Summary: At the right angle, in a line of sight, one might wonder why he never stopped staring at her for so much as a second.
Theme: 097. If I Die
Disclaimer: I do not own Full Metal Alchemist.
Angles
097. If I Die
Maes had always told him everything.
To Roy, he used to explain math and poetry in terms of people; by the length of an arm and the beat of a heart that could only ever belong to Riza. With her as an example, he condensed formulae and equations with the beauty of old Western tragedies. True to her part, Riza beat out things that were not understandable like nothing. She shoots him glances like infinity, and Maes had always told him if he were to die – if – that would be one of the two things he regretted. Not living to see their son marry his daughter. Roy had laughed at the thought of a young boy with an older woman, the thought that he would not be around. The laughter had turned to ash in his mouth when as usual his friend had been right all along.
"If I die, you get pretty much everything."
He tells her, his face streaked with blood and moonlight. Of course, his aunt gets much of it as well; and he loves his aunt dearly, but she is not Riza. With one smile on her symmetrical face when she was thirteen, he had decided he loved her by design. She was perfect. Her lips part slightly, surprised.
"I do not want your money, or you to die for that matter."
If only it was as natural as that. He cannot be like her, full of logical answers and flatness and honesty. But he wants this to exist in unbound spaces, for the sake of existence, and although she would deny him that and he would never ask for it; they had fallen into a strange friendship. They never got too close. If he touched her bare skin, she would pull away. It had been this way for a while. Since Maes died, everything seemed sad to him. Before, he had begun to expect that reaction from her. Now it carries gravity, like ancient air and he feels if he asked her if God was real she would say no. She always used to be such a believer for him.
"Promise me that wherever we go, you will not die."
He asks. He knows it is something which nobody can promise; there is no control over such matters. She stares up at him. Even with flecks of ash on her cheeks and mud in her hair, she still looks so soft to him. Maybe it is that they have just started fighting, or maybe it is that he has seen that what they are trying to kill is something superhuman. Either way, he is already fearful for her. She is the best sharpshooter he has ever known, but the bullets melt through them like they mean nothing at all. Though she is only a few years younger than him and the bitter world has changed her, he can see still how young she is. Too young for this.
"You know that I swore to have your back."
It is an evasion. Perhaps she knows even then that there are no promises in their existence, that she will lay gasping and dying while he watches and be saved; but never by him. At this moment though, she is looking at him like he is so small, and so beautiful; and his heart aches for what he cannot be. If he could give her everything, he would. Without hesitation. But for now, with a dull ache in his chest he turns away.
He cannot shake the feeling that without her, it all means nothing.
I wonder if Roy could have pulled off what happened at the end without Riza sometimes.
Reviews & criticism appreciated.