I begin my life anew

Chapter 14

"I'm glad it's not snowing today." I said putting Chloe in little footie pajamas. "I wouldn't want you to catch a cold." The baby looked up at me with her big blue eyes sucking on her pacifier. "You're so pretty."

Serah entered the room. "Sis, are you ready to go?"

"Yeah, I just need to put my jacket on."

Serah walked further into the room. "How's little Chloe?"

I smiled. "She's fine."

"That's good." She paused for a while. "Are you sure you don't want to stay, just a little while longer?"

I turned my head to Serah. "I don't plan on it, why do you ask?"

"Maybe in case... 'He' happens to show up?"

All of a sudden my blissful mood turned into a more foul one. "What brought you to ask me a question like that?" My voice was ridden with annoyance.

"Oh- We don't have to, I'm just asking!" Serah quickly became uneased by my tone. "You know... He is the father after all."

"Like I could give a rat's ass if he was or not..." I turned my attention to Chloe. "You didn't hear mommy say that."

"Claire, maybe he has a change of heart now-"

"No he hasn't, I believed it once and that got me to where I am today." My body turned towards the bed's edge, I stood up and grabbed my coat from the chair that was my company when nobody was around. "Caius will never change and that's why I don't want him to meet Chloe, he doesn't deserve to see her."

"Oh... Alright then." Serah bit her lip, shying away from my response. "Do you want me to put Chloe in the car seat?"

"Yes please."

With a bright smile, Serah walked to the bed. "It's time to get you ready to go home baby." She picked the infant up from the bed and placed her in the cradle shaped seat that sat on the chair.

"Don't forget to put the blanket on her." I said.

"I won't."

"Don't forget her hat either." I added.

Serah smiled. "I'm not gonna' forget!" She buckled the belt on the baby's seat. "Mommy's crazy isn't she?" She asked Chloe in her 'baby voice.'

My arms crossed. "I'm not crazy, I'm just protective."

"A little over protective."

"I'm a mother now, what do you expect?"

"I don't know," She said placing the baby blanket on Chloe and tucking it in at her sides. "I guess I didn't expect you to be so protective."

"Well you should've known by now that every mother is protective to some extent."

"Yeah, perhaps I should have." She proceeded to put the little white hat on Chloe's head. "We should get going; we wouldn't want to keep Snow waiting outside."

"Why not?" I asked slipping my arms through the coat sleeves. "It's not like he'll leave."

"True."

"I'm ready to go anyway." I grabbed the handle part of the baby's seat and held it by my side. "Let's go."

Leaving the entrance of the hospital, we noticed Snow's car parked right out front. It was not hard to spot, especially since he was honking the horn at us. "Hey, glad you guys could show up!"

"Snow, quit honking that horn!" Serah scolded, "You'll frighten the baby!"

The man paused for a moment. "Oh, my bad." He smiled cheerfully.

"Well if you did make her cry, you'd be the one to calm her down." I said trying to buckle in the baby's seat. "...And trust me, she's not easy to calm down."

Serah sat in the front passenger seat. "Yeah, it seems only Claire has the power to calm down such a loud little beast." She let out a chuckle.

"Yeesh, I wouldn't wanna' be caught in that." Snow said turning towards the back seat. "Ready?"

"No." I said getting frustrated at the belt buckles. "How the heck are you supposed to do this?"

The two turned to me with surprise written on their faces. "Heck?" Snow repeated. "Since when do you say heck?"

"Since I became a mother Snow, I'm sure you'll act the same when you have children of your own." The seat belt began reaching my boiling point. I sighed. "I have no idea how to do this, it's near impossible."

Serah exited the car and came to my side. "It's impossible because you have the seat facing the wrong way; you're supposed to make it face the back window." She corrected my mistake by turning the seat the opposite direction and then buckling the seat in. "There ya' go." She returned to the front seat of the car.

"Get in Light, its cold outside." Said Snow who started the car's engine.

The window seat wasn't so bad, even if the baby's seat had me pushed up against the door. Chloe let out little squeaks as the door closed, her face scrunched up with little fists against her red cheeks. My hand pulled one of her little fists away, her hand was ice cold compared to mine. I pulled both of her hands to my face and lightly breathed on them till they felt warm. "Is that better?" I whispered. "Your hands are warm now." The baby just looked at me with eyes of blue, her hands unraveling from a fist and lightly grasping onto the tips of my thumbs.

I felt the tears begin to fill up the corners of my eyes; just now I had begun to finally take in the fact that Chloe was mine. My own creation, my most beautiful creation, she was a part of me in every way and I couldn't help but have such an overwhelming love for her, it seemed with this child all of my worries didn't exist.

For the rest of the trip, I just held onto Chloe's hands. It seemed it was impossible to let them go but before I knew it we were pulling up to Serah's home.

"Claire, do you want to wait in the car while we get your things?" Serah asked peaking over the head of her seat.

"No, I want to see Hope if he's still here."

"He should still be here," She said exiting the car to open up my door.

I unbuckled Chloe from her seat and carefully cradled her in my arms. She whined being moved from the warmth of her seat, she calmed down after she realized who was holding her. Serah and I walked into the house to escape from the cold, when we entered the house though; we were surrounded by Maqui and Yuj who seemed excited to see the baby. It wasn't until Lebreau pulled them away that Serah and I got some breathing room.

"Welcome back Light," Lebreau said hauling the boys away. "How was everything over there?"

"It was painful for the most part."

"Things weren't so peachy keen over here either." She looked to us. "Those two have been like giddy little horses ever since you left; they're a pain, I swear..."

"Sorry they gave you such a hard time."

"It's alright; I'm use to it by now."

I looked to the bedroom to see someone lying on Snow's bed, "Is Hope still here?" I asked.

"Yeah, he's in there." Lebreau pointed to the bedroom.

"Just as I thought." I muttered proceeding to my sister's room. It seemed Hope didn't notice me as I entered; his hand was encased in a cast and his forehead was wrapped tightly in bandages. I felt a pity for him.

"Hope," I called lightly, hoping he would wake up.

"Hm...?" He stirred. "Light, is that you?"

"It is," I replied nearing the edge of the bed. "Are you alright?"

The boy took a minute or two to sit up. "I'm fine," He placed his unbandaged hand on his head. "It's just a little headache."

I sat down beside him. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay; it's not your fault."

"I broke your hand though..."

Hope smiled, "Don't worry about it; my hand doesn't even hurt as much anymore." He looked in my arms to see the little child that was half asleep. "Oh, look at this cutie." He said.

"Her name is Chloe." I said smiling.

"Chloe," He placed his hand on her head. "She's beautiful."

"Do you want to hold her?" I asked suddenly.

"A-are you sure I can?" He asked hesitantly.

"Yeah, I owe you that much..." I said stroking the baby's cheek. "Especially for what you've done for us."

Hope's face blushed light red, "It was nothing, really." His smile grew wider. "So can I hold her?"

"Gladly." Placing the baby in Hope's arms was difficult since he was unable to use his right hand to cradle her, so Chloe just laid on his lap with her head resting in his left arm. Chloe whined being moved again but calmed down after fixating her sight on me, she rested her head on Hope and just stared at us as we stared back smiling at her.

As I was looking at her, I felt a disturbance. Curious, I looked up. Hope was looking at me. His eyes widened as soon as I caught him staring back and immediately shifted his gaze towards Chloe. He looked flustered. He slowly lifts his head to look at me. There were so many emotions running through his eyes, his beautiful green eyes. Why have I never noticed them before?

I lifted my hand to his face and lightly brushed my fingers against his cheek. And for a moment, I forgotten all that was around me... Around him... Around us. I had lost so much touch with reality that I didn't realize we were slowly leaning towards each other. It wasn't until our lips met did time finally stand still.

Not a single strand of thought lingered in my mind; this affection we shared made my body lose all of its feeling. The fast paced rhythm of my heart was all that could be felt; it was similar to the feeling from when I first held Chloe in my arms and honestly it made me overjoyed.

"Light..." I heard him whimper. I ignored him, keeping our lips locked. Hope began to pull away but I just couldn't let him. "Lightning..." I held his head with my hands, keeping his lips pressed against mine, it held for a while until he finally broke away. Hope stared back at me taking a few labored breaths, his face was lightly blushed. I was unaware of why he broke away but as I slowly drifted back into reality, shrill cries echoed through my ear drums.

My heart jumped at the realization of the crying, "Oh, my baby." I took Chloe from Hope's arm and tried to calm her of her hysterics but it seemed pointless. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the unneatened plush feathers of the chocobo doll Hope gifted me a few days prior.

"Hey kiddo," Hope said in a voice that was similar to Serah's 'baby voice.' "Don't cry now, crying isn't good." I watched as Hope caught the baby's attention with the doll. "Chocobos have a way to make little ones stop crying, chocobo kisses!" With that, Hope lightly tapped the chocobo's plush beak on Chloe's cheeks making kissy noises until her tears were no more. I watched, amazed that someone other than me, managed to stop her from crying.

"How did you do that?"

"To be honest, I didn't even think it was going to work." He said. "I gave it a shot."

"Well..." I paused looking down at Chloe, who stared back up at me. "You shot good."

Hope faced forward, smiling a bit. "Thanks." He responded almost timidly.

At that moment, an awkward vibe connected between us. It was clear neither of us were going to keep up the conversation. Without anything further, I stood up and headed to the door.

"Say Light," Hope said just as I was about to exit the room. I turned my head to him as he spoke, "How does it feel being a mother?"

I smiled at him. "It feels good..." I looked down at Chloe. "It feels really good."

The man smiled back. "That's great." He sprung up and held the chocobo doll out to me. "Don't forget this."

I held my hand over the doll and looked at him. "Don't forget to visit," I took hold of the plush. "You are going to visit, right?"

"Oh, of course!"

"Good."

Snow drove me home a little later in the afternoon. I sat in the front of the car with him as we drove back towards Baruch. Snow didn't hesitate to start up a conversation, as usual.

"So Light," He didn't take his sight off of the icy road. "I'm curious, where did you come up with the name Chloe?"

"I don't know, it just came to me."

"I thought maybe you knew someone named Chloe in the past or something, and they meant a lot to you." He made a face after I didn't respond right away. "I don't know, maybe I'm just rambling on."

I looked to him, "I feel as if there's something on your mind, that perhaps you feel uncomfortable to say directly so you're just rambling."

"What?" His voice became high pitched. "There's nothing on my mind that's making me uncomfortable."

I grinned leaning back in my seat, "Are you sure?" I crossed my arms. "You seem tense."

"I mean there's nothing big going on, it's just a little stress..."

"What are you stressed out about?"

"Well, I've been through a lot in the past few weeks because Serah wanted to make your stay at our house pleasurable." He sighed. "She works me like a mule sometimes."

"So, when Serah said you voluntarily gave up your bed for me it was really her just telling you what to do?"

"Well no, I volunteered to do that." Snow slowed down the speed of the car. "Serah's been making me go all over the place to make sure you were treated like a queen there, then after the baby was born she told me to take all of the things from the nursery and bring them all to your house."

"She's always been a little bossy," I replied. "I'm surprised she never had a 'wedding planner' job or something of the sorts when we lived back on Cocoon."

"All I know is that when I get home later I'm going into hibernation." He leaned back in his seat. "I'm exhausted from driving around everywhere."

"I bet."

The rest of the way back to Baruch, Snow had few words to say; it seemed to be for the best if he kept his focus on the road. My eyes strayed from the icy roads in front of us and focused on the carpet of white flakes that piled up in the fields along side the car. The scenery seemed like that of an old cartoon, it just kept repeating itself over and over... It made my head ache. I closed my eyes and tried to ignore the small bumps in the road but the constant fussing of the child in the backseat made it difficult to rest. Finally I turned to the child, whose small white hat was the only thing that was visible to me. I extended my arm back to the baby to try and comfort her but it was near impossible to reach.

"Snow, stop the car." I said suddenly.

Snow turned a glance, "Why?"

"Just do it."

With that he pulled the car over to the side of the road, when it stopped I jumped out and rushed to the backseat to try and escape the cold.

"Alright, you can drive again." I patted the snow flakes from my coat.

"Can't stay away from her can you?"

I shot him a glance with a grin added in, Snow turned his head at my response and continued driving on the icy road. My eyes turned to Chloe, who scrunched up her face and tightened her little fists at the harshness of the cold. Just like before, I held her little hands and warmed them, pressing my lips over her fingers after every few breaths. The baby opened her eyelids slightly, exposing her crystal blue eyes behind tiny eyelashes.

"Don't worry," I whispered. "We'll be home soon."

"You know Light, you don't have to whisper." Snow said.

"Whisper?"

"I hear you talking to the baby back there," He kept his head forward. "It's cute."

"Cute?" I asked getting a bit self-consious. "How is it cute?"

I could see him smiling in the rear view mirror, "Well you're talking to a baby it's kind of cute."

"Tch, cute..." My eyes regained focus back on Chloe, who had her head tilted to the side whilst sleeping soundly. I sighed leaning back in my seat, taking a glance at the window seeing we were still far from home. I fixated my sight on the sleeping child next to me and for a while I just stared at her, holding onto her hand.

"What a sweet child..." I thought feeling a sleeping spell being cast over me, the weight of my eyelids becoming heavier as each second passed until it finally succumbed me.

When I awoke from my unexpected sleep, it seemed much too difficult to try and sit up... I was so comfortable. My eyes gave a quick search around and I came to realize I was no longer in the backseat of Snow's car. Instead, I was in my bedroom, lying in my bed under the heavy comforter. For a few moments I laid under the blanket wondering how I got there, until I decided to investigate. Although it pained me to leave the comfort of my bed, my curiosity got the better of me.

As I sat up, I rubbed my eyes to completely rid myself of any lingering essence of fatigue. My head turned to the side and my eyes caught sight of the luminescent white of a crib that stood opposite of my bed. My eyes began to explore beyond the crib, standing beside it was a yellow changing table and the glossy wood of a rocking chair that structured itself next to the window... I found it difficult to grasp the fact that the baby furniture was there, in my bedroom.

My legs felt weakened as I rose from the bed, it took a moment for me to gain my balance. I walked over to the white crib and saw Chloe curled up and sleeping inside. Watching her sleep so peacefully made me smile; I never knew children at this age could be so quiet. I always remembered Serah being loud as a newborn so this shocked me at most.

"I hope you'll always be this way." My fingers reached in by her face and gently brushed against the surface of her right cheek which brought out a little noise from the infant. I jerked my hand back, hoping she wouldn't awaken... Thankfully she didn't.

I sighed in relief moving slowly away from the crib and to the door. I tried to make as little noise as possible while exiting and eventually succeeded. My head turned back to the crib to make sure I didn't disturb the child before walking to the kitchen.

My eyes searched for any other sign of life in the house, I didn't want to call out in fear of waking Chloe, but it seemed nobody else was present. As I wandered into the living room, I noticed a small pot on the coffee table containing an odd looking plant. Curious, I walked over and realized a card strung up by its stem. It was a 'greeting' type card, with the words 'Congratulations on your new youth' with a cartoon baby on the front. I picked the pot up and opened the attached card. It wrote:

Dear Ms. Farron,

My apologies for not introducing myself earlier; I live just up the road, perhaps a few houses after yours. I heard you celebrate a holiday called 'Christmas' and it involves dressing up a 'pine tree'. I'm not sure what a pine tree is or if any exist on Fundonia, so instead of a pine tree I sent a Poppila sprout. Right now it's in an infant stage, over time though it will grow into a beautiful plant I don't think you've seen before, trust me it's a very presentable plant.

Also, you can call me if you ever need help with your little one.

There were numbers underneath, but it didn't look like there were enough to make out a full phone number.

Sincerely, Ellenior Zhuk

I closed the card and examined the plant... It looked rather plain and nothing worth mentioning. I set it back down on the table before returning back to where I first started... By the bedroom.

Staring back on the small house, I realized how quiet it was... How had the child not made a single cry or at least the slightest sound since I had left her in the bedroom? Curious, I poked my head in my bedroom and listened for Chloe to make any sort of sound. The only sound heard from her was soft breathing.

"As quiet as a mouse." I whispered re-entering the room and stopping by the crib. For a while I just stared at Chloe, astonished by her beauty. Although, when I looked away from her for a moment I felt an emptiness sinking in my chest... What was the reason to this feeling? I wasn't sure, but it just shot at me all so suddenly. Looking back on the small child, the empty feeling seemed to connect with my feeling for the child and a thought came to me.

"Perhaps she needs more than me in her life?" The thought didn't seem true to me, but it was about right. "She needs... A father figure?" That was when my mind burst with a feeling of certainty. That was what she would need, another parental guardian to watch over her if Heaven forbid... I could not be there anymore. But was I ready to start a relationship again just for the sake of this child?