Chapter Fifteen

February 5, 2011 – 12:01am

Jimmy opened his eyes to a darkened room. He felt the pillow under his cheek, the mattress under his body, the comforter wrapped around him, and realized that he was home, in his own bedroom. Slowly, holding his breath, he rolled over.

Next to him, Tony shifted position, mumbling a little in his sleep and automatically pulling more of the covers his way once Jimmy's movement created some slack.

Jimmy propped himself up on one elbow and sat quietly for a while, just watching his lover breathe. Then he slipped out of the bed, pulled his clothes on, and made his way into the living room. He turned on the TV, quickly muting the sound, and switched to ZNN…

February 5, 2011. 12:08am

Oh, thank God…

Jimmy moved toward the couch, then shook his head and turned to the kitchen instead. He readied the coffee machine, but remembering the previous night, did not start it yet. He went back into the living room to sit down – then, remembering something else, he went to pull his phone out of his coat pocket and plug it into its charger. Then he sat down on the couch, pulled up his legs, and clutched a pillow to his chest.

Huddled at the end of the couch, Jimmy stared into space, replaying the events of the last few nights in his head.

I warned them about the explosives, and they still set them off anyway. I'm not sure how, but it happened. So this time… the explosives have to be disarmed before any of the agents show up. And the only way to do that…

Jimmy snorted – quietly, so as not to wake Tony. I can't believe I'm actually considering doing this. But what else can I do?

He closed his eyes and leaned against the back of the couch, trying to slow his breathing and calm his mind. He couldn't do anything until Tony left, and until then, he had to keep his lover from noticing anything out of the ordinary.

Just as he thought he was achieving some measure of inner peace, Tony's phone rang, completely shattering the illusion. Jimmy jumped to his feet, heart racing, the pillow dropping from his hands to the floor. Calm down, Palmer, he ordered himself, running nervous hands through his hair. Just act normal. You have to act normal…

"DiNozzo… What'd we get, Boss?"

Oh, who am I kidding?

"Homeland? Seriously?" And a few moments later: "These are the weapons that disappeared from our Marine bases?"

Unable to stand still, Jimmy began to pace the room. Part of him wanted Tony to just hurry up already, so he could get moving; most of him couldn't stand the idea of watching Tony walk out that door again. The resulting tension had him biting his knuckles, a nervous habit he'd trained himself out of once he started working with dead bodies…

"Tonight?... Right. I'm on my way."

Jimmy's circuit of the room brought him back to the doorway of the bedroom just as Tony opened it and stepped through.

"Jimmy? What are you – are you okay?"

Even while expecting it, Tony's appearance still made Jimmy jump. The younger man quickly crossed his arms and looked down guiltily; his earlier resolve to act as if nothing was wrong crumbled around the reality that he was turning into a nervous wreck.

"Hey, what's going on?" Tony asked softly. He stepped forward and placed his hands on Jimmy's shoulders. "I thought you were done having nightmares…"

Jimmy couldn't help it; he flinched, visibly flinched, at Tony's words. "I – I'm sorry," he stammered, mentally berating himself for not hiding his reactions better. "I just – I was – I just –" He stopped and took a deep breath, trying to pull himself together. "I just – I thought I was, too," he finished, taking the easy way out.

"Why didn't you wake me up? I meant it, you don't have to deal with this alone…" Tony pulled Jimmy into his arms, allowing the younger man to rest his head on his shoulder.

Jimmy was glad that he didn't have to look Tony in the eye. He was ashamed of the lie, but he couldn't tell the truth about why he was so upset. "I needed some time to think," he said, and at least that part was true. "And I was trying to let you sleep as much as you could," he added. "I thought Gibbs might call you tonight."

Tony sighed and tightened his arms around his lover. "You were right," he told Jimmy. "I've got to go back tonight." He ran his hand through Jimmy's hair, a soothing gesture. "Are you going to be okay alone? I hate leaving you…"

"I'll be fine," Jimmy hastily assured him. "I – I'll probably just go back to bed once you're gone." The last thing he needed tonight was for Tony to call Ducky again!

"You sure?"

Jimmy nodded, and Tony sighed and let him go. "Okay, I've got to grab a shower before I go. Why don't you go lay down, and I'll come tuck you in before I leave?"

"You don't have that kind of time," Jimmy managed to tease, a shaky smile on his lips.

Tony rolled his eyes, but he smiled, too, glad to see that Jimmy was starting to sound more like himself.

"Go on," Jimmy urged Tony, turning him around and giving him a push toward the bathroom. "I'll get some coffee ready for you."

He managed to keep the smile on his face until Tony disappeared into the bathroom. But once the shower started up, Jimmy leaned against the nearest wall, bowing his head and taking several deep breaths. Nice job, Palmer. Way to almost screw everything up.

He allowed himself another moment to get it together, then went into the kitchen and started the coffee maker. He pulled out a slice of pizza and popped it into the microwave, set the time, and started it. Then he went back into the bedroom and climbed into bed to wait for Tony.

A few minutes later, Tony came into the room, towel-dried hair sticking up in all directions. He pulled on the clothes that had been discarded haphazardly on the floor earlier that evening – three nights ago for Jimmy – then sat on the edge of the bed while he put on his socks.

"Here, let me help." Jimmy sat up and ran his hands through Tony's hair, smoothing it down somewhat. He knew Tony had a thing about using someone else's comb – it was almost as bad as using someone else's toothbrush. "You should really leave a comb here; you sleep over often enough. No one would know it's yours."

Tony grinned and winked at him, then gently pushed Jimmy back onto the pillows. "Maybe I like how you do my hair." He leaned down for a good night kiss.

Several moments later, much against his wishes, Jimmy pushed his lover away. "You keep that up, you're going to have to explain to Gibbs that you were late because you were seducing the autopsy assistant. You really want that conversation?"

"Tonight? No." Tony sat up and adjusted his tie. "But sooner or later, we're going to have to, you know."

"Does he suspect anything?"

"I have no idea," Tony admitted. "But he's Gibbs. I keep waiting for him to come up behind me and drop the Rule 12 bomb."

Jimmy winced at the word 'bomb,' but fortunately, Tony simply read it as a valid response to his statement. "Yeah, that's my thought. So I've been thinking about being the one to drop it first. You know, choosing the battleground and all that."

Jimmy's eyes widened. "But what if he freaks out?"

"We'll figure that out when and if it happens." Tony reached for Jimmy's hand and laced their fingers together. "We've been together for five months now, and it hasn't interfered with either of our jobs. We've got Ducky on our side. There's no official NCIS rule that says that coworkers can't date, as long as one of them isn't in a supervisory position over the other. If we have to, we'll get Vance involved."

"Gibbs won't like that much," Jimmy said cautiously.

"I know, so I hope we don't have to go that far." Tony then sighed and looked at his watch. "But you're right, I've got to get going before I really piss him off. Let's talk more about this tonight, okay?"

"Okay." Now Jimmy really had a reason to follow through on his plan tonight. "Hey, there's coffee for you, and a slice of pizza in the microwave. Hopefully it hasn't cooled too much."

Tony smiled. "Thanks, love." He kissed Jimmy again – briefly this time. "I'll see you tonight – or whenever we get this case wrapped up," he amended.

"Okay. I love you."

"Love you too. Now get some sleep."

Jimmy waited until he heard the front door close before he rolled out of bed and started pulling off his pajamas. Now that he was on somewhat familiar ground – he knew exactly what to expect for at least the next hour and a half – he was no longer quite so nervous. Well, not about the first part of his plan, anyway. He dug out the black long-sleeved t-shirt and dark jeans that he'd worn the night before and pulled them on, then went out into the living room.

I can't believe Tony wants to tell Gibbs about us, he thought in amazement as he pulled his shoes on. That's not just admitting that he broke Rule 12 – that's coming completely out of the closet. I mean, it will be for me, too – there's only a few people who know about me – but seriously, who's going to be surprised to find out that the Autopsy Gremlin is bisexual? But Tony… he's worked so hard at his playboy persona. What's it going to be like for him to give that up?

Does he really want to give that up… for me?