Chapter 2
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I'm soooo drunk. And warm. And fuzzy. And wasted. And horny.
God, I'm so fucking horny.
And babbling nonsense. It's his fault though. All his. He made me drink.
Okay, not really, but what kind of a girl refuses a free drink these days? None, I tell you! Not even from a douche, and I'm not currently even sure if he's the kind of douche that's clearly trying to get me drunk so he could have his way with me, or just...nope...I don't think there's any other option.
And by this point I would. God, I would fuck the shit out of him. It's pathetic to say, but I don't really remember the last time I actually had sex, and by that I mean the kind that actually makes me come. Without my hand, or a vibrator.
Yep, that's just how skilled my ex was.
"He couldn't even get me off," I yell to Edward. He listens patiently as I babble on and on about my ex and my poor experience I had in sex.
Why is he still listening? I have no idea.
"Actually, if I think about it, he never really liked having sex with me! All he ever wanted was blowjobs... Or take advantage of my ass, but I told him, you know what I told him Edward? I ask, not even giving him the space to speak.
"I said 'No Sir! Nobody takes advantage of my ass!' That is a secret land that no man shall ever explore! He never had a problem of me pushing things up his own butt. Of course, that should have been a clear sign for me. But did I get it?! Noooo! I had to see it in action to believe it!"
"So, how long have you been with that douche?" he asked, seemingly curious. Which is interesting because only hours ago, I was sure all he was doing is checking me out with his smexy eyes and that sexy worth-drooling smouldering grin. I want to taste those lips and bite them and them pour them in chocolate, and then bathe him and his dong in chocololate cream and...hehehe, dong. That word is so funny. Donnnng! Dooonnnnng!
"Hey, are you okay?" he suddenly asks. "You kept repeating the word 'dong'."
Apparently that is the funniest thing I've heard all night, because I laugh so loud half of the bar looks in my direction.
Meh, who gives a shit.
"Your palning...uh, planning is working."
He smiles his irrestistible smile.
I want to lick his face.
The smile is gone, replaced with a sudden frown."Uh, yeah, please don't do that."
"Huh?!"
"Lick my face. Please don't."
"Who said anything about that?" I yell.
"You did."
I shrug, pretending not to be embarrased. Is he a mind readrar, I mean reader or am I just too drunk?
Yeah, I think we all know the answer to tht. That. Crap.
"You still didn't answer me," he says, lifting his hands, as if signaling something. Huh, his arms are so strong and yummy. Wanna lick him bad.
He grins as the witress, I mean waitress- I mean a slut- brings a glass of water, and smiles seductively at him.
"Hey!" I yell to her. "Get off my man!" and just to prove it, I sit on his lap and start licking his face.
Mmmm, minty.
He starts laughing before saying something to the slutty blond waitress. I don't care to listen, since I'm still preoccupied with tasting him. Mmmm.
A laugh bubbles up inside his throat, deep and strong and for some reason that just makes me want to think about his dong. Huh! Donnnnnnggggg!
"Okay, okay, I think you're done there," he says, pulling me off of him and helping me sit on the chair opposite of him.
The sudden look on his face makes me sad. I want to cry.
"Are you okay?"
"No. You don't like me, do you? You think I'm ugly and boring and...and..."
"No, no, you're not, " he says, shaking his head furiously, trying to convince me. It's not working.
"Yes, I am." I whine, my eyes quickly filled with tears. "No wonder my ex boyfriend never wanted to fuck me. I'm annoying."
"No, you're not."
"Yes, I am. Say it!"
"Okay, you want to know the truth?"
"Yes!" I yell.
"You are, okay? Is that what you want me to say? You are absolutely, completely 100% fucking nuts. You happy now?"
"How can you say that?!" I ask suddenly, my voice screaming murder.
"You wanted to know."
"You should have just lied! You should have..."
But before I even have the chance to finish, he quickly leans over the table and kisses me. He fucking kisses me all strong and slimy and... mmmm, his tongue tastes of beer. Want more. Need more.
"You wanna come back to my place?" I ask, my voice all sexy and husky.
Go me.
"Fuck yeah. I thought you'd never ask."
EPOV
This chick is all over the place. First she teases me with the talk about threesome, then she admits that she'll never take me home, (which we all knew was a lie from the start because I'm freaking awesome) then gets drunk and complains about her ex, who seems like such a fucking douchebag.
Seriously, the chick is the fucking bomb.
As she lists off something about him, and sticking things up his ass, all I could think about is just how loud she'd scream my name as I'd lick her pussy.
TMI? Don't care.
That's when my stupid plan goes downhill. Shouldn't have ordered her the last drink. That's when the real show started.
She got all clingly and started screaming something about a dong, and being jealous and licking my face. Fucking disgusting.
Okay, the jealous part was kind of flattering and funny.
The next thing, she started crying out of nowhere. I'm tellin ya, the chick is crazy, so to shut her up, I did what every (in)sane man would do. I kissed her, and that's when I heard the most magical words came from her mouth.
No, not the one you're probably thinking. The 'come back to my place' part.
Game on.
I send Emm a quick text message, saying where I'll be, just in case. He somehow sees me walking Bella out and gives me the thumbs up.
I grin.
The ride to her place is wild and fuzzy. Hey, she's not the only one who's been under an influence of alcohol. I don't know how she succeeded on opening her door, but I'm glad she did, because, a minute later, and I would have fucked her in the hallway, right then and there.
She quickly pushes us in to her living room, and in the direction of her room, with a few stumbling falls. Mostly mine while she was standing there pissing her panties from laughter.
So what do I do? I get up and kiss her again. It apparently works quite well with her.
She climbs on top of me and starts tearing my fucking shirt off, sucking on my neck while I stumble as I search for her bed.
As soon as she's taken off her shirt and bra, she violently sticks her hand in my pants, looking for something she calls a squishy. I just hope she's not talking about my dick.
Unfortunately, she is. Even does a little childish voice, quoting Nemo.
Yes, I knew that because I've seen it over a hundered times and know every single line in that movie.
Hey, no judging!
"I shall call you squishy," she moans as she kisses my neck, "and you shall be my squishy."
Yeah, if that does not make a man soft, I don't know what will.
"Hey, umm..." I start, not knowing how to say this to her without making her cry. If I don't approach this subject lightly, then I'll never get to fuck her.
Hey, don't give me that look. I deserve this shit.
"What ?" she asks, still kissing my neck, keeping her hand just a bit firmer around my junk.
I remove her hand from me entirely-as hard as that was ( No pun intended. Actually, who am I kidding here?)- and look in to her eyes as gentle as I'm able.
She looks confused. "Is something wrong?"
"Listen, I think you're smoking hot but..."
"Please don't say it..." she prays to herself, suddenly closing her eyes.
Oh no. No, no, no, don't cry. For crying out loud, don't fucking cry!
"What?"
"You're not...gay...right?" she asks, peeking out at me with one eye open.
"What? Of course I'm fucking not!"
How the fuck can she assume something like that? Just because I like to do a monthly manicure or enjoy in bubble baths...Oh.
Shut up. Don't say a fucking word.
"Then why aren't you hard?"
"Well, I would be if you'd stop calling my dick squishy."
"Oh."
OH?
"Is that it?"
"Uh, yeah, pretty much."
She just shrugs, and starts kissing me again. And just like that, the emo mood she got going on is over.
"Okay. What do you want me to call it then?" her hand is once again in my boxers and...fuck this feels gooooooooooood.
"I...uhhh, don't...uuuuuh..."
Yeah. It feels that motherfucking good.
"How about this? How about I tell you that you have the most beautiful, biggest, hard cock I've ever seen?"
Yep, that'll do it.
"Keep...going..."
She just laughs and without notice, pulls her hand out and shoves me on the bed. She fucking shoves me, and the evil look in her eyes proves just how much she wants this. The sexy Bella is back, and I couldn't be more happy about that. Even my dick is weeping from joy.
Soon buddy. Soon. Have patience.
After I've had the pleasure of seeing her take her clothes off and check out her stunning body, she pounces on me.
I'm her prey, her lamb, and she's the lion.
"I don't have that much experience in this field, but I do know how to do this," she says and then she's taking my dick in her mouth and it feels motherfucking fantastic.
And then, ten seconds later, the most humiliating thing happens to me. I cum; in her mouth.
"No, no, no, no, no, no, no," I chant to myself, but it's already over, she's already swallowing down everything I gave her.
Shit, this is embarrasing.
I momentarily look at her, ready to apologize, beg if I have to and convince her to give me one more chance, but all she does is grin at me-smugly, if I might add.
"Must be a new record," she says with a slick smile, looking right at me with no hint of annoyance or anger before kissing me sweetly on the neck.