Fredas 11 Sun's Height 204 4E 3:00 PM
"What is life's greatest illusion?" the Black Door asked.
"Innocence," I answered feeling like a hypocrite as I stood there with my hand entwined with Cicero's. After finally letting go of my eternal anger aboard the pirate's ship, I felt like I was looking at the world again for the first time. Everything seemed new.
"Welcome home, sister and brother," the door breathed as it swung open.
"Home!" Cicero crowed as he bolted down the stairs. He looked the same as ever in his jester's clothes, although the leather ties were new. We had found replacements among the pirates' personal items. Part of me felt guilty for slicing the old ones, but I figured that was the one part of his motley he had to replace every few years.
I, on the other hand, looked completely out of place wearing the fur armor I had been forced to wear since my leathers had been destroyed as a result of my, ahem, frenzied state of mind. I couldn't believe people actually chose to wear this sort of thing. The furs were rough and itchy and the shoulders and midriff were exposed! I felt like some sort of First Era primitive princess.
I have to admit I looked cute though.
I stopped just inside Sanctuary to give myself some time to adjust to the darkness instead of the bright summer sky outside. How much will things have changed in my absence of three months?
"Oh, Mother, Cicero found the Listener! It wasn't even that hard. Cicero found her and brought her home for you!" The Keeper was examining the shrine that held the Night Mother's coffin for any flaws since he had left. He was beaming proudly as he reported to his Mother of his success in his mission. "Ah, there is the Listener now! No doubt Mother will wish to speak to you. Cicero will take his leave." The jester placed his hands on the coffin in a gesture that could only pass as an embrace of the ten foot tall iron casket.
Cicero didn't meet my gaze as he left. I wasn't offended. The Keeper always acted properly in front of his matron. Only outside of Sanctuary or within the privacy of my room would he show affection. I appreciated his discretion. I had no desire to have the two of us hanging off each other in front of our family members.
I wished Cicero had given me a chance to get cleaned up and changed before I was presented to the Night Mother. Some parents might have an informal relationship with their children, but I always imagined the Night Mother as the type of woman who sat primly on her personal straight-backed chair in her entertaining room while she wore only the finest clothes. A distant woman and a little cold, but you still needed her approval despite knowing you would never achieve it.
"Night Mother," I said formally as I bowed. I figured that being as respectful as possible was the best course of action right now. I was the only link the Night Mother had to the mortal world and I had abandoned her last Sanctuary of children for three months.
The only reply I received was silence. I felt a pit in my stomach. This was worse than I had imagined. I had prepared myself for reprimands, anger, and even indifference. But silence? That was the worst punishment Mother could give.
"I apologize for my absence, my Lady," I said haltingly. "I tried to resolve my personal issue as quickly as possible. I am grateful the Keeper came for me. Cicero helped me greatly." More silence. Oh, shit, was she pissed? How am I supposed to do anything if I don't know what she wanted?
The Night Mother didn't always speak with words in my mind. There had been many times when I could feel an ethereal embrace or smoothing of my hair. There had been other times I had sensed her mood; pride, anger, love. Right now there was literally nothing from the Lady. I hadn't felt such silence since the first contract Mother gave me.
I remember thinking that Mother's silence was because she was waiting to see if we were worthy of her leadership. Could the Dark Brotherhood fulfill a contract such as killing the Emperor? We had never killed an Emperor before. The only Emperor to have been priorly assassinated in the history of the Empire had been Uriel Septim two hundred years previously and that had been at the hands of the Mythic Dawn, a mark of shame for the Brotherhood.
Was she testing me now? If so, what was the test?
After a few minutes of waiting to be acknowledged, I bowed and left. It would be up to me to figure out how to gain Mother's favor back. I felt nervous and anxious. I should have anticipated this, but I am forever guilty of thinking only of the now.
As I left the loft that held the Night Mother's shrine and descended the stone stairs to the main room, I saw that Cicero had gathered the family members who were in Sanctuary to greet me. "Welcome home, Listener!" they cheered in unison.
Nazir and Garnag were in the front of the group. Those two rarely went on contract any more. Nazir was busy as Speaker and Garnag was too slow from his years of imprisonment and lack of visual perception. He contributed to the Brotherhood with his wisdom and knowledge. Babette wasn't here, but she was probably still asleep and Cicero knew well enough to not waken her unless ordered. Geldii, Eiruki, and Elbent were in. I didn't see the male elves, Vedave Sendal and Anaril Telind, or the Argonian, Deesei. They must be out on contract.
Then there was Meena. I didn't like the smug look on the Khajiit's face. Her eyes were much too predatory for my tastes. She stood a bit away from the others. Not separate, but apart like her station didn't allow her to stand with the rest of the crowd.
I was thinking I should be sure to ask Nazir what had happened while I was gone when I was tackled by a large blur. Aventus was hugging me so hard I thought my ribs would bend. He spun me in a circle, laughing. "Thank Sithis that you're back!" the boy said, his voice cracking.
"Aretino," I gasped, "thanks, but could you put me down?" When Aventus let me go, I was shocked to see that he had grown another two inches while I was gone. He was taller than me now and he was only thirteen. Not that I was terribly tall at my five-foot-six, but was Aventus' growth normal?
I had no idea who Aventus' father was. The man had never been a presence in Aventus' life. The boy had mentioned that his father had gone into the war, but I wondered if that was a life his mother had told him to sate his curiosity. I had Nazir make quiet inquires about the boy's family and the only thing he could find was that the mother had been a woman of the night. She had died of sickness. At least she had not been one of the dozen victims of the Butcher.
Children take after their mothers in terms of race, so Aventus' father could be any race. Most men and mer can interbreed although it is more uncommon than if both partners are the same breed. Children still can favor the father, so if Aretino was growing this tall it was likely that his sire was a Nord. Which made sense given he grew up in Windhelm.
I just prayed that it was not Rolff Stone-Fist, the man I had Aventus kill to join the Brotherhood. That drunken bastard seemed the type to seek physical entertainment from a common streetwalker instead of seeking out a proper priestess of Dibella. Not that I was judging, but there was a difference of quality between the two. Priestesses of Dibella performed a sacred duty while prostitutes are generally a lot dirtier both in physical appearance and health. Given that Aventus' mother died of disease, I doubt she had been a priestess.
My thoughts were drawn back to the present as everyone but Meena pressed around me asking questions and trying to hug me too. "I missed you guys too!" I said laughing. "Just give me a chance to change to some real clothes and we'll catch up."
"Whatever happened to your Dark Brotherhood leathers?" Nazir asked with a raised eyebrow.
"They got damaged in a fight," I laughed hoping it didn't sound as jagged to everyone else as it did to me. I glanced over at Cicero and saw that he was smiling broader than usual. The jester waggled his eyebrows at me which caused me to giggle.
"…." Eiruki asked.
"What?" I responded. I could never hear that girl when she spoke.
"She said 'Are you back for good?'" Nazir translated.
"Yes," I said smiling. "I am."
"And has the Night Mother spoken to you?" Meena asked. Her tone was too casual.
"No, not yet," I admitted, "but I just got back." The way the others shared a look amongst themselves left a pit of cold in my stomach.
Fredas 11 Sun's Height 204 4E 9:00 PM
"Report," I commanded. I was sitting in my room with Nazir and Garnag. We were all gathered around my personal table with drinks of tea.
The last several hours had been me telling the others of the Greybeards and my time at High Hrothgar. I did relate how Cicero found me and his request for me to come home and solution of killing the pirates, but I left out the "climatic" end of our fight.
The family had been most interested in the massacre and had Cicero and I retell it several times. I laughed at the jester's antics as he reenacted several fight sequences. It amused me that I attributed as much to the story as Cicero did. There was once a time I would never join in storytelling and now I was struggling to get a word in edgewise versus the Keeper.
"…." Eiruki sighed blissfully.
"She said 'It's so romantic,'" Geldii translated before I could ask. "You are so lucky to have someone like Cicero around." The Fool of Hearts beamed at the compliment.
"I am," I agreed as I took Cicero's hand. His smile of joy made my heart melt.
Geldii and Eiruki both burst into "Awwww!" and giggled.
"Back to your duties!" I commanded blushing furiously. "I've kept you long enough for one day." As the group scattered, I had summoned Garnag and Nazir to my room to update me.
"What do you want to hear first?" Nazir asked. "The good news or the bad?"
"There was good news?" I asked sarcastically.
"You know when I think about it, there wasn't. So what degree of bad do you want first?" Nazir admitted shrugging.
"Start small and move up," I said sighing. I threw my legs over the chair arm.
"Cicero wasn't too bad after you left. Mostly kept to himself and insisting that you would be back any day. As time passed, he got more and more erratic. Started ranting that you weren't real, that none of us were real, and he had imagined all of us. About a week ago, he came tearing into my room and riffled through the contracts until he found one. Put it into his belt pouch and left Sanctuary," Nazir related.
"Any idea how he figured out I was at High Hrothgar?" I asked.
"No, but if I had to guess, Aventus," Garnag said. "The boy was just as upset at your absence. Wouldn't surprise me in the least if Chickpea convinced the boy to tell him where you had gone. He can be very persuasive." The orc chuckled at an old memory.
"What else?" I asked keeping the topic moving forward.
"The Reach has fallen to the Rebellion," Nazir said. "Ulfric could advance onward, but it looks like he's decided to be thorough on securing the mountains from the Forsworn barbarians and collecting silver from the mines to increase his coffers.
"Stories of Ulfric and the Dragonborn's victory versus a dragon near Rorikstead bolstered his army's morale greatly. The only blight on the whole matter is that the Dragonborn didn't devour the dragon's soul. Rumor is that she claims she no longer needs to generate more thu'um, but it is being squashed as fast as it is mentioned. Ulfric does not want people to know about it." The Redguard glanced at me.
"Did Cicero explain who the false Dragonborn is?" I asked.
"Sort of," Garnag said. "It was kind of jumbled. Chickpea didn't seem to want to speak about the matter."
I quickly explained the concept of housecarls and how Lydia had been able to learn a Shout so quickly. I was a bit amused to realize that I trusted these two with the information when I would never had shared it back in Falkreath. "She must have absorbed more from watching me in battle than I realized," I admitted. I shook my head sadly. "Lydia thinks I am dead and that it is because of the Brotherhood."
"I don't doubt that Astrid had left a note for you with the Brotherhood's signature Black Hand," Nazir suggested. "It was a common tactic she liked to use for intimidation and to help spread our name."
"What are you going to do about her?" Garnag asked.
"I don't know," I admitted. "Once things settle down here again, I might do something. I might let it go. I feel I owe her at least to know the truth. For now, let's focus on the Sanctuary."
"Babette and Aventus finally had their little talk," Nazir said looking through his notes. "Normally I wouldn't even mention it, but our little vampire is rather upset about it. I'd keep out of her sight for a few days if I were you."
"That bad?" I winced.
"Aventus wasn't mad that she's a vampire if that's what you're wondering," Nazir assured me. "It's just that he refused Babette's offer of immortality. I didn't ask why and frankly I don't want to know."
"Babette is a wreck though," Garnag said. "She goes out hunting every night. Comes back covered in blood and her eyes glowing. Scary as hell."
"Nazir, start making arrangements for Aventus to be enrolled in the Bard's College in Solitude," I said sighing. "Maybe some time apart will be good for both of them."
"Is that wise, Listener?" Nazir asked. "With the war progressing the way it is, it is a matter of time until Ulfric makes his way to Solitude."
"Until that time, Solitude is probably the safest place in Skyrim for our boy. Solitude is an Imperial outpost, so the fact Aventus is Imperial won't be used against him. I think it is important that he get normal socialization too. Letting him train with the bards will be beneficial for him personal and us as a whole. Having a set of eyes and ears in the biggest gossip mill of Skyrim will alert us to more opportunities faster," I replied. My heart hurt thinking of sending our boy away, but it was time for him to grow up to be a man—and I think if he stayed here Aventus would be damaged. More than he already was.
"Safer than Sanctuary?" Garnag asked.
"Maybe," I said sipping my tea. "What else?"
The two men exchanged a glance. Garnag grimaced and nodded to Nazir to lead. I knew I was not going to like what the Redguard was going to tell me before he started talking.
"It's Meena," Nazir hedged.
"What about her?" I asked. That cat was always getting into trouble.
"She started a campaign to be the Listener while you were gone."
I started laughing which was not the reaction Nazir and Garnag were expecting. Nazir had seen how mad I had been when I heard about the false Dragonborn…about Lydia pretending to be me for Ulfric. This was exactly the sort of thing I had blown up at in the past.
"And how has she been managing with that?" I chuckled once I got my breath back.
"Mostly the Khajiit has been talking to the male elves. I think she has them half convinced she can do it and it is in their interest to join her," Garnag said.
"Elbent informed us about the plot," Nazir said. I tucked that bit of information away. It was good that our social assassin was on our side. I was just a little disappointed that there were sides to take.
"What worries me the most is Meena's supposed conversation with the Night Mother," Garnag continued.
"She's claimed that the Night Mother spoke to her?" I asked.
"No, and luckily for her. If she had and couldn't produce the Binding Words, I have no doubt Chickpea would have killed her," Garnag admitted. Why did he look so guilty when he said that? "Meena said she prayed to the Night Mother that if you didn't return, then she would gladly take your place. And if you did dare to show your face after your shameful behavior, then if the Night Mother didn't talk to you she would take it as a sign in her favor."
"That explains her question," I frowned. "Is there anything else?"
"No, that's all," Nazir said gathering his notes. "We're running out of contracts. I hope the Night Mother is just waiting until Morndas to speak to you because we could use the work." The Night Mother usually gave me the most contracts during Morndas; the day after Cicero oiled her. Sometimes unusual contracts would be given sooner.
"I'll let you know as soon as I do," I promised. "Dismissed. Go get some rest."
As the two men left, I noticed they veered to the side. I looked and saw a sullen Babette standing in the doorway. I thought it was a bit funny that two full grown men were scared of a small girl, but to be fair she was a three hundred year old vampire who had just been rejected for possibly the first time in a lifetime.
"Babette, why don't you come on in?" I asked. "Nazir, please close the door when you leave." Babette shuffled in allowing Nazir and Garnag space to get past. The Redguard nodded his thanks to me as he closed the door. "How can I help you, hon?"
"I suppose you heard," Babette said, her voice monotone. I was a bit worried by how haggard she looked. Babette was always neat and clean. It was probably a side result of being an alchemist and part time healer. Now her clothes were wrinkled and dirty. The normally pretty brown hair was greasy and tangled from not being brushed.
"I don't know the details," I said. I sat on my bed and patted the space by my side. Babette climbed up and curled onto my lap. She was so small. It really was no wonder she was able to trick her prey into inviting her into their homes making them easy targets. "What happened?"
"Aventus cornered me and said he was tired of not knowing what everyone else did. He said it was not fair that he had been here almost as long as Meena, but was being treated like an idiot. So, I told him," Babette said.
"Nazir said he took it well," I offered.
"He did. It was very adorable. His face was "Oooooh," like a torch being lit. I told him all about being a vampire, how beneficial it was, how you do not age, how strong you become. He seemed very intrigued, but when I said I would give him the Dark Gift, Aventus hesitated. When I pushed him on it, Aventus said that he was flattered, but he wanted to grow up to be an adult. That he did not want to be a child the rest of his life and that there was someone he liked. He had to grow up so she would see him as a man and not a boy."
"Did he say who?" I asked.
"No, but I know who," Babette growled.
It had to be Eiruki. She was only nineteen and was soft in all the right places. Being only six years older than Aventus would make her a natural older sister complex for the boy.
"I'm sorry," I said hugging Babette.
"I waited too long," Babette sighed. "I kept thinking that I had more time. I could wait a little longer and let Aventus get a little more mature. Or let him get settled into the Brotherhood. Let him love me a little more. But he only sees me as a little sister and not a lifelong mate. I lost my only chance, Listener."
"Maybe another chance will present itself," I suggested. "It's not like you planned on Aventus to begin with."
Babette shook her head. "I doubt it. Even if we found another child, what are the odds of them having just the right mix of childlike innocence and assassin's pragmatism? No, I suspect I will spend the rest of my days alone."
"I'll spend as many of them with you as possible," I said. "As the Dragonborn, I am going to live a long time just like the dragons."
"I'm sorry," Babette said with real understanding.
Morndas 21 Sun's Height 204 4E 6:00 PM
"This tastes terrible," I lamented. "Can't you sweeten it up any?"
"Death should taste bitter," Babette said simply. "If you do not like my remedy, I suggest you stop needing it."
"Believe me. The way things have been going this last week, I haven't," I complained. It seemed every time I had a moment alone with Cicero was interrupted by Meena checking in for one reason or another. Almost always she would innocently ask if the Night Mother had spoken to me effectively ending any shenanigans Cicero and I might have enjoyed.
Although the draught could be drunk immediately after sex, it was best to drink it daily. I met Babette faithfully so she could make a fresh pot. I had no intention of bearing a child. Cicero was enough of a handful.
"Meena is giving you trouble?" Babette asked. I nodded. "Still no word from the Night Mother?"
"No, and I'm worried," I said. "Meena is planning something and I feel if I confront her it will play into her hands."
"Everything in good time, I suppose," Babette said as she cleaned up. "I do enjoy these little evening chats, Listener." She smiled; it was her first real one since I came back.
I was walking back to my room when Meena intercepted me. "Hecate," she stated her voice too loud for normal conversation, "has the Night Mother spoken to you?"
"You know she hasn't," I said. I looked around and noticed that all of the Brotherhood was in attendance. Meena was wearing her shrouded armor while I was only in wool shirt and pants. I had not crafted new armor yet. The Khajiit's tail lashed about in excitement.
It was time.
"It seems to Meena that the Listener is a position no longer being filled," the cat gloated. She placed her paws on her hips. "Meena prayed to the Night Mother and the Night Mother answered with her silence. Meena challenges for Hecate for leadership of the Dark Brotherhood!"
I was pleased to hear Cicero's indignant scream at Meena's challenge. I was also glad that Nazir and Elbent had maneuvered so they could restrain the Keeper from interfering with this showdown. I couldn't be worried about him while this was going on.
"Don't do this, Meena," I warned.
"What can you possibly do?" Meena smirked. "Surrender."
"Never," I said. "You want the Brotherhood and it is going to be over my dead body."
Meena had the grace to look a little taken aback by that statement. She must have thought she could beat me into submission and inherit the position of Listener. It seemed to fit what I knew of Khajiit culture. Like many predators, they don't like to fight to the death. It can weaken the challenger and leaves you short one member. However, the Khajiit glanced around the room and decided the loss of face would be too much to back down now.
Besides there was something I had that she wanted and no cat worth her fur ever backed down from that challenge.
"So be it!" Meena yowled as she swung at me claws extended.
If you ever have to brawl a Khajiit and you're not a Khajiit, you have to be faster than your opponent. The catkin are natural fighters with their protective fur, sharp fangs, and deadly claws. And they are fast!
Meena didn't know that I was faster.
The Khajiit never saw my training with Cicero when he taught me how to dance. Traditional dancing was combined with a combat style to force me to learn how to watch my opponent's body language so I could anticipate what they were going to do next.
Meena never had a chance to hit me as I weaved among her strikes. "I thought we were going to fight, cat," I taunted laughing mockingly.
"Don't laugh at me!" she growled. Her anger made her swings wilder and easier to read.
If someone calls your authority into question, you cannot just beat them. You have to defeat them completely. Not only does this prevent the usurper from trying a second time, it also discourages others from getting the same idea.
"You will never have Cicero," I said leaning in close so only Meena would hear me. "Even if you managed to become Listener, he would follow your command, but only as Keeper. Cicero's heart only belongs to the Night Mother."
"The male promised Meena if she became Listener, he would lay with her," Meena said, her breathing heavy. Attacks take a lot more effort than dodging especially if the defender is using minimal movement like I was.
"That's because he's much too softhearted for his family to just tell you 'no', although 'never' would have been more appropriate," I sneered. "I'm the Listener and I will be around a lot longer than you'll ever live, cat."
"Oh, who's the racist one now, Imperial?" Meena snarled. "Meena is strong, fast, and smart. She can do just as well as Listener as you."
"No, Meena, you wouldn't," I said calmly. It was time to end this. "Being Listener is a lifelong position, just like everything else in the Brotherhood. You cannot get bored and quit one day."
As the Khajiit swung her claws, my hand lashed out and caught her wrists. Meena mewed in surprise at my sudden grip. My other hand snuck out and grabbed her other wrist. Before the cat could react, I slammed my foot into her soft midriff. I winced at the impact of my normal shoes against her reinforced armor, but I didn't let that stop me.
As Meena hunched over with pain, I slammed my head into hers. Head butts are always an attack that hurts both sides, but the aggressor also always has the advantage. As the cat reeled back, I twisted so she flipped onto her back with her arms wrenched up behind her.
"I would have never surrendered," I said with one foot on Meena's neck, "but that doesn't mean you can't. I obey the Tenets, sister. Do you yield?"
Meena nodded slowly and managed to roll so her stomach was presented to me to show her sincerity. I immediately released her and offered a hand to help her up.
I was a bit startled when I heard a high pitched female voice start screaming, "She did it! She did it!" I looked and saw Eiruki jumping up and down excitedly pumping her fist in the air.
I turned to the gathered Family. "Just because I left for three months does not mean I am weak or not dedicated to this group. It also will not happen again. I am here and I am the Listener!" I pointed towards the Night Mother's shrine. "I would also remind everyone that the Night Mother is our Matron and she speaks when she wills it. The Lady does not bend to our will or our schedule. We bend to hers as loyal children. Dismissed!"
The others scattered at my command until only Cicero and I were left in the main room. The Keeper was laughing wildly at the turn of events. There would have been a time I would have been annoyed, but now I realized that was Cicero's way of expressing shock.
I started to turn towards my room when I heard, "Daughter, approach me."
I looked towards the Night Mother's shrine. I could feel her presence demanding my attention. I followed the Unholy Matron's summon and Listened as she finally gave me the pleas of the vengeful. I carefully filed them away to tell Nazir. The Night Mother exuded both pride and smugness.
I had passed her test and understood her message. You can be replaced. Do not leave the Brotherhood for so long again.
The Night Mother has never been described as kind or forgiving. If anything she was known for being ruthless and ambitious. This woman had been known for her calling card of a white stone and black stone left in the eyes of her victims and was famous for sacrificing her children to Sithis.
Almost dying for shirking my duty? Not surprising. However, it made me wonder what exactly had Garnag done that deserved to be imprisoned for over a decade? And if Cicero had also been punished, what was his punishment and what was his crime?