I begin my life anew

Chapter 13

"Ah- Damn this!" I cried feeling the erupting contractions in my stomach. I had only been awake for a few minutes and the intense pain had already brought me to tears.

Serah stood to the left side of the bed coaching me to breathe through the contractions, while Snow was at my right as I tightly gripped his hand; it was like we were having an intense arm wrestling match. And Hope -Little Hope- stood in the corner with the chocobo doll, watching from a distance.

"This is some rude awakening, ain't it Light?" Snow tried his hardest not to give into my death grip that little by little was breaking his hand.

"Oh, go get hit by a jet would you?" I growled forcing my grip to tighten.

"Lightning," Serah raised her voice. "That's not very nice!"

"He's not making this any easier- Ah!"

"Hey Hope," Snow turned his head to the cowering boy who still stood in the corner. "Why don't you take over for me, my hand is gettin' sore."

"I-I don't know..." The boy stuttered.

"Come on," Said Snow, who was practically coaxing the boy. "Prove to me you're a man and not a little boy anymore."

With those words burned in his mind, Hope stepped up to him, "I'll have you know I was the leader of the Academy, so I already proved my manhood, this won't be any different!" His voice showed determination. Hope nudged Snow aside and like the man his mind believed, grabbed my hand.

Hope's face lit up in shock the moment I had my grip on him. "Ow- Light, ow!" My grip couldn't loosen, no matter how hard I tried. The contractions were about a minute apart now and caused me about as much as I was inflicting on Hope.

"Ah- Light!" Hope cried. "The pain!" The boy slowly and dramatically knelt to the floor into submission from my hand breaking grip.

"Snow, go get a nurse, I think Light is ready!" With the simple order given to him, Snow left the room in search of a nurse.

"Light..." Hope whined lying on the floor. "Please let go of my hand?" He was sobbing. Serah rushed over to Hope and yanked his hand from mine. "I can't feel my hand..." He whined standing to his feet.

"Just keep breathing Light." Serah told me as she tried to relieve Hope of his crippled hand.

A slight thump came from the bottom of my stomach, a quick rush of shock went throughout my body, making me lose my breath, and then a loud splash hit the floor- My water broke.

Hope stood there paralyzed at the sight of the fluid that puddled the floor. "Hope, are you alright?" Serah asked snapping her fingers in front of his eyes, trying to break him from his trance. Before we even had the chance to blink, the boy collapsed to the floor and didn't get up.

"Oh gosh..." Serah grieved. Hope couldn't be helped at this point.

"What is taking Snow so long?" I screamed feeling the urge to push.

"Unhand me!"A familiar voice ordered from the opposite side of the door. "I said unhand me, this instant!" Snow barged in with Doctor Cassey's arm in his grasp.

"Snow, it's about time!" Serah said with some relief. "Doctor, my sister's water just broke."

"I can see that and the boy lying in it." The doctor sighed being released from Snow's hand. She turned on the small radio device in her ear and called for nurses to remove Hope from the room, also to get me ready for delivery.

Before long, a few nurses rushed into the room. They picked up Hope from the floor, placed him in a wheelchair and wheeled him away.

Serah stood by my side, one last time. "You're going to do great sis," She told me holding my hand in hers, expressing a warm smile on her face. Snow placed a hand on her shoulder and pulled her away from my company. "Don't forget to breathe!" She shouted before Snow and her were on the other side of the closed door.

The nurses began to position me for the birth; they placed me in the most uncomfortable position possible. Doctor Cassey stood by my feet; I could hardly recognize her from the odd looking face mask she wore.

"Alright, whenever you're ready just bare down and push for ten seconds then you can breathe." Were her exact directions.

Immediately I felt the urge, as hard as I could I began to push, counting the seconds in my head before I could stop. The pain of another person being forced from my body was unbearable, I'd much rather have the labor pain back. Ten seconds seemed like ten minutes. As soon as I inhaled again, the exhaustion hit me like a behemoth's massive paws. Sadly though, my journey wasn't even close to over, it had only just begun.

I didn't even know how long it was until I felt the head begin to emerge. All that kept echoing in my ears were the nurses who kept encouraging me to push harder than I already was... Oh the pain, the feel of the head inching out further with every push, it felt like I was splitting into two halves! I gripped the mattress and screamed at the top of my lungs, just waiting for the fiery pain to end.

"The head is out!" The woman across from me announced. For a moment I lied there, gasping for air to fill my exhausted lungs with my sweaty hands undetached from the mattress. "Don't stop now, you're not done yet."

I felt the beads of sweat drip down my forehead and the bitter taste of tears as they inched to the corners of my mouth. I heaved and pushed again feeling the splitting pain increase as the shoulders began to pass through.

All was silent except for my hysterical screaming at this point; the pain was too much to handle, even for me. "Just one more push and you're done." The words were repeatitive in my mind as I gathered up whatever energy that still remained, I heaved and pushed letting out another loud scream...

My body was done; it had absolutely no more energy to continue. Luckily for me, it seemed my journey through pregnancy had finally come to an end. The relief was something I longed for in the past day and finally it was granted to me.

For a moment I had forgotten what all the hours of pushing were for until the room was filled with cries and screams from a new little being. At first I flinched from the sound, and then my eyes met this new little person who held tiny fists up in the air screaming about as loud as I was just before it arrived.

"It's a girl Claire!" Cassey announced.

A smile crawled its way onto my face seeing the little baby that screamed covered in blood and goo. The nurses took the baby from Cassey to clean her. I stared in amazement as she kicked and screamed when the nurses tried to wrap her in towels- She was my girl alright.

"Can I see her?" I asked in a weak and raspy voice, wiping the sweat from my forehead.

One of the nurses smiled and said, "Of course." She left my side for a moment and returned to me with my screaming daughter. I held my breath as the child in the white swaddling cloth was placed on my chest; she stopped crying as soon as her head rested on me. She fussed for a moment before becoming quiet.

"Hey," I whispered to her. "So you were the one that's been kicking me." The baby buried her head into my chest whining lightly into my gown. Her small hand tried desperately to grab my hair but failed with every attempt.

"Just this once..." I took the end curl of my hair and slipped it gently through her pudgy little fingers, the baby then pulled her hand towards her rosy red cheek, it wasn't long until she fell asleep. I smiled seeing how soundly she slept.

"What is her name?" I snapped out of my trance and looked at the nurse. "Do you have a name for your daughter?" She asked.

I was never good at naming anything, if Serah and I had a pet it would be a 'fluffy' or 'whiskers' but this wasn't a pet. Naming a child would need a little more thought.

And then it hit me.

"Chloe," I finally replied. "Chloe Farron."

"That's a lovely name Miss Farron."

I looked back at Chloe, admiring her. "A lovely name for a lovely girl." I whispered to the child.

After a while though, one of the nurses stood above me and took Chloe- My precious baby- from my arms. The child began to whine, sensing I was no longer holding her.

"Where are you taking her?" I asked desperately feeling my heart begin to sink.

"I have to take your baby to the nursery now," She said. "Don't worry; you'll be able to see her later."

It was easier said than done to wait until I would be able to see Chloe again; her loud wailing as the nurse removed her from the room the room broke my heart... If only I hadn't been so exhausted from the delivery, I would've taken my baby back and she would still be sleeping in my arms.

Later on, they put me in a recovery room. I was so tired but no matter how heavy my eyelids became I couldn't bring myself to sleep. The only thing that kept me awake was Chloe; her cries haunted me and with each passing second without her made me more and more eager to see her again.

The door opened and my younger sister walked in with the biggest smile I had ever seen on her face. "Hey sis," She greeted nearing the bed. "How do you feel?"

"I feel like crap."

"Snow and I saw the baby in the nursery before," She said. "She's beautiful Light."

"She is." I said inching the bed's blanket closer to my face.

"You named her Chloe?" My sister asked.

"Yeah." I replied.

"It's a pretty name."

I smiled at her compliment, but anyone who was to see me could easily tell my feelings were down.

"Light, what's wrong?" Serah asked as her smile diminished.

"I really want to see Chloe again..." A sigh passed my lips. "The nurse keeps telling me to rest up before she can bring her here."

"Then rest up for a little bit, you were in the delivery room for well over four hours, I can imagine how tired you must be."

"Ugh, I'm exhausted." I said. "It's difficult to sleep though." I sat upward. "I'm worried about Chloe; she could be hungry or cold-"

"Claire relax." Serah stopped me from getting over excited. "Chloe is fine; she's probably sleeping right about now."

"You can't be so certain about that!" The sudden fear that my child was in distress caused me to jump from the bed.

"Claire, where are you going?"

"I have to make sure Chloe is alright!" The cramps in my stomach prevented me from going far but my determination kept me moving, until Serah grabbed my arm.

"Claire, Chloe is fine!" She yelled. "Get back into bed you're going to hurt yourself!"

I reached for the door, "That's a risk I'm willing to take Serah!" My sister pulled me back, almost making me trip.

"Claire, listen to me-" Her voice showed frustration. "The baby is fine, stop worrying so much."

My mind was a wreck; it was difficult to listen to Serah while my own maternal instincts were in full gear. My mind wanted one thing and my heart longed for another. I sat at the edge of the bed and held my head which was slowly beggining to ache.

"I don't even know what to do now Serah..." My fingers made small circles around my temples. "It's hard to get my mind off of this."

Serah sat next to me, her head resting on my arm. "You know what's funny?" She asked. "When we first saw Chloe, she was screaming her head off. Snow said, 'Hey she looks a lot like Light, she makes the same face whenever she yells at me."

My hand covered my mouth to prevent my sudden urge to laugh but it didn't hold long.

"You know, it seems like it was yesterday when I got that phone call from you and you told me you were pregnant." Serah said. "And here we are eight months later."

"Time flies." I said.

"That it does." Serah paused for a moment. "May I ask you a question?"

"Sure, what do you need to know?"

"It's pretty obvious by now, but I just wanted to make sure." Serah didn't hesitate to ask, "Are you planning on keeping the baby?"

I turned my head to her, "Do you mind if I do?"

Serah smiled, "I don't mind one bit, I was hoping you would eventually come to that decision."

"You were?"

"Mhm, for the past four or five months after you wanted Snow and me to raise it. I've been trying to change your mind."

I gave my sister a look of pure disbelief. "How did you-?"

Serah giggled. "When you first asked me to raise it, I kept telling you what a great mother you would be, at other times I'd try to make you jealous so you would decline your request for us to care for it." She explained. "I tried so hard to change your mind, and it worked!"

"Why did you do it?"

Serah looked to the floor for a moment before turning her attention back to me. "I was upset that I could no longer be with you, I was starting my new life with Snow and leaving you behind in the dust, and it didn't sit well with me." Her voice sounded as if she was about to cry. "So when you told me you were having a baby, I took an advantage of it so you wouldn't have to be alone and that you could move on and start a new life of your own."

I didn't respond to her, not at first anyway. My mind was wrapped around her words, her pity towards me. "Is that it?" I finally asked. "You wanted me to keep Chloe because you felt bad for me?"

Serah seemed a bit hesitant to answer, "I did..."

I nudged her head from my arm and stood up, crossing my arms in annoyance. "For eight months I've been debating to myself about this 'motherhood' thing, all this time I was believing I was making a wrong choice by giving up Chloe to you," My head shook lightly. "But now I feel I should've just stuck with it." My response was both true and false.

"Sis, I only wanted what was best for you."

I jerked my head to her, "What was best for me?" My voice was reaching the point of anger. "Why would you think a child would be best, explain this to me Serah."

"I was upset that you were still living by yourself, plus haven't you ever dreamed of one day having a family of your own?"

"No," I barked. "Why would I care for a family when I can barely care for myself?"

"What do you mean?" She asked. "You can take perfect care of yourself."

"On Cocoon I could take care of myself, in this world..." I paused. "In this world, I'm nothing but a weak... Fool!"

"Don't talk like that Claire!"

"I loathe that name!" I yelled. "It's something I wish you would stop calling me! I'm not Claire, I'm Lightning!"

"...To me you'll always be Claire, you can change your name millions of times, and your name will always be Claire."

"I wish it wasn't." I said.

"Why do you hate it so much?" Serah asked. "I never understood why."

I gritted my teeth, "It's none of your business."

"Everything you do is my business, just like everything I did use to be your business."

"What are you my mother?" I yelled.

"No, but if our mother was here, she'd be pretty upset on how you're behaving." She glared at me. "And don't even come up with some ridiculous comeback."

I didn't reply, I just stood there with a clenched fist feeling a foreign emotion I might've felt once or twice before.

"I want to ask, why do you feel weak?" Serah asked.

"It's an unknown reason why I do, but the feeling it's just there." I said calmly. "Maybe it's because I was still trying to get use to living on this new world, with these new people, and I was trying to get my life together." A moment of silence took place; we gave each other a quick look before I continued. "Then I meet Caius, thinking he's a changed man and that perhaps my life was for once going to be stress free then I found out I was pregnant and it seemed this whole new world I set up for myself suddenly began crumbling down... I let this whole "fresh start" crap get into my head it made me feel like I could do anything but now I know I was not ready for all of this..." Tears began to swell in my eyes as the feeling of hopelessness took over. "I'm still not ready Serah...Why do you think I didn't want to be a parent in the first place?"

Serah stood from the bed and wrapped her arms around me. "How do you think we felt?" She asked. "Me, Snow, Lebreau, all of us; we had to start from scratch as well. We had to try and adapt to this strange world and believe me when I say it wasn't easy, living in the dark without even a faint light to guide us." She looked up to me and wiped a stray tear from my cheek. "Eventually, we moved on Claire but I still see you even now, still stuck living in the past, thinking we still live on Cocoon... That world is gone now Claire, every burden, every nightmare, every worry we might've had is erased from our lives now." She paused to separate our hug. "It's time to start with a clean slate and to also stop being the person who bottled up their worries and feelings; it's time to stop being 'Lightning' and time to start being 'Claire."

"Serah..."

"I'm doing this for you." She said. "Ever since you were a teenager, all you did was worry about others without anyone to return the favor. Well, now I'm finally going to help you but you have to take part as well."

I pulled Serah in for another hug; it was something I really needed. "It's going to be difficult to change."

"Nobody said change was easy but don't worry, things will get better." My sister looked up to me with a grin, I found it was difficult to return a similar gesture but she knew that I was accepting of her offer. "Now, why don't you go lie down and I'll ask the nurse to bring Chloe."

I finally smiled at her as my arms released her from my hug. "Heh, Alright." My feet led me to the bed as Serah walked the opposite direction towards the door.

When Serah opened the door, she was greeted by a familiar face; it was none other than Doctor Cassey.

"Oh, Doctor Cassey-" Serah said with some surprise. "What are you doing here?"

"I came with your sister's daughter," The taller woman entered with a mobile crib. "The nurse was suppose to bring her here after your sister was settled in- Oh well." She sighed.

"It's a little coin incidental that I was just about to go ask the nurse to bring the baby here."

"Heh- That is a coin incidence," Cassey picked Chloe up from the crib. "I guess I saved you the trip, ey?" She winked at Serah before walking over to my bed. The doctor gently slipped Chloe into my arms and the emotions seemed to hit me like a whirlwind; a large part of it was happiness and relief was there too. The joyous beating of my heart caused a smile to form on my face; she was just as perfect as I had remembered.

"Well, I'm off to go fix the other mistakes the nurses made." Cassey said heading towards the door. "Enjoy your baby!" She exited flashing a smile.

Serah neared the bed, "She's much more beautiful up close." My sister hovered over me to get a better view.

"Do you want to hold her?" I asked.

"Can I?" Serah replied with her voice full of bliss.

"Of course you can." Serah was obviously nervous; it was easy to tell considering she kept jerking her arms away whenever I attempted to place the child in her arms. "Serah quit moving your arms."

"I'm sorry; I've never held a baby before... I don't want to hurt her."

"You're not," I attempted once more to hand Chloe to my sister. "Watch her head- There." Before she knew it, Serah held her first niece.

My sister gave the child a bright and warm smile. "Hey Chloe, I'm your aunt Serah." Her tone of voice changed to a goofier one. "Oh, I'm gonna' spoil you so much!" We both chuckled as Serah sat at the edge of the bed.

Chloe began to whine and fuss which led to little cries. Serah shot me a worried look, "I think I woke her..." She attempted to hand the child back to me but instead I leaned close to the baby and whispered, "Don't cry my darling." The gentle kiss I gave Chloe almost instantly made her stop crying. She looked up at Serah and I, with big blue eyes, as blue as the sky.

"You know Claire," Serah said. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you acquired some sort of superpower that stops babies from crying."

"I probably did." Another soft kiss was given to Chloe.

"Oh sis, take Chloe I have to do something!" The baby was immediately given to me before Serah stood up and pulled her cellular phone out from her pocket. "I want to take a few pictures to show the others at home." Serah pointed the face of the phone's camera at Chloe and I. "Say cheese!"

I played along and grinned, "Cheese." The noise on her phone indicated that a picture was taken. "So tell me, where are Snow and Hope?"

Serah continued to take pictures of me and the baby. "Snow? He drove Hope back to our house." She stopped clicking the camera icon on her phone. "Hope looked pretty bad; he had a concussion and a broken hand."

"Poor Hope..." I said. "I should apologize to him when we go home." A slight tug of my hair broke my attention from Serah. I glanced down at Chloe who held the tips of my hair in her plump little fingers.

"Aw- That's so cute!" Serah squealed, taking pictures once more.

"...So how come Snow didn't come back?"

"Snow and Gadot have to move some things."

"Move things?" I asked. "What things?"

"You know, the crib, changing table, rocking chair..." She replied fiddling with her phone. "Those things."

"Why?"

"They have to bring them to your house, the last time I remembered you didn't have those things there."

"I don't even have room for it, where would they put all of those things?" I asked.

"They'll figure it out."

I sighed, "Serah..."

A noise came from her phone, "Oh- Lebreau messaged me about the pictures!"

"What did she say?"

Serah glanced at her phone for a second, "She says, Tell Light Congrats and that I just won ten bucks from Maqui and Yuj."

"They placed a bet?" I asked.

Serah giggled, "Yeah Maqui and Yuj both thought you were having a boy and Lebreau obviously thought a girl."

"What else did you all bet on?"

"We all bet on the gender thing." She replied.

"You're all weird."

Serah giggled again, "Then I'm weird and five bucks richer." We both laughed.

Chloe began to fuss as the rising rays of the sun shined in her eyes. I covered her face from the bright light as Serah rushed over to the window and closed the blinds. "There," She looked to me. "So, do you want breakfast?"

"No, thank you."

"Are you sure?" She asked. "I don't mind getting it."

"I'm sure."

"Can I get for myself then?" Serah asked with her hands over her stomach, possibly preventing the occurring sound of grumbles.

"Yeah," I said stroking Chloe's cheek as she was nodding off to sleep. "Just don't get lost alright?"

"Tsk- I'm not." She headed for the door. "I'll be back, bye Chloe!" She waved to the baby as if she was paying any attention.

The infant in my arms looked up to me with tired eyes, her plump little fingers loosely grasping my hair. Her attempts to stay awake seemed to be failing. "Just go to sleep baby." I yawned. "I'll be here when you awaken..." My lips lightly pressed against her forehead. "Go to sleep..." I whimpered feeling sleepy myself.

I couldn't fall asleep with Chloe still in my arms, and then I remembered the mobile crib she came in with. The child made little noises as I stood from the bed and placed her in the crib a few feet away. I went back to the bed having the feeling Chloe could sleep without a distraction, but as soon as I sat down she began to cry again. My legs sprung me upward and back to the screaming infant.

"Chloe, don't cry..." I moved the crib closer to the bed and sat back down. My hand gently caressed her belly; it seemed to ease her of her hysterics. "You're a little faker; you just want my attention, don't you?" My head rested on my arm that laid on the edge of the crib. Chloe's eyes began to dim but she still tried to stay awake.

"You know, when your aunt Serah was younger, our mother would sing to her when she couldn't sleep." The memory was fresh in my head. "Nobody could sing as good as your grandmother, I've tried a few times but that's our little secret." With the lyrics to my mother's song drifting through my mind I couldn't help it when the words escaped my throat.

"Golden slumber kiss your eyes, smiles await you when you rise, sleep pretty baby do not cry and I will sing you a lullaby..." I noticed the baby's eyes beginning to close but she was still awake. "Care is heavy, therefore sleep while I o'er you watch do keep; sleep pretty darling do not cry and I will sing you a lullaby." The soft sound of sleep was heard from the child, perhaps now I could finally sleep... Until she wakes up again that is.

**A/N:

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