A/N – sorry peeps for keeping you all waiting, I've been unexpectedly busy lately. Hopefully there are people still following the story. T_T the next installment should definitely start to pick up.

"You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back."
Barbara De Angelis

1 Month into my maternity leave.

I was visiting the office often enough to help with paperwork, the team was always out on a case. Everytime I heard the doors of the bullpen open I caught myself rushing to stare out over the desks, my heart pounded in my ears, and butterflies flew in my stomach as I thought about just SEEING Emily. Ever since Jordan took over I almost felt like the team forgot about me.

I didn't see her, running into the office at odd times we surprisingly didn't cross paths. I visited Penelope every now and then to check up on the team, but I couldn't really just ask about Emily specifically. From what I heard though she was becoming extremely intense at work, she was kicking down doors and tackling down unsubs just as much as Morgan, however I also heard that she seemed to be getting close to Jordan as well since she was the only other single female in the team now. Penelope told me about their weekly outings to the bar. When she wasn't out with Jordan it seemed like a new side of her was coming out in the office, she seemed witty and humorous, other than that she seemed to always be serious and down to business when it came to work.

My feelings from hearing this news made me jealous and realize that I needed to end it off with Will, BEFORE the baby comes along. It would be the ultimate betrayal to leave him after the baby was born, scared as I was to do it alone, I thought of how it would be roles reversed, I could only imagine how used Will would be feeling if I made him hang around until then, how pathetic it almost is to use him like that, it's not like it wasn't any less my responsibility that I got pregnant. It may not work out with Emily but I knew I had to try or I would regret it for the rest of my life. I finally knew what I wanted and I wasn't going to let it just pass me by.

I was readying myself for days, waiting for the opportune time to tell Will that I wanted to break it off. I've faced off with dozens of ravenous reporters and homicidal maniacs and yet I felt ill prepared for this.

We went out for dinner, I waited until we were finished, I was hoping that somehow this would prevent both him and me from making a scene. It was now or never.

"Will…I don't think we are going to work" I braced myself as the words didn't come out as self-assured as I had hoped. He looked right at me "What do you mean?...Are…are you breaking up with me?" he was trying to keep his calm, his hands braced the table and he took a quick glance around, "Will…" I tried to control my contempt "…I care for you Will…but…I'm not IN love with you".

His eyes faltered, he was definitely going through some inner turmoil as he tried to come to the terms with the words. A saddened expression spread across his face, he leaned back in his chair in looked at me hurt "There's someone else isn't there? Have you been cheating on me?". My eyes became teary, I couldn't control that I was hurting someone and I didn't want to "Yes, there's someone else and no…" I looked away " I…I don't even know if they feel the same" I looked back at him "I'm sorry Will, I really am, I didn't mean for this to happen…it just did" the waiter was approaching us and looked like he was going to ask if we needed anything else, but one glance and he knew something serious was underway and pretended to heed a different table instead.

Will became silent, he was thinking hard contemplating his next words. "Then why break us apart, why give up what we have if you might not even have a chance with this guy?" He was speaking slowly and concisely.

I sighed. "It's just not what I want Will" a spark of anger flashed in his eyes. "I left everything, I gave up my job for you and moved to this blasted place!" it took me by surprise, I didn't know how to respond, his emotions were taking over his actions.

I chose to just be honest "I don't know what to say…" he remained silent as well, emotions were a flurry between the two of us, and after a moment of silence the server decided it was the best time to intrude, he only met eyes with me and gently placed the bill on the table "I hope you enjoyed your dinner, if there isn't anything else, feel free to take your time with the bill".

It was awkward for the rest of the night. We both paid the bill separately and there was a dreadful silence between us on the car ride home. We slept in separate beds, in separate rooms. There was a small part of me that felt guilty, but overall there was a great weight lifted off my shoulders.

I lay awake most of the night, feeling the bump of my belly, I wasn't afraid anymore, I was determined to do this, I was going to be strong with or without Will, I was going to have my baby. Gently rubbing my stomach I reminisced of the times with Emily, there was nothing stopping me now. I fell asleep, my last thoughts being on the brunette.