Various metal components were spread out before her on the galley table, different styles of hooks and grips among compressors and focusing crystals and magnetic rings. A tiny assortment that Master Luke had been able to recover, so much lost in the attack and then before that at the start of the dark times well before she had even been born.
The floating holocron in front of her had shown glimpses into the past- younglings constructing their first light sabers under the watchful ocular of the Jedi's droid guardian- keeper of the art for thousands of years.
Blue glow glancing off her face, Rey put the larger cylinder casing pieces to the side for now, unsure what she wanted her light saber to look like. There were schematics for the necessary components to make a true plasma blade, but how she wanted to put them all together was entirely up to her.
A crease in her forehead, Rey studied the inner workings again- it was rather simple for the veteran scavenger. Even now her mind would wonder how much that piece would bring in or if she should save it for herself to build or repair. Would see many of the components as miniature versions of those she had hauled away through the sand.
She leaned back, even now on General Organa's private shuttle dressed in the best clothes she had ever owned (casual wear given to her without a second thought) in a galley where she could eat or drink whatever she wanted (no quarter rations for the day) and in the company of myths (Master Luke would chuckle and say something about all myths having some truth to them).
And people she could count on (no more lonely nights, dreaming of somewhere anywhere else). She had talked to Finn and Poe a few hours ago before they jumped to hyperspace, and Chewie before they had left the Resistance base. Rey smiled, a content one that felt good, if rather unfamiliar, on her face.
The galley door swooshed open, and General Organa stepped through, "I thought I might find you here," she had changed from her ceremonial robes to more practical wear, but no one would ever mistake her for anything other than royalty. She took the few steps over to Rey, "Can we talk?" she asked, voice soft.
Rey nodded, her brow starting to furrow. The general had been kind to her ever since she stepped off of the Millenium Falcon on D'Qar, welcoming and trusting, but the woman didn't survive leading a galactic civil war without a core of shrewd durasteel. She had no doubts as to where this conversation led.
"You are building your light saber?" Leia asked, mouth crinkling up into a smile as she sat down at the galley table. She reached out for one of the casing pieces, turning it around in her hand inspecting it, "I never did, Luke tried once," she confided, "But the weapon never called to me like it did to him."
Rey paused, not quite sure where the general was going with this, "No?"
Leia chuckled, "Oh, it is thrilling to swing around once in a while," some long ago memory flickering across her mind. Rey could feel the youthful energy cascading over her, "But it is different for a Jedi, the weapon is your life."
Now that was Master Luke talking, "You didn't want that?" Rey asked, curiosity getting the better of her.
"Oh no," she shook her head, "I choose my way long before that path opened to me…" she trailed off for a moment, contemplating, before fixing Rey with her piercing gaze, "And that path was too tainted for me to follow."
Darth Vader, Rey knew, Anakin Skywalker, Luke would say when he said anything at all. She knew the stories, legends and myths at first, then personal history on the island. Where the son was able to look upon a dying man's face, the daughter only knew a mask.
"It was hard," Leia continued, almost to herself, "Loosing my parents, then finding out my biological father was lost too. Even my sad and beautiful mother wasn't truly real…
"But there was Luke, and Han," her smile grew fond, "And we did so much good. It didn't matter so much because Luke would carry on that path and I would continue what I knew best."
And here is comes, Rey thought, silently eyeing the older woman across the bits of light saber.
"And then Ben was born."
Leia paused, eyes weary yet sentimental as they searched her own. "He wasn't exactly planned," a wry smile tugged her lips up, "The celebrations on Endor got a bit out of hand, and suddenly I had to face the legacy I was left so soon after even finding out…
Quietly, "…I think that is where I failed him."
Sadness and regret burbled up in her, Rey could feel it now like she felt her own emotions. She twisted a fraction in her seat, uneasy but unwilling to stop the general just yet. It was much more than the tiny flickers of memory or half truths told to her by Master Luke, much more than she could glean from his stoic presence.
How could she ever know what path not to take if she didn't know the signs?
"He was so sullen, always brooding and never forgetting a slight. We traveled so much, never staying in one place long enough for him to really fit in- he would rather spend the time alone or even with 3PO than his classmates.
"The first time he used the force, he was so proud," Leia now couldn't meet her eyes, the weight of the galaxy for the first time looking like it was a burden on her shoulders, bearing her down down down-
"…I was afraid of my own child…"
It hit Rey like the thousands of tiny pinpricks of blowing sand, all over her body and all of the soft places inside too. Waves and waves, a continuous onslaught, that could wear down even the hardest. Could erode away mountains after a long enough time.
Fear.
Fear Leia felt for herself, for her son- all mixed up but there. Fear of a mask Rey had never seen, but Leia had stared up into while her home had been extinguished. Fear of a power she didn't really understand- but had and her son had. Fear of a darkness she could sense, but never see never light up never-
Brown eyes looked into Rey, into her with a startling clarity and sharpness, "You feel it too." it wasn't a question, "So did Ben."
Rey shivered, cold and hollow.
Stone faced, "Perhaps if I had more time. Time to reconcile with the idea of Vader or the Force or anything really…"
She trailed off, the general replaced by a woman mourning. Rey was quiet for a long moment, remembering a withered face on Jakku again, now less an idea of the future and yet more. "Why tell me this?"
"I haven't seen my son in almost twenty years," a sad shake of her head, "Luke told me what happened- and didn't really tell me anything. Even though he is my twin, sometimes he seems like a complete stranger. I was hoping to hear about it from you."
Rey sat up straighter, "He came to the temple after us, we fought and he retreated." the hard edge was back in her voice, in her mind. Anything else squashed down.
"This isn't a debrief, Rey." a sigh, and then imploring, "Please?"
And how could she not? "After," she paused, relaxing her thoughts, "After I got my crystal," blue and red and brilliant, "He came to the temple," a figure in black, mask glinting red from his saber pointed at them.
She had felt the gaze behind that mask- dark yet heavy, not suffocating but there. It had rested on her limbs, her chest, her face. She knew what lay behind the mask, had seen the blood smeared across it while snow fell around them. Could almost see it in the dimness of the temple even then.
Even now.
"Master Luke was talking to him," Rey continued, her words starting to have more and more bite to them, "But he kept saying things, horrible things and-"
"You two fought?" mildly.
Rey started in disbelief, her fist clenching on the galley table, "He put Finn in a coma! He killed his father-your husband! How can you even want to hear about this?"
"I can't just abandon my child."
And it was a knife twisting through her, heated by the desert sun but the edges rusty from salty tears and worn dull by the endless shifting sands. A flinch back, a large sweaty hand holding her arm as she cried and cried and cried-
"Rey," it was Leia's hand now, soft and comforting. Her nails short but manicured, so different from her own calloused ones, yet also strong from the strain of life in their own way, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"
"I know," and she did.
A nod, understanding, "I have to have hope, Rey" she saw the rows of tally marks glinting and raw against the metal, "I know it must seem foolish, even after all this, but I can still see the light in him when I shut my eyes and look."
Rey's gaze softened, "It isn't foolish," lonely nights curled up in her makeshift bed, hungry and waiting and dreaming, "At least, I don't think so… I just," another hand on hers, smaller and orange, goggles lifted away to reveal the beady eyes underneath. They're never coming back. "I didn't work out for me." Anything else caught in her throat.
Leia didn't respond to that, for what could she say?
"After," Rey finally continued, "After he pushed me back, he went after Master Luke," like some grim specter in a dark cloak, "But his attack failed," a hand catching a red blade, "and he was trapped, but…"
"Stormtroopers started firing on us, we had to find cover behind the pillars in the temple and he got away from him."
"You two fought them off?"
Rey frowned, "No, they fired rockets into the ceiling collapsing it," Leia's eyes widened, she hadn't heard this part, "We couldn't hold both the debris and block the blaster fire."
"Then what…?"
"Everything just… stopped," her hand stretched out towards the ceiling, joined by Master Luke's, "The debris above us, the blaster fire," another gloved hand too, stretched out with them for an endless moment, all three together.
"…Ben?" a whisper, unbelieving, and Leia might as well have echoed her twin in Rey's memories.
She had looked, past the energy bolts hovering in midair to the figure in black, hesitating and cautious. Surrounded by white armor, he stood out even in the billowing dust, a dark spot cleared through the cloud to her eyes and yet…
When she shut her eyes, this time the Force showed him differently.
A glow, like brilliant sunlight reflected back from the waxing cresent hung against the darkened sky. A tiny silver scythe, sharp and pointed and cutting and so new.
Fragile, like some small hidden thing she found, holding it carefully in her hand.
"You saw it," hope, hope and hope bursting, "You saw it too."
An answer, a pledge "Yes."
A/N: Kylo will be back next chapter- hopefully it won't take a month this time. Thank you all for your support!