The smile he gave her was sardonic and cruel, lacking in the joy that had so suffused it as a child.
"Well if it isn't the great hero. Conquerer of the Blight and Vanquisher of all Evil. Aren't you supposed to be ten feet tall with lightening bolts shooting out of your eyes?" His voice was cold and bitter.
Nathaniel had always been sarcastic, and despite the venom that loaded his words now, Aeryn was glad to see that that at least had not changed.
"The Darkspawn probably think so" she replied with a small smile.
He gave a derisive snort. "Somehow I just thought that as my father's murderer, you'd be... different to how I remembered you. More... impressive."
'Shit.' She'd known that he'd bring his father up, but she has hoped that she might've been able to talk to him a little first.
"My family owned these lands until you showed up! Do you feel any remorse for killing my father?"
She wasn't going to lie to him. "No."
He seemed to shrink a little at this. "No. No, of course you don't. He was just another obstacle to you, wasn't he? Just one more step on your way to Loghain, another political opponent you killed!"
Aeryn railed at the aspersions he had cast on her character. "I dispensed justice, nothing more! Arl Howe killed my family!"
"You and your family were going to sell us out to the Orleasians!" he yelled back, his cheeks flushed with anger "You deserved everything you got, and more!"
Aeryn turned deathly still, the moment of calm before a terrible storm. Then suddenly she was screaming at him, her anger rolling off her waves, scalding him with it's intensity.
"How dare you! How FUCKING dare you! You have no idea what I've been through because of your father!"
"I..." Nathaniel started.
"No! Shut up! Shut up and fucking listen!" Her face twisted as she spat the words at him. "Because of your father, my entire family is dead! His men killed my seven year old nephew in front of his mother's eyes before stabbing her through the stomach and leaving her to bleed to death! I was made to leave my parents behind, knowing that they would die. I left my childhood home in flames, forced into a life I had never wanted! Do you remember Rory?" Nathaniel stared at her blankly. "Ser Gilmore? When I was held a prisoner in Fort Drakon, a place your father used as his own personal playground, I found his bloodstained corpse rotting on a platform in a torture chamber! Howe had brought captives from my home to be tortured for his own sick amusement!"
Nathaniel was ashen-faced, Aeryn noted with a perverse satisfaction.
"And when I finally caught up to your father, he told me that before he killed them, he had made my father watch as he raped my mother and then he'd forced my mother to look at him as he slit her husband's throat. He then gave mother the option of becoming his 'pet'" Aeryn's face twisted in utter disgust at the word "and she turned the knife on herself. Now think on that, boy, and tell me: does anyone deserve that?"
Nathaniel was speechless, a look of abject horror on his face.
"I didn't think so" she snarled at him. With one fluid movement, she was out of the cell and moving towards the staircase.
"Commander?" she heard the note of question in the surprised Seneschal's voice as she breezed past him on the very steps he had just descended.
"Lock him up again" she snapped over her shoulder "I'll deal with him later."
Breathing heavily, she took the stairs two at a time, quickly ascending to the surface.
It was only when she was completely out of Nathaniel's sight that she permitted herself to cry.
The next time she spoke to Nathaniel, Aeryn did not enter the cell. Instead she spoke to him through the bars, not trusting herself not to hit him if she went inside.
"Why did you come here, Nathaniel?" she asked him tiredly. "What is it you want?"
"I thought..." he started before glancing at the ground guiltily. "I thought I was going to try to kill you. To lay a trap for you."
Aeryn paled. Well she remembered Nathaniel's prowess with traps and poisons. She had always been a shade more skilful with the bow than he, but he more than made up for it with his other talents. If he had wanted her dead, Fereldan would be mourning it's hero now. Her hand crept almost involuntarily to her throat.
"Why didn't you?" she queried. "You always were better at traps than me, Nathaniel. I could be dead now, if you had followed through."
"Ah, but you were always more adept at blending into the shadows than I was. That was my downfall, I think. I didn't even make it into the Keep before your Grey Wardens found me. Besides," he said dismissively "I realised that I just wanted to reclaim some of my family's things." His voice broke a little as he continued. "They're all I have left."
Aeryn started with surprise "Your family has belongings that are still here?"
"We used to live here, once upon a time" he replied bitterly "Father didn't take everything with him to Denerim. Look... what happened with your family... from what you said it sounds as if it was horrible."
"Yes." Aeryn replied, her grip tightening on the bars of the cell. "It was."
"The entire war was. Whatever my father did however, shouldn't harm my whole family. The Howes are pariahs now! Those of us left. It's all thanks to you. And now you get to decide my fate. Ha. Ironic, isn't it?"
Aeryn rubbed her temples, considering. "What would you do if I let you go?"
"If you let me go?" Nathaniel repeated in bewilderment. "I... I don't know. I only came back to Ferelden a month ago... If you let me go, I'll probably come back here. You might not catch me next time" he threatened.
She gave a tired laugh. "You're not making the best case for yourself."
"I could lie. If you prefer" he told her insolently.
'Yes' she thought 'Yes, I do prefer. Oh Maker, why must this be so difficult? He's too dangerous to let go, I know that. But there was something between us once, and for the sake of that memory, I can't execute him. But I can't keep him locked here forever. Can't keep him, can't let him go, can't kill him. Shit. Oh, shit!' she thought as the truth of her predicament presented itself.
Nathaniel gave a small cough, and suddenly realised that the silence had stretched on for too long. Her cheeks flushed red in embarrassment, and she stuttered as she fumbled for something to say. To the Void, why did he make her feel so ruffled? 'You're Commander of the Grey! Act like it, and pull yourself together!'
"I, uh, understand we had trouble capturing you, Nathaniel" saying the first thing that popped into her head.
"I'm not without skill, as you well know, my Lady" he said the words mockingly. "And my time abroad wasn't spent chasing skirts and drinking wine."
"Perhaps… perhaps you should work to redeem your name" Aeryn said slowly, a thought having occurred to her.
"You're right. I'll go join King Alistair's service immediately!" Nathaniel said sarcastically "He'd be certain to give a Howe another chance! Look, the Darkspawn are a menace. If it weren't for the Blight... maybe my father would never have... done what he did. But I can't do anything about them, can I! There's just you and the Grey Wardens, here in my home!"
Aeryn pondered his words. So he agreed that the Darkspawn were a menace, did he? Then maybe... 'Yes! That's it!' she thought, the solution to her problems presenting itself in perfect clarity.
I've decided what to do with you" she said suddenly.
Nathaniel looked at her disdainfully. "Already?" he asked, his voice flat and dead. "Good."
"Fetch Varel for me, please" she ordered the guard who was standing nearby. He bowed and left the room.
He glared at her in stony silence as they waited. She leant her head against the cold metal bars of his cell. She felt sick, feeling the hostility that rolled off him in waves.
"Do you really hate me so much?" she asked quietly. He didn't say anything. He didn't need to. The silence screamed his answer at her.
Yes. He did.
"I brought the Seneschal for you Commander!" the guard bounded towards her happily. 'Rather like a large puppy' she thought 'One that's ever so proud of himself for having fetched the stick.'
"Thank you guardsman, that will be all" she replied, smiling a little. She liked the soldiers here. They were so eager to please, and they actually took orders! It was a refreshing change of pace from her rag-tag group of adventurers. She did miss them a bit though. Ok, a lot
"I see you've spoken to our... guest. Quite the handful, isn't he?" said Varel with a wry cough. "Have you decided what is to be done with him?"
"I have" Aeryn replied. "Did you know that this was Nathaniel Howe?"
"A Howe?" the Seneschal asked, his tone remarkably unsurprised. "It figures they would turn up again. The Howes are implacable enemies, Commander."
'Well I know it' thought Aeryn. 'I must be insane... well I better get this over with. I don't think either of them will like me very much for this...'
"Seneschal, I wish to invoke the Right of Conscription."
"You WHAT!" Nathaniel's voice cracked like a whip through the sudden silence.
"I'm sorry Commander?" Varel asked, taken aback, sure that his ears must be playing tricks on him. "The Right of Conscription? On the prisoner?"
"No!" Nathaniel yelled, fury colouring his voice. "Absolutely not! Hang me first!"
So he was going to be difficult. Wo-nderful.
"You don't think this is better than dying?" she snapped at him.
His eyes narrowed. "Hard to say. You like having Grey Wardens who want you dead?"
A small smile played around Aeryn's lips. "Some of the best people I've ever known have tried to kill me. It's how I make friends."
"You really want a Howe as a Grey Warden?" he asked. "You are a very strange woman."
Aeryn rolled her eyes. "I've heard that before..."
Nathaniel still sounded incredulous. "I can't decide if this a vote of confidence or punishment..."
"Maybe it's both" Aeryn said quietly.
"An... interesting decision, Commander" Varel said slowly. "Come with me Ser" he said, motioning for the guard to unlock Nathaniel's cell. "We'll see if you survive the Joining."