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Embarrassment in three acts: Act Three

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The curtain rose and more ridiculousness ensued. There was a great kerfuffle over Aang's unconscious state. StageAang was not good at being unconscious and kept wriggling about. StageMe healed Aang with her tears. Her tears apparently have magical healing properties. Sokka thought this was most hilarious and said why should we bother with spirit water when we have a magical tearbender. I picked up Zuko's program and flicked him with it.

The show just wasn't as funny now. I couldn't think of anything funny to say. My conversation with Aang had sucked all the heckling right out of me. I felt odd and out of sorts and just a mess of emotions. I dazed out and stopped paying attention to the play and just started tearing the program into tiny pieces. I was worried about what would happen when Aang came back, about how awkward and weird it would be the next time we spoke to each other.

Zuko and Sokka kept up a steady stream of comments that just washed over me. I think Zuko was trying to engage me in our old game of making fun of our floozy counterparts, and I appreciated the effort. But I couldn't think of anything to say. I just wanted to sit quietly and think at the moment, so I just nodded along with all his various comments.

Until StageMe got a job as an eeerrr...exotic dancer. I had a whole lot to say about that! This job of mine was ostensibly in order to support Aang and Sokka and Toph in the style to which they were accustomed while we were living in the firenation. Why nobody else got a job except me is still a mystery. What is also inexplicable is why someone behind the scenes thought that a musical section was necessary for this play. It was like another musical play got lost and accidentally wandered into our play and then felt possessed to jazz-hand the audience to death.

StageMe did quite well at her chosen profession and wore an even more revealing outfit than she had on previously. I had actually thought that this was impossible, but there you go. An unexpected bonus/pitfall (depending on your point of view) of this costume change was that at one point we all (except for Toph) got to see StageMe's nipple. Just the one. Her boob popped out of her unusual garment and the actress blushed a brilliant shade of scarlet readjusted her clothing as quickly as possible and carried on with her dance. Am strangely impressed with Stageme's composure after the nipple incident. Sokka made an unwise comment regarding nipples and Zuko high-fived him. Suki whacked them both on the back of their heads (rather firmly) and tutted boys under her breath.

StageMe was a good singer and she had the starring role in three big, naughty musical numbers. The three songs featured in this completely random musical section. Drinks are on me! And they were, quite literally. Hold my hand...that's not my hand. I cannot believe the body parts of of the male clientele mistook for StageMe's hand. And finally I love willies (no explanation necessary for what was going on here).

Sokka and Toph were almost doubled over in laughter during the musical section. They found this most hilarious. Sokka also thought it was exceptionally ironic that StageMe was working as a dancer considering my actual dancing prowess. I rarely dance (actually I only really dance if coerced by peer pressure) mostly because I don't want to make a complete wally of myself. I do not think this is an unreasonable position to take on dancing in public. Zuko agreed with this position on dancing. He is rather fond of maintaining his dignity after all. At the close of I love willies, Zuko said that the play was now so ridiculously, grotesquely, hilariously bad it was almost good. I asked what could possibly be good about it and Zuko looked a bit lost and thought for a moment. He said the drinks are on me song was pretty good. I said that was easy for him to say, his character hadn't burst into naughty, cheeky song yet. Zuko said knowing this play, it is only a matter of time. And the heckling was back on.

-?-

The universe likes me again.

The whole play as turned into a musical for reasons unknown!

Everybody had a song!

At the close of my all singing/all dancing number, Stage Zuko had another threesome. With Gloomy Hairbuns and Ty Lee. And burst into song. A delightful little ditty called the boat ride of shame. It was about the consequences of having a threesome at the beginning of a long boat trip and then having to be stuck with your threesome partners for weeks of awkwardness. Gloomy Hairbuns also put on a frowny face belt after said threesome. I found this whole sequence most hilarious. And commented on the hilarity frequently.

Then StageAzula found out about the threesome related shenanigans and there was drama! And much of the stage got set on 'fire'. Then Gloomy hairbuns and Ty Lee busted out with a big brassy song entitled why is everything on fire? The chorus of this was especially funny for me. Something about their nonchalant attitude to everything being on friggin fire really tickled me.

Something is wrong-

everything is on fiiiiiiire –

unless it was like this before-

then everything is fiiiiiiiiine.

I actually think that the purpose of all the songs was to pad out the third act, because there really wasn't that much story line in the play now. Not that there was much to begin with. But it became apparent in the third act that the writer really had know idea what we were getting up to and just started making stuff up and mixing bits from other plays in here and there. Mostly it was just an awkward amalgamation of confusing song and dance numbers and more ridiculousness than I thought one theatre could safely contain.

The scenes changed. There was a song and dance sequence where StageToph sang about how she wanted to be pretty (all six feet of her) and felt that she was really ugly and mannish most of the time. Stageme gave her a rather unusual make over and found a magical necklace that could fit around the place where her head joined her body (StageToph has no discernible neck) And it instantly make her pretty. We sang about it together and danced it out. Beside me Toph crossed her arms grumpily during this song sequence. Toph is actually quite pretty in her Toph way, but I know she is super-sensitive about this subject. I rubbed her shoulder reassuringly and told her she didn't need a magic necklace to be pretty, she already was. Toph smiled at me then, a really nice, genuine smile. And gave me a little punch in the arm.

Sokka found the mighty spacesword and sang a song (I love polishing my sword) about his mighty sword. Most of the lyrics were naughty double entendres about wanking. I fear I will never look at the spacesword in quite the same way. I actually got a bit confused in the sword sequence. We came upon a town and Sokka pulled his spaceword out of a rock and was crowned king of the town for this feat.

Is this how people become nobles in the firenation?

By pulling swords out of rocks?

What kind of system is that?

Zuko told me it was an old firenation legend and there was a king and a magical sword and ladies who hang about in lakes etc. apparently it is a long story. But we got treated to a very short version of it. Sokka had to abdicate his noble title and handed over power to Combustion Man (for reasons unknown). But Combustion Man wanted the sword and Sokka refused to give it back. And so Combustion Man chased us and more dancing/singing shenanigans ensued while we ran away from Combustion man. StageAang sang a song called Running away is what I do best. Though I am mad at Aang, I was glad that he wasn't here for this song. He's a bit sensitive about his tendency to run away and this song would have made him a sad panda. Aang cannot take this play in stride at all.

Combustion man was left alone on stage. So naturally he gave a long and indecipherable speech about the futility of life etc (is it nobler to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune? What does that even mean?) and then he went on (at length) about Sokka's inability to hit him with his booming Aang. Booming Aang? I think this is what they call boomerangs in the firenation. Combustion man's last words were he couldn't hit the backside of a Kimodo Rhino from that dis...then Stage Sokka 'threw' the boomerang and hit him with it. Actually one of the stagehands bopped Combustion Man on the head with it. With one last forsooth! Combustion man struggled off stage.

Is combustion man dead? That forsooth seemed especially tragic.

The scene changed and we were on the river and came across the river village where everyone was sick. There was a song about how hungry and sick everyone was. However they were dancing extremely energetically for hungry and sick people in my opinion. Stageme floozed onto the one healthy male in the village (unsurprisingly) and then decided she had to give the people hope somehow. So she painted-ladied around ineptly for ages and then cleaned the river with her tears.

They are magical tears after all.

Zuko got a confused look on his face and leaned over and asked me about it during the painted lady sequence ( it was an intolerably long dance number). I told him how it had really happened. I had to scooch closer to whisper to him. I explained about how I had pretended to make Appa sick so we could stay near the village and then dressed up like the river spirit and healed the villagers and eventually broke the factory. Mostly I told him just how sad and hopeless and poor that village was and how I couldn't just leave them. I couldn't not do anything. I told him about how Sokka thought I was crazy and was wasting time trying to help the villages. He smiled and said that wasting time or not, I had done a really nice thing for those people.

He told me his dad had built dozens of factories during his short reign, but they had been done on the cheap, with lots of cost cutting. All the new factories polluted the surrounding area and the palace was always getting reports of sicknesses sweeping through the surrounding villages. But nothing was really done to help them because his dad had final say and he didn't give a toss about the villagers and Zuko thought that wasn't fair on the people who hadn't asked for a factory to be built there. But because of the painted lady, that factory near the floating village had been decommissioned, so things would be much better for that village (in the near future) at least. I felt that horrible knot of ill feeling (the one I'd had in my stomach ever since my conversation with Aang) ease a little. I had done the right thing. I had really helped that one village. Even if I am being portrayed as a horrible, useless floozy in this play, even if I had just crushed my friend's romantic hopes, at least I could still help people.

I'm good at that.

-?-

Aang crept back into the box as silent as a shadow. This attempt at slipping back in quietly was flouted by Sokka, who noisily greeted him and tried to catch him up briefly on everything he missed. Sokka, bless his cotton socks, did not mention StageMe's brief career as a dancer. If Aang had been present during that bit, Zuko would have had to cover his eyes for the entire duration of those scenes. He was back. I had been half worried that he might have absconded back home on his own and we would have had to worry and look for him at the end of the play. Aang does have a tendency to run away and he never thinks about how worried this makes everyone else. I didn't turn around to look at him and just looked steadfast at the stage. I was still mad at him and I felt a grumpy quiet settle over me, so I stopped making fun of the play and just watched in silence.

The invasion passed quickly (and ridiculously). StageSokka told some of the jokes that Sokka had given him during the intermission. Sokka was overjoyed! He was beside himself with glee. He would crack up with laughter every time he heard one of his own jokes. He would poke us all and say that's my joke! I could actually tell which jokes were Sokka's without him poking me and crowing with laughter. I glanced at his joyful self. He was leaning on Suki and shaking with laughter, while Suki smiled indulgently at him and rubbed his back and giggled slightly. Even if this night has been dreadful for me and Zuko and Aang, at least Sokka and Suki had a nice time. (Toph had been less gleeful after her pretty song.)

The invasion failed and StageZuko joined us and we all ran off stage and the curtains closed briefly. Sokka got up to go, just as the curtains re-opened. Suki pulled him back down and told him that the play wasn't over. And he made a comment about how there couldn't be any more, because the play had caught up with the present. Unless the play was showing us the future. He said this exceptionally dramatically and I whacked him lightly with the program. Idiot. This play had been so beyond ludicrous! As if it would show us the future. I'm sure what ever was about to happen was going to be silly (though hopefully not more silly than the I love willies song. Nothing could be more silly than that.)

Suddenly the play changed, from almost joyful nonsensical drivel, into something absolutely dark and horrible and terrible. The music and the fun stopped abruptly. The rest of the play could have only taken ten minutes tops, but it was the worst ten minutes of my life. It was no less dreadful for its brevity.

We were attacking the firelord. StageZuko was to fight StageAzula and Aang was to fight the firelord. StageZuko's fight was first. Azula declared You are no longer my brother! And there was some squabbling about who was the rightful heir to the throne. There was ribbon dancing and then suddenly little fires popped up all in a line and covered StageZuko while he said Honooooooooouuuurrr! And then disappeared from the stage (probably down a trap door). Did Zuko just die? Oh hell no! That was not happening any time soon! Not if I had anything to say about it. The flames dissipated and Azula said Victory is mine, laughed and ran off stage. Zuko's eyes widened and his face fell and the audience exploded into joyful applause. Oh my god! Stop clapping you jerks! We all turned and look at Zuko and his shocked face while the crowd applauded around us. He looked around the theatre really uneasily at all the people who seemed quiet eager to see him die.

I was at a loss about what to say. I mean, did that really just happen? Did we just see that? I scooted closer till I was right next to him. He grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze, quite firmly. I put my hand over his and squeezed back. We didn't say anything. What could you say after that? I thought that would be the worst part of the play.

But the worst was yet to come. The stage version of Sokka, Toph and I were all killed trying to help Aang get to the firelord's quarters. But we didn't get any profound last words either. Sokka said all I want is one last meaty dumpling before I die! Actually someone in the audience closer to the front threw some fire gummies on the stage and heckled a little bit about how Sokka could eat those instead. Then a trap door opened under Sokka and he fell through it, alas with no fire gummies. Toph said Toph wants to crush? in confusion as the flames engulfed her huge self, but she exited gracefully to stage left. Stageme said but I had so much hope! And some stage hands wrapped her in a big red sheet and took her off stage.I hadn't liked Stageme at all, but it was horrible watching her go out like that. At least the audience didn't cheer riotously when StageMe died. Actually, from the sound of disgruntled muttering that greeted Stageme's death, not all the audience was glad to see her demise, but this might have more to do with her frequent display of cleavage than anything genuine affection for her character.

Aang fought the firelord, but the firelord announced ominously that he was too late and the comet had arrived and now he was unstoppable. And there was much drama! The stage awash in fire. There was ribbon dancing, but it was all futile. Another huge sheet came and wrapped up Aang while the actress hammed up her 'death' incredibly. Seriously, her Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo! went on for an exceptionally long time. Eventually Aang died and Ozai announced his plans for complete world domination and the audience exploded into more joyfully applause. There was much clapping and whistling and calls of bravo and encore.

We all decided, almost instantly and unanimously, not to stay for an encore, or even the curtain call.

Aang made a terrible, terrified sound and fled our box. Everybody got up to leave and chase after him. Aang had run away a little distance. Sokka took off after Aang (he was sitting rigth next to him and was the closest) and caught up with him near the exit of the theatre. We all had to walk quite briskly/jog to catch up. Sokka grabbed Aang's shoulder and made Aang turn around and face him and told him it was just a stupid play and it wasn't real quite emphatically. Aang nodded and then, much to Sokka's surprise, he wrapped his arms around his middle and gave him a big hug. Sokka waved his arms a bit uselessly and awkwardly before he gave Aang a few pats on the back and said there there and you're okay now few times.

The sound of the encore number (it sounded like a cast wide version of Why is everything on fire?) came from our theatre and wafted gently into the night air. I did not want to hear this song again after that dreadful ending. I said let's get out of here quite firmly and we all left together. Toph stuck quite close to me and I think there were a few times when she tried to grab my hand. I patted her shoulder gently and she covered my hand with he small one and held it for a second and seemed to take a deep breath. Then she shrugged away from me abruptly.

We all started the long walk back home. The mood had definitely been dampened by that terrible, terrible ending. We had all died, except for Suki and that was just because Suki hadn't been in the play after the first act. We walked in silence for a while. What do you say after you've just witnessed nearly all your stage counterparts die a grisly, fiery death? What was the right thing to say to cheer everybody up. I couldn't even think of anything. I was feeling a bit shaken myself actually. Suddenly Zuko piped up with that wasn't a good play (Zuko has always had a knack for understatement) and amazingly, that started the conversation going. We all voiced our agreement of the play's complete horridness (except for Sokka who pointed out the effects were pretty good). For the rest of the walk home we all chatted about how terrible/inaccurate/ridiculous and dreadful the play was, mostly to make ourselves feel better I think. Still, we were all quite sombre when we got back home and everybody has gone to bed without much comment or conversation.

-?-

I feel sad and mad and out of sorts and I just don't know what to do with any of these feelings.

Tonight was meant to be wacky fun! Instead this was the worst play/evening out ever!

-?-

I have had a small stalky relapse.

Just a small one.

It was the middle of the night. I was tossing and turning and I couldn't get to sleep. I am normally quite awake a night around the full moon, but full moon wakefulness feels calming and full of potential and power. This was a different sort of wakefulness. This was a worried, anxious wakefulness. This was a grumpy, how could Aang put me in this position wakefulness. This was an I don't want to die in a fire wakefulness.

And suddenly the solution to my wakefulness popped into my head. Zuko.

I wanted to talk to Zuko.

If anybody could make me feel better about this dreadful, horrible night, it was Zuko. I wanted to check he was okay. I saw his face when everybody cheered and it just broke my heart. As nuts as it sounds, watching StageZuko 'die' was almost worse than my own death scene. I just wanted to check he was still breathing. I wanted someone to reassure me and Zuko was the best person to do this. I wanted to talk to somebody about what had happened on the balcony. I wanted to hear what he thought I should do about Aang. I knew he would listen and tell me honestly what he thought.

But it was the middle of the night. He'd probably be sleeping.

But this was a conversation emergency. I needed to talk to somebody or my brain would explode. I was sure he'd wake up for me and make me tea if I asked. And then we'd have a chat and I'd feel better.

Good plan

-?-

I got up and went to his room. I walked as silently as I could. I didn't want to wake the others. But all that silent creeping was for nothing. He wasn't in his room when I got there. There were some indents in the sheets, but no Zuko. I should have gone back to bed then, but I was up and I knew I wouldn't get back to sleep. I started quietly walking around the house, looking for him. Where had he got to? I checked the mango tree and he wasn't there. I checked the hammocks and he wasn't there either. But from the front balcony I spied a figure sitting at the end of the dock. Small wisps of flames were shooting up periodically. A circle. A starburst. Two fiery blobs that circled around each other.

I set off towards the beach and the dock. The old dock creaks terribly and as soon as I first stepped on it, it made this groaning noise. Zuko whipped around and the little fire he was holding went out. Ooh he was just in his pyjama bottoms. No shirt. In the moonlight. Oh la la.

He said Katara? What are you doing here? in some surprise, but he seemed pleased to see me. I said I could ask you the same question. He stood up and said he hadn't been able to get to sleep and he was just thinking. I shrugged and said same here. The night air was a little chilly and just at that point, I shivered slightly. Zuko noticed and said if I was cold we should go inside. I didn't want to. I love being close to the sea and the moon. I find it calming. And I needed some calm after that stupid play.

Zuko said he'd build me a fire then, and we walked up the dock and along the beach to our old little fire pit, (the one where we burned all the contents of the cupboard of crazy evil). Zuko lit us a fire and we sat next to each other. Zuko buried his feet in the sand a little bit. Apparently he likes the feel of sand between his toes. I did the same with my feet and wiggled them about.

He asked me what I was thinking about and I just said that stupid play. Zuko made a sad face at me. He'd probably been thinking about it too. I wanted to reassure him and myself, so I erupted with displeasure over the final sequence of the play and how stupid and lame and ridiculous it was and how it was horrible that everybody had cheered and it wasn't going to end like that and that scene at the end with him and Azula was not going to happen under any circumstances.

Zuko stared in the fire and said he hadn't been thinking about that. I was surprised. If I'd just seen a play that depicted me killing Sokka, I would not be able to stop thinking about it. And writing very strongly worded letters to the writer. Zuko shrugged and looked off and said it was different for him and Azula. He said really quietly I've always known that wou...could happen to me. I knew it when I left to join you guys. He said it with this resigned sigh at the end. He seemed to just accept that Azula might kill him and that people in the firenation would cheer if that happened. I couldn't quite understand how he could be so calm about that. I asked the blunt question rather quickly. So you weren't bothered at all by all those people cheering? Because that really friggin bothered me. In a big, giant way. Zuko shot back of course I was bothered by it! with equal speed. We stared at each other for a second and the fire crackled next to me. Zuko looked away first and let out a long huffy sigh and flopped back on the sand. I flopped back as well and lay next to him and looked up at the stars.

He said after a bit of a pause, that he hadn't really been surprised by the ending and he didn't really blame the audience for cheering. I protested. He explained. He told me that in the firenation, they get taught that the firenation is the greatest and best and most incredible nation and it's their duty to bless the other nations with their greatness. I made a face ( a very disapproving face) and he made a face back at me. He said he wasn't agreeing with them, but it's just want they teach kids in schools. He thought for a second again and finally said Those people in there, they don't know any better. They just know that I turned my back on the greatest country ever. And that is unforgivable in their eyes. I don't know if you noticed, but we're not so big on forgiveness in the firenation. He gave a half shrug as if he was trying to pretend that he didn't care. He did. I knew he did.

I told him the play's ending had put me in such a bad mood and I hadn't been able to think about anything else, but he was trying to pretend like he wasn't bothered by it at all and it was driving me bananas. He said fine, he was fair bothered by it. But on the scale of the things he was bothered by – it would be like a four out of ten, because he was much more bothered about other stuff. I rolled over so I could look into his eyes and truthbended at him and asked what other stuff? He truthbended at me in retaliation and said I'll tell you, if you tell me what's got you up in the middle of the night. I know it's more than that stupid play. I thought for a sec and then said deal, but you first.

He'd been thinking about his Uncle. In the play he and his Uncle had never had another scene together after the end of act two. Zuko would hate it if he never got to see his Uncle again . All Zuko wanted was to see him one more time so that he could say how sorry he was and that his Uncle had taught him so much and Zuko would always be grateful. Even if his Uncle didn't forgive him, Zuko at least wanted to be able to say this. I protested that of course his Uncle would forgive him. Zuko was not so sure. I told him he was being an idiot and if he told his Uncle what he just told me, I couldn't imagine Uncle staying mad at him. He is rather hard to stay mad at after all. Zuko told me that Toph agreed with me about the idiot thing. She had told him about how she met his Uncle and she thought he'd forgive Zuko straight away. But Zuko said that Toph had met him a long time ago and before Ba Sing Se.

I told him that Toph had met his Uncle so she would know. She has her ways of knowing these things. I explained that she'd run away from us not long after she first joined us. Me and Toph and Aang had a...err...disagreement. Apparently Toph and Uncle just chilled out and drank tea and gossiped for ages. Whatever he said to her must have made an impact because she was in a much better frame of mind when she rejoined us. Apparently he gives good advice. Zuko smiled and said He does. I just never listened until it was too late. We lay in silence for a bit and just watched the stars overhead and listened to the crackle of the fire. Zuko said, really quietly, I don't want to die before I've gotten a chance to tell him I'm sorry.

oh.

I felt the thrill of many different emotions run through me, but the one that won out, the one that I acted upon, was crankiness. Zuko shouldn't be thinking like this. Zuko shouldn't be talking like this. I whacked him in the shoulder and told him not to talk like that and nobody was going to die. He smiled a little ruefully and said You're an optimist. I'm a realist. The odds of all of us making it thro... he didn't get to finish his sentence because at that point I err...rolled over and tackled him a little and started tickling him and demanding he take it back and say we were all going to live, because I simply wouldn't accept any alternative. He said something about facing the reality of our situation. Reality schmeality. I tickled him some more and he squirmed and giggled and tried to roll me off him. I tickled him until he did the snorty laugh and then I paused and he said okay, okay. We'll all live and dance about in meadows and everything will be sunshine and rainbows. I told him I could have done without the sarcasm, but that was more like it and rolled off him.

He propped himself up on an elbow and looked at me and I did the same and then were were just looking at each other. I confessed quietly why I had sought him out tonight. I said look the ending of the play really scared me and I hoped you could cheer me up, not depress me further. So don't talk like that okay. Zuko looked a little shamefaced at this and said he was sorry. We were quiet for a second and then his face lit up (like it does when he thinks he's got a good idea). He said Here, I know what might cheer you up. pick a shape. Eerrr what? I queried his strange request and he shrugged and said pick a shape again and then added (a little cheekily) There's only one meaning I think.

I picked a circle and he gave me a smug smile and said too easy. He rolled onto his back and made a little fire circle that spun round above us. Ooh pretty. Zuko said his cousin used to bring him and Azula to the beach and when he was younger. Lu Ten would make all these amazing shapes for them and later they'd have shape competitions and he'd always found it cheered him up. This must have been what he was doing on the dock when I first came down. There was much fun with fire shapes. Triangles, squares, triangles in squares, rectangles, pentagons, hexagons. I watched him for a bit and I thought that I could do the same with waterbending, so I told him to pick a shape. He made a confused face and I said see it is a confusing request. I explained that I was going to have a go with waterbending and he smiled at me and said, fine- a pyramid. I summoned some water from the ocean and concentrated and soon there was a wonky pyramid floating above us.

I could do it!

Go me!

I said beat that and he smiled at me and the competition was on! We kept demanding more ludicrous shapes from each other, the earth kingdom symbol, and umbrella, a turtle duck, Suki's fans...etc

I was trying to catch him out and think of the absolute hardest and most obscure thing. Sokka had been talking about a really obscure shape the other day. He'd had a mad idea for it. Momo had a big role in this plan. Sokka just had to figure out how to make a firework in the shape of ..what was it?...A dodecahedron! That was it. I said a dodecahedron with some satisfaction. Zuko stopped making the triangle within a square within a pentagon circle round each other and said What is that?I explained that I didn't know but Sokka had been talking about them earlier and I just wanted to see if anyone else, who is not Sokka, knew what they were. Zuko made a bemused face at me and asked if he could interest me in a fire dragon instead of a dobihexadron.

He could.

He made a very miniature version of that fire dragon we'd seen at the firenation festival all those months ago. It was actually kind of cute, and very mesmerising to watch. The fire seemed to sparkle somehow. He said it was a very small version of the sparkle dragon that Aang was always on at him about. The sparkle dragon was different to just making shapes. It seemed alive somehow. I asked him to show me how he did it again and he complied and offered some explanations. There was a lot of breathing involved. There usually is. I concentrated on his... movements and when I felt I was ready, I tried copying them a little. I breathed deeply as I shaped the water into a little dragon. A water dragon!

Ha!

How awesome is that! Zuko was most impressed. I chased his sparkle dragon around with my water dragon and they were just zipping in circles around each other. I told him my water dragon was way faster than his sparkle dragon and a challenge was officially issued! We both we raced our little dragons for a while. Waterdragon totally won, but I had a feeling Zuko let me win so I'm not counting it. We made the dragons circle lazily round each other for a while. This was kind of calming actually. After a while we wanted to see what would happen if we put them together and our dragons collided in a puff of steam. Water droplets splashed on us and I couldn't help but smile widely. Zuko smiled at me and asked if I was feeling better. A bit, yeah.

I rolled over to look at him and said something that had been niggling at me since I saw it back at the theatre. You let her touch your scar. He looked a little embarrassed and said Oh... eerr... yes. I did. He explained about that bloody kid in his stupid Aang costume who thought he was in Zuko costume and said his scar was on the wrong side etc. He was still quite grumpy about this. I said he should look on the bright side. He could come into town with me now and people would just think he was dressing up as himself (Zuko hasn't come into town so far, for fear of being recognised).

Zuko said that wasn't his point. His point was that Toph hadn't known until that moment that he even had a scar. He said She must have been the only person on the planet a little unhappily. I said she was not the only person, there are other blind people out there after all, in a lame attempt at joking to cheer him up. I got rewarded with the grumpy face again. Zuko said Toph was the only person he'd ever known who couldn't just see it. And he'd liked that there was someone who didn't see it. But she was Toph and she had asked and he thought maybe she should know. I said that I don't really see it either now. I mean I see it, but it's just there. But it's not like I see it-see it. I didn't know how to put this into words so I mangled what I was trying to say and it all came out in a confused word blob. Zuko smiled and seemed to understand what I was trying to say anyway and he said thanks softly.

He didn't seem to want to talk about this any more in any case. He turned the conversation back on me. And said What about you? We had a deal. I told you all my secrets. What's got you awake in the middle of the night. I asked him if he would accept that I was a waterbender and it was near the full moon as an answer. I got the grumpy face again.

He asked me quite bluntly what had happened in the second intermission? He said that I had looked really upset when I came back from looking for Aang and he was just worried. I felt that awkward knotting feeling in my stomach and looked away. My plan to pretend Aang didn't have a crush on me and ignore it and not encourage it, had backfired. I kind of wanted to pretend that whole horribly awkward and unfair incident on the balcony had never happened. I wish I could do that. Just wave my hand and make that whole incident disappear. But I couldn't. I thought I wanted to tell Zuko, but then he'd know. Even worse I would have said it out loud and that would make in more real and then I couldn't just pretend it never happened. I started drawing intricate patterns in the sand and the silence stretched out.

Zuko coughed awkwardly and I looked up and he said if I didn't want to tell him, I didn't have to. I looked up in surprise. I guess we've always been pretty even about sharing our secrets. I tell you something - you tell me something sort of deal. But he could see I was uncomfortable and even though we had a deal, he'd let me off the hook and wouldn't pester me about it (if the situation was reversed I would probably pester and truthbend and tickle him until he told me. That's how I roll). Zuko'd given me the choice about whether not to tell him and I liked that. I think my first instinct back in my room was right. If I could tell anyone, it was Zuko.

I cleared my throat and said pretty quietly (so quietly that he had to scoot closer) It was Aang. We had a... I don't even know if I can call it a fight. We had an awkward moment. He asked me what had happened and I just blahed everything out.

I told him about how trying to ignore Aang's crush had blown up in my face. And now things would be weird and awkward and awkwardly weird. I said Aang kissed me and Zuko made a face and the fire flared up to my right. He waved it back down and said sorry, please continue. Oh continuing wasn't going to be a problem. I was in full on rant mode now. A veritable tirade was in the works. I went on about how Aang kissing me again was like the Great Sea Prune debacle but worse. So much worse. I mean, what do you do. He just kissed me after I had very gently tried to let him down and tell him no, but he didn't even listen to me. He clearly hadn't heard a word I said. And it was just rude to put your face in someone else's face without asking them if they were okay with the faceness of it all. Aang has never asked me. Just kissing me didn't give me a choice. And I ran away like a little girl and it was all a big old mess.

Talking about my various feelings on the subject may have turned into a somewhat grumpy rant about respect and boundaries. There may have been irate hand gestures. If a soap box was handy, I would have stood on it to deliver my speech to Zuko, the fire and the assorted marine life gathered on the beach. I have dubbed this speech my boundaries and respect speech. There's this thing called boundaries – there's this thing call respect, etc. I said that I knew he'd been raised by monks etc. but you can not just stick your face in a girls like that and this is the second time he's done this. He's never even asked me or waited for a clear signal from me. I don't want anyone to kiss me until I say it's okay.

There was a moment of silence after I finished my rant. Zuko asked if I wanted him to talk to Aang for me. Spirits no! Don't you say a word Zuko! This whole situation was already a giant awkward thing. I just want to ignore this thing and pretend it never happened. If Zuko talked to him it will grow from a thing to a schmozzle. We have enough schmozzles to deal with as it is. Zuko smiled at me and promised to keep my secret and said he agreed with me re: schmozzles. The last thing we need is more of them. We smiled at each other. Zuko really does have a nice smile.

I asked him what he thought I should do and he shrugged and said he didn't know, but maybe we could all just pretend it didn't happen and not make a big deal out of it and it would go away. This sounds very much like my original plan. Zuko said that Aang would have to understand what I meant by running away and Zuko didn't think he'd try kiss me again after that. So if we just ignore it...yes! This is the best plan ever! Rather than talking about it, (boo talking), I though the best thing for everyone would be for us to just ignore it. Tomorrow we would all play a game called let's pretend this never happened and everything would go back to normal.

I swore Zuko to secrecy re: balcony shenanigans again and he said really softly that I didn't have to worry. My secrets were safe with him. I was lying closer to the fire, with my back to it and his pale face was reflecting the firelight and he was smiling at me, a little shyly and then it hit me. It was more than my secrets that were safe with Zuko. This is really weird to write, but I just feel safe with him. An hour ago I was a big ball of anxiety and worry and frustration and now I just felt... ooh what is this feeling. I felt happier. I felt calmer. I felt this smushing churning feeling my stomach really strongly, but that was a good feeling too.

I have a few daydreams that start like this. Shirtless Zuko and I, on a beach, under a full moon with a fire. But this wasn't a daydream. This was real. Could I? It would be a simple thing to lean over and just give him a little kiss. Would he like that? Would he kiss me back? Or would he give me a speech about respect and boundaries? Was I brave enough to just give it a go. I think I was. He wasn't looking at me, but was doodling little patterns in the sand. I reached over with my hand and held his for a second and intertwined my fingers with his. He looked up in surprise at me. I said thanks for listening and cheering me up and he said any time. His mouth looked really soft and he was looking at me with this weird expression, confused but hopeful, not unwilling. I looked at him with what I hope was a sufficiently encouraging and sultry expression. I felt like we were having a conversation just with our eyes. I was just about to lean in for... gah... I can't even lie to myself and say there is a medical purpose for what I wanted to do.

I wanted to kiss him.

Fine I wrote it.

And I would have too, if not for Aang. Right at that very second, we both heard a bloodcurdling scream from the house. Aang. Our eyes widened in alarm. We both broke apart and leapt to our feet. Zuko put out the fire in an instant and we both sprinted towards the house. And all thoughts of kissing or nearly kissing were abandoned. Boo.

-?-

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Authors notes: frightfully long and rambly, but this should surprise no one.

Giant humongous thanks to everyone who reviewed! seriously! I love all your comments and I'm glad I could make some of you laugh. There were some brilliant kataang rants in the mix for this last chapter that warmed the cockles of my heart! High five fellow ranters! And flameo! Snuggles and love and sparkle dragons far all my lovely readers - especially the ones who leave reveiws because they make me a happy chappy! You guys are fabulous!

Lovely readers! I hope you have enjoyed Act three of the ember island players, in all it's glorious ridiculousness. So I was thinking, and YMMV, that there is almost no storyline for Act Three of the boy in the iceberg. So I made it a musical.

Good decision?

Bad decision?

You decide.

The firenation don't know that much about the Gaang's activities. If they did, I would call shenanigans on that. There are probably a few rumours etc, but mostly the Ember Island Players are left with a very bare third act. What is the obvious solution? Just stuff it full with long singing/dancing numbers and speeches from other plays. And ta da! The previous showing of the play had just finished and that gives the Ember Island Players many more singers and dancers to fill in the late night cheeky version's musical numbers. Fishnets and chorus lines for everybody!

A few songs were written especially for the boy in the iceberg, others the would have shamelessly shamelessy plagiarised from their other plays. Katara's songs (I love willies and hold my hand, that's not my hand) are actually from this quirky British show called the it crowd. I watched one episode -where they all go to a musical together- and just died with laughter. So I borrowed their song names as a little nod to quirky British wit.

Ooh for any of you who don't know, willy/willies is slang for dicks. That's why when free willy came out in Aus, several people looked askance at the posters and demurred about appropriateness for children. Why not just call that whale billy? But I disgress.

Zuko and Katara's stage counterparts both have very cheeky little numbers that fit their floozy characters. StageKatara has accidentally wandered into scenes from chicago or some other musical about scantily clad women who want to make it big on the stage. StageZuko has another threesome and sings about it. As you do. Ty Lee and Mai's song is actually from one of those texts from the firenation captions. My friend sent it to me and I thought it would make a great song. And I just think that after hanging out with Azula, nonchalance would be Mai and Ty Lee's reaction to everything being on fire.

I gave Combustion Man hamlet's speech. For no reason than because I thought it would be funny to give a huge guy who never speaks a very complicated and famous soliloquy. Sokka inadvertently pulls the sword from the stone and briefly re-enacts the firenation version of King Arthur. Because I say so. To the firenation Sokka's not a bender, he's just the guy with the boomerang/sword. On a more serious note, I think Toph was having too much fun at everybody's expense, so I made her song one that would hit one of her soft spots. The why can't I be pretty song, would have seriously bugged Toph. And she doesn find the play quite as funny/accurate after that.

I threw in the Painted Lady thing, because I think Katara needed a boost after the humiliating, awkward moment with Aang on the balcony. Zuko would have heard about a whole factory going explode-y and the painted lady etc back at the palace. He wouldn't have thought much of it. I don't know how much stock Zuko puts in spirit world shenanigans. But he would have put two and two together during the play and asked Katara about it. They get to have a nice chat and Zuko gets to reaffirm what I think is one of Katara's finer qualities. Her sense of compassion. And make her feel a little better about herself when he tells her that she really did help that village immensely. There might be more conversations on the painted lady/blue spirit later.

So anyway I made the play exceptionally ridiculous and then killed everyone. The play is still firenation propaganda and so obviously Ozai is going to win and I just figure the rest of the Gaang would be going down along with Aang and Zuko. I think given time, the play's ridiculousness will soften the blow of the ending. How seriously can you take the ending of a play in which your stage counter part sings a song entitled I love willies. Still, it doesn't stop Katara from worrying and tossing and turning and fretting about it. Especially Zuko, because he would have seemed like a very distressed panda (even more sad than a sad panda) when everybody was clapping after his death scene.

So Katara has a bit of a stalky relaspe and wants to talk to him and have him cheer her up and she hopes she can cheer him up as well. I wanted to explore the mutual comfort that they get from each other and so I did a bit. Katara feels safe with Zuko, but I think the same is equally true for him. I think hanging out with Katara is probably as comfortable and safe as he's felt with anybody for a long time. It's certainly the first time he's felt this at ease with a girl. She still makes him nervous in that good crushing on you way (not the bad -she'd kill me as much as look at me -way.) so they have a little beachy campfire and there is tickling and fun competitions and an exchange of secrets. Judge away lovely readers. I think they are adorable together and they should just chill out on the beach together more often. The beach does smooth away rough edges and reveal the real you after all.

In all honesty, I think Zuko is a realist and he does realise that it is possible that his sister is going to kill him. But he knew this when he left. I don't think the ending of the play surprised him greatly. The fanatical cheering did, but the actual play did not. But I think he knew what a risk he was taking when he left. He's always known how much is at stake and that is why he is the most disciplined in his teaching Aang. Zuko has put all his eggs in Aang's basket so to speak. And he doesn't have anywhere near Katara's level of optimistic hope/blind faith in Aang. So he's a touched bothered by the ending.

I think he would be more bothered about his Uncle. Zuko wants to make peace with his Uncle more than anything and to see that just be one big unresolved plot point in the play would have really bothered him. (much like the various unresolved plot points bother me). I think anything to do with his Uncle is going to induce a Zuko mope. He and Toph had a lovely conversation, but really Toph talked to Iroh before Ba Sing Se and Zuko does always see thing quite negatively. He might think, well he adored me then, but that was before I betrayed him and now he probably hates me and I might never get to see him again and just... there would be many sad panda thoughts guys. That's all I'm saying.

I think staying in the house makes Zuko think about his various family members who were not jerks. I think Lu Ten was a golden hero to both Zuko and Azula for a while there and would have liked to entertain/show off for them. He was probably told to keep the kids occupied and down at the beach and The fire shape game is what he came up with. So Zuko takes himself down to the beach for his mope and makes fire shapes. And then later he and Katara play the shape game together and much fun is had by all. I had them make their dragons circle each other- in my imagination, this would look like a blue and orange version of Tui and La. Because my imagination works like that.

Zuko letting Toph touch his scar would have niggled at Katara, not bothered per se. but niggled. But when he explains she understands a bit better. I think for Zuko having a friend who doesn't see his scar would be a huge novelty and a blessing, but he let Toph touch it anyway. Katara sees it, but she's gotten to the point where she sees past it, if that makes sense. Katara is just as ineloquent as I am about this actually. But it's okay, in my imagination, Zuko understands what she is trying to say.

And they have a big old chat about Aang, because Katara would have had to talk to somebody. I don't think she'd tell Toph or Sokka, she'd think about telling Suki, but ultimately Zuko is the better choice for her. I didn't want Zuko to hassle her about it, but he could see how upset she was at second intermission and he is worried. But when she looks so unsure and awkward, he doesn't force the issue. I think this would mean something to Katara. Not being forced into the awkward situation/conversation and being given the space to decide for herself if she wanted to tell him would have be very nice for her. Zuko wants to know, but he clearly doesn't want to make her uncomforatble. I think Katara is much more easy with pushing him to open up, but he probably wouldn't be as forceful with her about opening up to him. Combination of shyness/fear of saying the wrong thing or her getting so mad she slaps him etc.

So she tells him about the kiss and he has a jealous moment with the fire, but keeps it together and tries to be a good friend/listener. I think Katara would have gotten a bit ranty and respect and boundaries and nobody kissing her until they get a very clear signal from her. She's a bit caught up in the moment and very cross at Aang and is not thinking about the ways that Zuko might take her little speech. Zuko is not great in the confidence department when it comes to girls and he is going to wait until he gets the clearest signal imaginable. A signal so bright it could be seen from space. She may also have to post a billboard, draw him a map etc.

but anyway just talking to someone and having them agree with her lets put this all behind us plan would have been a great thing for Katara. and for Zuko, i think just being around Katara's relentless optimism is comforting. They both have really cheered each other up during their little beachinterlude. and then they have a moment.

Katara, despite the little speech she just gave, is hoping to push some boundaries and get a kiss. They have that leaning in eye-contact conversation that precedes a kiss. But she's sort of waiting for him to make the first move. Zuko is a bit confused by this turn of events (he was listening to the speech people) and he is waiting for a clear signal and so alas! nothing happens. Don't hate me lovely readers, something will happen, further down the track. The point in this chapter is just that something nearly happens and they both will kind of acknowledge that to themselves. But then I had Aang block them from afar. Zuko inadvertently blocks Aang all the time and I just thought it would be nice for symmetrical purposes if the same thing happened to Zuko but in reverse.

YMMV on everything my lovelies!

In the next chapter there will be a few explosions of jealousy. Aang has a lot of grumpy feelings re: the situation with Katara and he knows who's fault that is! Zuko has a few feelings about Jet and he will try to keep them to himself, but one of the problems with being a firebender is that fires around you just react when you are really pissed off. Zuko should never try to do that thing Katara does (angry? me? Ha! I'm not angry at all! Why would I be angry?) around an open flame.

Til then lovely readers...