotted priest. Suddenly, the intercom crackled to life, startling the priest.

"No, Father Anderson failed to kill me, of course. I'm God for goodness sake. Well…that is all for now…I'll contact you again in two millennia. Good bye." There was a click and the voice was gone.

John sunk into his seat with a sigh while Seras frowned, trying to figure out why she had been worried. Meanwhile, Anderson looked extremely disappointed and he walked slowly back to the white board and plucked his marker from the floor.

"No matter how many times I cut off his head he always grows it back…" he muttered with a few curses before resuming the class. "Damn lizard vampire."