CH4: Fight or Flight
Re-cap: In Robin's subtle attempt to fill-in Ted that she wasn't going to be joining the gang to Argentina, Ted ends up saying something to change her mind. The group meet at MacLarens as planned that afternoon, Barney passes out tickets, and all five begin to discuss what it is one packs when going to Argentina. Barney makes a crude joke, but by the end of the night everyone's fairly well prepared for the trip.
While Lily and Marshal decide to head to bed and try to get some rest in before the early flight, Ted, Robin, and Barney choose to pull an all-nighter until they leave for the airport at 12:30 in the morning. Most of this time was spent at MacLarens, until Barney left early to pack, and the others followed suit.
In spite of his previous comment, Barney did require clothing on this trip. Furthermore, he didn't expect to be 'packing' in anything with Ted as his room-mate.
…n-no, that is not what he meant. Just that it wouldn't be too easy getting the ladies back up to the hotel room with Ted hanging around, NOT that he would even think of-
Hairbrush… toothbrush… shampoo… yep, he had all the necessities to spend the week in Argentina.
The whole week.
In Argentina.
With everyone.
Everyone and Ted.
…
…would they possibly allow him to bring alcohol on the plane?
What am I saying? This is going to be a LEGENDARY week. Spending all day at the beach watching pretty girls in skimpy clothing… certainly this is going to be a trip worthy of a classic Barney-Stinson adventure.
And Barney assured himself of that the entire cab-ride to the airport, but any time he felt he was really, really sure of what he was saying, Ted would speak up, or sniffle, or the scent of Ted's cologne would flutter by his nose, or-
"Thanks Ranjit!" Ted gleams, and hands him a tip. At this point, Barney was certain Ted was moving close on purpose. The paranoia was nearly as strong as whatever scent Ted was wearing today- which Barney swears was far stronger than usual.
…the cologne. Not his paranoia.
Though upon further examination, Barney does admit to himself maybe he has been paying too much attention to what Ted's been doing as of late. He knew, in the back of his mind, that the dreams he'd been having about Ted were more than likely contributing to the recent heightened attention he'd been paying.
Once they arrive at the gate, Lily immediately drops her carry-on bags and leaves for a restroom. As Robin starts to say that she'll come with, she turns around to see Lily already long-gone. She takes her seat, claiming she'll wait until Lily comes back.
"We still have another… half hour before we take off." Ted announces, looking at his watch.
"Well- I don't know about you losers, but I'm off to look for a bottle of sun-block." Barney claims, and stands.
"Didn't you remember to pack some last night?" Marshal questions.
"Oh I did." Barney replies. "I just need something I can wash out and hide my Whiskey in before we board." He pulls the tip of the bottle out from the inside of his suit.
"How the hell did you get past security with that?!" Robin stammers.
"I think the real question here is… why do they even let you in airports still?" Ted reasons.
"Please." Barney laughs. "So, anyone else? Sun block?"
"Just so I have this strait; you're going to empty and wash out a bottle of sun block, and then drink from it on the plane?" Robin clarifies. "Isn't that going to look a little strange?" She pauses. "And while we're on the subject can you pick one up for me too?"
Barney shrugs. "Why not. Any other takers?"
Both Marshal and Ted shake their head. "I will come with you, though." Ted notes, then switches his voice to his scratchy, trying-to-be-cool-Ted voice. "Left my headphones at home. Wouldn't wanna get stuck next to some psycho lunatic who talks non-stop the entire trip."
"Yeah- Ted sweetie, that psycho lunatic is you." Lily comments, upon return.
Ted glares at her. "Anyway- right behind ya."
Barney's still for a moment. "Right, well, off we go, then."
Ted waits for a moment, seeing if Barney would take the lead. After an awkward moment of pausing… "Um, Barney?"
"Right." Barney states, remains still just a moment longer, then spins around on his heal and begins walking quickly back the way they came.
Ted briefly sprints to catch up. "Whoa- what's the hurry? Didn't you hear me; we have half an hour before the plane gets in."
"It'll take time to wash out the bottle, Ted." Barney explains, as if cleansing sun block bottles for smuggling liquor on the plane should be common knowledge.
For all Ted knew, it probably was.
"You already slipped it past security. Somehow. What's the big deal if you have it now? Besides Robin has a point; isn't it going to seam fishy that you're drinking it out of a bottle of sun block anyway? And why are you bringing Whiskey anyway? Can't you just order a drink on the plane? Are you really that nervous about flying that you need hard liquor? Why-"
"Enough with the questions, alright?!" Barney blurts.
Ted throws his hands up defensively. "I'll take a 'yes' on that last one."
Barney sighs. What am I supposed to tell him anyway? That I've been having dreams about him and am stressing out over spending the entire week with him? "If you must know then yes- I'm nervous about flying." Barney lies.
"But, we've been on a plane before." Ted points out. "And you seemed fine then."
Didn't think that one through… "I, uh… that was before I was on the plane with that crazy lady."
"When were you on a plane?" Ted asks, not recalling Barney saying anything about a trip since they'd flown to Philadelphia after those two girls… who they'd later realized both had boyfriends.
"Uh- month ago." He stutters. "For a business trip."
"Oh." Ted shrugs.
They continue walking.
"So…?"
Barney raises an eyebrow.
"Aren't you going to tell me about the crazy lady on your last flight?" Ted prompts.
"Who?"
"The one that made you so nervous about flying?" Ted reminds.
"Oh, right! Um-"
"Whatever it was it's really got you jumpy." Ted notes, sounding concerned. "Do you wanna just wait in the bathroom while I get the sun block? You could hide in a stall and start drinking while you wait." He offers.
"No, Ted I don't-" He pauses. "Yeah, actually. …thanks."
Well that was… nice of him.
Ted places a hand on Barney's shoulder, and Barney feels a shiver shoot down his spine. "Just try to relax, alright?" Ted assures him. "I'll be quick."
Barney nods, and the two part their separate ways.
In the stall, Barney locks himself in and once again pulls the bottle from his suit- this time bringing it out and twisting the cap off. It's just a half hour. Not even. Better save this for the flight. But as he was thinking it, he took a swig. He needed to distract himself of the thoughts that were bubbling up.
A few sips later, and by this time he'd heard Ted's voice calling him from the other side of the restroom. Nothing.
He stands. Strike that- the room just wobbled a little.
Barney has to catch his balance again before he composes himself, then walks out the stall. He looks across the room- did it get longer…? And spots Ted.
"So do we dump the lotion in the garbage or pour it down the drain?" Ted questions, looking intently at the over-priced bottle he'd picked up at the quick-stop store.
"Drain." Barney mutters out.
"Riiight." Ted nods. "That way there's no evidence." With that, he twists the bottle cap off and starts shaking the bottle over the sink. "Okay." He notes, when the bottles empty. "How exactly am I supposed to get all the excess lotion out, now?"
Barney watches him. He's certain he's saying something, but the alcohol was setting in quickly at this point, and all he could see was a spinning room and three or four Teds standing in front of him.
"That's a lot of Ted's." He mumbles.
"Hm?" Ted questions, just now looking at his friend. "Dude, how much did you drink?!"
He holds up the empty bottle.
"Why didn't you tell me that before I dumped a twenty-dollar bottle of sun block down the sink?"
Barney picks up the bottle. "For dis little ting? You coulduh gotten a less expensive more for less bottle."
"What?" Ted puzzles, then shakes it off. "Okay, you're really drunk."
"Hey how are you four doing that with your eyes?" He giggles, and slowly waves his hand in front of Ted's face before nearly falling down.
"Whoa!" Ted calls as he grabs hold of his friend before he falls victim to gravity. "Let's get back to the gate before the plane leaves without us, hm?" He suggests, and slings Barney's arm around his back. Ted places his own arm across the back of Barney's waist, and leans the drunken blonde on him for support.
"Thank you so much… fer not leaving me behind Ted." Barney stumbles. "Yora good friend."
The gang boarded the flight at exactly 2:01am. Barney couldn't remember what happened after he and Ted left the restroom, but somehow he'd managed to scan in his ticket, get his luggage in the over-head bin, and seat himself in the proper row.
…wait, this wasn't his seat.
"Where…?" Barney mutters as he sits up.
"You're awake!"
Barney's startled. What was Ted doing sitting next to him?! He could have sworn he'd split up the seats.
"And before you ask, we're on a plane." Ted says, anticipating Barney's question. "You passed out before we boarded, so Robin carried your bags while me and Robin dragged you to your seat. Can you believe it? The girl you were supposed to sit next to was so sweet, she let me switch seats with her so I could take care of you."
Barney peers over to see who Ted was referring to. Hott. Busty. Blonde- Of course.
"What luck." Barney sighs, hiding his sarcasm.
"You slept for a good couple of hours. Here, I got you a water for when you woke up." Ted explains, handing over a bottled water. "It's almost morning. You should see if you can't get in a couple more hours of sleep."
Barney reaches for his water, only to realize that he's wrapped up tightly in a blanket. Upon further examination, there was a small pillow placed under his head as well.
"Oh- my bad. Here." Ted un-caps the water, lifts the corner of the blanket, and holds the water where Barney can take it.
He does.
Helping me to the gate… getting me in my seat… switching spots to look after me, getting me water and wrapping me in blankets so as I slept? Barney ponders. And these were just the things he'd just learned about. What's this all about?
"Thank you." Barney says- feeling a little odd about all this, but accepting his water anyway.
"Seeing as though you're so freaked about flying, I figure it's the least that I could do." Ted shrugs.
Oh- right. That's what this is about. But then… "Ted, have you slept since we've taken off?"
He shrugs. "I was waiting for you to wake up incase you needed anything. Like, a bottled water, or more blankets… or a disposable 'motion sickness' bag." He explains, using his fingers as quotations over the last one.
"You didn't have to stay up for me." Barney replies, then, a pause. "Actually maybe you did- about that bag?"
Ted looks at him with sympathy. "Here." He sighs.
Barney didn't need it, even though he thought he would. After a few moments, his head stopped pounding long enough for him to fall back asleep. Ted ended up dosing off too, as Barney discovered, when he'd woken again for the second time with the other man's head leaned against his shoulder.
His heart jumps- but he remains still. Seeing Ted sound asleep leaning against him like that… everything inside him was pounding and all his insides were twisted and his blood was rushing and this warmth tingled over the back of his throat and there was an internal screaming that shouted at him to flinch or shove or yell 'gah!' or cringe or completely disconnect every bone from its socket and turn limp just to get this head off of him.
But he didn't do any of those things. There was another voice that- he doesn't want to say it 'screamed louder', but it was far more convincing of his actions. A serene firmness, so to speak, that enveloped him to do as it commanded and push out any other influence. It's almost what he'd felt he wanted more, as a matter of fact; to listen to the gentleness that washed over him telling him how nice this feeling was. 'You aren't panicked. No, this excited feeling you're experiencing is nothing more than a comfortable bliss. He's asleep. The calm of his energies is sifting off into your aura, and you're spirit is absorbing this calm.' Barney closes his eyes again as he listens to the voice that-
No.
Then the other, panicky sensation really did scream louder, and Barney flinched and shoved and cringed all at the same time. He shoots himself to the other side of his seat as Ted leans further against the armrest. What in the world was that? He cringes again as he wonders to himself. A wave of emotions hit him, and he could hardly comprehend it.
"You alright?"
Barney flinches again as the women one seat behind him taps him on the shoulder. He shoots his look behind him. Robin.
"Ted wasn't joking- you really do have a phobia of flying." She chuckles. "Speaking of Ted it's about time he finally got to sleep." She comments.
"Uh- yeah." Barney stutters. "Hey, sorry about, er, drinking all the Whiskey before I could slip you some."
Robin passes it off, gesturing with her hands. "Not a big deal. I just ordered a drink here."
Barney nods, and upon further examination can see the Canadian had not just ordered a drink, but had several empty cups of wine stacked up on her tray. He raises an eyebrow.
"Like you're one to talk." Robin scoffs, shooting him back a nasty glare.
"I didn't say anything." Barney smirks, and returns his attention forward.
Ted was still leaning over to his side, so Barney takes the pillow from behind him and places it around Ted's neck before moving him closer to the aisle.
"Good afternoon passengers this is your co-captain speaking. We will be arriving in Buenos Aires in approximately one hour. The temperature outside is sunny at-"
At that point Barney sorta tuned out. The announcement seemed to awaken Ted, as well as some of the other passengers sitting in front of and besides them. Once the co-captain (or whoever) finished his squeal, he began to repeat it again in Spanish. Or, at least Barney assumed he'd repeated it. He didn't really speak the language.
"Are we there yet?" Ted mutters, then stretches and yawns.
"Almost." Robin replies from behind. "Supposedly we'll be arriving in an hour."
Ted nods, then turns his attention to Barney. "Was I asleep…? You were okay for the rest of the trip?" He asks cautiously.
"Oh, don't worry." Robin butts in. "You two were sound asleep!" She giggles.
Ted was confused at this, and Barney's face lit up a little. He kept his visions forward, and relied on his seat to cover his embarrassment.
"What about you?" Ted asks Robin this time. "Did you get any sleep with your, you know…"
Robin shoots him a confused look.
"Your insomnia." Ted clarifies.
"Right." Robin nods. "Um- yeah. I fell asleep for the first couple hours, I think."
"Good." Ted nods. "Well, I'm gonna hit the restroom before we land." He declares, and rises from his seat. Once he's gone…
"You two were totally cuddling like two farm animals that got locked outside in the middle of the night." Robin giggles.
Barney turns back around. "Cut it out Scherbatski!" He whisper-yells back at her. "He was leaning on me- I moved when I woke up."
"Yeah, after having like a five minute staring contest with the top of his head!" Robin laughs. "What was that all about?"
He snarls at her.
"Whoa- why the defenses? I'm totally kidding! Jeez."
Barney rolls his eyes. "Yeah, so was I. What, do you think I even care that he was slobbering all over my shoulder for, like, however long it was we were asleep?"
Robin's expression twists in confusion, but before she can ask him exactly what it is he's talking about, Ted emerges from the bathroom and reclaims his seat.
"Anyone need any snacks? I brought sour gummy worms." He tempts. Both Robin and Barney look to each other and shrug.
Once they land, the five of them re-unite after first-class had been released. Lily and Marshal express their concerns to Barney, who explains there was nothing to be concerned over. Though Marshal (nor Ted) are really convinced of this, Lily seemed to have lost focus long enough to stop caring, and moved on to her next concern.
"What about you Robin? Did you get any sleep in on the plane?"
She laughs a little- but more out of annoyance then thinking her comment funny. "Yes, okay? I slept. I told you guys don't have to worry about that."
"We just want to make sure you're alright." Ted reasons.
"Yeah." Lily agrees. "So how long did you sleep? Was it near the beginning or end of the flight? Did you- you know, have any interesting dreams while you slept?"
Robin inhales deeply. "Lily…" She says threateningly.
"I'll back off." Lily decides.
What was that all about? I know Lily said she'd talk to Robin about her coming with us on the trip, but is there still something going on that she doesn't know about? Barney shrugs it off, assuming it's none of his business anyway. I just have to focus on getting us to the hotel for the moment, and deal with the next tragedy when the time comes.
A/N: Hello readers! Seeing as though I'm having trouble finding a beta, and the popularity of this fic isn't quite where I'd like it to be, I'm cutting the story short. I'll post the remaining two chapters, and likely write a short ending to wrap up what's left in the event I don't see more activity between hits and reviews. For my followers; thanks for reading and sorry to disappoint! Your support is appreciated and I hope you'll continue to check out my new projects once TNV has ended.
~Mel