I begin my life anew
Chapter 4
"The end draws near Claire." My sister had said to me one day in my sixth month of pregnancy. "Did you make a decision about the baby?"
While standing by the sink, washing dishes, I let out an inaudible sigh before I stopped to turn the faucet off. "I've been thinking lately..." I paused to turn to her. "I was thinking, you and Snow could raise it?"
Serah looked at me with a shine in her eyes, she placed her hand over her heart as if trying to stop an up coming feeling. "Sis, are you sure about that?"
"I'm sure," I barely showed emotion, when on the inside I was still in denial about making such a decision. "I would know that in your care, the child would be safe."
Serah walked towards me, I could see her tears begin to fill up in her eyes. "Claire, I'm greatful that you entrust me with your child but..." A few tears began to slide down her cheeks. "What brought you to that choice?"
"The ultrasound a few months ago..." I admitted, walking past Serah to the kitchen table to sit. I began to share similar feelings to my younger sister in regards to this conversation. "Serah, as soon as I saw it, I knew I wouldn't be able to care for it."
Serah turned her head to me, "You doubt yourself too much," She wiped away her tears. "I believe you could be a great mother, if only you stop looking at the negatives and look towards the positives."
"I've already made my choice though, I can't allow myself to let my child live through what we had to when our mother had died."
Serah looked opposite from me and crossed her arms. "That wouldn't happen," Serah wiped another tear from her face. "Our mother died because of choices she made, I know you wouldn't make those choices." She turned her body to me. "That's why I always tell you, that you will be a good parent, you practically raised me and I turned out fine."
"I'm not afraid of bad choices, I'm afraid of what might happen to me when I return back to work." I forced myself not to produce tears, "I'm afraid of going to work one day and not returning home, I don't want my child to go through the hardship and devastation we went through-" That was when I had lost control of my emotions, thinking of those years was always painful, never was it easy to forget the heartbreak of my parent's deaths. I couldn't dare leave this world, knowing my child would one day feel as I do.
"Sis, don't cry..." Serah pulled me to her and wrapped her arms around me. I cried on her shoulder for Etro knows how long, and for that amount of time I released years worth of bottled up feelings.
The existence of this conversation eventually had to come to an end, Hope would be visiting soon and I did not want to revisit the depressing memories at the time of his arrival.