This is from the iPad so I'll have to clean it up, I'm not disclaiming Apple, just everybody else, but auto-dis-correct is driving me insane. I have a client meeting tonight so I need to get this part out of me. I should warn you this chapter might be a little disturbing.

Quietly Reserved

Leonard sat at his desk in the apartment, staring out the window. It was just after noon on ths bright Saturday and the first time he'd spent any time away from Penny since Christmas eve. Penny had a taping of a talk show that would air that afternoon. The taping had to be early so the east coast show would be ready by 4:00PM. Penny had to be to the studio by 9:30. The taping would run no later than 11:30AM.

Penny's alarm had went off at 6:00AM. The studio was about 45 minutes away if the traffic wasn't too heavy. The show was sending a car that would be at the house at 8:30. Penny hadn't even hit the snooze alarm. She'd rolled over and out of the bed. This had surprised Leonard he remembered Penny hating to get up. The last three days they had stayed in bed in the morning, though sleep had been just a side activity.

Penny had made coffee and got in the shower by the time Leonard got up. They had talked about at the taping at dinner the night before. Leonard would go back to the apartment to get some things and do a little work and they would meet back at the house in the afternoon. Penny was wearing sweats and t-shirt, her hair up in a bun. She had a garment bag with clothes hanging on a hook by the door when her phone buzzed. "There here" She'd said. Penny had given Leonard a quick kiss and started for the door. She pulled up and turned back and wrapped her arms around his neck and given him a long kiss on the lips. Leonard said "Better, see you this afternoon". She had given a odd smile and went through the door garment bag in hand.

Leonard had driven his car back to Pasadena. Some photographers were by the front door and had taken some pictures. He smiled at them the whole time. They didn't seem too interested in him if Penny wasn't around. He'd got to the apartment and put more clothes in his bag as well as a couple of well-chosen wines. Then sat at his computer and went to work. He recorded a video message for Lisel and the Grundwalds then decided to start in on his own mail from Caltech.

The system at Caltech was a combined messaging system, voicemail, email, videomail, and text. Leonard was shocked at his inbox. He 1277 emails, over 100 voicemails, 1 videomail. He knew what had happened right away. His personal email was very private, but his Caltech email was on the schools website and public address book. He sorted the emails by sender, saw that the amount from people he knew was 20. He added the rest to the spam filter.

He decided to just bulk delete the voicemails, anybody with anything serious would call back. Of the 20 emails 18 were congratulations on his engagement from colleagues, 2 were requests for vacation time that he marked to look at later. He opened up the videomail, it was from Leslie Winkle. Her curly brown hair, glasses and smirk had greeted him:

I see you're back with Blondie after all these years Leonard. Thought you'd learned your lesson.

Good luck.

That was it. Leonard was never quite sure why Leslie cared. Since he'd been back she hadn't showed the slightest interest in him. Maybe it was because technically he was her boss. He just chuckled. He got up and made a cup of Earl Grey tea, had Tish put on some older top 40 music and sat down at his desk and looked out the window.

He broke off that remembrance thinking, "Strange day"

He sipped his tea. He suddenly felt very alone. He realized it was because Penny wasn't with him. She was so different now he thought, yet underneath just the same. Penny had a professional persona, but still he could tell she was really vulnerable. He decided he'd just wait and see what had happened to her all these years. He had the basic story but she had been pretty shy about details. He wasn't going to push it, second half-life. He finished his tea, sat it down and stared back out the window.

Suddenly Tish said, "Penny's at the door."

Leonard heard the key in the lock and turned in his chair. Penny came through dressed to the nines in leather pants, a hot pink top and high black heals. Tears were streaming down her face. Leonard got up quickly and met her by the couch in a hug.

"What's wrong? What happened?"

Penny sobbed for a few more seconds and halting got out. "I missed you"

Comforting Calamity

Leonard just held her until she stopped crying. He tried to look her in the face, but she wouldn't meet his eyes. He sat her on the couch and took her hands. "It's okay Penny, I just was sitting at my desk wondering why I was sad. I realized it was because you weren't here." She stared into her eyes then hugged him again. She stopped after a moment and sat back. She tried to laugh but it didn't really come out that way.

"I'm being such a basket case. The taping went fine and I got done and knew I didn't feel right and told the driver to bring me here. When I got here I gave the jerks downstairs my best smile and breezed past them. Then as soon as I got in the elevator I started crying."

"Maybe you should have taken the stairs." Leonard tried to make her laugh it kind of worked.

She looked up at him and smirked, "In these heels, be serious."

She did laugh at that point but then got serious again. "It's I just felt really alone. I hadn't felt that way since I was in New York. I need to tell you something Leonard."

Leonard almost flinched at the look on her face it was like a ghost set on her beautiful features. He knew that look, he had seen it in the mirror so many times the last few years.

"The guy in New York Brent the co-star I slept with. I wasn't that drunk that night it was something else. We had gone out for drinks. I'd had a couple of drinks and he invited me to go back to his place to work on some scenes together. I knew I shouldn't have gone, it felt wrong but he was the co-star."

"We took a cab to his apartment and he got me another drink. The next thing I knew I woke up in his bed, groggy with a terrible hangover. I've gotten drunk where I couldn't remember things the next day but not like this. Leonard, he gave me something in that drink and then he raped me. I wasn't sure about it then it was just all guilt about cheating on you and being stupid. I got up and left. He treated me like crap after that. He told all the male actors how good I was in bed. I really should have got on a plane and came home. It's just, I don't know. I'd made friends with the female co-star Jeanie. She helped me a lot, teaching me my character and how to be an actor. Jeanie was my mentor and my only friend. I told her about what happened she helped me figure it out and let me know I wasn't the first time for this guy. By the time I figured it all out you were in Oxford."

"Before now Jeanie and my therapist are the only people I've ever told about this. When the series got cancelled Jeanie walked over to Brent, hugged him then kneed him in the nuts. She held him up and said something in his ear then let him fall withering on the floor. She never did tell me what she said, but Brent has never even tried to talk to me since."

Penny had said all this very quickly wanting to get it out, without shedding a tear, but now they were falling.

"After I tried my failed attempt at marriage I swore I wouldn't get too close to any man. They either broke my heart or I broke theirs. It all started coming back up when I kissed you goodbye this morning. That's why I stopped, came back and gave you a real kiss. I realized I'd kissed every other man I had in my life like that. I would peck them on the lips with no feeling, just the obligation to who I was sleeping with."

She was full on crying again, he went to hug her but she held him off and looked into his eyes.

"I won't ever do that to you again Leonard, every kiss, even if it's a peck on the cheek will mean I love you."

Now she let Leonard hold her. He did and would for as long as it took. He just held her and let her cry, stroking her hair and thinking. "I should have been there to do this then, dammit."

Penny stayed there a long time, even once she quit crying. She finally sniffed and sat back giving him a sad smile.

Not a Matter of Fault

Penny could see the pain on Leonard face. She thought she would see anger or shock. Instead she saw guilt and pain like when he talked about Liisa in the end. She took his face in both hands.

Leonard croaked, "I should have been there, it wouldn't have happened if I'd been there."

Penny shook her head, "It doesn't matter now Leonard, and it wasn't our fault. It wasn't my fault that I went to his apartment. It wasn't your fault for not putting your work on hold and coming to New York. Someone vile and hateful did something that neither of us is to blame for. It took me a long time to figure it all out. I had bad marriage, isolation, putting my career ahead of any personal life. Even if you had been there after it happened I may have ruined our relationship to the point that this." She stumbled for moment. "This, where we are right now could never have happened"

She smiled at him. Leonard's face softened, caring and thoughtful was there now. Just what she wanted and needed. She leaned him back on the couch and snuggled into his left shoulder.

"Let's just hold each other for a while. Watch a movie and let it pass. Okay?"

She felt him nod. Penny thought about it for a moment, "Tish please play Return of the Jedi on the big screen." The screen started to unfold from the ceiling.

She looked up at Leonard, he was a little stoic. She just cuddled in and watched for a while. Then the scene on Jabba's yacht was on. "You know Leonard I have that exact outfit Leia has on in my wardrobe." She looked up at him, now she got the smile she was looking for. Penny cuddled closer into his shoulder. A few moments later she was asleep.

This chapter got three re-writes thought out the day. Tough subject, I wanted it to end on an up note. We'll take that into the next chapter and have some fun with it. I'm still not sure about it though. Review it and let me know.

Again if you want to follow along with the writing of this it's on twitter follow ElipticalThread (Twitters size limit on characters cost me an L and an S)

It will have the music I listened to, and any pictures I used as well as the process.

Thanks

T