A/N: Apologies for the delay!

CHAPTER EIGHT

::Tobias::

I stared at Cassie, but she did not look at me. I knew what she was trying to do – she was trying to give Jake back his motivations for continuing the war, the very reasons he had lost back in our own reality.

Then what about our own family members?

It then struck me. Loren. She was here in this reality too. But different.

"Loren remembers me," I blurted out. "She was trying to enrol me into school..." I felt a hot flush creep up my neck. "Apparently I didn't seem to want to have to go to school for quite a few years."

Marco was still looking a bit sulky at being singled out for 'liking the Sharing', a not-so-subtle reminder that he actually enjoyed himself at the first Sharing gathering we went to a few years back. But at my words, his expression changed into a more thoughtful-looking one.

"Loren? She's here? And she remembers you?" Cassie asked incredulously, retrieving her hand from Jake and putting both on her hips. "If she's here... then – then what about Elfangor?"

The mention of that name struck me dumb. I hadn't thought of that. What if... what if he was still around?

I shook my head lightly. That couldn't be possible. If it happened, that was just twisted. Way twisted.

"Elfangor?" Jake echoed. "Isn't that the Andalite who gave you – I mean, us – the morphing power?"

"He happens to be my dad," I replied, flatly.

"Oh," Jake muttered. "Wow."

"I have no idea." I looked at Rachel, who was staring questioningly at me. I reached out and took her hand. She squeezed mine in return. "I – I don't like it. I don't like to know that she knows me here." And she'll give me reasons for me not to go back to the old reality. "You get what I mean?"

I could hear Cassie sigh, but in front of me, Rachel nodded. I knew she would understand. She leaned into me – for a moment, the hawk in me flared, and I jerked. Rachel looked up at me, her head still on my shoulder, so I tried to take a deep breath to relax. Rachel felt vulnerable in this reality too, I could tell.

"Rachel?" It was Jake again, this time looking perplexed. "You know him well?" He jabbed a finger towards me, which made me rather annoyed.

Rachel laughed. "The way you know Cassie."

Jake didn't look too happy, casting a suspicious glance in my direction, but then he just put his head into his hands. All that information must have been too much for him to handle.

"It sounds like my parents and Rachel's are still the same as before. Before we told them the news, that is," said Cassie, who had turned to look at Marco. "Something's not right with yours, from what Jake just said."

"Yeah, my mother is still dead." Marco raised his fingers to make inverted commas. "For your info, Jake, my mom was infested by the top-ranking Yeerk of all time, Visser One. She didn't really die. In fact, in our reality, she's alive and free. My dad, all happy again." His voice cracked a little. "Gee, just when the happiest thing happens to me, it's gotta be taken away. And I can't even find a shred of humour anywhere to cheer me up from this depressing reality."

Jake stared at him, completely baffled.

"Again, Cassie and Rachel unharmed..." Ax mused.

A flash of memory: The first image of Rachel in this reality was her running towards me, arms outstretched, and a tear-streaked face...

"I want to find Loren," I said, adamantly.

"Hang on." Marco looked at Jake. "Is there a Sharing meeting anytime soon?"

"It's Saturday tomorrow," said Jake, warily, his eyes darting around at all of us. "Tom's getting together a basketball team at The Sharing, and I'm invited to a practice session at ?"

"Oh." Marco shrugged. "Sounds like your kind of outing. Not mine." But then he looked in my direction, and I felt like he had something more to say. Then Marco stretched. "Okay, I'm going home to find out what's my situation. Tobias can go back to find his mother. Maybe tomorrow evening we could meet here again?"

"Hey," began Jake, but Cassie stopped him. "Look, Jake, we know you're really confused by everything. At the moment, just sleep on it, alright? You can rest being a leader for the moment. We'll think about it tomorrow evening."

Sleep on it. The exact words Jake had used when he was describing how he had decided not to evacuate his parents immediately when the Yeerks began their search for our families. And his tone was full of bitterness. Now, Jake looked nothing like the old general he had ended up being, torn and worn. He was a confused teenager, looking suspicious and helpless all at once. Which was better?

Jake decided to stay with Cassie for a while to speak privately to her, and we felt it was best, since Cassie seemed to know how to calm him down. The rest of us trudged out of the barn. Marco immediately began to morph to osprey. It made me feel a little bitter watching him grow wings, but I said nothing. Rachel also morphed to bald eagle, and I looked away to avoid the pity in her eyes.

‹Okay,› Marco's thoughtspeak made me jump. ‹Here's the plan. We're going to do surveillance at that basketball game tomorrow. Jake's place at nine-thirty. Roaches. Flies. Whatever. I'm guessing we have to fight the Yeerks in this reality too, and maybe somehow we can find a way to get back to reality, I don't know. Jake won't know this, or he'd slip up. Cassie, I hope you're hearing this.›

"Sounds like a plan," I said, lightly. "Except that I can't morph."

‹Sorry, dude,› said Marco. ‹Either you sit it out, or you'll just be inconspicuously attending the Sharing.›

"No. I'm going to find out about my mom," I said. "Besides, I can't play basketball."

‹Man, can you stop–›

‹Leave him be, Marco.› Rachel was growing irritated.

"I can help you, Tobias," said Ax.

‹No, Ax, we need your help when dealing with those slugs.›

"I can handle it alone."

There was a pause.

‹Fine,› said Marco.

‹I'm going with him,› said Rachel, defiantly.

‹No, Xena, I need you at the Sharing.›

‹What, why? So you can use me in warrior princess mode?› Rachel's tone was challenging.

‹Shut up, Rachel. This isn't the time.› Marco's voice held a certain tension that was unsettling. ‹I have a plan, alright? It can happen if one person is out, but not two.›

‹Who made you leader?› grumbled Rachel.

‹You want to be, Xena? Go ahead. Tell us your plans.›

There was a short pause. ‹Never mind,› muttered Rachel.

Marco flapped his wings. ‹Tobias, besides Cassie already said you didn't like the Sharing. So I'll see the rest of you at nine-thirty.›

"Ax?" I asked. "If you can't morph to Andalite, where're you headed to?"

"I came from a human residence earlier on," said Ax, startling all of us. "I believe my current human self belongs there."

"I'll come with you," I said quickly. But Ax shook his head, a very human gesture. "Tobias, I believe you have a home to go to as well."

‹I'll watch over him.› Marco. In private thoughtspeak. He must have understood my concern. I bobbed my head a little in appreciation.

All in all, I couldn't morph and I actually seemed to have a home. That was crazily weird. I hazarded the guess that it would be the home where I had found Loren in, so I began to walk away from them. Marco and Rachel took off. Ax headed in a different direction. A few minutes later, however, I felt someone catch up with me, and I realised it was Rachel, in full human form.

"I decided you could use some company," she said, smiling.

I didn't smile back, but I took her hand.

"Tobias?" she asked, quietly. Just within that one word, my name, she was asking a million questions. How are you feeling? Are you angry with Marco? Are you angry with the Ellimist? Are you angry with Loren? I don't know if she meant them all, but I could imagine them surfacing from her question and pounding at my head.

I gritted my teeth. "I don't know, Rachel. I really don't know."

We walked in silence. I didn't even know where I was walking to anymore, until I felt a tug at my hand.

We had reached Loren's house.

Or my house, in this reality.

"What about tomorrow?" Rachel asked. "You're really not joining us?"

I shrugged. "Let me think it over."

She nodded. "Alright, just have a good rest then."

"I'm not even sure..." I began, but Rachel let go of my hand, turned me to face her, and placed both her hands on my shoulders. "Be brave, Tobias," she whispered. "Be brave. Be yourself."

I swallowed hard as I turned towards the house. She didn't know how hard it was to be myself.

Because I didn't know who I was anymore.