Draco was pleased to see a large sign up board already posted in the Slytherin common room when he entered it that evening. He sat down in his favourite spot and was watching Crabbe and Goyle arm wrestle when Snape strode into the room.

"Attention, everyone" he boomed. The Slytherins looked up at him with bored expressions on their faces. Usually, Snape only made announcements about pointless procedural rules or a change in exam scheduling.

"Due to the lack of basic comportment of many students, our very own Draco Malfoy has decided to begin an etiquette class. Of course, few slytherins actually need them compared to the rest of the brats running around the halls, but nevertheless consider signing up if you are interested."

He turned to Draco when he said "Draco, thank you for taking on this task. I'd be delighted if you can manage to tame those boorish Gryffindors into something presentable to civil society."

Draco saluted him with a smile. "I'll do my best, Sir."

Meanwhile, in the Gryffindor common room, all hell was breaking loose. A large crowd had gathered around the notice board after McGonagall had made the announcement.

"What could that git be up to?" Ron asked, nudging Harry. "He must be planning something evil."

"Ron!" Hermione exclaimed, exasperated. "If McGonagall trusts him, so should we. Besides, I think he's on to something here. You two could definitely use a refresher course on how to be gentlemen".

"Are you mad, Hermione? This is obviously a trap! He wants to rope as many people as possible into some dastardly scheme. He'll trick everyone into learning Dark magic or something. Or what if he booby traps the room? Or, he could just curse us all and feed us to You-Know-Who!" Ron exclaimed.

"It's definitely a trap" Neville chimed in, and a chorus of Gryffindors, both girls and boys, agreed with him.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Fine, I don't care about the rest of you. But Ron and Harry, both of you are signing up with me."

Ron turned to Harry pleadingly, but Harry was deep in thought. "If Malfoy's up to something... we should definitely keep an eye on him. I agree with Ron, I don't think it's safe to leave him in charge of a bunch of students completely unsupervised."

Hermioned frowned slightly. "So you agree to go?"

"Just to check it out" Harry said. "Ron, we won't know what he's planning unless we actually see for ourselves. We have to get to the bottom of this".

Ron sighed and mumbled "whatever", watching Hermione sign their names on the board neatly.

"I wonder who else will be brave enough to join?" he commented to no one in particular.

He found out next week, Friday afternoon, when they were seated in the Transfiguration classroom.

He was actually impressed with the turnout. About as many students showed up as when they had their first meeting of the DA. Hermione had managed to convince several more Gryffindors to come by, including Lavender, Parvati and Ginny, enticing them with the idea that maybe Draco would provide them with an expensive makeover, including wardrobe. The idea of a finishing school seemed to appeal much more to women than to men, and to Harry and Ron's dismay, they were the only two males in the class. They looked at each other nervously while the girls surrounding them chattered excitedly about learning about French cuisine and ballroom dancing.

Draco stood at the front, leaning against the wall and talking comfortably with Pansy and Blaise until the clock struck 5 o'clock. He straightened himself and faced the room.

"Welcome, everybody to Hogwarts official finishing school! No matter how bad your usual behaviour, you all show excellent taste in choosing to come here. I, along with my two assistants, Pansy Parkinson and Blaise Zabini, are graduates of the etiquette program at St-Claudine de Sailly, the most prestigious wizard's finishing school in the world. I assure you we are well schooled in the art of refinement and are pleased to have the opportunity to share our wisdom with you."

He glanced around, beaming at everyone. "I have prepared the course syllabus for your perusal; Pansy would you be so kind?" He gestured for her to pass out the stack of parchment behind him.

Harry glanced down at his as Draco continued talking.

Draco Malfoy's 8 Week Finishing School

Lesson 1: Common courtesies & behavior in public

Lesson 2: Listening and communication skills

Lesson 3: Body language and personal appearance

Lesson 4: Dressing to impress

Lesson 5: Dining and social etiquette

Lesson 6: Appreciating the arts

Lesson 7: Essentials of entertaining

Lesson 8: Final Examination

"Please note that lesson 4 and lesson 8 will take place outside of school. I've arranged with McGonagall to have two outings to Hogmeade, the first of which to learn about appropriate clothing styles and the second will be a formal ball where you will prove yourselves worthy of graduating from this program".

Harry was beginning to get sceptical about his theory that Malfoy was up to something. The only dodgy thing about all this etiquette stuff was that it was extraordinarily boring. He glanced at Ron, to glean his reaction, but Ron had turned to him with eyes widened with fear.

"Harry!" he hissed. "Look at lesson 6; appreciating the arts! We all know what arts he's talking about!"

Hermione rolled her eyes. Her hand shot up and Draco nodded at her.

"Malfoy, can you clarify what we'll be learning in lesson 6?" she asked.

He glanced down at his parchment. "Of course; the lesson on appreciating the arts. We'll be learning about various forms of art, from music to architecture and fine art. It's important to recognize and celebrate good craftsmanship. What is life for if not for indulging in the finer pleasures? Believe it or not, but even here at Hogwarts we have some examples of fine art. On the fifth floor, next to the second year's charms class there is a tapestry of Gordon the great that was done by the Scottish artist Naic Maeven that is a wonderful example of the late baroque style..."

Ron leaned over to Harry. "Completely barmy, this git," he whispered. Harry nodded, trying to keep focused, but this was all about as interesting to him as a flobberworm trying to climb up a tree.

Malfoy waxed poetic about Hogwart's various art pieces for several minutes before turning back to the lesson.

"We will begin today's lesson on common courtesy and public behaviour by demonstrating an example of wrong behaviour. Who would like to volunteer to come up and show everyone?" He eyed room, stopping at Harry. "Hmm, Potter, why don't you come up here and join me for this?"

Hermione shoved Harry's shoulders, urging him on and Ron looked at him, alarmed. "Watch out," he mouthed.

Malfoy turned spun Harry's shoulders so that they were facing each other. "Alright Potter. Pretend we're in a narrow hallway and I'm blocking your way. What do you say to get past me?"

"Er... budge up?" Harry tried. The class exploded into giggles.

"No!" said Malfoy sternly. "You say excuse me or pardon me. Let's try something else. We're in the great Hall having dinner and there's only one piece of treacle tart left. What do you do?"

Harry thought carefully this time. If this happened to him, what would he honestly do?

"I would let someone else have it then I would go to the kitchens and ask the house elves to get me some more".

The room giggled some more and Malfoy narrowed his eyes. "That won't always be an option, Potter," he huffed. He turned and nodded at Pansy and Blaise. They stepped forward as Draco announced, "For our next exercise, Pansy and Blaise will have a conversation, slowly raising the level of their voices, and you, Potter, tell them when they are too loud."

Harry and Ron exchanged a bewildered glance, but watched raptly as Pansy and Blaise began to converse. They grew more animated and their laughter grew louder and their hand gestures wider. Draco grimaced and glanced at Harry, waiting for him to say something.

"AND THEN HE SLIPPED AND FELL ON HIS TOAD! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?" shrieked Pansy.

"ENOUGH!" Draco yelled. "Potter, why didn't you stop them?"

"Huh?" Potter shrugged. "They looked like they were having fun. Why bother them?"

"Because, Potter, they're bothering us.

Ron stood up from the back of the room. "Harry's right. Who cares if someone gets a little excited during a conversation. Just let them be!"

Draco glared at Ron, livid. He had a thousand nasty things he wanted to say but Pansy put a comforting hand on his shoulder and he took a deep breath. He didn't earn top honours at St-Claudine de Sailly's for nothing! "When people share a public space, they have to be considerate of the others in the room. We are not animals, and we need to be respectful of the other people around. Also, there are ways to communicate more effectively than yelling. It should be the words that matter, not how loud you say them." He looked around the room, calmer, now that he noticed many girls nodding thoughtfully.

"Now that we have some examples of bad public behaviour, I'll pass out this worksheet with some more situations and we'll discuss as a class what the best behaviour would be. Please, don't be shy to give your input. I'm sure none of you can be as bad as Potter!" He laughed and the rest of the class laughed and the sheets were passed around. Harry scowled and took his seat.

"I'm never coming back, even if Hermione promises to do all my homework for the rest of the term", he leaned over and whispered to Ron.

"I hear you mate," Ron whispered back.

Somehow, they survived the rest of the lesson, and over an hour later, they were walking towards the common room with Hermione.

"Wasn't that great?" she gushed. "Malfoy's really thought through his lesson plan. It's like getting formal schooling worth thousands of galleons for free!"

Harry and Ron knew better than to argue. Instead, Harry decided to break it to her gently.

"Listen, Hermione... we only went to confirm whether Malfoy was up to something. Now that we know he's not, there's really no point in us going anymore," he said watching her face hopefully. Unfortunately, he was out of luck. Hermione's face darkened and she glared at them both.

"You guys think you're too good for these classes? You think you don't need them? The entire gryffindor house is the laughing stock of the school, and you two," she said, jabbing their chests, "are the worst of the bunch! Do you know how embarrassing it is for me to sit next to you, Ron, when we're in the great hall? Everybody is making bets on how many drumsticks you'll shove into your face at the same time! And you, Harry- do you know how many people have asked me if ripped soles are some bizarre muggle fashion? Both of you need to learn respect for yourselves and for other people. This class will help you guys become gentlemen!"

"That's all fine, 'Mione, but this lesson was torture. I can't stand all those stupid rules that Malfoy's made up. He wants to control everything we do! How we talk, walk, how we dress and even how we eat! Who died and made him king of the universe?"

Hermione glared. "He didn't make those rules up, Ron. All the advice he gave today is solid. You guys could seriously learn from him!"

The boys shook their heads. Hermione stood with her hands on her hips, ready to open her mouth and argue some more.

Harry thought fast, and said "We'll think about it," quickly to appease her.

She smiled. "I know you'll do the right thing" as she moved past them and entered their common room.