Consider yourself disclaimed,

Complicated

Penny and Leonard continued the hug for several more seconds. Then Leonard reached up and grasped her left hand with his right and turned toward the living room, leading her by the hand still in his. He led her over to the couch and they set down together. He looked at her, his hand still gently holding hers, their knees touching. Leonard was neither smiling or frowning, Penny face was soft, she was almost teary.

"Complicated", Leonard softly uttered. "Lisel was born on a Thursday, Liisa started chemo therapy the next day. She was diagnosed with cancer in her fifth month of the pregnancy. Chemo would have killed the baby. There was never a doubt in her mind what the decision would be. By the time Lisel was born the cancer had spread to her pancreas, and liver. She really never had a chance, but she got to hold and care for Lisel until she was too sick from either cancer or the treatments. The final year there was nothing more to be done medically. We stayed at home until the end. I brought in a nurse to help care for both of Liisa and the baby."

Leonard's voice was starting to break. He sat back slightly his eyes went back to the urn, mastering his grief. "You would have liked her Penny. She would have loved to meet you."

Penny had started to cry earlier but it was now closer to sobbing. Leonard let go of her hand and wrapped his arm around her pulling her close. She buried her face into his chest and cried. He just held her, not saying a word and stared at the urn. A tear trickled from his eye but he made no move to wipe it away.

When Penny's crying at last lessened Leonard eased how tightly he was holding her. She sat up grabbing his hand as he pulled his arm back. She reached for the tissues with other hand and dabbed her eyes. She looked into his face, "It must have been so hard Leonard."

"It was terrible and wonderful at the same time. I had this beautiful baby girl, watching her grow, laughing, playing was so wonderful. Watching Liisa in unendurable pain, horribly sick from the chemo, then as the cancer continued to spread. She evaporated in the end before my eyes. She died in her sleep thankfully. Yes, terrible and wonderful the first two years of Lisel's life were for me."

He was sitting back slightly, staring at nothing a spot above the urn. Penny watched him intently. When she spoke her voice trembled, "I'm so sorry I wish I could have been there for you, as your friend." Leonard looked at Penny and smiled a sad smile and simply said "Me too, but I'm glad you weren't. I would want to spare you the terrible half and just let you experience Lisel."

He lifted her hand to his lips, and kissed it then stood releasing it. Leonard walked to the kitchen and retrieved the bottle of wine from its ice bucket. He brought it to the coffee table and poured some in both glasses. He looked at Penny and smiled, "I'll try to not do that again tonight, and it's easy to go back there but not particularly healthy."

Hidden Strength

Penny watched his every move now. This was a different Leonard than she had ever seen. She had seen him sad and in pain. She'd even been the one who caused it. This was a whole new level of pain. A level of tragedy that she could probably act, but could she had lived it? Someone she had loved once had. Loved once, interesting choice of words, I loved him then, at this moment I probably love him even more. I didn't think that was possible. I was still in love with the Leonard of then until I got here. Now I realize that this Leonard, though clearly scarred but unbroken is the best parts of the old Leonard and more. But am I the best parts of both and will he feel the same way about the new Penny.

She watched Leonard walk to his phone and tap it several times. He handed it to her, "this is Lisel', there was the most adorable little blonde girl staring back at her. She had his brown eyes, and the smile. She could feel her heart melting at the sight, she looked at the next picture in the album and it was Leonard holding her hand feeding ducks in a park. "She's precious Leonard, I see you in her.

He smiled, "funny I always see her mother, though her mother's eyes were green like yours, but not yours", he finally blushed she noticed. She kept it light, "well you've heard of green eyed monsters haven't you, be careful how you answer."

He laughed, nodding at some memory. She wondered if it was of her or Liisa.

My daughter Lisel

Leonard was amazed about the person before him. She almost looked no different. Those green eyes still shined. Liisa had lovely eyes, but they weren't Penny's. Sam's eyes today were close but still not these sparkling green eyes. He had to keep from shaking his head. She really was here sitting on his coach. Her hair was cut straight like when he first met her. That lighter blonde she had then too. Shorter than when they were together. She had on black tight jeans with low black heels, a bright red top with lace at the edges. Her face was exactly how he remembered it. The little flaws: the smile a little crooked, one eye ever so slightly lower than the other, the round cheeks with high cheek bones. He was always amazed how the small imperfection made someone beautiful. She gnawed on her lip, and he thought his heart really did skip a beat

He found himself wondering what Lisel would think of Penny. He decided she would like her, he hoped maybe even love her. It was more complicated than he could fathom right now. Penny was a celebrity. She went out wearing a hat and glasses to hide from the paparazzi. He suddenly realized he was over thinking things. He looked at Penny and smiled, a silent "Thank you for teaching me that", ran through his head.

Leonard sat back next to her on the couch. She put the phone on coffee table. He reached for her hand again, intertwining his fingers with hers. "I can't explain it to you how nice it is to have you here, it completes the place somehow." She looked in his eyes and gave him a warm smile.

"Tell me more about Lisel, what a lovely name."

Leonard smiled, "She's named after Lisel Mueller the poet. She's very sweet, loves being around the other children at the Caltech daycare. She's smart and very creative loves to color and paint. Gives all her dolls and stuffed animals names that daddy is expected to remember." The smile became a smirk.

"Is she smart like you Leonard?"

"Maybe, she's starting to read all ready, knows her colors and the alphabet, in both English and German. But I hope she's not smart like me. I hope she smart like you and Liisa was."

"How I'm smart?" Penny asked a puzzled look coming across her face.

Leonard smiled, and considered his reply. "Penny you're a very successful actress. You have always had what I like to think of as emotional intelligence. You know how to make a person feel at ease, empathy, making people feel cared for, drawing them out. You didn't learn it acting, it's who you are. It's who Lisel's mother was. I've never had that. I pull into myself, everything has to fit, even emotions. I was never as bad as Sheldon, but it's kind of the heart of being a nerd. They replace caring for people with objects, fantasies, fictions, and games. Though they desperately want to connect with someone outside themselves, you were who connected with me."

Penny was getting teary again. Leonard put his hand under her chin and made her look at him.

"No more of that now, we've both cried enough", he leaned forward kissed her forehead and she smiled. The tears didn't quite stop, but close enough.

"That's why you're smart. I'm better with my people skills now, but I still start to analyze people's motives. I try to understand what things mean and why someone is acting the way they are. Then a voice in my head tells me not to over think things, your voice"

Penny was smiling now, "You hear my voice?"

Leonard just nodded, and reached for his wine.

Das Andenken

Penny reached for her wine also, then kicked off her low heels and pulled up her feet and calves under her. Leonard stood and moved toward the wardrobe. "It's a little cool in here. I'll get you a throw"

"Thanks that would be great", Penny said watching him as he opened the wardrobes, "Where did you get the beautiful wardrobe and sideboard, were they Liisa's?"

He was reaching inside, "No, I had some just like them in my rooms at Oxford. I looked really hard to find them when I had the apartment decorated."

Leonard turned around and came back and spread a blue blanket around penny's lap, covering her to the waist. She snuggled in, it was very comfy.

He sat down next to her, "Better?" He was looking at her, smiling that smile.

"Promise not to cry?", still smiling that smile.

Penny shook her head and smiling back. What's he getting at? She thought.

"The blanket has sleeves if you get colder." Leonard said chuckling.

She battled to not to cry, she felt her mouth gaping open. She looked down and felt around, finding the sleeves. She looked back him. "You've kept it all this time", now she really was going to cry. He set down and wrapped her up in a hug. "Remember no crying. Try laughing it helps it's like anti crying. The blanket was my das andenken der Penny. That's, "the memento of Penny", in German, but it means more in German, more personal. Memento in English means any object that reminds you of something, souvenir is the synonym. In German it's an emotional attachment to an item."

Penny mastered herself quickly. She became the actor for a moment. She giggled, he was right it helped. She decided that she would jab him just a little. "Pedantic Leonard", she gave him a serious look. His face was taken aback for moment, she'd gotten him.

Penny smiled her best smile, "Romantically pedantic". His smile returned. Penny reached for her purse next to her. She reached in side bringing back out her snowflake, and held it up to him.

His smile faded to a look of wonder, he looked teary for only a moment. Laughed and was smiling again.

Penny felt it was time to leave. It had been so emotional it might blow up if they try too hard. They needed to learn how they had each changed and grown in 10 years. She also knew if he really insisted, she would have slept with him tonight, this minute, this instant even. Then she realized what Leonard had said was right. Her emotional intelligence was showing itself.

She was surprised when he beat her to it.

"Well that may be enough of a stroll down memory lane for tonight. You must be getting tired, I know I am."

"Penny do you have plans for tomorrow evening?"

Penny smiled at him "No"

"Howard and Bernadette are coming over, I'm cooking a duck. Would you like to come by and see them and have dinner?"

She was a little panicked, was that too fast? She shook it off. "I'd love to. I've missed Bernadette so much. Is Howard still Howard?"

Leonard smiled, "She has a pretty tight leash on him, and he's mellowed out quite a bit. His mouth comes disconnected from his brain only about half the time now."

Penny stood, "I guess I should be going"

He took her hands and looked into her eyes, "Dinner is at 7:00 come early so I can spend time with you if you can."

He got up and walked over to his desk, reached into the drawer and pulled out a key chain with a pink ankh symbol attached.

She slipped on her shoes and stood, picked up her purse and moved toward the door.

He helped her on with her jacket and handed her the hat and glasses.

He held out the key ring with the pink ankh. "I need someone to have my spare key. I wouldn't want you to have to wait in the hall if I'm late sometime.

Penny took the key. She'd seen a ankh before with a circle on top of the cross but had no Idea what it stood for. A thought struck her in the pit of her stomach.

"Did this belong to Liisa?" she asked a little panicky.

Leonard smiled and touched her cheek, "No Penny, it belonged to you. You left it with the key to 4B when you left for New York."

She suddenly remembered, she had given him the key on this key chain with the ankh. He was going to tell her about the ankh but had been interrupted by Sheldon.

"I remember now" she said smiling at Leonard, "you were going to tell me what the symbol meant."

.He looked at her, leaned over and kissed her cheek, as he pulled back he whispered.

"It means life."