Chapter 5

Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended.

Watching Edward eat was like seeing something entertaining yet so gross you can't look away, even if you try, and trust me, I really did try.

"What? What are you staring at?"

"You."

"Hey, don't give me that look, I'm a man in serious need of sustenance to grow and mature and all that other crap people say."

"Ha!"

"What?"

I lean in closer as I'm prepared to give a long teasing speech. "You? Grow and mature? Listen pal, as the years go by the only thing you can bet your sweet ass is the fact of getting shorter. As a matter of fact, now that I think of it, since the last time I saw you, you looked like you've actually...shrank.

My hand goes over the table, touching the top of his head, continuing to tease him with an inner smirk. "Oh no, wait, that is just your head getting bald. Sorry."

"What?!" he yells, trying to get up, but I quickly stop him, laughing my ass off in the process.

"I'm getting bald?! Where? I need a mirror...where is your goddamn mirror?!"

"Dude, I was just joking, sit down, finish your dinner."

He was looking at me intensively for a few moments, eyebrows lifted high, mouth pursing, before finally deciding to sit down.

"First, you don't ever and I do mean ever joke about something like that. Men are sensitive about their hair."

As he's saying this, the hands are automatically roaming over his hair, convincing himself this really was just a joke.

"Yeah, well, now you know how we feel when you accuse us of getting some weight."

"Then don't ask us stupid questions like if you look fat in your jeans. Men have no bullshit policy, we say like it is, which is the truth. So, if you want us to lie, don't ask. At all."

"Right..."

"Don't interrupt me."

I lay back in my seat, crossing my arms- a small smile on my face. "Wow, look at you getting all macho and commanding. That's kind of hot."

I'm teasing of course. He tries not to smile, acting all serious but a small smirk does escape his lips.

Continuing further, he says, "Second, you called me a pal. Really? In what century do we live in? 19th?"

Yes, the smirk gets a bit wider, and as much as it was attractive just a second ago, now it's just annoying.

His parents should have called him Smirky Smirkinson instead of Edward. Why? Isn't it obvious?

"Shut up."

"Is that the best you can do Bella?" he asks, but doesn't get an answer from me, all he gets is a stare. Not bothered with it one bit he starts to eat again.

"Third," he adds while chewing. I can see food being chewed and processed, and as gross is it is, I still can't look away.

What is wrong with me?

"You're not allowed to call me dude either. Fourth, did I hear you giving my ass a compliment? I mean, I knew you had a thing for...well, me, but the comment about my ass is just the cherry on the sweet sweet warm apple pie."

Come on, it wasn't just me who imagined him saying those last words in a southern accent right? Right?

Get a grip Bella.

Then again, I bet he would look good on a horse, half naked from the waist up, pouring a bottle of water all over himself in slowmotion.

Crap, he's still talking to me. What the hell is he saying? Great, now he's looking at me like I should say something.

What am I going to do to?

In situations like these, I always ask myself - what would Jimmy Fallon do? Usually, I have no idea, so I start laughing loudly.

Great, now I sound just like a maniac.

Excelent.

"Uhhh, are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, fine."

I quickly change the subject.

"So, how am I gonna call you then?"

He's finally done with the meal, thank God. Politely wiping his mouth, he asks, "You planning on seeing me again?"

He's joking, it's too obvious, but I'm still too flustered to answer.

"I...uh...well, you see..."

A throaty laugh interrupts me. "Relax, Kink, I was just kidding."

"Very funny. FYI, if your nick for me is Kink, you can drop it right now."

"Oh come on, it's kind of cute...and very you, since your mind seems to be in gutter 24/7."

"Hey, you don't even know me well enough to make that conclusion, which is very incorrect."

Okay, not really.

"You sure about that?"

I have so many excuses to throw at his face, but quickly realize not one sounds mature or even at least bit reasonable. So what do I do? I stuck my tongue out and blow him out raspberries before getting up and taking both of our plates back to the kitchen with a little bit more force than usual, hearing his laugh all the way through.

What an ass! He's acussing me, me of being a pervert? Ha! He was the one who slept with me, so yeah, if I was considered crazy, then he was even a crazier person for sleeping with me in the first place. So yeah, take that mister I-like-to-smirk-and-be-right-all-the-time- Smirkinson.

Ok, yeah, I know, not very comforting.

"Need any help?" he asks, sneaking inside with a smile still on his stupid, attractive voice.

I say nothing.

"Come on, don't pout, now is not the time to flirt with me."

"I'm not flirting," I yell, splashing the dishwashing detergent all over the place.

"Shit! I was joking. Didn't have to splash that shit all over my face. Crap, I think some of that stuff got in my eyes."

Finally looking at him, I see him make a face that somehow looked so very familair to me. Seconds later, I figure out why.

It was his oh face, or I should say his 'O' face? That makes me crack a smile.

"You okay?" I ask as I hand him a dry rag.

"Yeah, I'll be fine."

"Sorry. Didn't mean to be so..."

"Childish? Annoying?"

"Well...yeah."

"You weren't."

A smile. "I thought you guys say it like it is. Straight forward. No bullshit."

"There are always exceptions."

"Like?"

"Like...girls who pity you for being kicked out of your roomate's place and inviting you to lunch even when they could have easily spent their free hours in much more interesting company."

Lifted eyebrow."Girls? Plural? You've let someone else feed you?"

"Nope. Just you Kink. You are the the queen of my digestive system," he adds, patting his stomach lightly.

My smile cannot be hidden, adding some sarcasm to it though. "Awww...that's sweet, you charm all the girls with that sweet talk of yours? And don't call me Kink, I told you."

He comes closer, making me look him directly in the eyes, a small smile on his face.

"What should I call you then? Babe? Hon? Sugar-toosh?"

I actually snort at the last one. "Definitely not sugar-toosh."

As he approaches even closer, his hand automatically touches my cheek and I lean toward it.

"How about Beautiful?"

All the teasing from the earlier conversation suddenly disappears.

"Told you already, doesn't work."

"Just Bella then? Bells?"

My smile is soft, as his other hand finds his ways towards my neck, moving upward, to my lips.

His soft touch makes my blood curl.

"Not Bells either. My father calls me that and I really don't want to think about him right now."

"Bella then," he says and with that, finally kisses me.