A/N - . this one is shorter than the last. Ahhh! But I hope you enjoy it, I am kind of jumping around with the writing, so I have in progress chapters for the whole story outline now, hopefully it will help in ensuring the story flow. Anyway, on with the story.

Exhausted, I trudged through the front door of my condo. The rest of the day had gone well without seeing or thinking about JJ. When we arrived back to HQ, we quickly debriefed the last case and broke for lunch. I made sure to leave before anyone could invite me anywhere and spent it at a secluded cafe. When we had returned everyone busied themselves with catching up on paperwork, and again I made sure I was the first out of the office before anyone could notice.

I threw my go bag to the side, walked over to the kitchen and grabbed a beer out of the fridge. I flopped down on the living room couch and took a big gulp. Placing the bottle down on the coffee table in front of me, I hunched over my elbow on my knees and my head in my hands. I closed my eyes. I was physically and emotionally exhausted but my head was running a mile a minute. I didn't notice it until I had opened my eyes, but my body was rocking slightly back and forth. All the emotions I had suppressed throughout the whole day began to overflow. My sight started to blur. I touched my cheek and felt that it was wet, I realized I was crying.

I stood up briskly, walking over to the wine cabinet. I pulled out the strongest bottle of alcohol I could find. A feeling that I had trained myself to not feel for most of life started to trickle in… I felt vulnerable, I couldn't control my emotions. Since when has Agent Prentiss not been able to keep her feelings under wraps. 'You're weak!' I desperately shuffled with the cap of the bottle, 'no, shut up, shut up, shut up' as the cap finally twisted off I hastily brought the bottle to my lips and chugged gulp after gulp only pausing to breathe for air. Shutting my eyes I concentrated on the burn in my throat, the dryness of the liquid.

The inner turmoil was driving me over the age. I didn't know what to do with myself. The past 36 hours was in instant replay. The sadness of losing JJ to WIll, the depression, the resentment, I felt like I was hating JJ for reminding me what it was like to fall in love… what it was like to be in love, then for making me feel vulnerable altogether. And now I was angry at myself for feeling ANYTHING at all.

I threw the bottle at the wall across the room and it shattered, leaving a large stain on the wall and mess on the floor.

I sunk down sitting on the kitchen floor, my back against the doors of the counter, my knees bent up in front of me. I leaned my elbows on my knees, my palms squeezing the sides of my head.

I wanted it to all just go away, the pain slowly thinned out as my whole physical and emotional being was processing itself for full out compartmentalization. Sadness. 'You were being a coward' Depression 'You were being pathetic' Resentment 'You lost control' Anger 'Get over it already'.

I needed to find an outlet. Slowly I was piecing myself together, focusing and honing all of these feelings into a constructive energy. Focus.

I attempted to regulate my breathing, leaning my head back on the kitchen drawer behind me, 'Get it together', breathing out a few times, I stood up and caught my reflection in the mirror in the hallway across the kitchen island. I stared at myself, I felt like a stranger looking at the reflection.

Pause.

I approached the mirror.

My expression lost.

My eyes scanned over the ragged features.

My hair was frayed, a slight indication of dark under my eyes, I seemed paler than I remember. I glared at the person half angry and half determined.

'Unacceptable' my mind spoke.

I looked into the depths of my own eyes. It all became so surreal. In that moment I felt myself transform. All my emotions, the jealousy, the sadness, the depression, the resentment, the anger and finally the vulnerability suddenly subsided to an eerie calm. My grief for 'Emily' was complete.

My eyes scanned over my apartment, almost as if I was looking at everything in this new view. My eyes focused on a picture frame on a shelf in the living room. Moving swiftly across the room, I picked it up and looked at the group photo of the BAU, myself included. I looked at the face of each of the members who I had once called my family. My eyes eventually falling on Jennifer Jareau's beautiful smile. My expression uncommitted, I traced a finger across her cheek, and somewhere in my mind relayed a message that there was a part of me that loved her, tucked away in a box. I didn't feel bothered by it, it was almost matter of fact. I continued to stare at her. I don't know how long I stood there, but I waited to see if anything else would stir up inside. Nothing.

I placed the frame back in its respectful place, noticing the clock on the wall above. Four hours had passed since I had come home. My body reminded me how exhausted I was, I curled on the couch and closed my eyes. Tomorrow was going to be a new day for Agent Prentiss.