As the last days of August came to pass, the time to part for the duration of the school year arrived once more. As per their usual pattern, the goodbyes were both brief and accompanied with promises of correspondence. This time, Severus offered the solemn promise to return for the Christmas holidays as he could see in the girl's gaze that she needed the reassurance that he would not abruptly disappear from her life. This took place the eve of his departure and when he left Spinner's End, it was an empty house he was leaving behind, Petunia being busy with her sister also leaving home for Hogwarts. He took this opportunity to take in the familiar surroundings which had changed so much from the time the house had been but a poor excuse for a home.
Now, the times when he had hated the dark and filthy house were far away, as was the grim image of Spinner's End. In recent years, Petunia's active contribution had made this house into a haven he disliked leaving when Autumn came. Although the house would not appear quite such a warm place without the girl there. Indulging on a short trip down memory lane, Severus walked in all the different parts of the house, recollecting various moments of their happiness and fervently praying to whatever force lived out there that it would not be the last of it. He finished by going into the garden, gazing fondly at the bed of sky blue petunias he had insisted on when they had been choosing the plants.
He left at last, gut twisting with a sad premonition, when he locked the door behind him. He forced himself to ignore it, trying to pretend he had not been planning his ultimate separation with Petunia during those last months. It was not that he wished to part with her in such a definite manner. Truly not. But Regulus had been reporting the Dark Lord's growing interest in talent and he felt that he must be ready. It had torn him apart to make the preparations, just thinking of it made him ill but he had done what had to be done. Just as he always did.
There would be steps he would need to take during the school year to ensure that his plans would go smoothly if the time came when he must put it into motion. He was counting on Regulus' help for this. The younger boy seemed to understand at least in part what sort of connection he had with Petunia and Severus was aware that the two had gotten into contact briefly. The visible result being that Regulus' looks of pity had intensified during their few meetings during the summer vacation. It seemed his girlfriend had made a good impression on the Pureblood.
Not that it was going to matter much in the long run, he thought bitterly. But at least, it had prompted the other Slytherin to look into more detail the process Severus wished to use, in an effort to make it the least damaging for Petunia. Severus had not wanted to do anything that could hurt Petunia but at last they had found a safe way to complete the process.
When they had been finalizing their research and it had become clear through Regulus' observations that it was likely to be used, the younger boy had asked Severus, in a way which made it difficult to refuse, to warn him when he did it. I will be there, he had said. Never mind that he might very well have much more important things to do, had thought Severus, before chiding himself mentally for sounding so ungrateful to someone who had just made him the greatest show of friendship one could make. It had been that day that Regulus truly registered in his mind as his 'best friend', though the inner title had never been voiced and most likely never would be. It was simply not the Slytherin way.
In any case, his plans were ready and he had someone who would have his back no matter what happened, which was always a comforting thought, so the only left for him to do was to reconcile with the idea that Petunia would not be a part of his foreseeable future.
The task appeared impossible. No matter how much he told himself that once it was all over – if it ever was and if Voldermort somehow died – he would go back to Petunia's side, he still felt a wave of sickness every time he thought of what he would have to do. He had spent restless nights envisioning all the possibilities that would allow him to escape this, but alas none was feasible.
It did not help either that there was no one in his admittedly limited entourage who could comfort him in his decision. Though Regulus had been a good friend and would continue to be, it was clear the boy also wished Severus could do differently. For what it was worse, the boy respected Petunia, and more than that he valued her for what she brought to Severus. In his Slytherin way, Regulus saw Petunia as someone who was needed by Severus and it was not in his nature to get rid of something that was still useful.
It was therefore with a heavy heart that Severus greeted the sight of the crimson train. When he sat in an empty compartment and shut the door to gain a semblance of privacy, he let his shoulders sag in an almost defeated way.
The time to be idle was regretfully over and his only wish at that precise moment was that he could hold Petunia once more.