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Chapter 5 – Growing Pains

Shit.

Why did I do this?

I didn't want to be this way. This wasn't what I wanted.

So why couldn't I seem to help myself?

I knew I shouldn't have pushed Edward's buttons like that.

I mean, I knew it had been stupid and childish. I understood that. I had actually done some growing up in the last few years.

I scoffed at that thought. Yeah, that entire fiasco with Edward had just proven exactly how mature I'd become, huh?

I placed my toothbrush back into the holder on the counter and looked up at my reflection. Almost as quickly as I found my eyes in the mirror though, I shut them tightly. Maybe if I didn't have to see the guilt on my face, I could just pretend I didn't feel it.

Fuck!

I loved my brother. I really did.

It was something I'd slowly come to realize in the last couple of years. Now that he had his own life and wasn't constantly in my hair anymore, I had figured out that he wasn't really the pain in my ass that I'd always thought him to be.

Well, he wasn't just a pain in my ass anyway.

I'd figured out that he actually meant something to me. He was my brother, and that should count for something. It did. It counted. So why did I always drive him away?

Disgusted with myself, I turned my back to the mirror. I strode over to the shower, opened the door, and turned on the water. As it began to heat up, I stripped off my clothes mechanically, my mind preoccupied.

It was ironic, I guess. It took Edward pulling away from me for me to finally begin to appreciate him being around.

Bella had taken him away from me.

And I was glad that she had. Truly I was.

Their friendship had allowed my brother the courage to step out of my shadow and find his own way.

Since we'd moved here to Forks, since he'd met her, Edward had grown so much. He wasn't the little kid who'd worshipped the ground I'd walked on anymore.

He had his own friends. He had his own successes. He had grown into his own man.

A man. My little brother.

I shook my head. It was just so hard for me to believe, but it was true. Yes, he was still very young and had a lot still to learn, but he seemed to be on the right path.

Suddenly noticing that steam had begun to swirl around me, I once again reached my hand into the shower to test the temperature of the water. It was extra hot, just the way I liked, and I eagerly stepped into the enclosed space and under the spray.

I let the water wash over me, wetting my hair. I ran my fingers through it, pushing the damp curls out of my eyes. The heat from the water ran over my shoulders and the back of my neck, easing the tension there. And for a moment I just closed my eyes and enjoyed the feeling. All too soon though, my thoughts drifted back to my brother.

I knew he was happy now. I could see it. Everyone could. So why couldn't I just leave him the fuck alone and let him be happy? Why did I have to be such a prick to him?

I sighed. I knew the answer. Well, answers really. It was a lot of things.

To tell the truth, I was jealous.

Edward had been mine. Not that I'd wanted him. But still, he had belonged to me. I was the one he looked up to. I was the one he wanted to be like. I was the one who he wanted to spend his time with. It had been all about me. And although it made me incredibly shallow, I had to admit I'd liked that.

As much as I'd complained about Edward always trailing after me, as much as I'd wished he would just leave me alone, now that he had? I missed him.

I wasn't his favorite person in the world anymore. I wasn't his hero. And I had been surprised to find out how much that actually hurt.

Now his world revolved around Bella. He wanted to spend all of his time with her, not me. He asked for her advice, not mine. It was her opinion that mattered most to him. He didn't even know me anymore. I didn't think he even wanted to…and that hurt too.

When he'd accused me of having sex with girls I didn't even care about…well, I just kind of snapped. That's what my little brother thought of me? That I was just some kind of user? I wasn't. Not at all.

I still wasn't a one woman kind of guy. I didn't know if I ever would be. For me, sex wasn't about love. It was about getting off, plain and simple. But that didn't mean that I didn't care about the girls I was with. Some would call them fuck buddies. I preferred friends with benefits. That's what they were – my friends – and I really did care about them.

Not that there were that many. I wasn't a total manwhore. There had been four. I was a red-blooded, eighteen-year-old guy who'd only been with four girls.

That wasn't bad, was it?

I'd lost my virginity not long after we'd moved here, just a couple of months into my freshman year. It seemed I'd been worried unnecessarily when I didn't think I'd be able to find a willing girl in this dinky town.

I chuckled humorlessly to myself. Willing. Well, she certainly had been that.

Jane Carey had been my first. And she was…

I think "sexually confident" would be the p. c. term. If I said to hell with political correctness? I would say "scary dominatrix" would be a better description.

Jane knew what she wanted and exactly how to get it. Shortly after we'd met, she'd made it clear to me that she liked to fuck – her term, not mine – and that she'd decided she wanted me. And even though I'd heard the stories about her, I'd gone through with it.

As firsts go, I guess it wasn't bad. At least Jane hadn't brought out the whips, chains, and handcuffs, which those in the know claimed were not outside her realm of possibilities.

She'd known I was a virgin before she got me into bed though, so maybe she'd just been trying to break me in gently. Or gently for Jane anyway. She'd been more than a little bossy and demanding, but I had popped my cherry and I'd come, so I didn't have too many complaints. Still, once with Jane was more than enough for me. I never went back for seconds.

But then I'd met Lucy. And Annette. And Maria. I'd become friends with them all, one by one.

And now?

Well, I hung out with them. I dated them casually. And yes, I slept with each of them.

Let me be clear. Nobody was getting hurt here. The girls all knew about one another. None of them wanted to be my girlfriend. There were no petty jealousies or hurt feelings. And I always used condoms, so there wouldn't be any STDs or unwanted kids to deal with. We were all in this situation with our eyes wide open and were happy with the way things were. So what was wrong with that?

Thinking about Edward calling the girls skanks, about him sitting in judgment on them and on me, I got angry with him all over again.

What gave him the right to judge? He was a virgin who knew nothing about real life relationships. He wanted to wait for sex until true love came along or something? Yeah, that was a great ideal to have. But in reality, most people seemed to have my kind of relationships, not his.

And he didn't really have any moral high ground anyway. Did he think I didn't see the way he lusted after Bella?

I'd seen the looks. The way he always stood so close to her. Not to mention the pathetic attempts to hide exactly what was going on in his pants whenever she was around.

No, my brother talked a good game, but I knew if Bella gave him the slightest hint that she'd rock his world for him, he'd have forgotten all about his ideals. He wasn't really any better than me. And it burned my ass that he acted like he was.

So I was jealous, and resentful, and angry. It wasn't a good combination.

Then throw into the mix that I wanted out. Out of this town. Out of this house. Out of this life.

I was tired of being treated like a child. I wasn't a child. I was a man, and I couldn't wait to be out on my own. Making my own decisions. My own mistakes.

I didn't mean that my parents were unreasonable. They weren't. Not by a longshot. They were actually good, loving parents who just wanted the best for Edward and me. But I was chafing under their rules. Sometimes I felt like I was being suffocated – that I was drowning under the weight of the roles I was expected to play – the perfect son, the older brother.

I felt like my temper was constantly on edge – like I was always on the verge of a blow-up – and dealing with Edward could push me over quicker than anything else.

He was a safe target. At this point nobody expected us to get along, so it was easier to take my frustrations out on him than on my parents.

It wasn't fair. I knew it. But that's the way things were, and I couldn't seem to change them.

Sighing, I tipped my head back under the spray and rinsed the shampoo from my hair. I'd been in the shower too long, and the water was beginning to cool.

Pausing in my thoughts, which weren't really getting me anywhere anyway, I picked up the soap, washed and rinsed myself quickly, and turned off the water before it got too cold.

Then stepping carefully out of the shower, I grabbed a towel and dried off, sparing no thought for what my hands did automatically, before wrapping the now damp towel around myself and securing it at my waist.

Moving back to the bathroom counter, I took my hand and rubbed the condensation from the mirror until I could see my face again. It was still there. The shame. The guilt. I could still see it in my eyes.

I knew it wasn't going to go away. Not until I did something about it. Yeah, it might be just a temporary, quick-fix for a complicated problem. I wouldn't really be solving anything. Edward would be back on my last nerve in no time, and I'd be a dick to him all over again. But for now, I could do something to make amends a little. It was the least I could do.

Walking over to the bathroom door, I threw it open and poked my head into the hallway. It was empty. My brother was nowhere in sight.

"Hey, Edward!" I called.

"What do you want, Jasper?" he yelled back, his voice coming down from his bedroom.

Great, he still sounded pissed at me.

"Could you come here?"

There was no answer.

"Please?" I tacked on as an afterthought.

I heard him before I saw him, of course, as he came thundering down the stairs and into the second-floor hallway.

"What, Jasper? What?" Edward asked in an exasperated tone. He had gotten dressed and was wearing black pants, a dark green dress shirt and a matching tie, but his feet were still bare. His hair was half-dry and was completely messed up…and not in the stylish way it usually was. This was jacked-up hair and not sex-hair. If he didn't do some major damage control soon, it was going to be a totally lost cause.

I cleared my throat, not knowing exactly what to say now that he was standing in front me. "So…" I began uncomfortably.

"So?" he asked, still obviously hostile.

He wasn't going to make this easy on me, was he? "Well…I'm out of the shower…"

When I didn't continue, Edward just gave me a look that said, "Obviously," in a totally snide way without him having to even open his mouth.

"I think I'll go get dressed now," I said lamely. I was completely dying here.

"I'll alert the media," Edward said in a tone as dry as dust.

I almost smiled, but I valiantly kept my lips from even twitching. When had my brother become such a smart-ass?

"So, you can have the bathroom back…if you want."

He changed before my eyes. His rigid, pissed-as-hell posture just sort of melted, and his entire body relaxed. His expression was tentative though, as if he wasn't sure he should really believe I was being nice to him or something…which of course made me feel like an asshole all over again.

"Are you serious, Jazz?"

I looked down, not really wanting him to see me being all humble and shit. "Yeah, I'm serious. As long as you don't lock me out again. I figured you could work on your hair while I go put on some clothes, and then when I get back we could share the bathroom for once. You know, like we're actually supposed to."

I glanced at him then and saw that he was smiling at me.

"Sure, Jazz. We can do that. As long as you don't try and asphyxiate me with that cologne you wear."

I gave him a mock-offended look. "That's not cologne, Edward. It's aftershave."

"Well, whatever you call it, it reeks."

"Yeah, yeah. And that stuff you spray in your hair stinks worse, so I wouldn't be throwing stones if I were you."

"Tell yourself whatever makes you feel better, big brother." Edward grinned as he brushed by me and walked into the bathroom.

I smiled to myself, happy with the way things had turned out, and started down the hall to my room.

"Oh and Jasper," Edward stopped me before I closed my door.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

~*~J~*~J~*~J~*~

A little over an hour later, I was standing on Lucy's doorstep, waiting for her to open the door. It had been forever since I'd rang the doorbell. At least, it felt like it had been that long.

Impatiently I started pacing on her front porch.

Damn it! Where was that girl? She knew I hated to be kept waiting like this.

I had my back turned to the door when I heard it finally open.

"Jasper."

Lucy's voice was honeyed sex, and my dick started to harden before I'd even turned around.

There she was framed in the doorway, wearing barely there shorts and a skimpy, white tank top. Her long, blonde hair was pulled back in a neat little ponytail that made me want to take it down and thoroughly muss it.

I gave her a wicked grin before I closed the distance between us.

"So," I said, crowding her body with mine until she was forced to step backwards into her foyer, "I guess this means we're not going to the dance?"

"You don't mind, do you?" she asked knowing damn well I didn't.

I closed the door firmly behind me and now it was Lucy's turn to invade my personal space. Not that I had any complaints.

Standing on her tiptoes, she wound her arms around my neck, her fingers finding their way into my hair. With the slightest pressure of her fingers, she let me know that she wanted me to kiss her, but instead I lowered my head until my lips were just a whisper away from hers and then stopped.

"Luce," I said against her mouth, "I was really looking forward to going out tonight. So if you want to stay in, you really need to make it up to me."

It was total bullshit, of course, and we both knew it. But before she could call me on it, I kissed her hard.

I heard a sound like a whimper escape from her as I plundered her mouth, enjoying the way she pressed herself even closer to me as her tongue danced with mine.

My arms tightened their hold on her, my hands exploring her back before sliding lower to grasp her ass. I pulled her up against me and let her feel exactly what she was doing to me.

Unexpectedly, she broke the kiss and pushed herself away from me.

I was on the verge of protesting when I felt her hand cupping my erection and damn, it felt good.

"Well, Mr. Cullen," she said, popping the button on my pants and then unzipping me, "I'll just have to see what I can do to make you feel better about the whole staying in thing."

Lucy dropped to her knees in front of me, taking my pants with her on the way down and freeing my cock.

She looked up at me from under her lashes and licked her lips, and I felt my entire body flush with desire. God, I wanted this. I wanted her mouth on me right the fuck now! And just when I thought I couldn't take the waiting for another moment, she opened her lips and slipped my cock between them.

I leaned back against the door as my eyes rolled back in my head. "Fuck! I love it when you do that, Lucy."

She moaned low in her throat as she slid her mouth slowly down my shaft and back up again, letting me know she enjoyed giving almost as much as I enjoyed the receiving. Shit, that was hot.

I let myself get lost in what she was doing to me, concentrating on how she used her lips and teeth and tongue to bring me pleasure.

I couldn't suppress a groan as she sucked at the head of my cock while her hand tugged gently at my balls. I felt my cock harden even more and knew I needed to stop this now if I didn't want to finish off in her mouth.

Reaching down, I pulled her off me. I brought her up until she was standing before me again. Then I kissed her, my tongue thrusting into her mouth like my dick was dying to do to her pussy before my mouth left hers to nip and kiss at her jaw and down her throat.

Grabbing the hem of her shirt, I pulled it up and off her in one fluid movement. She was bare underneath, and I silently thanked the guy – because of course it had to have been a guy – who had first designed tank tops with built in bras.

I took a moment just to look. Her breasts were soft, round perfection…not too small or too big, but the perfect handful that guys always dreamed of. Her nipples were pale pink and the combination of the cool air and the fixation of my stare were causing them to pucker and harden.

I couldn't wait another second, so I dipped my head and ran my tongue lightly over one nipple while my hand came up to gently rub the other one. I felt Lucy's nipples harden further against my tongue and the palm of my hand, and it was such a fucking turn on. I suckled at her breast while my fingers plucked at her nipple, eliciting a delicious moan from Lucy that went straight to my cock. God, I wanted her.

I moved my head to her other nipple, the one I'd just been fondling, and sucked the hard nub into my mouth. I let my hand slide down her side and rest at her hip. Then as my other hand came to rest on the other side, I hooked my fingers into her shorts, making sure to also snag her panties, and tugged them both away from her hips and down her legs. Soon gravity took over and they pooled at her feet just where I'd wanted them.

I ran one of my hands up the inside of Lucy's thighs, heading for the promised land. She widened her stance, obviously wanting me there too.

"Good girl," I said huskily against her chest. She gasped as she felt the cool rush of my breath against her wet nipple. I smiled wickedly. I loved making her want me.

My fingers had reached her folds, and I slid them through the slickness I found there. "Mmm, you're so wet for me, Luce."

She was straining against my hand. I knew exactly where she wanted me, but I wasn't prepared to let her have me. Not quite yet.

"God, Jazz. Please!" she asked with an edge of desperation.

"What is it, baby?" I asked, wanting to hear her say it. "What do you want?"

"Fuck me with your fingers. Please. I need to feel you inside."

I groaned as I slid first one and then two fingers inside her. I began pumping them in and out of her slowly, loving the mewling sounds coming from her throat.

I kissed the side of her neck before snaking my tongue out and tasting her salty skin. I let the heel of my hand rub gently against the bundle of nerves at the top of her slit and was rewarded as her sounds grew louder. I knew she was close, so I dragged my lips up her throat, nipping and sucking lightly along the way, until they were resting against her ear.

"You're close, aren't you baby?" I said softly into her ear.

She moaned loudly. "Oh, God. Yes, Jazz, I'm so close. Please don't stop."

"I'm not going to stop," I promised her, curling my fingers slightly inside her and fucking her with them faster. "Lucy?"

She licked her lips before she could answer me. "Yes?"

"I want you to come for me. Right. Now."

Immediately she cried out, and I felt her pussy clenching around my fingers. I loved that she could do that…come on command. All I had to do was get her on the verge, and then I could push her over the edge with just my words, the sound of my voice, and the feel of my breath on her ear. Lucy was special like that.

As I felt her shudder against me, I knew I needed to be inside her. Grasping her ass, I lifted her up, and understanding what I wanted her to do, she wrapped her legs around my hips. I turned around and bracing her against the door, drove my cock into her.

I moaned as I slipped inside. I didn't move right away. I just stayed still, relishing the feeling of her pussy around my cock. But it wasn't long before my body demanded that I start to move.

I thrust into her slowly at first. But there had been too much teasing and licking and sucking beforehand, and now I was fucking Lucy up against a door for Christ's sakes! Soon I was pounding into her and dying to come.

I wanted Lucy to come one more time first though, so I reached between us and stroked her clit with my thumb.

"Oh, Jasper! Oh, God! Yes! Yes! Yes!" And I felt Lucy pulsing around my cock.

I let myself go then and thrust hard into her as I came.

We were still for a minute, nothing between us but the heaviness of our breathing, when all of a sudden Lucy laughed. I pulled back and looked at her.

"Well, that was interesting," she said.

"What?" I asked.

"Up against the door wasn't in my plans for the night."

I raised my eyebrow at her.

"Not that I'm complaining! That was…" Apparently words failed her for the moment because she just hummed.

And then she continued, "But I had been actually planning to make it to my bed with you."

I smiled at her. I really did like this girl. I nuzzled her lips with mine before pressing a kiss on her mouth. "Well, you know, the night is still young."

~*~J~*~J~*~J~*~

Later…much, much later…we lay together in Lucy's bed. I had pulled the sheet up to our waists. I was lying on my back, and Lucy lay on her side, her head on my shoulder, her arm draped across my chest.

"Where are your parents this time?" I asked her gently, bringing her hand to my lips and pressing a kiss into her palm to help take the sting out of the question.

"Portland. They decided they needed a long weekend away." She laughed bitterly, "Away from what exactly? It can't be the house; they're never here. We both know how much they both live and breathe their careers, so it's not work. So what are they getting away from? Me, obviously."

I felt moisture on my shoulder and knew that there were tears in her eyes. "Hey," I told her, "you know that's not true."

"It is," she insisted. "I just… I don't know, Jasper. I guess I just wish I knew why. What did I do to make them hate me so much?"

"They don't hate you, Luce." She looked up at me, the skepticism clearly written in her expression. "They don't know you." I know it wasn't very comforting, but we both knew it was the truth.

Lucy's parents weren't overtly abusive. They had never hit her. They didn't say awful things to her or call her names. Sometimes I think Lucy secretly wished that they would, because at least that way they would have to actually acknowledge her existence. No the abuse wasn't physical or verbal. Instead it was neglectful. Oh they fed and clothed her and made sure Lucy had nice things. But the simple truth was they wanted her quiet and out of their way. They didn't spend time with her or talk to her. They never praised her or paid any attention to her at all. It was like they had a kid because they thought they should but hadn't really wanted her.

"I wish I could stay with you," I told her sincerely. I hated thinking of her all alone in this house with nothing to do but dwell on why her parents ignored her.

Her arm tightened around me. "It's okay. I know you have to go home."

The small sound to her voice made me want to kill her parents. They really were assholes to treat her the way they did.

"Can I stay a little longer?" I asked her. "I could call my mom in a bit and tell her we went out with friends after the dance or something."

She gave me a wobbly smile. "I'd like that."

I put both arms around her, and she snuggled into my embrace. "Jasper?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for being my friend."

I pressed a kiss to her forehead. "You're welcome, Luce," I said, giving her a gentle squeeze. "Thank you for being mine."

Did this glimpse into Jasper's life surprise you? I know some of you weren't very happy with Jazz after the last chapter. I hope this shows you guys that there's more to him than you might have been expecting.

Thanks to DeltaSwan90 and my2galspal for doing beta duties for me and to Vican for making the Destination Wedding banner!

If any of you have any questions or comments about Destination Wedding, you can find me on the Destination Wedding thread on twilighted. http:/www(dot)twilighted(dot)net/forum/viewtopic(dot)php?f=44&t=14195&start=0