I begin my life anew

Chapter 8

The next couple of months were calm and quiet, there was no threat of attacks, no sudden visits from people, I felt relaxed for once. I received a call from Serah one day, she wanted to take me shopping for the baby. I accepted her invite to go with her, but then she began asking a serious question.

"So sis, I was wondering if you think Billy is a good name."

"Billy?" I asked.

"Or Lauren, if it's a girl."

"Are you talking about your cats again?"

Serah paused for a moment. "No, I'm talking about the baby."

"Why are you picking out names for the baby?" I asked.

"Didn't you say you were planning on letting Snow and I raise it?"

I bit my lower lip, "Yes, I did."

"Snow and I already have the nursery set up," She said will some enthusiasm. "We were just thinking of names, and I wanted to know what you thought of the names we chose."

I was silent for a few moments, I felt uneasy about this sudden upcoming thought of names being chosen for a child, who didn't even exist in the world yet. "Sounds like you're rushing things a bit Serah."

"I'm not," She assured herself. "I'm pre-planning everything so I don't have to rush later."

"By the way you have it, it sounds like you have everything ready then."

"Yeah, now all we have to do is wait for the baby."

I huffed at her words, I still thought she was rushing things. "Light, I also have to tell you something else..." Serah said sounding serious. "I was talking with Snow, and we feel it would be better for you if you would stay by our house until the baby is born."

"Why would it be better?"

"Well, we live nearest to a hospital and in case something occurs again, like with what happened with Caius, we'll be there for you Lightning." She sounded so sincere.

I thought for a moment, "I just might have to take you up on that." After accepting my younger sister's offer I hung up the phone. At that moment I felt the child inside kicking again, I rubbed by stomach feeling it move about. "Why do you act like this when you think I do something wrong?" I asked the small being who ceased its frantic movement. "I can make my own decisions." With that remark, I yawned, feeling fatigued. I went to the living room and lied on the couch, I felt my eyes become heavy and eventually I fell asleep.

A white flash appeared after I opened my eyes, I rubbed my tired eyes before standing up, I turned to the kitchen to see a familiar figure standing by the television. The woman turned her head to me and smiled. "Well good morning, Sunshine." It was Fang, "Lookin' a bit heavy there, aren't you?" She walked over and poked at my protruding abdomen.

I ignored her comment and grinned at her presence. "What are you doing here?" I asked.

"I should ask you the same thing," Fang walked over to the table and sat upon it, she sounded less happy than me. "If you must know thought why I'm here, it's because of the little kid you got growing inside of you."

I gave a puzzled look at her, "How is that so?"

"The little kid was upset about something you did; Vanille and I came around to cheer it up." She shot me a glare. "You got some explaining to do, Missy."

I swallowed hard, "Explain what?"

"Kiddo in your room over there kept telling us you're abandoning it," Fang stood from the table. "Why is that?"

"I'm not abandoning it," I said. "I was giving it up to Serah and Snow, I feel like if I were to keep it I would fail to protect it, not only that but I'm scared to keep such a thing."

"How do you think the kid feels?"

I stuttered, "I-I don't know, why would it be scared?"

Fang walked over to me and placed her hand upon my shoulder. "The kid is scared because it's afraid to lose you Lightning," She said it sympathetically. "It told Vanille months ago that when you told Serah you were giving it up to her, it burst into tears because it thought you didn't have the same love for it like it did for you..."

I felt a heaviness in my chest hearing such words, "Is that why it moves whenever I talk to Serah?"

"I would believe so."

"Should I apologize and explain why I had to make that choice?" I asked her awaiting her answer.

Fang seemed a bit troubled, "I hate to be the bringer of bad news, but the kid isn't so keen on seeing you Light." She said.

"I still want to see it." I turned the opposite direction and began heading towards my bedroom.

"Lightning, I wouldn't do that, the kid is already angry at you."

I turned to Fang, "It can be as angry as it wants; I still want to tell it the truth." I proceeded in walking to the hallway. With every step nearing closer to the bedroom, the sound of laughter increased. When approaching the doorway, I was cautious not to alert Vanille or the child as they played on the floor. I leaned up against the wall hoping not be seen and began listening to them.

"So, you never did tell me your name." Vanille said as if expecting an answer.

The child looked down at the small playing blocks, "It might be Billy or Lauren."

"Those are nice names," Vanille smiled. "Did your mother think of them?"

"No," The child said quite depressingly. "Serah thought of them."

Vanille was silent and so was the child. I looked in the doorway to see them, the child was covered in a long blanket as if concealing itself. Vanille looked up and she smiled to see me, she leaned over to the child and whispered, "Look, there's your mother."

The child turned its head to me, only enough that I could see it's nose then turned back to Vanille and pouted. I stepped forward to the small child who was obviously annoyed with me. The child crawled away and buried itself in Vanille's arms, "Go away, I don't love you!" It shouted. "Protect me, Vanille!"

"Look, I just want to talk." I said approaching closer.

The child buried itself in Vanille's chest, "I don't want to talk to you, I hate you!"

Hearing that word, hate escape the child's mouth made me uneasy and at the same time angry. Without thinking I grabbed the child's arm that clung to Vanille's shirt and pulled its body over to face me. The child began to fuss and try to squirm its way out of my grasp but it was unsuccessful.

"Listen to me," I said in a strict voice. The kid began to scream and throw a tantrum, I shook it to try and make it stop its hysterics but the screams continuously shot from its mouth. "Stop screaming you little brat!" I shouted hoisting the child up in the air.

"Lightning let go of it!" Vanille cried, she stood up and tried to pull the small baby away but my grip was far stronger than hers. "Fang!"

The look on the baby's face, as I remembered, was out of pure terror. What caused me to act in such a way was beyond even me, the anger inside was like an inferno that destroyed all other form of emotion. The trance was broken when Fang grabbed me and slapped me back into reality. "Lightning!" Fang shouted. "What the hell's the matter with you?"

I looked back at her unable to respond, for there was no answer to why the action was committed, it just happened. The anger building up in Fang's face, reminded me too much of Sydney and Caius, it seemed as though history was constantly repeating itself.

"Perhaps it's time for you to wake up, Lightning." Fang said trying to ease herself. I looked to Vanille who held the child trying to comfort it, the baby cried and my eyes began to tear up as well.

"Perhaps you're right..." I said with a soft spoken tone. I glanced at the child in Vanille's arms and decided not to bite my tongue on this. "I'm sorry but no matter how much you may hate me for decisions I may make, I will always have a care in this world for you and it is in my heart that you are kept safe." The baby didn't look at me, but instead stopped crying. The whole world then began to fade to white.

I reopened my eyes to see the real world, a heavy feeling weighed on my chest, the stirring emotion that clouded my mind created a whole new form of doubt and fear...