CHAPTER TWENTY

::Tobias::

I tried to stop myself from shaking so badly, but the human body experiences fear the way no other creature does. Or at least, it definitely lets fear get to its system as compared to a red-tailed hawk.

I'm not a religious dude, but I was praying really hard that Rachel had somehow flown to safety.

Gingerly, I stretched out my legs and looked around carefully. I stood up slowly and brushed my pants down. Then I looked around to see that I was hiding in a rather big lawn. In fact, it was a lawn of a small society building, not a house – it was...

It was the backyard of The Sharing.

I took a deep breath. The irony of it all. Those guys were out to nab me back to The Sharing, and I had just landed in their grounds.

‹Rachel?› I tried once again. No response.

Well, then. I sat back down behind a bush in order to collect my thoughts and wits. Not running for a couple of years makes you feel like you're a big chugging machine when even moving your legs, let alone running for your life. I was exhausted, frightened, and worst of all, horribly, horribly confused.

I wasn't even that bothered about the thought of Elfangor – my father, yes – at this point in time. What really bugged me was Loren. The way she had treated me thus far was really puzzling. It hurt, in some way, because she was showering upon me the kind of care and concern I knew Loren in my reality would never show me. But what seemed really odd was the way she treated me as if – as if I was made of glass. So fragile, so vulnerable. I was going to break into pieces any moment and she'd stare from one corner, helpless and lonely.

I'm completely making things up now, but the way she looked at me sometimes made me feel that way. It felt so wrong, considering that she had been the vulnerable one before, the way she had moved about in the supermarket, blind, when Marco, Ax and I had been stalking her. Yet, despite her blindness, there had been some sort of steel in her eyes. Even when she hardly knew me, and I had pressed her to touch the morphing cube, she had trusted me with a strength that I was in awe of.

Now, I only saw desperation and fear in her eyes.

The last day or so, she had been yelling at me a couple of times about the whole making-a-huge-fuss-about-entering-school as well as having torn up The Sharing card (wasn't my fault, but I secretly applauded my alter-ego for having done so). However, after a while, when I didn't respond and just stared back, she'd cry and then hold me close. I nearly wanted to run away everytime she did that, but I always ended up turning rigid because I didn't know how to respond to her touch. It's not even about being a hawk for too long, it's just awkward being in the proximity of someone who felt so foreign.

From what she said, it felt like the Tobias who lived in that home was a very quiet boy, which wasn't too much of a stretch since I hardly talked at home before I became an Animorph. He had been homeschooled all this while, for reasons I still hadn't uncovered yet. From his diary, he was brooding, he hated his mom – for a while, it was easy to sort of become the human Tobias. I started to observe her instead. I'd seen these books on her desk that were all about mental illnesses. I'd asked her before if she was okay, and she was like 'what are you talking about?'. Later she explained that the books were for her work, and looked at me as if I was crazy for asking.

I heard some sounds coming from the building, so I snuck further behind the bushes. Those guys at The Sharing were out to get me because they knew I was Elfangor's son. Marco had gotten me to test their reactions since Visser Three had appeared at my doorstep as Aria. True enough, they were on the manhunt for me, which meant Elfangor's will had not been read. Was there even a will? Nobody knew now.

But what I had not told the other Animorphs was that I had tried asking Loren in a discreet manner about missing having a father figure. The look she had given me was that of complete fright.

"What are you talking about?" she had whispered. "Tobias, your father is long dead."

But what did she really know? I wanted to ask further, but she curtly told me not to ask any more questions and eat my dinner. I was starting to worry that she was a Controller, and I couldn't risk it by asking her directly.

Now I seriously wished I had just asked her.

Why was it that Elfangor existed, I existed, but Loren's memory was intact and she was looking after me? This whole thing didn't make any sense at all to me, and it was beyond frustrating. And now just thinking about this boy, whom I was supposed to be, hating his mother deep down inside, I felt a surge of anger towards him.

Who the hell are you to be angry? Don't you know what you have? Can't you feel what you have? This is all you would have ever wanted, so why the hell are you complaining about it?

I was trembling with so much anger just thinking about that. I had to calm myself down with a few deep breaths.

The best part was, none of the other Animorphs were with me now, and I had to somehow escape this building without alerting my presence to the people who were now walking out of the building and talking way too softly for me to hear.

I really missed my wings and sharp hearing and sharp eyesight and...

My fingers touched the fence. I looked behind me and saw that there was a big enough hole under the fence to roll out from. I leopard-crawled my way to the hole and scrabbled at it as silently as I could possibly manage. Finally, I squeezed myself out of the hole, and then I was running again, down the streets. I kept turning my head left and right in the most awkward way ever, trying to make sure that Cam and his harem were nowhere in sight.

That looked downright suspicious, but that was the best I could do without tripping over.

I couldn't run for much longer. When I saw the hint of the woods, I headed straight for it, towards a tree that I found particularly comfortable with when I had been a hawk.

Yeah, the trees haven't changed. That's something good to know.

"Since when," I muttered. "did you start worrying about your family, huh, Tobias? Since when was that ever a consideration?"

I sank to the ground again, massaging away a throbbing headache. I had to find out whether Loren could really remember who Elfangor was. Did she know that he was an alien? An Andalite?

I stood up. I had to go back to my home – Tobias's home, Loren's home, whatever – and find out the truth from her. We couldn't stay in this reality any longer. We still had a war to fight, and we were wasting our time here trying to avoid screwing up half the time? I didn't think so. I was tired of feeling all kinds of pain that I was not supposed to be feeling.

Suddenly, I heard a low growl. My whole body went rigid.

I didn't like that sound at all.

"Jake?" But it didn't really sound like a tiger.

"Rachel?" That was a bad try, for the growl came again. It sounded extemely deadly, and it made all the hair on my arms stand.

This was no ordinary animal.

I was back up against the tree, completely frozen. I've been prey for others plenty of time, but usually it doesn't involve me being a human and the other party an animal.

"Guys, this is not a joke, is it?"

There was a crackle of wood; the creature was moving forward.

I shut my eyes tightly, then curled my fingers into a ball. Come on, Tobias. Where's all the strength in you?

I spun away from the tree to meet the creature eye-to-eye.

I stared.

"What the –"

Then it clicked just before my logic really untangled the knot of a situation. And I let out an involuntary gasp.

‹Hello, Tobias.›