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Like a girl

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-?-

When Zuko was ready, we went back to the comfy chairs. But Toph had taken my seat, boo. Zuko wanted to give me his seat, but I wouldn't let him and there was a slight awkward moment, before I sat on the low table that the boys had been resting their feet on. We all had a bit of a chat and Sokka told us the daring tale of how they took on all the airships. He used the phrase airship slice frequently. He also frequently praised Toph's badass skills a lot. They apparently have some kind of agreement that when ever he tells this story he has to use the phrase 'Toph's badass skills' at least 24 times. I was on the edge of my seat with nervousness while he spoke, even though I knew that they had all made it and survived. It sounded so frightening, but Sokka was a bit blasé about it, possibly because he has already told this story a few times.

Iroh sent a hawk ahead to warn Lenka when everybody was half an hour away. She came out and told us. Sokka wanted to go and meet all the warriors as soon as they returned. Toph and Zuko wanted to stay. Zuko is always shy meeting new people, and he was looking a little tired anyway and I think Toph wanted to keep him company. She volunteered to stay pretty quickly at least. About ten minutes before everyone would arrive, Sokka and I went to go meet them in the main boulevard. Sokka was leaning on me heavily the whole way.

Soon we saw a large number of people crest the hill. They were a sea of reds and pinks, as everyone was still in their prison uniforms, except for Iroh and my dad and Suki and Aang. They were in the front leading the gaggle of recently released prisoners. Sokka and I waved at them and they waved back and some of the Water Tribe warriors started running towards us. We were engulfed in their affection. I have been hugged and had my cheek pinched and my head patted and been told repeatedly that I was only this big when the last time all these men saw me. And it was a big snuggly tribal reunion.

Suki touched Sokka gently on his shoulder and said that she needed to get her warriors settled, but she would see him later. Then she gave him a light, quick kiss on the cheek before she turned and walked off. The two sick Kyoshi warriors were helped along by their sister warriors. Suki gave a small speech to her warriors and told them to follow her with a great deal of authority. She turned and blew Sokka another kiss and then she left, with her warriors behind her.

All the Watertribe warriors made noises like ooooheerrr and said very mature things like Sokka has a girlfriend etc. Sokka got a fair bit of good natured teasing from them about going out with a kyoshi warrior. The consensus is that anyone who goes out with a Kyoshi warrior must be whipped. Sokka took his teasing in stride. I could tell he was happy to be both so included by the manly menfolk and the focus of their attention.

They all wanted to know Sokka's heroic tale of how he stopped the airships, and wanted to talk about Sokka's fighting prowess, and Sokka's adventures and what Sokka had learned and how much a good leader Sokka was and wasn't he turning out just like his dad? After a while, it felt like I was invisible. I was only there to hold Sokka upright after all. We started walking towards the Watertribe house and I had to listen about Sokka Sokka Sokka.

Sokka seemed a bit uncomfortable with getting all the attention and glory after a while and kept trying to point out how my skills and my water bending and my cleverness had been instrumental in all his plans. But when ever Sokka tried to include me, his comments would go ignored and someone would ask him something about his swordsmanship, because Hakoda had told them all how far along he'd come and conversation would move on. I squeezed his shoulder in thanks anyway – at least he tried.

We were the last group in the square. The only two firenation people left were Iroh, who was in conversation with my dad, and some lady guard who was talking intently to Bato. The earthbenders had long since gone, following Suki and the Kyoshi warriors to their new house. The earthbenders and swamp benders have no discernable leader, but seemed content to follow Suki because she spoke with such authority and seemed like she knew where she was going.

It had been very sweet to see Teo and his dad reunited as well as Haru and his father (who was most impressed with Haru's spoon bending). The Duke and Pipsqueak were delighted to be with each other. Pipsqueak instantly lifted the Duke up to sit on his shoulder. He looked like he belonged up there. A tiny duke surveying his subjects. A contented smile had played across his young face as Pipsqueak started walking after the Kyoshi warriors to their new place.

Eventually my Dad and Iroh stopped gasbagging and my dad announced that we should follow him to the place they would be staying. Iroh and the lady guard walked with us to Zuko's villa, before they turned off. She turned and waved at Bato, and he waved back slightly. He looked after the lady guard for a few moments with a rather wistful look on his face. Nobody else noticed, but I did. Then my dad slapped him on the back and wanted to talk to him and he seemed to snap out of it.

Aang came up next to me and tried to talk to me. He had felt just as left out as I had, when the warriors fawned all over Sokka, but he had gone and played with the Earth Kingdom people in the meantime. Now he had come to find me in the crowd. I had been talking with Luka, another of my dad's friends and I steadfastly ignored Aang's attempts to engage me in conversation.

I am angry at Aang and I want to give him a big rant, but just not here in front of my tribe. When I have a moment, I will take Aang aside and say what I need to say in private. This is not the first time I have done this- pretended I can't hear Aang. It makes me feel a little cowardly, but sometimes it is the best option. It is useful in many situations. For example, back when Aang tried to tell me he liked me as more that a friend in Aunt Wu's village, I suddenly developed deafness. Eventually Luka got a bit weirded out and introduced himself to Aang. I pretended that I had only just realised he was there.

-?-

When we got back to the water tribe villa, the men ran about like joyous children. The villa is a big luxurious upgrade after prison. There was much running about and trying out beds and couches and bags-ing of rooms and shenanigans over sleeping arrangements. They were making such a mess already. They had all been given small bags with their personal effects and tribal uniforms in them and these were scattered around and used to claim ownership of rooms and beds etc. Me and my Dad stood back a little bit and watched the spectacle.

The warriors were fawning over Sokka and his various heroics and Sokka pointed out that none of it would have been possible with out Aang – because Aang was looking a little left out. Then Aang received the same treatment Sokka had. The warriors wanted to know all about what it was like being the Avatar and all about Aang's powers and prowess and stuff. Aang seemed much happier and kept them all entertained with various stories and anecdotes about his heroic antics.

Something exceptionally irritating happened. Kuba came over to me and gave me his under tunic and said it had a big rip up the seam and would I mind fixing it? But he wasn't really asking. Before I could say no, he had wandered off and was replaced by Sorrak, who's socks needed darning. Then Hasa gave me his leggings and it just went from there. Within ten minutes I had at least one item from every warrior that needed mending. My arms were bursting with the load of clothes.

They had all just assumed I would fix all this for them. Because I was the only water tribe woman here and mending clothes is a woman's job. They didn't say that, but they didn't need to either. To make matters worse My Dad didn't stop them. He didn't say, no that's not Katara's job. Or mend it yourselves. Because that is the way things are in our tribe. It has always been that way and it will always be that way.

I nearly forgot.

They have been gone for so long that they still saw me as the little girl I was when they left. I have been gone from home for so long and had so many adventures and had come to consider myself equal with them. I was a warrior. I was a bad ass. I wasn't just the girl who mended socks! I forgot that they wouldn't see me that way. It was jarring for me actually. They might have a fair bit of grudging respect for the Kyoshi Warriors, but I was a watertribe woman and therefore, it was just expected that I would defer to them. Woman might have had a bit more power in the Southern Water tribe than in the Northern Watertribe – but not enough to get out of doing the mending.

I wanted to rant about the unfairness of it all, but I couldn't find my voice. I fought just as well as Sokka and Aang – no, I was even better at waterbending that Aang! I had done just as much to end the war as he had – but they were the heroes. Sokka was the warrior in their eyes and he was given drinks and praise. I was just the girl and was given mending and ignored.

It wasn't fair. I felt the squeeze at the back of my throat that is a prelude to a cry. That sour lemon squeezy feeling. I ran out to the garden for a breath of fresh air. I heard one of them, Hasa I think, say with some confusion what's with her?

They would never understand.

-?-

I realised with some frustration, that in my haste to leave I hadn't dropped the cloths in the house, but had taken them outside with me. I made a small frustrated noise and dropped them in a heap on the ground. It didn't matter if they got dirty because I was sure I would be expected to wash them as well.

I knew I was probably being ridiculous, but I just felt so out of sorts. Half an hour ago I was a confident warrior – but just a few minutes with the menfolk of my tribe treating me like I was a maid had me feeling like a small and unimportant little girl. I think I was upset because it had come as such a surprise. I told myself I shouldn't be upset. I had so many chores at the South Pole that Sokka didn't have to do, just by virtue of being a boy. I had accepted that at the time.

Well actually, I hadn't really. I had ranted at Sokka frequently about how unfair I found it. After my dad left, Sokka really was the only guy around. He was my brother and I didn't see why I should have to obey him. So I didn't. Instead, because I was acting as his mother, more often than not Sokka would obey me. Sometimes he'd get all blustery about 'girl jobs' but mostly, he would take me fishing and hunting with him and we would do everything together. Even though he could be a bit sexist (and that is something that Suki has well and truly broken him of by now) I'd always felt like we were equals. Until this afternoon.

I felt so many feelings and I didn't know what to do – so I kicked the pile of laundry a few times. Then I felt bad and I picked it up and put in on a nearby table. I couldn't deal with it right now. I needed water. I needed to bend. I always found it calming. I could hear a fountain tinkling and I walked in the direction of the sound.

But another sound stopped me in my tracks, coming from the bushes surrounding the fountain. Giggling, a man and a woman. The man said something in a low voice and the woman laughed. It actually sounded like Bato actually. The woman's voice was unfamiliar. The sounded like they were just by the fountain. I had a moment of indecision. One side said it was probably a private moment and it would be rude of me to intrude. The other said with a great deal of curisoity who is Bato giggling with? I am ashamed to say that my curiosity won out. I didn't want to interrupt, so I just peered through the bushes, just to see.

It was Bato, I had guessed that right. He was with the firenation lady guard. She was laughing and he was laughing. When their laughter died down, he looked at her with a really err...soft expression that I have never seen on his face before. She smiled back and then said, in an uncertain sounding voice, that she was going to miss seeing him every day. She'd even miss his bad jokes. Bato smiled at her widely then and said he was going to miss her ability to smuggle him in pickles everyday.

She stepped forward on her tippy-toes and gave him a gentle kiss, quite suddenly. Then she stepped back, her eyes wide – almost as if she was surprised that she had done it herself. She started apologising, but Bato cut her off and wrapped his arms around her and started kissing her back. They got really into it. looked like they were joined at the face! Bato undid her hair and it fell down her back in dark waves. She was playing grabby-hands with his arse. I realised I was being really ridiculously pervy and so I back away silently and when I was a safe distance away, I ran for it.

-?-

I ended up back at the pile of clothes. Bloody hell, I hated these clothes. But due to deep, ingrained habit – I felt obliged to do something about them. I couldn't just leave them, and god knows the menfolk were too inept to do their own mending. I went back into the house and searched about, while the menfolk continued to run amok. I found some plain black thread and a needle in one of the drawers in the sitting room. It would be too much to hope for blue thread in the firenation, so black would have to do. I sat at the table in the garden and started doing the mending with little grace and much disgruntlement.

This was how Aang found me sometime later. He seemed cheerful and approached me in a friendly manner. He had no idea how mad I was at him, or how angered I had been by this current clothes mending situation. He said hi in a happy manner and sat next to me and said he wanted to talk to me. I did not look up and said now is not a good time Aang, repressively. Aang asked why not and I sighed in a long suffering manner and ended up saying, in a very defeated sounding tone I have mending to do. Aang said oh good! And told me that all of his clothes had been ripped terribly in the fight with Ozai and it would be great if I could mend them too, if I was already doing it. I gave him an Incredulous and Angry Look and he shrunk back for a second, before he said with some surprise you're mad... Why are you mad?

Oh boy. So many reasons. I didn't even know how to start explaining why I was mad. I had actually been waiting to get Aang alone, so I could scold him in private. I hadn't wanted to seem like a mad harpy scolding him in front of everybody, especially when it seems like all the warriors think he is this great hero and the best thing ever. I hadn't really wanted to do it like this. I had wanted to very calmly. I had wanted to strictly sit Aang down and list all the reasons why what he did was dreadful and horrible and unacceptable. I had wanted to give a detailed, well-thought-out speech, something that Aang would find impossible to argue with. I had wanted to be stern, but know exactly what I was talking about - like Dr Yang.

As it was, I was just feeling so upset right now and I knew what I wanted to say was going to come off as over emotional, crazy ranting. If I had any sense, I would have just told Aang to ask me later. Then I could have said what I wanted to say with some dignity and composure. Still I couldn't help myself. I asked where were you? very coldly, but Aang did not seem to hear the ice in my voice. Instead he looked relieved, if anything, and said that was what he had come to talk to me about. He wanted to explain to me about the Lion Turtle, because he was sure I would understand, even if nobody else did.

Oh really?

I said, still in that same icy voice, that lion turtles were extinct. This did not faze Aang. He said that everyone had thought that the Airnomads were extinct, but I had found him and now he had found a Lion Turtle. I didn't say anything, I just concentrated on making small, neat stitches and tried to collect my thoughts into a coherent scolding. Aang babbled on about this turtle kidnapping him and teaching him energy bending and giving him a ride and how they were connected on a cosmic level and blah blah blah. Purity of spirit etc. Avatar state yadda yadda yadda. The turtle taught him so much and was amazing and it had been the best field trip ever! He explained at length and didn't seem to need much input from me. He finished by saying that now I understood about the Lionturtle, I didn't need to be mad at him.

I turned slowly to face him and said, with slow deliberateness what makes you think I'm not mad? Aang seemed to sense the danger signs this time. He appeared confused for a second and said well, you listened and now you know that it wasn't my fault he said a little he added that I shouldn't even be mad, when everything had worked out so well anyway.

This is where I lost my cool. I got a little shouty. Granted I was already in a bad mood and Aang had caught me at a bad time. Aang assumed that I would always agree with him. He thought that all he needed was a big fat pile of excuses and like a magic wand it would just zip away all my crankiness at him and make everything better. I didn't believe his lionturtle story, and even if I did, I wouldn't change anything.

Lion turtles are imaginary, but the way Aang let me down was horrible and heartbreaking and real. I hated the way that he just assumed I wouldn't be mad about that. And I really hated the way he said that I shouldn't be mad because everything had worked out so well. Everything had worked out, only because of dumb stupid luck. Not by any great design on Aang's part. I shouted with a great deal of sarcasm Oh you think everything has worked out so well do you? Aang said yes! And added that everything was great now! We had won and Aang hadn't needed to kill anybody and -to Aang -that was everything working out well.

I felt a bit beside myself and shouted Zuko nearly died Aang! Toph nearly died! Sokka's leg is broken in two places! None of these things are great. Aang looked at me in shock. I have only shouted at Aang once before, over that water bending scroll and I have probably only snapped at him a handful of times. He didn't know how to handle this sudden barrage of anger from me. I said that just because everything worked out alright doesn't mean that what Aang did was okay. Aang left us and it was not cool and I was very mad about that. I ended up practically shrieking how could you leave us! We needed you and you left!

Aang shouted back at me that it wasn't his fault and the turtle had kidnapped him. I said sarcastically back that I thought the turtle was his new best friend foreverest and had taught him how to enegrybend and Aang thought that it was amazing and didn't regret leaving with it because it taught him so much. Aang had said as much when he was explaining to me about the turtle. It was his way of justifying his unfortunate, woefully timed little field trip. He hadn't expected me to turn his words back around on him like that. He got a bit stroppy and said that he hadn't meant it like that at all and if I would just listen... I cut him off and said listen to what? More excuses!

Aang started trying to 'reason with me'. He used that voice that he has when he wants to make out that you are the unreasonable one, the emotional one, the crazy one. The voice implies that Aang is the wise one, the monk, the clear-thinking one.I resented that. I cut him off and shouted You always do this! When things get to hard you just run away! I felt bad as soon as I had said it. Aang looked like I had slapped him. He is very sensitive about his pattern of running away, after all. But I couldn't stop myself. I was on a roll. Everything I have thought came out. I said that Aang just didn't listen. Aang got away with everything because he was the Avatar. Aang enjoyed all the perks of being the Avatar, but didn't do his duty. Aang shouted back that he had always thought about doing his duty. He had been training his arrow off before the comet after all. What more could have possibly done to do his duty? Oh I don't know, maybe ridding the world of Ozai!

All the shouting had attracted the attention of my Father. He came bursting out into the garden and asked me if everything was alright. Behind him was Sokka, who was hopping quickly to catch up. Bato came running through the garden and appeared on the other side of the table and asked what was wrong. I think the rest of the warriors were crowding around the door eavesdropping. I couldn't see them, but I know how things work in my tribe. There's no secrets. There's no point really.

I hadn't wanted to do this with an audience. I hadn't wanted to do this at all. I had wanted to be stern and sensible, not ranty and near tears. I said that everything was fine in an effort at sounding normal. But Aang was near tears and I was near tears and everything obviously wasn't fine.

My Dad raised an eyebrow. He asked if this was about the problem with leaving Ozai alive (because that had been the last thing I had shouted – evidently my dad had heard that clearly). Aang said it wasn't a problem quite stroppily. He was the Avatar and he had decided to spare Ozai and now he would live in prison and there wasn't a problem. He had made the right choice and everyone had to stop being mad about it.

The problem for me is that because Aang is the Avatar, he is responsible for these big momentous decisions and he has no comprehension of how much he will affect people's lives. He doesn't listen if you are saying something he does not want to hear. Aang always says I am the Avatar to settle/win arguments. As if he thinks no one can argue with the Avatar's final judgement. It irritated me more than it ever had before, the way he does that. So I said (shouted) with a more bitter sarcasm Oh, do you think Zuko and Iroh agree with you? Do you think leaving Ozai alive is going to bring endless joy into their lives? But I guess that doesn't even bother you because you're the avatar and you made achoice. I said that bit especially sarcastically. I added that leaving Ozai alive would jeopardize the stability of the fire nation and the peace we had fought so hard for. Aang made these choices, but he never thought about the consequences. Ozai would be a big problem, but Aang was happy to let him be Iroh and Zuko's problem. Wasn't he?

Aang looked lost and torn and tears started leaking out of his eyes. I was near crying too, with anger and frustration and sadness and just so many feelings. Bato stepped forward and said in a firm, but gently voice Katara stop. You're upsetting Aang. But I couldn't stop. I could no more stop this torrent of words than I could stop myself from vomiting if I were sick. It all came out of me, during this argument - not in any coherent organised plan, not in a proper and reasoned scolding, but in one big torrent of angry word vomit.

Well maybe he should be upset! Maybe he shouldn't go through life thinking everything great and everything is fabulous and just because he's the avatar- he can do whatever he likes. Maybe he needs to realise he can't get his own way all the bloody time. Maybe he has let me down so badly that I don't know if I can ever trust him again.

There. I had said it. I'd emptied the contents of my mind and my throat all over Aang. He was looking and me with wide-eyed gormless shock. Tears were running freely down his face now. Aang is crying because of me. But he made me cry, when he left. I never set out to make him cry, but I have done it, with my words and my brutal and cruel honesty.

My dad and Bato were just looking at me. Sokka clumsily put a hand on my shoulder. He was trying to comfort me, but I shrugged him off, just then. I think that hurt his feelings. So I can add that to the list of people I have offended today. Suddenly I couldn't stand to be here in this garden anymore. I felt the tears rising and I didn't want to cry in front of everyone. Still I couldn't repress a sob that escaped me as I turned and ran away. I heard my Dad say 'just give her some time to cool off' to Aang as I left the garden.

-?-

I ran away as fast as my legs could carry me. The physical activity was a good reliever of all this terrible built up tension that had just come erupting out of me. The city was still eerily deserted. I saw no one. I just ran. I wasn't really paying any attention to where I was going. When my foot got stuck in a grate, and I tripped – I looked up in surprise to realise that I was back in the coronation plaza again.

I felt so many different emotions and I just ended up leaning against a pillar and crying. I don't know how long I sat there for. A long time. I cried and sobbed and felt angry and sorry for myself. I had skinned my knee when I fell and I healed that with some water out of the storm water drain. Then I tried to collect myself and my thoughts. But I didn't have much luck.

Around the time the sun was setting I heard two different footsteps approaching. I didn't know who it was and my first instinct, honed through the war, was to hide from them and ascertain whether they were friend or foe. So that it what I did. The first person was Aang. Boo. He asked the second person what made them think I would be here. When I heard Zuko's voice, I felt this big rush of relief. I wanted to go out and say hi, and talk to him, but I didn't want to deal with Aang right now. The fight was too raw for me. So I stayed hidden, indecisively.

Zuko said that most people are creatures of habit and would follow familiar routes – I didn't know that many places in caldera city except this and the villa and they'd already looked all through the villa and the gardens. Aang asked if he was sure I would be here, and Zuko made a small frustrated noise and said that he wasn't and it was only a guess, but he would be able to make a better guess if Aang would just tell him what happened.

Aang said I already told you. Katara went mad. Zuko did not appear satisfied with this answer because he huffed fine, don't tell me with some disgruntlement. Aang got a bit upset and said don't you be mad at me too! You're the only person aside from Suki who's not cross at me right now. Zuko said what? with bafflement. Aang said that Zuko had said he wasn't mad this morning and Aang needed somebody on his side. he listed his woes, I had went mad and gotten mad at him and I had been so mean. And Toph had been cranky at him for days and Sokka would take my side and it wasn't fair because Aang hadn't done anything wrong. Zuko said he wasn't on Aang's side, very bluntly – even for Zuko.

I couldn't see them, but I could guess what happened next because I heard Zuko say aaaww hell... don't do that... bollocks... I didn't mean it like that... oh don't cry. Here, take this. There was a rustle of fabric and frantic nose blowing. Then a pause and then Zuko said – no, you keep that.

Zuko said that he wasn't going to take sides. Furthermore, this morning he had said he wasn't mad, but that didn't mean he wasn't really disappointed in Aang. Aang had let us all down. There was a tremulous sort of pause. Aang said I never meant to let you down quietly. Zuko said that I believe you. Aang asked if Zuko believed him about the Lionturtle as well. Zuko said he thought they were meant to be extinct, in an effort at joking to lighten the mood. This is why Zuko shouldn't joke. There was another long pause, before Zuko said well stranger things have happened I guess.

Suddenly there was a hiss and sharp intake of breath and Aang asked with some concern if Zuko was okay. I felt a lurch of concern and nearly jumped out of my hidey-hole right then, even if it meant dealing with Aang when I really just wanted some space from him at the moment. But Zuko instantly said that he was fine very grumpily and asked Aang to just stop fussing. There was another pause and another sniffle and then Zuko said in a more placating voice Sorry. I'm fine, but it just twinges sometimes. Aang said that his had done that too – when it was first healing. There was a pause and then Aang offered that when it had healed over, he and Zuko would be scar buddies. Zuko said don't say scar buddies Aang very quickly and with some alarm. There was another pause. Their feet started moving again.

Then in what must have seemed like a completely random change of subject to Zuko, Aang said hey Zuko, you know when you first joined the group, Katara was like really really ridiculously incredibly mad at you? Zuko said how could I forget? Aang asked how Zuko had made me forgive him, when I was that mad at him. The movement of feet abruptly stopped. Zuko appeared at a loss and sputtered I didn't make her. No one can make Katara do anything. Aang said Zuko knew what he meant. Aang added despondently that he didn't even know why I was so mad. Aang had won the war and Aang had stopped the firelord and Aang was the avatar and if I just listened to him properly, I would realise there was no reason to be mad.

Zuko said, in a very dry tone of voice, maybe she'd be more willing to listen if it wasn't always about you. Aang said what's that supposed to mean? with some bafflement. Zuko pointed out that Aang probably wasn't listening to what I was saying properly either, from the sounds of things. Maybe Aang could try listening to me and apologising. Aang said that he hadn't done anything wrong. Zuko got a bit frustated that said that I obviously felt differently about the matter. He advised Aang to try letting me yell at him if I wanted, unless I was doing this (I heard a teeth grinding noise here). According to Zuko, when I do the teeth grinding thing, I am really mad, (incandescent with rage mad). If I do that, the best course of action would be making a run for it and trying again later. But mostly Aang should just listen, then he could apologise and start to make it right.

Aang reiterated that if I just understood about the lion turtle... Zuko interrupted him and said with a great deal of frustration screw the Lionturtle! Look Aang, you can say you got "kidnapped by a lionturtle" until you are blue in the face, but that is not going to help you right now. What you need to do is take some responsibility, stop making excuses and accept the consequences of your actions. Every action has consequences and maybe Katara being mad at you is yours. That silenced Aang pretty quick smart.

Zuko stomped forward, away from Aang and into the square. He saw me, half hidden behind the pillar. I gave him a tiny little wave. His eyes widened in surprise. I put my finger to my lips and then made a gesture for him to get rid of Aang – which he understood. He turned around and said that he couldn't see me and he had been wrong about the plaza after all. Maybe I had come here earlier and doubled backed and they had just missed me, or I was probably just really well hidden and had been in the villa this whole time. If Aang went back to the villa, he would probably find me. Aang asked if Zuko was coming too, but Zuko said it would be better if Aang found me on his own. There was a pause and Aang asked what he should say when he saw me next and Zuko said Aang shouldn't say anything – he just had to listen.

Aang wanted to ask something else. Zuko sighed in a resigned fashion and said sure. Aang asked if Zuko had really nearly died when he got shot with lightning. Zuko asked what that had to do with anything? Aang said that he wanted to know, because Zuko knew all about lightning redirection. What happened? Zuko looked very uncomfortable and ran his hand through his hair before answering. He said that he hadn't been in a good position when he got shot very simply. Aang nodded.

Aang asked if he could ask Zuko something else, Zuko said yes impatiently. Aang asked if Zuko thought leaving Ozai alive was going to be a big problem for creating peace. Zuko looked shocked that Aang had asked him so directly and bluntly. He took a second or two to collect himself enough to answer. He said yes, it will be a problem quite honestly. He said it brusquely, but not unkindly. Aang made a dismayed face. Zuko misunderstood and tried to "make it better" and said that Aang didn't need to worry about that. Ozai was his problem now and his Uncle's problem and they would deal with it. There was a pause before Aang said thanks Zuko very sincerely and turned to go.

-?-

Zuko watched Aang leave and then as soon as he was gone, he turned and waved at me like a dork. Then he came over and sat next to me and said so...but he didn't seem to have anything to back that up with and the 'so' just hung there in the air, all on its lonesome. I said so...back (a little cheekily). Then I thanked him for getting rid of Aang. I just wasn't ready to talk to him yet. Zuko asked if I wanted to talk to him...about stuff. I asked what he already knew and what everyone in my tribe was saying. Zuko didn't know much about what my tribe were saying. He told me what had happened though.

He and Toph had been chilling out in the comfy chairs and Aang had come in to the villa; with a snotty, post-enormous-cry face. He was really upset and worried and anxious and looking for me. He had said that I had gone mad and run away. I interrupted and said with some indignation I didn't run away! I stormed off! Because there is a difference. Zuko said he thought as much. Zuko very quickly gathered that we had some kind of fight – mostly because Toph had been there and had made many sarcastic remarks to that effect. Aang was very cagey about what our fight was about and what had happened. I told him, in brief, what I had said and what Aang had said and how all these feelings just exploded.

Zuko said he thought it sounded like one of those explosive feeling fights from how everyone was acting. Sokka had hopped over while they were in the gardens. Sokka and Zuko had a quick conversation in gestures, but Zuko didn't quite get what my brother was trying to say, because Sokka is still crap at charades. Sokka told Aang that he should give me some space and I'd cool off and come back. And Aang should not, for his own safety mention lionturtles etc when he saw me next. But Aang was determined to find me, with or without their help. Zuko volunteered to help. He thought it would be better if Aang didn't look for me on his own (because of explode-y feelings and also because Aang has a tendency to wander off and could get lost).

Zuko had, during the course of their search, made the terrible error of asking if our fight had been about lionturtles. Some things, once said, cannot be unsaid. Aang, thinking that someone actually wanted to hear his lionturtle excuses, launched into a lengthy explanation while they looked. Zuko has had the lion turtle explained to him, at length, multiple times.

I teased him that now he would be the lionturtle expert and could explain it to the rest of us, because none of us understood. Zuko shrugged ruefully and said he still didn't understand about the lionturtle either – even with multiple explanations. I was sworn to secrecy about this, because Zuko is sure that if Aang knew that he had lightning-brained out and stopped listening for most of the explanations, Aang will see fit to explain it again – and nobody deserves that!

The lionturtle will remain unfathomable for us.

I asked him something that I had been wondering about. Was he really not angry at Aang? How could he not be mad about the way Aang left us in the lurch? Zuko is the normally the angry disciplinarian out of us. I thought if anyone was going to have an angry, shouty rant at Aang, he would have been first in line. Zuko said that he wasn't angry about it, but he certainly wasn't happy about it either. He was disappointed, but not angry. Zuko thought it was easier for him because he never saw Aang as this all powerful person who could save the world, the way I did. I protested.

Zuko explained. He said he didn't know the details of our fight, but he could take a guess. He said that I really believed in Aang and I had really high expectations of him. And high expectations always make disappointment worse and disappointed expectations make people angry. Zuko, on the other hand, always saw Aang as goofy kid who had been given too much power and too much responsibility when he was too young and wasn't prepared for either. He'd hoped for better from Aang, but hadn't been really surprised when Aang did his disappearing act.

Aang was just this 12 year old kid who completely freaked out and ran away when everything got too real and too hard and too serious. But what's done is done and Zuko couldn't see much point in arguing with him about it now. Aang would never see it Zuko's way and Zuko didn't have the energy to try and convince him otherwise right now. Zuko was just so tired lately, and being angry and having rants took a lot of energy. I said so if you weren't so knackered, would you have a shout at him too? Zuko shrugged and said maybe. But maybe not. Because, in the end, everything had worked out okay, just by dumb luck and coincidence and chance. We had won the war and everyone had made it. Zuko was grateful for that. That had to be a good thing. What more could anyone wish for?

I remembered something. Those had been my other two wishes on my birthday anklet. I felt around my ankle and felt an odd pang of disappointment when I couldn't feel it. It must have fallen off at some point, after those wishes had came true and the beads came undone. I had got everything I had asked for and I hadn't even noticed it at the time.

Zuko noticed my ankle clutching and I told him that I had lost my birthday anklet. The wishing beads must work because those had been my wishes; that everybody live and that we win, after all. I wouldn't even know where to start looking for it now. Zuko said that he would make me another one if I wanted. After all, he had heaps of time now that he was meant to be taking it easy. I corrected him and said that he was meant to be on bed rest and he should be in bed right now, not sitting in some burned out plaza with me. Zuko said I should be having fun with my tribe, not sitting in some burned out plaza with him either. Oh Zuko logic, I didn't see that one coming.

I said that I didn't feel like hanging out with my tribe right then. Zuko was a bit surprised and said I had been so excited about seeing them and he thought I would have wanted to be with them this afternoon. I must have made a face. I definitely did the back of the mouth sniffling thing that I do when I'm a bit upset. Either way, Zuko knew something was bothering me. He asked what happened? in a gentle tone of voice. I said that it would sound stupid and Zuko said it wouldn't sound stupid to him. I ended up just blahing out my various strong feelings on the various kerfuffles this afternoon.

I ranted about being ignored while everybody fawned over Sokka and Aang and how it made me feel invisible. And then I got given all that stupid bloody mending and it was so sexist and unfair, but that's just how things were in my tribe. Then Aang had wanted to talk to me and I had exploded all my negative feelings and all my doubts and everything I have been thinking all over him. And now they all thought I was mad and hysterical and unreasonable. All in all, it had been a terrible and bad and no fun afternoon.

Zuko listened and made all the right sympathetic noises. He got a bit perturbed about the mending, because he had thought that they were all navy guys. Who mended crap while they were at sea, if the water tribes didn't allow women to fight/come to sea with them? I wasn't sure. I guessed they must have some skills with a needle, but they would hand the job over to me and the drop of a hat, if they could. Apparently, in the firenation, all the army and navy soldiers and sailors have to do their own mending. It is just like how they have to take care of their own gear and weapons. Everybody is responsible for their own stuff.

The whole thing seemed a bit weird to Zuko, but he was trying to be polite about it. He didn't know that much about how to deal with sexism, because he was a boy and it had never really been an issue for him. He asked what Sokka had done, and I said nothing. He hadn't given me anything, but he hadn't stopped them either. Zuko shrugged and said he could only imagine how Azula would react if someone handed her a shirt for mending - just because she was a girl. Apparently Azula had views on people who used the phrase 'girl's job' or 'fight like a girl'. She didn't take any aspersions cast on her sex lightly. If anyone said anything sexist in Azula's presence, they normally met the pointy end of her temper pretty quickly. Apparently, as a kid, she was prone to what Zuko referred to as anti-chauvanistic-rage! attacks.

I never thought Azula and I would agree on anything.

Zuko ended up telling me a story about when they'd been at school together and Azula had her first anti-chauvinistic-rage! attack. It happened when he'd been ten and Azula was eight. Mai had wanted to take up knife throwing. One of the older boys, Sorin, had teased her and said that knife throwing was for boys and she threw like a girl. Mai had been quiet as a kid and hadn't said anything, but she'd looked quite pissed off. But Azula been standing next to Sorin and before anyone had a chance to react, she said I'll friggin throw you! And then she punched him in the gut and flipped him over her shoulder even though he was like three times her size. He'd landed flat on his back and she'd started kicking him in the stomach and it had taken two teachers to pull her off. The whole time she was kicking and shouting things like that's how you fight like a girl! you pansy-ass! It had apparently been quite hilarious. He told me the story with a smile. He talked about Azula as if she was someone he liked, violent rage attacks and all.

He said that growing up with her as a sister had been all sorts of messed up, but at least she had taught him to never use the phrase 'like a girl' as a negative adjective. She'd been such a badass, even as a kid – that he learnt to never underestimate girls or treat them as less than equal. Perhaps all the menfolk in my tribe needed was more time around badass girls. I was badass, Toph was badass , Suki was badass and so were all her warriors from the sounds of it – hopefully between us, we'd be able to beat some sense into them.

He put extra emphasis on "beat" so that I would get that it was a pun. Then he ruined it and told me it was a pun in case I hadn't got it. I got it, I got it, I got it. I could tell that he was trying to joke to cheer me up, even though he fails at jokes.

He brought up the common sense stick (because it had been my favourite thing and had always cheered me up) and suggested that I could use that to smack some sense into them, if the usual methods failed. I told him that I had left it at the beach house and he looked ridiculously happy for a second (as Zuko had received the most amount of common sense via the common sense stick). I gave him a Look in response. He schooled his features and said, while trying to speak in an even tone and repressing a smile with great effort, that's a shame. I nudged him playfully in response. He nudged me back. And we smiled at each other for a long time before I said you're such a dork with a great deal of affection.

We sat together for a bit and watched the rest of the sunset. When it started getting dark, Zuko started yawning like crazy. I should take him back. He asked if I was ready to go back now. I think I was. I would have to deal with Aang and the aftermath of all the things I had said to him sooner or later. I would have to face my tribe and their attitude to women head on, if I ever wanted to change anything, eventually. Besides I hated this plaza, and I couldn't just sit here until all the things that were upsetting me went away or changed of their own accord. So I got up and helped lift Zuko to his feet and we brushed ourselves off and walked back together.

-?-

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Lovely wonderful readers who I adore!

You've reached the end of like a girl. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it! Enormous and giant thinks to my brilliant and wonderful reviewers! You guys are so awesome and I loved reading your responses to the last chapter! Reviews are wonderful and they make me really happy – so thanks for letting me know! Also big thanks to mymockingjaypatronus once again for her beta-ing services.

Some things I wanted to look at more closely in this chapter were gender dynamics and also Aang's privileged position as the Avatar. I wanted to look at the gender politics in the water tribe and what that means for Katara. And also contrast them with the gender politics in the firenation. I think there is still a degree of sexism in the firenation, but it would be subtle implicit discrimination as opposed to overt and explicit discrimination. Even if the firenation gender equality would have arisen from necessity because of the war, it would still be a good thing for women in that country. It is socially acceptable for women to have jobs and date many men etc. I think that there would be the usual glass ceiling problem and other forms of implicit sexism in the fire nation, but on the whole – women seem much more equal with men there. Also Zuko grew up surrounded by badass ladies and that contributed to him being far less sexist in his attitudes towards women.

The watertribes, on the other hand, are very overtly sexist. The Northern water tribe's attitude to women was ridiculously backward. But I wonder how much better the southern water tribe was. The lovely Kimberly T says that Sokka's sexist attitude in book 1 had to come from somewhere. And I couldn't agree more. They allowed female waterbenders to be trained yes, but that is just common sense in my opinion. Also they were being constantly attacked, so the more waterbenders the merrier. However, I think it is highly likely that those bending women were still expected to be perfect wives and mothers and defer to the their husbands/fathers – if they could marry at all. Who knows, bending in a woman might have been an undesirable/unfeminine trait. No matter how good their bending was, I bet they weren't seen as equal with the male benders.

The watertribes are a very patriarchal society. Gran Gran defers to Sokka when he wants to banish Aang for goodness sake. Just because Sokka is the oldest male around. I think that because Sokka was the only male around after all the menfolk left, Katara experienced much greater equality as a result. Katara is fiercely independent anyway, but she does not defer to Sokka over anything. Also because Katara had to play mother to him, in many ways she had more overt power in that relationship. The southern Water tribe is much smaller and has been devastated by the war and I think that this also affects how women were treated. Any spare pair of hands, even if they were a woman's, would be useful in that society. So I think that the southern watertribe, while less sexist than the northern one, there is still a great deal of gender discrimination. The northern water tribe is even worse -and this is just me hypothesising, but early arranged marriages seem to be much more prevalent and woman are not allowed to date and are treated a lot more like property – Yugoda instantly assumes that Katara (who is only 14 at this point) must be engaged to be married – this implies that being engaged at 14 is socially acceptable. Anyway the watertribe sexism has always been an issue for Katara and I thought it would be interesting to revisit it.

It will be hard for Katara to readjust to the gender specified roles that her tribe will impose upon her, as the only southern water tribe woman in the near vicinity – especially after her year of crazy adventures and freedom. Katara was a real mother figure for the Gaang and had lots of freedom and was respected by them. However by that same token, katara is very motherly and did perform a lot of the "girl job's". Eg she did all the cooking, she mended Sokka's pants etc. I think that Aang, Toph and Sokka all see her as their mother figure and in many ways Katara embraces this role and she doesn't resent it when she has to play mother for them. It is one thing taking care of three kids who see you as a mother. It is an entirely different matter to have a room full of grown men hand you their dirty clothes to fix, just because you are the girl and it is expected.

Aang has also come to expect this from Katara and he accidentally stumbles onto a land mine when he asks her to fix his clothes too. Anyway, of the Gaang, I think that Zuko and Suki the only ones who don't see Katara as a maid/mother figure.

Aang and Katara have a fight this chapter and it has been coming for a loooong time. Katara wanted to give a sensible and scolding speech, but it didn't work out like that. Katara cuts Aang so much slack in my fic, because he's the Avatar and he's under stress and he's going to save the world. She has such high expectations of him and he really lets her down. All her feelings at Aang, her anger at him over his desertion, over his inability to listen or compromise and his self-centred focus all come out.

Also Aang, while I love him, does not listen to others very well when they are saying something he disagrees with and he very much believes in his divine right as avatar. He thinks that he is right all the time. Aang's decisions are going to have a monumental effect on people's lives, but his inability to listen to somebody else's viewpoint and only see what he thinks is best is going to have disastrous affects.

Aang does not listen to Katara very well when they disagree. It's not just in the EIP balcony scene, but in the southern raiders, in the avatar state episode, in the kyoshi island episode and in so many other episodes. When Katara expressed a viewpoint that is contrary to Aang's, he doesn't listen to her or take on what she is saying*, and this has caused a few uncomfortable moments for them. Zuko and Aang have a conversation about how Aang can go about getting Katara to forgive him. Zuko advises him to just listen to her – because this is something that Aang isn't very good at.

*This is just a side note- Katara, in her turn, also ignores Aang when it is convenient. Anyone remember the episode with Aunt Wu. Aang was trying to tell her he liked her as more than a friend and she completely ignored/him pretended she didn't hear over the crowd. I think she must have heard (Aang is really close to her at the time) and chose to ignore it and hoped it would go away.

Ugh -Kataang's communication is just so bad.

Also Aang is exceptionally naive, bless his cottons socks, and cannot see the bigger picture. Aang's decision to leave Ozai alive is not going to be an inconvenience for Aang now. Aang is more than happy to let Ozai be somebody else's ( specifically Zuko's) problem. Aang doesn't know how to deal with the problem of Ozai, but he is absolutely and completely sure that he is right in leaving him alive and will not listen to any arguments to the contrary. He has really handed Iroh and Zuko a big giant problem. Neither of them got any say in this decision that will have a big effect on the stability of their nation. And when Aang brings it up with Zuko, Zuko admits that Ozai will be a very big problem, but that he will deal with it. Zuko saying that he will deal with it is exactly what Aang wants to hear, but it also proves Katara right. So in my opinion, while the fight was vicious, Katara was saying a lot of things that Aang needed to hear.

Zuko's not angry, just disappointed in Aang. Zuko doesn't have the energy right now to do his mad ranty thing. Zuko and Aang have clashed a lot and Zuko knows that he can't change Aang's mind about anything. Also everything did work out really well, all things considered. Even if it only worked out through sheer dumb luck, everyone lives! Also he didn't have Katara's expectations of Aang or the same unshakable faith and trust. Zuko has mostly always seen Aang as a goofy and irresponsible kid and he came to care for Aang anyway. Zuko cuts Aang slack here because he's only 12 and he freaked out, but did his best. Katara wants to rip him a new one because he was the avatar and he had responsibilities and he let her down.

So this fic is from Katara's POV, so I will not be doing an in-depth examination of the lion turtle related shenanigans. You guys know my feelings about that deus-ex- turtle. I really don't like that lion turtle. *shrugs* I don't even know guys. There's only so much fanwank I can come up with and the lionturtle is my limit. So I will just have most of the characters be perplexed/irriated by it, whenever Aang mentions it. Because those are the feelings I feel when I think to much about it.

Zuko comes with Aang to look for Katara, even though he's meant to be taking it easy. Of course he does, that's how Zuko rolls. Also Zuko knows that Katara doesn't just "go mad" and there is always a reason why. He knows she's upset about something, and so naturally he wants to find her.

They have much more open communication about things and I think Zuko would be able to cheer her up in this situation, just like she could cheer him up when he was feeling ashamed about his dad last chapter. The anklet also got a mention for those of you who are wondering what happened to it *waves at random reader*. Katara will get another one.

Also we hear a little more about Azula and Mai's friendship and what Azula was like as a kid. Azula doesn't like it when people say 'throw/fight/act like a girl' or any variation therein. I also think that Azula always had less power/control over Mai in their friendship than she did over Ty Lee. But I think that she and Mai did have a lot in common. Mai went with Azula completely of her own free will, while Azula had to threaten Ty Lee with a burning net. This tells us something about Mai my lovelies, which I will explore later when Mai comes back into this story. Don't worry my lovelies, you might end up liking Mai. Anyway in Zuko's little anecdote, Azula acts to defend Mai's right to throw knives – and this would have been something that solidified their friendship. Azula's anti-sexist rage moments also turned into a mad plot bunny, which will hopefully turn into a small fic.

It's just a small detail in this chapter, but I have Bato and Ming together in this fic. For those of you who don't watch the DVDs as frequently as I do, Ming is the fabulous guard who brings Iroh special teas when he is in prison. All the watertribe men were in that prison until Hakoda got transferred to the boiling rock. The same thing happened with Suki. The Kyoshi warriors were kept there and she got transferred. Anyway I think Bato is fabulous and I think Ming is fabulous. I think they would have met and she would have treated all the prisoners really decently and she and Bato would have bonded. This is their first kiss here, now that Bato is a free man, but they would have been fancying each other for ages. Anyway, how people will react to this little fire/water union will have implications for our dynamic duo – so there will be more to come about Bato and Ming. But think about it - you know you love it!

Next chapter Zuko will find out that his uncle fully expects him to be firelord. And there will be shenanigans! til then my lovely readers!