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Agni Kai
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The entire city seemed deserted, which struck Zuko as really odd, because apparently the city was always full of people. But today, we hadn't seen a single person as we flew over it and there were no lights burning in any of the windows. But it was more than that. It actually felt...empty. just empty. I always feel a bit creeped out when I am in places that are supposed to be crowded when they are completely empty. Where was everybody? They certainly weren't at the coronation plaza. It was completely bare aside from Azula and a small cluster of nervous looking men who I understood to be the firesages. They were holding the crown over her head. Oh my goodness, we really got here just in time.
Appa made a noise and the firesage who had been holding an elaborate looking topknot crown paused. He looked up, took a step back from Azula and lowered the crown. She huffed impatiently at him and loudly asked what he was waiting for. The firesage pointed at us. We landed right in front of her. Zuko sprang to action, jumped down, and landed gracefully. He declared loudly that she wasn't going to become firelord today, he was. I am very impressed at how forcefully he said that considering he didn't even want to be firelord that much in the first place.
Azula looked confused for a second and then she laughed; a high jingly laugh I have never heard from her before. She was holding her stomach and laughing like Zuko had just made the funniest joke in the history of forever. But there was a weird edge to her laugh. When her mirth subsided she said you're hilarious and chuckled a little bit more. She wasn't taking this seriously, but she should have. I went and stood next to Zuko and told her she was going down. This prompted more laughter. Apparently I am also hilarious.
Behind Azula, the firesages all looked at eachother, clearly unsure of what to do. There was a fair bit of awkward shuffling and muttering from them. The one holding the crown seemed to be elected spokesperson (mostly because he was physically shoved forward by the others.) He waggled the crown at Azula and said should we... we will never know what he thought they should have done, because Azula cut him off and told him to wait for a minute.
She stood up to her full height and looked directly at Zuko and narrowed her eyes. All mirth was gone. She said in a dangerously low tone you want to be firelord so bad? It wasn't really a question, or if it was she answered it herself straight away. She declared that they needed to settle this once and for all. Just you and me brother. The showdown that was always meant to be. AGNI KAI! I was about to tell her she could shove her Agni Kai up her arse, when Zuko agreed to it and said you're on firmly.
What the hell?
Seriously, what the hell did he think he was doing? Really now! I know enough about Agni Kais to know that they are complete solo combat. I wouldn't be able to help him at all during an Agni Kai. All along we had been saying that we were going to do this together and together we could do anything. Together, together, together. It's true! Together we make such a great team. We're unstoppable together and Azula must have sensed this.
She knew she couldn't take us both so she was trying to separate us and was playing on Zuko's love of his friggin honour to achieve that end. He used to say that she always lied and was always up to something. Couldn't he see that's what she was doing now? I said as much to Zuko and he agreed. He said he knew she was trying to separate us, but he knew he could take her this time on his own. I protested rather strongly at this and even invoked the name of his uncle to make him see sense. Sometime with Zuko, when all else fails, saying Your Uncle would do this...can help dramatically.
Zuko tried to reassure me and told me to just look at her. Zuko couldn't put his finger on it, but there was something off about her today. He was sure he'd be able to beat her. At his words I did glance over and I had to agree that he had a point. There was something off about her. There isn't really another word for it.
She looked...unkempt. I have never seen Azula look less than perfect. She always looks like she has just strolled out of a salon. Today, her hair was a complete mess and it looked like someone had taken to her bangs with blunt scissors. Why would she let someone do that? Unless she...
Zuko interrupted my train of thought and said that it was better this way. This way nobody else has to get hurt he said. He just looked at me while he said that. There were so many layers of meaning to what he just said. There was so much concern and affection in his gaze. I looked back at him with just as much feeling. I had come all this way for him (I wasn't in the coronation plaza for my health after all). I'd come to stand by him and help him and have his back. But he seemed even more determined to keep me out of harms way. I felt like we were having a stubborn stare off, which Zuko won (as I think he is the more stubborn of the two of us), because all of a sudden, I found myself acquiescing despite my various misgivings.
Then Azula called out Oi Dum Dum, can you stop eye-*ing (*she said a very rude word here that rhymes with pucking) your little peasant long enough to formally accept. Apparently you have to formally accept an Agni Kai to make it all official. Zuko did this and then he gave Azula the Vs – a gesture which she reciprocated. She said we'll meet back here in half an hour, unless you want to withdraw now before I've made you cry like a little girl. Zuko said something about how Azula was the one who was going to end up crying like a little girl in retaliation. Azula said that she would be crying – with shame - over Zuko's terrible firebending skills. Zuko said he'd be crying with shame over the fact that his sister was a nutjob with bad hair. Seriously what happened to it? he asked her. Azula had an odd moment of self consciousness. She reached up and touched the frayed edges that were hanging down in her face. She angrily shouted that there was nothing wrong with her hair and Zuko was the one with terrible hair. His hair looked like... a mop ...so there! On that note she turned around and stomped off into the pagoda behind her, satisfied that she'd had the final word.
So...
Zuko and Azula definitely bring out each other's... less mature side. He said that whole scene was like their childhood in a nutshell. He looked at the door she'd disappeared through for a long second before he turned away and said we should find somewhere safe for Appa. Appa is terrified of fire after all. Whatever happened to him when he went missing seems to have really spooked him with regards to fire. Zuko and Aang always made sure to practice their firebending far away from him, after Appa reacted really badly the first time he saw Aang firebending (all the way back at the Western Air Temple). An Agni Kai on the day of the comet would be hellish for Appa, so Zuko had a point. We should get him out of here.
Not too far away, I wanted to have Appa close by, in case we needed to make a quick get away. But he should be somewhere safe and far away from the flames. A place where he could relax – especially after he'd been so good and flown us so far. Zuko said he had an idea. His old house wasn't far away but it would be a great place for Appa. It had a large garden and stables. It was only ten minutes walk away, but that would be far enough away from the coronation Plaza, so hopefully Appa wouldn't be bothered by the fire. Zuko thought we should walk there. So I'd know the way on my own...just in case...I got a bit stroppy and did not let him finish that sentence. However, I could see the wisdom of what he was saying. So we walked with Appa trailing behind us.
-?-
On the walk I asked what was with the half an hour waiting time? Zuko explained that for a duel to be 'official' there had to be at least a half an hour cooling off period between the time the duel was declared and when it was fought. It was common in the firenation, which had a prevalence of...err... feisty people, for Agni Kais to be declared in the heat of the moment. Often, but not always, the combatants would rethink their options and decide against firedueling after a little time 'cooling off'. The number of Agni Kai's being fought had still increased dramatically since Sozin's time. His grandfather, Azulon, became sick of losing good Generals to petty disputes and had drawn up additional rules for how Agni Kais were to be conducted.
Sozin's additional rules were:
One: a mandatory half hour cooling off period, otherwise the subsequent duel was not an Agni Kai but an uncouth and uncivilised brawl.
Two: No Agni Kais while drunk. No exceptions. Both participants must be sober. Apparently too much sake greatly affected one's perceived ability to fight an Agni Kai and many Agni Kais were declared while both participants where completely schnozzled.
Three: Bringing koalasheep dung into the arena, with the intention of throwing it in your opponent's face, was strictly prohibited. Zuko didn't have any extra explanations for this particular rule. The mind boggles.
Four: No fighting over women allowed. Unless the woman in question was not a firebender.
Weird.
I asked what about fathers or brothers protecting their daughter or sister's honour? Zuko just said simply that in the firenation, women could protect their own honour and if they felt slighted enough, they could fight an Agni Kai if they wished. It was really unusual for women to actually fight an Agni Kai, but it had happened on occasion.
I arched an eyebrow at this.
Zuko said that he knew I was probably thinking it was because girls have more common sense and wouldn't go round declaring Agni Kais over any old thing, whereas boys do dumb stuff all the time etc. I actually hadn't been thinking that at all. But I guess it makes sense that Zuko would assume I was thinking this. I mean girls do have more common sense than boys after all. We just do. I have told Zuko this frequently.
I had actually been thinking that it was so different to the water tribes. We didn't have anything like an Agni Kai equivalent. But I was certain that even if the watertribes did – women would not be allowed to fight their own battles. Zuko thought I should be glad the water tribes didn't Agni Kai over everything little thing. He had come to the conclusion that – tradition be damned – an Agni Kai was a terrible way to settle an argument. A terrible way to settle anything really. I agreed.
Zuko said that today's Agni Kai would be his third. I knew his first one was against his dad – but I couldn't remember who the second one was against? Zhao, apparently. At the start of autumn last year. It was back when they were both chasing after us and Aang. Zuko had won, both the duel and Zhao's intense hatred.
Zhao had hated being shown up in front of his men. His Uncle thought Zuko beating him in the Agni Kai was part of the reason why Zhao had started to recreationally make things difficult for Zuko. That was the thing with Agni Kais, even if you won, they still came back to bite you in the arse. Zuko hoped he would never have to fight another after today. I agreed with this as well.
-?-
The sky had gone a spooky dark orange colour. The sun had set by now. The moon had risen. I could feel it, but I couldn't see it. The dark orange light cast by the comet was obscuring it. That old creepy feeling returned to me. I stuck pretty close to Zuko while we walked through the streets. This part of the firenation capital was actually really pretty. Which seems like an odd observation, all things considered, but it was something I couldn't help but notice. We made a few turns (and I took mental notes of these). Eventually we came to stretch of wall covered in jasmine flowers. It had a very big imposing gate at one side.
The gate was locked. I thought we could just fly over, but the alley was a bit to narrow for Appa to take off in (he needs a bit of space around him for take offs). So Zuko used one of the jasmine branches to climb over and he landed with an oof over the other side. He walked around to the gate and smiled at me through the bars and started fiddling with the lock on that side; trying to get it to open so he could let me and Appa in. He struggled a bit with it and swore under his breath and told me it was really stiff because it hadn't been opened in such a long time. He swore again and I tutted and rolled my eyes affectionately. I got out the keys Toph had made for me. (These really have come in handy!) I opened the lock in two seconds flat and the gate opened with an almost comically slow groan.
Zuko looked a little shy then. He said well this is my old house and gestured for me to enter. Inside was a lovely garden with a pond and a weeping willow tree. There were heaps of these small little birds swimming on the pond's surface. They had big shells on their back, like the turtle seals at the North Pole. Zuko explained that they were turtle ducks and they were really common around the Caldera Area. I thought they were really cute looking.
Behind the pond, was an enormous and elaborate looking villa; however we didn't go in to it. Instead we walked off to the far side of the house and garden, to where the stables were. Apparently the Komodo Rhinos were kept here. They had two fat ones when Zuko was a kid. If this place was big enough for them, it would definitely be big enough for Appa. Appa seemed to think so because he lumbered in behind us and flopped on the ground, rolled over and made a contented noise. I gave him a big pat and told him he'd done so well to take us so far and he could relax now.
We wanted to get some food for him, but there wasn't any at Zuko's place. So Zuko and I climbed the fence into the gardens of the house next door, because they were meant to have a fair few Komodo Rhinos. We were extra stealthy, but it was unnecessary because it looked like no one was home anyway. They had left their Komodo Rhinos tethered in the stables with a large supply of hay. We avoided the rhinos and did our best not to disturb them while we lightly pilfered (okay, plain old stole) some of their hay for Appa. There was much ado trying to get the big bales over the fence (and a fair bit of swearing from Zuko). But Appa appreciated our efforts and he began to munch with gusto.
-?-
The hay fetching had taken up a lot of time. Zuko paused and took a long look at the house before we left. I wasn't sure what was going through his head. He looked oddly wistful. But he snapped out of it pretty quickly and said we had to go, because we'd used up most of our half hour. Zuko wanted to be punctual for this duel with his sister.
On the way I asked what the normal traditions of an Agni Kai were. Today might be his third, but it was my first. Was there anything I needed to know? Zuko thought for a second and then ran through the basics with me. Combatants had to start at least fifty paces apart and facing away from each other. It officially started when the two combatants turned around and it was over when someone yielded, was burned or died. Oh.
He said the only stuff I needed to know were the rules about observers, (as that was what I would be doing, just observing. boo). Observers were actually an proper part of an Agni Kai. There had to be observers to make it official, but observers could not interfere or be brought in to the fight in anyway and they had to stay back at least fifty paces as well. He smiled a little ruefully and said I'd probably want to stay back a lot more than fifty paces because this comet was an intense feeling. He was sure it was going to be an extreme fight.
He seemed nervous, but a calm sort of nervous- if such a thing exists. He said he was feeling okay about this, about doing this. He was sure he could beat her. He seemed quite confident. Not cocky, just sure of himself. I still wished him good luck anyway. I asked if he wanted one of my lucky anklets as a good luck charm. He smiled and said he was good. He didn't need luck today because he had me.
Aawww.
Then of course he ruined the moment and blushed a bright red colour and started stammering/yammering that he hadn't meant it in a weird way or anything like that. I find it somewhat comforting, that no matter how serious the situation, how dire the circumstances or how much is at stake, Zuko's limitless capacity for being a complete dork remains. I gave him a nudge and a smile and told him I knew what he meant.
-?-
It seemed like no time at all really. Before I knew it we were back in the coronation plaza. Azula was in the middle. She looked like she was arguing with someone (from her gestures and her tone). But she was alone. The conversation went like this:
Oh honestly, you've always thought I was a monster, why should this surprise you
...
No, you were right. I am a daddy's girl. I'm not going to listen to this from you!
...
No, no, no that's not right at all!
...
That is not how it happened!
...
You're lying! People say I always lie – but you do too!
...
No, you shut up! You shut up!
She started jumping up and down in rage fruitlessly. Possibly because she was arguing with someone who wasn't there, (and who, from the sounds of it, wasn't listening to her at all) and I guess in these situations, further arguments are futile and jumping up and down angrily is the last refuge of the very cross (and obviously crazy). She shouted one final you're impossible! Just leave me alone! at the thin air to her right. She turned around angrily and saw us at the other end and said something sarcastic about how she was glad we'd finally made it and she was beginning to think we'd made a run for it. She didn't appear at all embarrassed that we'd found her talking to herself.
Something was definitely off about her.
Off is a rather large understatement I think.
There was no one else here. Zuko had told me how important having an observer was, so it struck me as a bit unusual that all the firesages had buggered off. Zuko was watching her with a great deal of surprise, worry and unease. He asked where everybody else was (somewhat apprehensively - almost like he thought she'd killed them in a nasty way or something). Azula shrugged noncommittally to indicate that she didn't know. Then her expression changed and she looked quite angry and she spat cowards, they all left me. Then she seemed to shake that off and she said quite serenely, sounding much more like her old cool-calm-and-collected self oh them? they took cover. They wanted to watch from 'a safe distance'. She looked me up and down derisively and then added your little peasant friend should join them. I don't think she can handle the heat.
I said I'm staying right here quite stroppily. She arched an eyebrow and shrugged her shoulders and said perhaps not right there peasant, that's in the middle of the field airily. She said it like I was the biggest dumbass she'd ever come across. I resented that. She had been having an argument with herself just a few seconds ago (and a rather vicious argument at that.) I don't know how to take it when someone who is a few sandwiches short of a picnic insinuates that I am somehow mentally deficient. Azula had gone nuts. She was so much crazier than I originally thought. She had completely cracked it. She'd officially dropped her dumplings hardcore.
-?-
We looked for a space I could watch safely from and went to the back of the plaza. There was a large storm water drain under a long building with heaps of huge pillars. Apparently it is where the snack vendors set up on festival days. There were also were two big fountains nearby. So I had three rather large sources of water and lots of pillars to duck behind (just in case). I could use both of these as cover and to protect myself from rogue fireblasts. I could watch from here fairly safely (well as safely as one can get when observing and Agni Kai on the day of the comet). Even though I knew all that, when Zuko asked if I was okay here; I couldn't help the petulant I don't like this that escaped my lips. And it was true. I didn't like any of this. I didn't like having to just ...watch.
Zuko opened his mouth to say something but Azula cut him off. She'd followed us a small distance, and we could hear her quite clearly when she sneered Listen if you don't want to see us fight so bad, then just look the other way. Was that to me? I couldn't be sure, because she wasn't facing us, but talking to air at her right again. Zuko shrugged. He didn't know either.
Azula then gave us both a huge surprise. She practically shrieked shut up Mum! Zuko jumped out of his skin and turned around in shock. He looked around with this heartbreakingly hopeful expression for a fraction of a second. But almost instantly that vanished when he saw Azula – standing there, just talking to herself. She was oblivious to us and continued arguing with...her mother? Well at least we now knew the identity of the invisible arguer. She said angrily I'm not taking this from you anymore. You left us! You can't possibly be surprised that it's come to this now. Then she gave a slight twitch and turned around to face us.
The cherry on top of her crazy banana split was when she shrugged and said airily and dismissively You know how mum is Zuzu to Zuko and rolled her eyes and shrugged her shoulders. Zuko's face was the perfect picture of confusion and shock. He didn't say what the hell is this? but I could tell he thinking it. Instead he said hesitantly – like he was trying to coax a wild animal Azula ...Mum is ... he seemed to search around for the right words and eventually settled on Mum's not here right now.
Azula looked around at the space that she'd been shouting at. Then her shoulders sagged and she looked acutely disappointed. She seemed to take a deep breath and then she drew herself up to her full height and turned back to us and said Oh good, I thought she'd never leave. She was trying to sound light-hearted but I could hear the sadness in her voice. Zuko walked forward a bit and tilted his head to the side in consternation. He asked Are you feeling...okay?
I think we must have both been looking at her with a strange mix of confusion, pity and fear. I was confused because she was talking to people that weren't there. I felt pity for her because she'd looked so sad the second she realised her mother wasn't actually there (I am a sap and an idiot for feeling this, I know.) I was truly scared of her now. Just because she was crazy didn't mean she was any less dangerous – she was just a whole lot more unpredictable. For someone with Azula's powers, unpredictability is a bad thing when you are fighting her. Her unpredictability made this whole situation much more perilous. She was powerful, more powerful than she'd ever been in her whole life and she was crazy, angry, sad and hallucinating people. I had no idea what that combination would bring us, but I was sure it wouldn't be anything good.
She looked between us. Zuko stepped forward and it looked like he was about to reach out to her soothingly. She yelled at him to stop it. Whatever he was going to say, he could just shove it. He said he was just going to say that she seemed a little...extra crazy today and was she feeling up to this. Ohmygoodness. Never tell the crazy, unstable girl with the lightning that you think she's crazy and unstable. That's like the number one rule of not getting shot with lightning. Although Zuko was going to try and provoke her into using lightning, so maybe it was part of his plan.
Azula reacted to being called extra bonkers the way I thought she would. With rage! And crazy rage at that. She very angrily announced that there was absolutely nothing wrong with her and Zuko could shove it (again). He'd come to fight her and Azula wanted to fight! Then she added conspiratorially we have to do it now before mother comes back and she nodded to her right.
There was a big moment's pause. Zuko looked at me for a second and he seemed unsure of what he should do. Azula shouted What are you waiting for! Fight me already! And then she did the universal hand symbol for 'come at me bro.' Zuko said okay, lets do this. And Azula smiled triumphantly. She started walking out her fifty paces.
Zuko turned to me, his eyes wide with worry. He said Maybe stand further back. I think this is going to get messy. Going to get messy? This whole Agni Kai already was a big old mess and it hadn't even started. She was arguing with people who weren't even there. She was crazy. She was even more dangerous now! I pointed all this out with what I hope was a calm sounding voice. Zuko said he knew. He'd always knew she was a bit crazy, but this was an off the charts level of crazy coming from her. But he wouldn't back out now. He was just going to try and finish the fight quickly and knock her out. Then we could...get her a doctor or something.
I had many unhelpful comments, primarily focused on the fact that I didn't think there was a doctor for the sort of thing that was wrong with Azula. I was a healer and I would not have known how to deal with Azula's type of sick. And even if there was a doctor for that sort of thing, they were going to need balls of solid steel to deal with the odd amalgamation of insane dysfunction and perfect firebending that was his sister. However, that was something that we could deal with later. That wasn't what he needed to here from me right now. Instead I said good luck. He smiled faintly at me and said I told you, I don't need luck.
I suddenly noticed that he had a bit of hay sticking out of his hair incongruously. It must have gotten stuck there when we had hoisted the bales over the fence. He couldn't go out fighting like that. I told him to come here and he did and I fished it out of his hair, showed him and gave him a hair ruffle affectionately. Because I couldn't help myself, I didn't take my hand away. Instead I cupped his good cheek with my hand for a heartbeat of time. Just a second really. And I said be careful quietly, but forcefully. I was about to say something else, but Azula coughed, deliberately, loudly and impatiently from the other end of the plaza. A loud hem hem. Zuko gave me a final, almost solemn, smile and walked over to take his place in the arena.
-?-
Is it possible to vomit just from being so incredibly ridiculously nervous? I certainly felt like it right then. My stomach was tied into a million little knots. I couldn't believe this was actually happening. My heart was in my throat as they turned to face each other. Azula shrugged off the cape she was wearing and said I'm sorry it's come to this brother in what passed for a sincere voice from her. Zuko assumed a firebending stance and said no, you're not calmly. Azula's face twisted into an unreadable expression.
Then it was like the world exploded. Azula quickly assumed a stance and threw a tremendous amount of fire at Zuko. He leapt forward and circled his arms in a big arc and met her blast head on with a huge firestream of his own. Their fire streams exploded where they met in the middle of the plaza. Orange and blue fire was just going everywhere.
Azula charged forward with flips and kicks and blasts. Her bending was as energetic and incredible as it had always been – but today it seemed out of control. She wasn't even looking at where she was aiming. Her second blast actually went off wildly to the right and set fire a building just beyond the plaza. Zuko didn't even bother blocking most of her blasts and just fired another massive firestream at her. She fired back. Zuko jerked to the right to dodge it. Then he jumped impossible high and made a huge firewhip with his feet, which he brought down just near Azula.
All bets were off. We had a plan, but I think that had gone out the window. If we actually pulled it off it would be a miracle. The fire was just so uncontrollable. All the buildings around us, it felt like almost everything around us, was on fire. I understood why the firesages had done a runner. I was, though I hate to admit it, getting scared of all the fire. There was just so much fire and it didn't ever just stop. I was so worried for Zuko that I thought I would split in two. But as I watched, I realized that, if anything, Zuko was getting the upper hand. They had been evenly matched up to a point, but now it looked like Azula was tiring. Her blasts were becoming more and more erratic, but Zuko had stayed calm and in control.
He was winning.
I was proud. Even despite how scared I was, I felt this huge bubble of just pride and love and good feelings well up in me. I was so proud of him right then. So proud I could burst with it. And the pride replaced the worry. For the most part. The worry was still there – oh boy was it there. I had a near endless supply of worry for Zuko. But he was doing so well. He really could do this, just like he said he could. I knew how much he'd hated always losing to Azula as a kid and how much winning today would mean to him. And I was sure he would win.
She was definitely tiring. Zuko was deflecting all her blows with what seemed like ease. It would have actually taken a lot of energy and precision to bend like that, but he was making it look effortless. Normally it is Azula who makes all that stuff look effortless, but today she panting with exhaustion and frustration. Her hair had come undone and she was kneeling and breathing hard. After a moment, she made a little grumpy roar and with a final burst of energy she blasted firejets out her feet and propelled herself forward with them.
She skated in a big fiery circle around Zuko and he fired a few blasts at her trying to destabilize her. Then he dropped to the ground and did that swivel kick move he does. The one I find kind sexy. Fire blasted from his feet in a big circle that went along the ground. I had to duck temporarily behind a pillar to avoid it (not much fire had come my way so far). When I peeked back around I saw Zuko's fire circle collide with Azula's blue jets in a terrible explosion that sent her flying.
She landed with a hard crunch and then she bounced and rolled across the ground for a little bit from the force of the explosion. She'd hit the ground really hard and for a second I thought that she wouldn't get up and that it was over. But she did, with a groan that was half pained and half angry. She was at the end of her tether.
If there was ever a time for Zuko to try partial redirection, this was it, now when she was tired out and not thinking clearly. I heard him say No lightning today? Afraid I'll redirect it? in a taunting voice. She fell for it. It worked like a charm. Just like he said it would. She shouted Oh I'll show you lightning bitterly. I heard the crackle of lightning being generated.
I came out from behind my pillar to get a better look. I didn't even think what a mistake that was at the time. I just thought that it was going to be over in seconds. Zuko would win and we could celebrate together. I wanted to see him win. I wanted to see him beat her and know for sure that our job was done. I wanted to see this battle, this war, over.
I never imagined what would happen next.
Azula took her time generating the bolt. She waved her arms in slow circles with the energy crackling around her, until she had what looked like a huge amount of lightning was swirling around her body. Ahead of me, Zuko took a deep breath and assumed the redirection stance and he waited, calmly with his arms out, for her to throw the bolt at him.
At the very last second, her eyes swiveled towards me. She looked right at me. Her eyes were truly mad right then. I've fought Azula before and she's never looked quite like that. Then she sneered and threw the bolt at me. I stood stock still with shock and horror. I think I was so stunned that I couldn't move. I couldn't even breathe. I couldn't believe that had actually happened and she had actually fired it at me.
Everything happened so quickly. In the blink of an eye, everything went from wonderful to heartbreakingly and soul destroyingly terrible. Zuko reacted far quicker than I ever could. I heard him shout No with so much feeling, right as he jumped in front of me. Saving me. He had jumped directly into the lightning to protect me. He had taken the bolt to the chest and he hadn't been able to redirect any of it, from the looks of things.
Oh sweet spirits NO.
I wanted to cry out to him, to say what the hell are you doing? I wanted to stop him and protect him and undo this last split second. I wanted to go back in time before this last moment. I'd go back and I'd stay behind my pillar and I would not poke my head out until he came over, smiling that crooked grin and telling me it was over and we had won.
It was already too late. He'd already been hit, already taken the bolt squarely in the chest and he sailed through the air from the sheer force of it. He landed with a horrible thud and slid across the ground with lightning entwining around him and sizzling off his body. He made a terrible groaning sound and curled up in the fetal position. I forgot Azula, I forgot it was the comet and fire was everywhere. I forgot I was sacred. I forgot everything except him. Except getting to him. Nothing else mattered to me but Zuko.
The downside of forgetting about Azula is that she very quickly reminds you that she is there. I ran out to Zuko in blind panic, calling his name and she threw a blast of blue fire between us. I jumped back, narrowly avoiding the flames. She was laughing manically and running towards me. I darted back behind the pillars, which were no longer the safe haven they were five seconds ago.
I popped my head around and saw Zuko. He looked like he was trying to get up. I couldn't see Azula around so I tried running to him again. She appeared in my peripheral vision and fired another blast of lightning (a much smaller blast – it was nowhere near as big at the one that she shot Zuko with). I jumped out of the way, but landed badly. She laughed again and said tauntingly I'd really rather our family physician look after little Zuzu, if you don't mind.
I hated her in that second.
She fired another blast at me and I ended up behind the pillars again. She fired continuously at me. She was still exhausted, but her aim was precise. I was scared. But I could not just hide from her back here, not when Zuko was hurt. I felt the water in the nearby fountain. I could bend it without seeing it. There was a pause in her fireblasts. She took the time to taunt Oh Zuzu, you don't look so good. While she was distracted I lifted it up in a huge stream to dump all over her. But she'd moved! For a second I couldn't see where she was but then she popped up behind me using those rocket jets. She chased me and I bent a stream of ice from the fountain to get away from her. I could skate faster than her jets and I managed to stay just ahead of her. But I had to stop running and dodging her. Zuko needed me. And to get to him, I had to stop her somehow. He needed me to keep it together and not panic and get to him in time. if I didn't get to him in time… I couldn't even begin to finish that thought in my head.
But thinking about how much Zuko needed me seemed to clear my mind of all the fear and the panic that was clamoring around in there. When I tripped on the dry ground after my ice ran out - an odd, freaky calm settled over me. I'd fallen over the big storm water drain at the back. I looked up and saw some chains hanging from the pillar. Suddenly I knew what to do and how to go about it.
Yugoda had described this feeling to me once. She had been talking about an intense medical crisis at the time, which is not quite the same thing that was happening here, but it is the best comparison I can make. She called it the zone. She said that in times of intense stress and crisis she went into the zone. She was capable of things she didn't even know she was capable of when she was in the zone. I think I went into the zone here.
I don't know if I can adequately describe how I stopped Azula. But I'll try. I remember grabbing the chains and holding them behind my back and waiting calmly for her. She appeared over the other side of the drain, but she wasn't standing over it. She said there you are filthy peasant. I fired a water whip just behind her and she jumped forward and smiled at me cockily. She thought I had just missed – she didn't guess that it was deliberate. She drew her arm back to fire at me, but it was already too late. She was standing over the drain. I took a deep breath and pulled up all the water from the drain. Every last drop I could, I pulled over us. A huge wall of water rose up around us, encasing us. If she can't breathe, she can't bend. Zuko had said that on the way over hear, and I remembered everything he said.
I froze the water to ice in an instant so she was frozen solid in place. Her eyes rolled around in panic, but she couldn't move, she couldn't bend. She was stuck. I unfroze the water around myself and swam behind her. I wrapped the chains around her wrists, water tribe style. She wouldn't be getting out of these anytime soon.
Then I swam down to the grate, and melted the ice enough to pull Azula's arms down with me. I fastened the chains good and proper and then I wedged them in place for good measure. It took a few moments, my lungs were bursting for air, but I wanted to be absolutely sure she wouldn't escape before I dropped the water. When I was satisfied, I let the water splash back down into the drain. Azula heaved huge gulping breaths next to me. I got up and quickly double and triple checked the knots.
I'm from the watertribe. I know all about knots. She won't be moving for a long time. The fight with her was over.
-?-
I ran towards Zuko. He was lying eerily still at an unlikely angle. My heart sank. If I am being honest with myself, I will say that if he hadn't been breathing when I got there, I honestly don't know what I would have done. I know my own temperament. If he hadn't been breathing, I have a horrible suspicion that there would have been nothing in the world that would have stopped me from walking back over to Azula and pulling the water back over her head and just leaving her. I would have probably regretted it later, but if Zuko was dead, if she had killed him, then I don't think anything would have stopped me. But thankfully, for all of us, when I got to Zuko and skidded to his side, he made a terrible groaning noise (in greeting?) and I knew he was still alive.
He was lying on his stomach and I rolled him over as gently as I could. I cradled his head with one hand and uncorked my bending with another. He was making a pained grimace and clenching his teeth and his face was just completely drained of colour. Zuko is normally good at carrying on regardless of how badly he's injured. I have seen him fight with broken ribs and broken wrists without letting on at all. If it was so bad that he couldn't hide it, couldn't even get up, then it was really bad. I made a soothing noise and said various comforting things like sssshhh it's okay, I'm here now. I put my hands on the entry wound and started trying to heal it.
-?-
Spirits, it wasn't just bad. It was worse. It was the worst I'd ever seen. There was just so much damage. It felt like everything inside was burnt, all his organs, everything. I didn't even know how he was still alive, how someone could survive something like this. I didn't have any spirit water this time and I didn't even know what to do or where to start. I started healing as best I could, but oh, none of my training had prepared me for this. I felt so woefully inadequate. When Aang had been struck down, I had used the spirit water – it had all been the spirit water really. I hadn't done much that time, but acted as its guide.
I just couldn't lose him. I just couldn't. I told myself that I wouldn't. I might not have spirit water, but I was Katara of the Southern Watertribe and he was Zuko of the Firenation and together we were team liquidy-hot. We were unstoppable. He was my best friend. He was my Zuko. He wasn't going to die because I just would not allow it.
So I sternly told him to just hold on. His eyes had been rolling about unfocused when I first got there, but he seemed to concentrate better with the sound of my voice. He turned his head and looked me in the face. I told him that if he died on me I was going to be so cross at him. Incredibly, he smiled slightly, even though he must have been in so much pain.
There was a horrible rattling noise. He was trying to say something, but his lungs – probably his throat too, from the sounds of it- had been damaged something fierce. I took one hand off his chest and laid it against his cheek and told him not to speak, save his strength. What ever he had to tell me could wait. He was going to be just fine. In a few minutes he'd be right as rain.
But it was a lie and he knew it.
I was crying and I couldn't seem to stop myself. Big fat tears were rolling down my face. It seemed hopeless. He was slipping away from me and I was trying so hard, but it wasn't working. I was crying because he meant the world to me and if I couldn't save him what was even the point of waterbending anyway. I was crying because I didn't know what to do and I was the only one here to help. But I tried to push all of that from my mind and just heal as best I could.
I knew that if he died, I would never get over it. I would never forgive myself for ducking out from behind that pillar. I would never forgive myself for not being a capable enough healer to fix this. I would play the what if game every day and every night. I'd never be able to write another word about him again without collapsing into tears. Or maybe I'd do nothing but think about him and write about him and miss him for the rest of my life. I'd never, ever be able to look at Aang the same way again. It wouldn't be Aang's fault, but I would blame him anyway, in some quiet dark corner of my mind. If I had only ever had enough spirit water to save one of them; it would have felt a choice, like a trade.
I started just flat out pleading… begging. Stay with me, just stay with me, please. Don't leave me. Over and over I repeated it. I pleaded with him, with the world, with any kind spirit that would listen to me. I made so many promises. If he just stayed with me, I'd let him win every argument, I'd give him the common sense stick (the tiny pained smile was there again when I said that), I'd give him anything he wanted, as long as he stayed. He kept trying to talk despite my admonishments, kept trying to say something. His hand came up and settled over one of mine, startling me and getting my attention. He rasped out don't cry in a soft and breathless tone, and reached up to touch my cheek slightly. Then his hand dropped and he grimaced in pain again. The effort it took to say that and to do that seemed to have drained the last of his energy and he closed his eyes.
I had so many things I wanted to say to him, so many things I had wanted to do with him. I had always planned on saying and doing them later. I had never even considered that there wouldn't be a later for us. I had never considered my life, my future, without him in it. But what if this time was all we had? There were things I had to say to him that I couldn't let go unsaid a moment longer. If I was ever going to tell him, it had to be now. So I told him what I've known for sometime now. No matter how hard I have tried to deny it, and ignore it and refuse it, there was something that would always be true for me. I told him I loved him. I lean over him and softly whispered it in his ear, and kissed his forehead afterwards.
I don't know what I thought saying it would do. I guess I thought surely he cannot die when I love him so much and I've just said it for the first time. But the world didn't work like that for us. Instead of him opening his eyes, instantly healed by the power of my love – his eyelids fluttered. Just barely, but I saw. His mouth pulled into a faint smile and one of his hands came to settle over mine again. His thumb stroked the back of my hand gently. Encouraged by these signs of life, I said it again hopefully.
But it didn't make him better. Instead there was a soft rasping noise, his face went slack and his hand fell from mine and he lay dead still.
His heart had stopped.
-?-
It only stopped for a fraction of a second. I bloodbended before I was even consciously aware of what I was doing. It was just instinct. The moon was up, even if it was obscured by the comet. But it was more than that. Waterbending is affected by emotions after all, and I loved Zuko enough to do this. It had been easy for me. Easy to put aside all my misgivings about bloodbending. If Zuko's life was at stake then nothing else was important to me except that he live. Zuko mattered to me more than some promise I had made to myself never to use it again. If this worked I would never say a bad word about bloodbending again.
I remembered Pakku saying remarkable healing benefits. I remembered Hama - her voice, for once, not haunting me. She sounded almost helpful, in hindsight. You can take it even further. She had shown me how to bend the blood in the veins, in the limbs, but never the heart. It was too complicated and too delicate an organ. Hama hadn't bothered with the heart for her sort of bloodbending – it had been unnecessary.
But I could take it even further.
I knew the chambers of the heart, how it functioned – how it was meant to function. I reached in and I pushed and pulled the blood gently. In and out. In and out. The muscle followed my movements and began to pump again. I had no guide but my own heart beat, so I made Zuko's beat in time with mine. After five heartbeats, it began pumping on its own. His breath was coming in faint wheezing rasps, but his heart was beating. It had taken the full force of the bolt, but it was beating again.
I always knew he had a strong heart.
I was emboldened by my success. I felt less timid about reaching out and trying to heal it from the inside, using both my healing abilities and bloodbending this time. I started to heal it. The damage was pretty horrific, but the bloodbending helped remarkably. Colour was returning to his face and he started breathing more smoothly. When his heart was beating in a steady rhythm and he was breathing easily I started urging him to wake up, come back to me, open his eyes. And amazingly, extraordinarily, incredibly - he did.
-?-
He moaned softly and opened his eyes and looked right at me. He whispered thank you Katara, his voice still sounding raw and strained. I said I should be the one who was thanking him. And then I got a bit scoldy, because I couldn't help myself and because he'd given me such a scare -the fright of my life really. I added what on earth did you think you were doing? Jumping in front of lightning like that, you big idiot. He grinned, but it quickly turned into a pained wince. He was still in a rather exceptional amount of pain after all. He said, still in that same quiet rasp, I didn't want you to ever get hurt.
Oh. Oh my heart.
If he hadn't been in a considerable amount of pain, and in dire need of more medical attention – he definitely would have gotten a huge kiss right then. However after a moment's difficulty, I curbed this impulse (though the urge to just launch myself at him remained). Now was not the time to play kissy face -though I did hope that time was soon. As soon as he was better we could play kissy face all day long if he wanted. I wouldn't be opposed to doing that.
It would be an excellent way to spend a day really.
But that would have to wait!
He wasn't out of the woods yet. I still had so much healing to do and the fact that we were lying on the dirty ground, in front of his mad harpy of sister, while nearly everything around us was on fire, had also not escaped my notice. I needed to get him somewhere safe and not on fire. Somewhere comfortable, where he could lie down and I could heal him some more. We couldn't stay here. I needed my supplies and I'd left them with Appa. I needed to get him away from Azula because she was watching us in a way that really creeped me out. Azula had been watching the proceedings silently and with interest while I had been healing Zuko. She'd been quiet as a koalalamb the whole time, but she'd been watching.
I asked Zuko if he felt up to moving – because we had to get him out of here. I wanted to take him back to the villa where we'd left Appa. He nodded and then clenched his teeth with determination. He sat up with a great deal of effort and loud groan. I wrapped my arms around him and helped him up. I looped one arm around his back and under his arm, carefully avoiding the lightning wound. He draped his arm over my shoulders for support. He was leaning on me heavily, but was able to stay upright.
At the sight of Zuko standing again, something seemed to snap inside Azula. She made the most dreadful howling noise. She sounded almost like a wounded animal. She didn't sound human. She threw her head back and started thrashing about, but she couldn't break free of the chains. I had tied them well. She began firebending uncontrollably out of her mouth. She wasn't even bending at anything in particular. She was just sobbing and bending and thrashing uncontrollably. Not long ago, she'd been terrifying and I hated her. But now I felt nothing but sorry for her. She made such a pitiful and pathetic sight.
Zuko was watching her with appalled fascination and confusion. He was obviously in shock. Yugoda had told me to watch for that. He had all the classic signs. His skin was cold (despite all the fire around us) and he was quite disorientated and confused. It was to be expected. After all, he'd been struck by lightning and practically died. He was so addled, he tried to walk over to Azula. However, he was leaning on me for support, and I held him back. I was not letting him near her after he'd been so injured and she was in this state. He rasped out her name softly and at the sound of his voice, she stopped crying for a second and looked up. They both just stared at each other for a long moment.
Then Zuko winced again as a wave of pain ran through him. And I thought, perhaps callously, screw Azula, that's it, we were leaving. I was getting him out of here and somewhere safe. I tried to tug him away, but he turned to me and said I should… and just gestured at Azula. But he didn't seem to know what he should do. Hell, I didn't even know what we should do and I was able bodied, in my right mind and hadn't recently been struck be lightning. Zuko was my priority here.I cut him off and said you have just been shot with lightning and you should come with me right now. He looked over at her again and so I added, in a softer tone of voice she'll be fine where she is.
He nodded and we turned and started walking away. At this Azula howled even louder. We were walking away from her, so we couldn't see, but it sounded like the sobs were wracking her whole body. Zuko paused a few times, still very disorientated and confused. once he tried to turn back. He was, in classic Zuko style, being difficult. But I soothed and encouraged and wrapped my arm tighter around him, and we left.
-?-
I have never really had to carry him anywhere. He normally goes about under his own steam after all. Even when he was sick back at the Western Air Temple, I had gotten my dad to lug him about. I was rapidly gaining an appreciation for how much just plain bigger and heavier and taller than me Zuko was. I was getting exhausted from half carrying him, and he was exhausted from the effort of walking. Our pace was agonizingly slow. It had only been a few minutes walk on the way there. Now Zuko's old house seemed like it was eons away. It seemed like the best place to me. It would definitely be empty, it would definitely have a bedroom and Appa and all my supplies were there.
I shouldn't really be making him walk, I knew that. Oh boy did I know that. But I couldn't see another choice. We couldn't have stayed in that plaza of fire a moment longer and I didn't know what else to do. I looked over at him and his lips had gone a terrible pale colour and his face was an ashen white. His mouth was a grim line of determination. We were more than half way now. None of the buildings around us were on fire, but they were dark and quiet and boarded up. I began to think that maybe we should just stop here. He couldn't go much further. I could just break into one of these shops, and then make it comfy.
Zuko wanted to keep going. He said softly that he wanted to be in his old home. It felt like another quiet secret. He also tried to explain (but it was a bit tricky for him, because delirium was rapidly setting in) that he was using the comet somehow. He couldn't explain how – and got a bit more confused when he tried- but it was giving him the extra energy he needed to keep walking. But as soon as it had completely passed, he didn't know if he'd have the strength to keep going. So we kept walking.
Eventually we struggled our way to the old gate. It felt like a thousand years ago now, but it really would have only been an hour or so since we were last here. Pilfering hay for Appa and smiling at turtle ducks. Zuko sighed deeply in relief and sagged on me as the gate opened with a groan. The sky was getting very dark, very quickly. I felt a thrill of worry run through me. The comet had nearly passed, and if he collapsed right here, I didn't think I'd be able to lift him again. So I said just a bit further encouragingly and tried to pull him along.
Appa lumbered out from the stables and saw us and made a concerned rumbling noise. I told him to stay where he was, just stay boy, and everything was fine and he should eat his dinner. The mournful concerned noise was there again and Appa watched as we climbed the stairs. I tried the door, but it was locked. Bollocks. With one arm, I held Zuko, (his head was lolling forward alarmingly now) and with the other I fumbled with the keys around my neck. After a few minutes, I had managed to prize the door open and we entered. Appa made one last noise and then it sounded like he lumbered back to his dinner.
I'm sure the house is lovely looking and nicely decorated. It is a royal residence after all. But I didn't notice any of that right now. I was wholly focused on Zuko. The sky was completely dark now. The last bit of orange faded just as we walked through the door. He lurched forward. I had to get both arms around Zuko to properly support him. I ended up half dragging him in an awkward fashion. He was trying to help me out, trying to stay conscious, I could tell. But it was difficult for him.
Because both my arms were busy, I kicked open the first door we came across – saw a bed- and thought good enough. He flopped on the bed and made an exhausted noise. I took off his shoes. I ended up just cutting away his shirt with the little dagger than I found in his boot. I vaguely recognized it as Lu Ten's. The shirt was ruined anyway. He'd never where it again.
I remembered all the times I'd made him take his shirt off for "healing purposes." They had been unnecessary most of the time. I had just liked the sight of him shirtless. Now I did actually have a legitimate medical reason for examining him bare chested and the sight of him shirtless nearly brought me to tears again. And not in a good way. There was just so much damage. It was going to scar, there was nothing I could do about that.
As if Zuko needed any more scars.
His eyes were still open. He kept blinking and then opening his eyes wide. It seemed like he was deliberately fighting unconsciousness. He saw my distress and he said comfortingly it's worse than it looks. Then he seemed to splutter and realize what he said and coughed out that he meant it wasn't as bad as it looked. He winced again. I tried to encourage him just to sleep. He must have been in so much pain. He was wan-faced and obviously exhausted. Sleep would be better for him.
He protested. He didn't want to go to sleep. Bad things happened when he was asleep. He wasn't making much sense and he kept repeating himself. I wanted to leave to go to Appa and get my bag of supplies. I had some dried sun poppies in there. I could make him up a tea that would ease his pain and knock him out. But Zuko protested at that as well. He didn't want me to leave him.
We had a small confused conversation about this, which ended when he said 'don't leave me' vehemently and with a great deal of clarity. Then, softly, he added please stay with me. I had a better idea of what the problem was now. Lots of bad things had happened to Zuko after all. too many bad things really. He'd lost (or been left by) a lot of people. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders gently, while avoiding the gaping hole in his chest. I cupped his cheek gently and kissed his forehead again in response and then said Me -leave you – don't be daft. I'll be right here when you wake up. Then I told him firmly that nothing bad was going to happen to him now. I was here and I was going to look after him. He smiled faintly, but then he asked me to stay with him again. He was obviously delirious. I humored him anyway. Every time he said stay with me, I just responded Always.
And I meant it.
-?-
Authors note: ridiculously rambly! But did you expect anything less?
So you've reached the end of Agni Kai my lovely wonderful reader! I hope you liked it and weren't disappointed! It's a pretty big moment and I wanted to do it justice! So there are a few things I have rambly thoughts on, if you wish to read them (but feel free to skip this rambly authors note if you don't).
Anyway YMMV on absolutely everything that follows!
I hypothesize that the comet lasts for a couple of hours. No real reason for this except that it seems to fit with the story timeline. The sky is orange for a fairly long time in the show. There's no real set time frame for comets as far as I can tell. One went over Sydney five years ago and it lasted for three weeks (Awesome!) but some of them pass in a blink of an eye.
The city is empty because everyone that used to live here was banished that day, or the day preceding it by acting firelord Azula (as she seems to get a little banish happy). I actually think that none of these banishments were done officially with banishment papers etc. I think she would have just told people they were banished and off they went. (Lo you're banished, Li you can stay – for example). I think the banishees haven't gone too far – they are probably all just in harbour city. But the caldera has been emptied of all other people except for a few who are there in hiding and a few guards and the firesages. Because it had a prevalence of wealthy people, it made sense to me that anyone with the time/inclination would try to secure their belongings/household – so that is why a lot of the buildings have been rather hastily boarded up.
Not Zuko's house though, which we will see a lot more of in coming chapters. Avatar wiki tells me that only the firelord, the next in line to the throne and their kin live at the palace. While Azulon was alive that was not Ozai. Apparently Ozai, Ursa and Zuko and Azula all lived in one of the royal residences. A villa outside the palace. That is where the turtle duck pond is. It also means that Zuko first moved into the palace after his mum vanished and his dad was coronated. But the first part of his childhood would have been spent in the villa. I also think this villa has fallen into a state of benign neglect. I think it would not be rented out to other families – so it is still vacant, but mostly untouched. Maybe once a month someone would come to dust and do the garden, but mostly it is left. I wrote a oneshot (princess of mine) that detailed how Azula and Zuko would both sneak back 'home' after they moved into the palace and the villa was a little safe haven away from the palace. I do think Zuko would feel the most 'home' here and that is why when he is injured he tries his best to make it back there.
Also I needed a place for Appa to go. To the villa with him! but seriously, where does Appa go? Appa is not in the final Agni Kai scene, thankfully. Appa is terrified of fire after all, so I do imagine the Agni Kai would have been hellish for him. But I wanted a valid explanation of where our big hairy logic defying beast of burden went and this is what I came up with. I also wanted Appa to have a rest and a snack – so he got one. I came up with the idea of an interlude between when an Agni Kai is declared and when it was fought just so I could explain how they got Appa to Zuko's house. But the more I thought about it, the more sense it made. None of the Agni Kais are actually fought instantly after they are declared – there is always some sort of waiting time. I made the waiting time an official component and made up some more rules for shiggles.
One of these rules will be more relevant later. It is the one about women. I want to explore more about gender differences in the firenation and the position of women within society. I actually think women would experience more equality within the firenation. While it is not perfect and there would still be some degree of sexism - the firenation, on the whole, seems to be where women enjoy the most gender equality in the avatar world. With this equality comes more relaxed views on dating/sexuality etc. I say this because it looks to me like girls/women can clearly date and have multiple boyfriends in the firenation without (much) censure. Whilst in the water tribes they have a much more rigid view of gender roles and girls are engaged to be married a lot younger. – this will come up later, but I just want to flag it here.
The firesages also disappear between the time the Agni Kai is declared and when it is fought. I think they couldn't lace up their sneakers and head for the hills fast enough. I do not blame them. They will 'observe' from somewhere far far away. Anyway I wanted to explain their absence as well. Azula doesn't react well to them leaving, not because she is especially attached to any of them, but because her mental state is rapidly deteriorating and now she has been left completely and utterly alone in the plaza.
So Azula is obviously mentally unwell. If they ever did Sozin's Comet from Azula's POV I think it would look like the cartoon version of Black Swan...but on crack. And with more fire and less ballet! Horrifying thought. I think that what we see in Sozin's Comet is Azula's first psychotic break (just like black swan was Nina's) but she has been unwell for quite some time. I know enough children's psychology for school and I know how to spot warning signs/worrying behaviours, but I don't have a background in mental illness – so I take what I say with a large grain of salt. But I have a theory as to what ails her (I know there are many thoughts on this so naturally YMMV a lot.)
I think she is schizophrenic with a severe anxiety disorder. I actually don't think she is a classic sociopath. She definitely has sociopathic tendencies, but they have come as a result of the way she has been socialised by both Ozai and her environment from a young age.
Schizophrenia/anxiety makes the most sense for me. We have a much better understanding of schizophrenia as an illness now, and people who suffer from it can lead rich and fulfilling lives. I am working off the theory that avatar world uses Victorian/late 19th century medicine. In the Victorian era there was not much compassion for or understanding of mental illness. I also think glimpses of her mental illness showed as a child, however the more worrying thing at that stage was her rampant cruelty and manipulation- traits which were actively encouraged by her father. Zuko, even at a young age, is obviously aware that she is 'sick'. I think Azula is aware of this too. Her mother wonders what is wrong with her (but because they are operate on a 19th century health system, she can't very well take her to get tested). But it is clear that her close family members are aware that all is not right in Azula-land.
Schizophrenia normally begins to show much more aggressively around puberty and is coupled with/enhanced by social factors and/or stress. Azula would have hit the right age to start showing signs of it about two/three years before the series. Zuko would have been banished around the time that she would have hit puberty and experienced her first hallucinations and I think this would have been a stressful time for her for a myriad of reasons – which would have only exacerbated her condition. I think she would have kept her condition/hallucinations very secret and she would have repressed them/not reacted to them as much as possible. She would know they weren't normal and that it also wasn't socially acceptable for her to see them. She is such a massive control freak and is able to suppress her emotions quite well. This helps her succeed in hiding her illness while still being a BAMF.
I think schizophrenia mainly because of Azula's hallucination and the way she interacts with it in this episode. She is not at all surprised to see her mother, which tells me that it is not the first time she has hallucinated about her. She continues to talk/argue with her hallucination in a very lively fashion. She is at the point where reality and her halluncinations are being blended. I'm not sure if she is aware that Ursa is a hallunciantion, but she has to resort to doing something violent and physical like breaking the mirror to get the vision of her mother to go away. I also believe that was not the last time Azula saw Ursa that day (I also think hallucination Ursa would have been banished once or twice but she didn't listen).
Azula is also highly intelligent beyond her years, an uber-perfectionist, incredibly mistrustful of both strangers and friends alike, horrified by being left and/or betrayed by the select few people she does trust, incredibly paranoid and a super control-freak. All these things are symptoms of an anxiety disorder. Anxiety disorders manifest themselves in such a myriad of different ways. I think the core root of Azula's problems, her cruelty, manipulation and desire to control the situation at all times stem from her anxiety disorder. And there is a terrible feedback loop because the anxiety enhances the schizophrenia which in turn enhances the anxiety and so on and so forth. I think Azula had presented a cool and collected facade to the world, but there has always been much more going on with her.
But of course YMMV wildly and that is cool with me!
So Zuko and Azula fight their Agni Kai in this chapter. I actually have many thoughts about this fight and their brother/sister relationship, which will hopefully turn into a oneshot from Azula's pov – so I won't ramble too much here. However I will say that I think they can and will repair their relationship. Zuko's face in the end, when he's looking at her and she's such a mess – is one of just sadness and compassion. Even despite everything, he still loves her on some level. I think Azula has always craved love subconsciously. From Azula's POV everybody that she loved, aside from her father, always loved Zuko better. Her mother, her cousin and her uncle when she was younger and then Mai and Ty Lee choose Zuko over her in the Boiling Rock – and it is at this point she starts coming undone. It is after this point that she really wants to kill him, possibly she thinks that if she gets rid of him, all those others, even though some of them are long gone, will come back to her.
Power and controlling people by fear were much easier things for her to attain than the ever elusive love - Fear is better than love. Trust is for fools. I think she learned these things from her father. When Ozai rejects her – she starts a very rapid downward spiral. What struck me was that she brings up Zuko, even though he has nothing to do with the situation or her father's rejection. You can't treat me like Zuko. She is obviously thinking about him a lot. I think she projects a lot of her frustration, blame and sadness (which expresses itself as anger) towards Zuko. Blaming him for everything being a shambles would be easy for her because, in my head canon at least, she is used to deflecting blame onto him. But at the same time he is still her big brother and there are flashes of genuine affection between them and I think that they were close at one point as children. She is sorry it has to end this way. She loves him (deep down), but she also hates him and that is what makes the Agni Kai so vicious.
The actual Agni Kai is a beautiful piece of animation, but because I am so dreadful at writing action scenes, I didn't feel I could properly do it justice. However I did watch it a lot, to try and get a feel for what I think is happening there. There are heaps of theories as to how/why Zuko survived and this is mine. I don't know if this is an unpopular interpretation or not, but to me it doesn't look like Zuko redirected anything at all when he got struck by lightning. To me it looks like it hits him square in the chest and he goes down.
Popular interpretation is that he redirected enough for it not to be fatal, and I know bryke also concur with this and add that just a little bit went into his heart. A little bit of lightning to the heart is a bit like being a little bit pregnant to me, but anyway. Fact of the matter is I just don't see any redirection happening. I actually think Zuko was acting purely on instinct and impulse when he jumped in front of the lightning for Katara. He is in completely the wrong pose, he certainly doesn't 'catch it' then channel it past the stomach – like Iroh teaches him to, he is mid air so his stance isn't going to help him. I think he jumped because Katara's safety mattered to him more than his own and he didn't think that much about it before he did it (nobody could ever accuse Zuko of overthinking his actions, bless his cotton socks).
Kataangers (bless them – I mean them no harm/disrespect) frequently claim that Zuko would have jumped in front of lightning for any of the gang at the point, so his actions here are not indicative of any particular love for Katara.
I disagree.
What the hell is this? Zuko is not Saint Zuko! To say that he would have jumped in front of lightning for any of the gang at this point is a tall order – Zuko is now so selfless that he'll go round sacrificing himself willy-nilly... Er no. One of the things that I find most compelling about Zuko is that his character arc is so clear. But it is an arc. Zuko in season one is not a nice guy to hang around. I think that he's a bit selfish/ ego-centric in season 1. Yes he comes a very long way by the end of season three, but not to the point where he is Saint Zuko. Zuko is a big fan of being alive after all and has fought pretty hard to stay alive and he's only a couple of months on from being a bit of a self centred prat – to go from self centred prat – to ninja-self-sacrificing-jesus in a few short months is a pretty impressive feat. I do think that, if push came to shove, Zuko probably would be willing to sacrifice himself for the other gang members, but he would probably hesitate at least a little bit before doing something that could potentially kill him. What makes him jumping in front of lightning for Katara so special is that he does it without even a microsecond of hesitation. I think she is the only person he would feel that strongly about.
There are two things that I think help Zuko live: The comet and Katara's bloodbending.
It is said a couple of times in the show that fire is life and fire is energy. Sozin's comet physically enhances firebending and ostensibly firebenders. I hypothesize that it not only makes them stronger, but makes their life-force stronger too. Fire is life after all. I think that it would help them survive rather severe or in Zuko's case, fatal injuries – if they were able to tap into that energy, that firebending enhancing life force. Zuko is able to do that and hold on until Katara gets there. I think, on a different day, that lightning strike would have killed him, but because it is the comet, he is able to use that enhanced fiery energy and cosmicy comet-ness to live a little longer.
Katara can bloodbend, but she promises herself she never will again. I actually do think that bloodbending itself is not evil. Creepy yes, but certainly not evil. It depends entirely on the intentions of the bender. However I think it would take something major to push Katara past the mental block she's created and use this skill again. Bloodbending would have amazing healing benefits if used correctly. It could actually do a lot of good. I actually think the water healing on the surface, while it might do good for the superficial damage, would not be able to help the deep tissue and internal damage that something like getting struck by lightning in the chest would cause. Or if it did, it would need a lot of time and many sessions to work – and time is of the essence here. Bloodbending and healing combined, on the other hand, can work at healing the deep internal damage much quicker.
Katara has been in 4 high stress medical situations in the show.
1) Birthing Hope. She did good – yay Katara. But she has also attended the birth of other babies, has she also delivered some herself? Anyway she has some experience with this sort of thing.
2) trying to save Jet. Not so good this time. Sad panda. In many ways, I think losing Jet would have been a bit of a blow to her confidence – but it never got explored that much. But still, this would have been the first patient she ostensibly 'lost' and this patient was a boy she fancied. She would have feelings about that.
3) saving Aang - this is all a bit too mystical for me anyway– how long is Aang "dead" for? Because if it was longer than a couple of minutes; what happened to Aang's brain without oxygen for so long? Because –seriously- it doesn't take long without oxygen for serious brain damage to occur. We have to be careful of our heads my lovelies. Anyway I have over-thought this and came to the conclusion that I should just magically hand-wave it and say to myself it is to do with mystical spirits and whatnot. I actually think it is mostly the spirit water that does the healing, with Katara acting as its conduit.
Note: Some Kataangers, bless even these ones, told me when I first got into fandom that the fact that Katara uses the spirit water on Aang was proof of their romantic love and if she really wanted Zuko, she would have saved the spirit water for him. Kataang is canon, however I feel that they were watching a different show to me, because there is no way that the Katara I saw would say at the end of "crossroads of destiny"– ooh you got struck by lightning Aang? that's too bad! I've got something that could heal you – but I'll hang onto it in case I get the chance to score me some firenation booty! No, just no.
Anyway Zuko is her fourth high pressure medical situation, but the one thing she has to her advantage, that she didn't have in all those previous situations is the ability to bloodbend. And I think that makes all the difference. Plus it makes more sense to me, so that's what I went with.
I think that bloodbending is a part of Katara, and I wanted to reconcile it to her and make her see that it is not necessarily evil, just because it was taught to her by a mad evil woman. Also I needed something to explain to myself how the hell Zuko gets up so quickly after being shot with lightning. In all honesty I think Zuko revives a little too quickly in the show. Not that I want him to be in pain and suffering, but being hit with lightning is like really friggin serious business! He should not be up and about and standing on his own five minutes after that – so he is not in my fic. He's rather severely hurt and he's going to be on bedrest for a bit in the coming chapter(sorry Zuko).
Anyway, I know some of you were very anxious for a resolution to the UST and some kissy-face and I gave you guys a mixed blessing this chapter (no kissy-face yet – sorry). I shamelessly embrace the 'dying declaration of love' trope. I think Katara is the one most likely to say it, but it would take something like Zuko getting struck with lightning for her to spit it out. Zuko doesn't say it back this chapter, but jumping in front of lightning for her speaks for itself in my opinion. Kissy-face didn't happen here, even though it would have been super dramatic and there is lots of lovely fanart etc.
Mostly I held off because I am still trying to be canon compliant. More importantly I think that even though Katara loves him, it's a pretty high stress situation and he is seriously injured. I think she would want to tend to that first, as Katara is the practical sort, bless her cotton socks. I kind of equate getting shot with lightning to getting shot with a bullet. I think it would be intense physical trauma. If Zuko had been shot, revived, but was still kind of bleeding out – I would feel weird about Katara saying lets make out you sexy beast. I think she would like to make sure that he was going to recover/not keel over and die again, before she started play kissy face. Because as soon as she starts, she is going to want to play for a good long time.
Next chapter: Katara will embrace her inner ninja nurse. She is descended from ninja nurse Hakoda after all. Iroh will arrive in the firenation. Letters will be received. Zuko will wake up. Plot holes will be filled and shenanigans will be had.
Til then lovely readers...