Nanao woke to the sound of her alarm buzzing and freed her arm to shut the obnoxious noise off.

"Wassit?" Shunsui grumbled next to her.

"Nothing, go back to sleep," she sighed. Kami, what had she done? They'd woken up one more time during the night, and seeing that he'd wanted to talk she hadn't had any choice but to distract him, or at least that's what she was telling herself. If they'd said one word about the actual situation she'd have panicked and had another breakdown. To be honest she didn't know how to feel about it now. As far as she was concerned she was currently as bad as Shunsui. Whatever her and Hisagi might be, she was pretty sure she wasn't supposed to go around sleeping with her ex. To make matters worse she'd been doing it when she was supposed to go back and join them, never mind that'd she'd had no plans to do so with or without Shunsui's presence.

Shunsui's arm dragged her closer to his side and she took a moment to close her eyes and revel in the warmth of that familiar hold. It was all wrong though, and her logical mind knew that. What were they going to do? Pretend everything was all right? Ignore Kiyoko and the child? Ignore the fact that she had just seriously betrayed another man's trust? Nothing had changed, but kami it had felt good to forget that for a little while. It'd felt good to be with him again, to not just feel some physical satisfaction but an emotional one as well. Regardless of anything else this may have damaged she knew for a fact she was going to have to break up with Hisagi. It'd even be good for him. What would he want to do with her now? She'd proven her moral character last night. Nanao sighed and started to move. There was nothing she could do now, not when the Higurashi were expecting her to leave with them in a half hour.

"Nanao-chan," Shunsui murmured wrapping himself more firmly around her as he felt her attempts to escape.

"Shunsui," she huffed like she had so many times on so many other mornings, "Let me go. I have to get to work."

"Issa Saturday," he protested sleepily.

"Rukongai work isn't limited to Monday through Friday," she said rolling her eyes. "Release me and go back to sleep. I have to be there in a half hour."

Shunsui had woken up more by this point and was giving her a disgruntled look. "Skip it."

"Can't," she argued even though his body heat and the soft bed were trying to sway her otherwise.

Shunsui rolled them both so he was on top of her and stole a kiss. "Nanao-chan they won't miss you for one day. We need to talk."

And there it was, what she feared more than anything else. She couldn't talk with him, couldn't explain feelings she wasn't even sure she understood, couldn't ruin this warm feeling by rediscovering that nothing had been altered and that they were still right where they had ended. "I have to go," she said sternly.

"Nanao," he warned.

"We'll talk later, after work when you're awake, but I have to go now," she said unyieldingly. Never mind that after work would be a good solid week from now. He didn't need to know that. Maybe after a week he'd have drawn the same conclusions she had and the conversation wouldn't even be necessary.

"Promise? After work?" he asked watching her closely. He'd know if she were lying she was sure. So it was a good thing she didn't have to.

"Promise," she said honestly. "Go back to sleep." He kissed her again languidly and rolled off of her with a sound of dissatisfaction, letting her slip from the bed. He was quietly snoring by the time she reemerged from the bathroom and took her already packed duffle out of the closet. Thank kami she hadn't left it in the open. He'd have noticed and questioned her instantly. Sparing one last glance at the man sleeping in her bed she moved out of the bedroom and went about bundling Boo quickly into his carrier. That cat was obviously annoyed about everything and she gave a soft huff of laughter. "Yes, your mommy was very bad," she said at the cat's nasty glare. "She's aware." Boo gave an unhappy meow as she stepped out of her apartment and into the early morning air.

A few flash steps later she was knocking rather loudly on Rangiku's door. The woman was sure to be hung over and Nanao didn't have the time to be quiet.

"What?" was the pissed off answer she got as the disheveled blonde flung her door open with a crash. There was a moan behind her, and Nanao spotted Hisagi and Kira passed out on Rangiku's living room floor. Her heart clinched with guilt and she tore her eyes away.

"You said you'd take Boo while I was gone," Nanao said slapping on her fukutaicho face.

"Oh right, is that today then?" Rangiku asked yawning and moving aside motioning her in.

"I can't come in. I'm running late," Nanao said, meanwhile thinking all the money in the world couldn't get her to go in that apartment right now. "Thank you so much," she said thrusting the carrier and the bags of litter and food out at her friend.

"Where were you last night?" Rangiku asked crossing her arms and not accepting anything.

"I saw the fireworks," Nanao admitted which was also sort of true.

Rangiku sighed. "I figured as much. Nanao, you don't have to force yourself so much for our sakes. Shuuhei-kun would understand. We were all a bit drunk last night, but he did feel bad when you didn't return."

Nanao felt the guilt well up inside her and shrugged averting her eyes. "Look, I'm really sorry, but I have got to go. I'm going to be late."

"All right, I get it," Rangiku said, "You don't want to talk about it now, but don't think for a second you're getting away from me when you get back, missy." She reached out to accept the cat and his things. "Be safe, Nanao," she said a little more seriously.

"I will."

"Do you want me to wake, Shuuhei-kun?"

"No," Nanao said quickly. "It's fine, he knew I was leaving. Let him sleep. I'll see you all in a week." That said she waved goodbye and took off at top speeds for the Rukongai. She had the serious passing thought that maybe she could just stay in Apulia for the rest of her foreseeable life. Then she wouldn't have to have any of the uncomfortable talks she was apparently expected to have when she returned. How had she gotten herself so deep?

Nanao landed in the Higurashi courtyard just barely on time. It was pretty obvious too as almost everyone in their party was already mounted, just twelve men and women all together. She'd be the thirteenth.

"About time, shinigami-chan," Kei called with a grin. "Thought you were going to stand us up for a moment. Mount up." He nodded his head to the horse whose reins he was holding. She walked rapidly towards him, secured her bag first and then took a shunpo step into the saddle. She winced as abused muscles protested the position. "Riding something else last night?" Kei asked sending her a lewd smile.

"Are we leaving or not?" she asked sharply.

Kei just grinned and handed her the reins. "Well, now that Shinigami-chan has pulled herself away from her late night Tanabata romp, let's move," he called to the rest of his people. Nanao sent him a withering glare as he mounted his own horse and fell into procession as they moved out of the Higurashi compound.

It only took about an hour into the ride for her brother to feel comfortable enough with the formation and security to fall back and speak with her. "Morning."

"Not going to glare at me today?" she asked yawning.

"Well, there didn't seem to be much of a point since regardless of how I feel you're coming with us and keeping your secrets," he replied with a shrug.

"Why are you so against this anyway?"

"Nao, the deeper you get with us the more danger you'll be in everyday. Going to this thing, you're declaring a kind of loyalty with the Higurashi to more than one family," he said shaking his head. "It's not black and white out here, save the souls kill the bad hollows. These aren't hollows, but there's still a hell of a lot of bad people and their masks aren't nearly as obvious. The reason I put you with the shinigami instead of keeping you with me was to keep you away from Tanaka and the people like him, and now you're walking willingly back into it. You can understand how that doesn't sit well with me."

"The Gotei 13 isn't as black and white as you think," Nanao said softly thinking of the Winter War. Remembering the broken looks on the squads faces as their own betrayed them. The lack of trust that was rampant in the ranks afterwards. Her first moment of fear that her Taicho thought she was a traitor too when he'd ordered her to stay in the Seireitei. Knowing logically it was only his oppressive way of keeping her safe, but at the same time wondering if perhaps he wondered about her allegiance, or if not him then the Soutaicho. Kami, she had never hated him more than when he left her behind.

"I'm trying Nao-chan, I really am," Mamoru said with a sigh.

"I know, I'm sorry," Nanao answered clearing her head. "Look, let's just stop fighting. I can't take being upset with you or having you upset with me."

"Deal," he said with a grin. "So I was thinking that when we get back we might have dinner with Shin's family and maybe you could bring Hisagi-san along? We could get to know him better."

"What?" she asked surprised.

"Oh, come on," her brother said gesturing towards Kei. "He might be an ass, but he's generally pretty observant, must be getting serious."

"Having sex with someone does not necessarily make it serious," Nanao said with a snort and hoping someone would interrupt this conversation now. The thought made her stomach clench up.

"Nao-chan," Mamoru started in his best big brother tone. "I won't have my baby sister off gallivanting around with some virtually unknown man. Especially one with a 69 tattooed on his face."

"He got it when he was a kid, in honor of a mentor," Nanao said rolling her eyes. "He didn't know anything about the sexual implications."

"That's what they all say," her brother replied with a laugh. "Seriously, Nao, I'd like to get to know him better."

Nanao sighed and shifted in her saddle uncomfortably. "I don't think I'll be seeing him in that capacity anymore," she finally admitted quietly.

Mamoru raised his eyebrows in question. "I never expected you to be a love 'em and leave 'em type of girl."

"I wasn't with Hisagi-san last night," she said looking straight ahead.

"Oh."

"Yeah, oh," she repeated refusing to face him. "Anyway its not like I can go back to dating him now."

"He might forgive you," Mamoru offered, all the humor gone from his voice.

"He shouldn't, and beyond that it wouldn't be fair to him," Nanao said dully. "I'm still in love with Shunsui. I might always be. Until I can move on from that it'd be a waste."

"You were with Kyouraku," her brother confirmed. "Damnit Nanao, he cheated on you and broke your heart."

"I know that," she said firmly. "I didn't say I was going back to him. I just said that last night proved to me how futile it is trying to see anyone else before I figure myself out."

"It's your life," Mamoru said shaking his head. "I just think its possible you haven't given the new guy enough of a chance."

"It has nothing to do with Hisagi," Nanao said with a shrug. "He's a wonderful man. He didn't do anything wrong. It was me, but that doesn't make it any less over."

Her brother let out a whistle and sighed. "Sounds like you'll be having a fun time when you return."

"Yeah, don't remind me," Nanao moped. "A week with Kei-san and then a return to the emotional fall out. I'm a lucky girl."

Mamoru snorted and glanced over the troops. "Eh, it won't be all bad. Apulia has their festival this time of year. All the times we're not working you're free to enjoy. They even have a masquerade one night, masks and everything."

"Oh kami, why doesn't anyone just enjoy a nice quiet evening alone anymore?" Nanao groaned.

Mamoru laughed and said, "You're such a hermit."

"I just don't need social acceptance as much as everyone else," she replied sticking out her tongue at him. "I'm perfectly content by myself."

"You're going to die as the crazy old cat lady," Mamoru teased.

"I like my cat just fine, thanks," she said smiling back.

"You're hopeless baby sister," he replied with a smile.

"And you have more important things to do than sit here and debate my personal life," she said sending him a mock glare. "Come on we have days of riding till Apulia, can we just forget about my personal failings for the next week?"

"But your personal failings are so fun to harp on," he mocked.

"Oh, keep going down that path nii-san and I'll be forced to bring up some of your failings in front of your men," she threatened.

"You've got nothing," he said narrowing his eyes at her.

"Last year's Seireitei Christmas party," Nanao started smirking. "You accepted Shunsui's challenge of a drinking contest."
"Right you can stop," he said sitting up straight.

"You lost," she continued. "Which really? Did you think you would win? Against Shunsui? You aren't Rangiku. Found you a few hours later hitting on Yumichika-san."

"I thought he was a girl," Mamoru defended. "What with the feathers and nice hair, and besides your stupid shinigami uniforms make you all look the same."

"Right," Nanao said with a laugh. "Keep telling yourself that."

"You know what? I have men to lead," he said rolling his eyes. "You keep your stories to yourself and I'll stop commenting on your cat lady status."

"Thought so," Nanao said smiling as he kicked his horse into a trot. She moved closer up to the group just as a man started up with a song. "Oh I like this one," she commented offhandedly.

The man stopped singing and the group turned around to stare at her. "You know this song?" someone asked.

Nanao rolled her eyes. "Of course. You all keep forgetting I grew up in the Rukongai. Beyond that I had a Taicho with an unusual love of all shanties, ballads, and vulgar drinking songs. Anything you've got, I can match and top."

"You're on," another man yelled.

"You just started a losing fight," Nanao answered with a laugh. She'd dragged a drunk singing Kyouraku home for hundreds of years. These men had just walked into a massacre.

"Ran-san," he called chasing after her through the street. Well it was chasing for him at least. Most people probably viewed it as a quick stroll.

"Kyouraku Taicho," she greeted neutrally. The woman had still not fully decided what category to put him in. They'd been friends too, independent of him and Nanao. She was not quite as skilled as Jyuushiro at staying friendly with both sides.

"Have you seen Nanao-chan?" he asked.

"Why?" the woman demanded crossing her arms. Wrong question to start with, he thought.

"She was supposed to come by to talk with me and I haven't been able to find her," he clarified with a shrug. "Never mind, I'm sure she'll find me on her own."

"Yeah in a week or so," Rangiku said with a snort.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked confused.

"I saw her this morning, Kyouraku-san, she dropped Boo off to stay with me," Rangiku explained. "She's out with the Higurashi for some yakuza meeting. She'll be back in a week."

He tried very hard but he knew he'd let some of his reiatsu slip in pure frustration when he saw her eyes widen. "She knew she was going then? She wasn't just called away suddenly?"

"She told me about it a couple days ago," Rangiku admitted slowly.

"I'm sorry to have troubled you," he said quickly turning to go. Nanao had done it on purpose then. Left without sorting anything out at all. He'd known she didn't want to talk about what happened, but he hadn't thought she'd go to this extreme just to avoid it. Matsumoto's hand on his arm stopped him.

"What's going on Shunsui-san?" she asked concerned. "Is she in trouble?"

"No, nothing like that," Shunsui said bitterly. "I should have known better. I'll talk to you after work. After work in a week," he added in a mutter.

"Why did she want to talk to you? She didn't say anything to me about it this morning," Matsumoto said. "Or last night at the bar."

"She obviously didn't want to talk to me," Shunsui said shaking his head. "That would be the problem."

"What happened?" Rangiku prodded.

"Nothing, apparently," Shunsui sighed, "and I was a fool to think otherwise."

"What happened?" Rangiku repeated narrowing her eyes.

"A momentary lapse in judgment it would seem," he said with a self-deprecating smile. "She made no mention of me whatsoever?"

"No," Rangiku said watching him. "Just said she saw the fireworks when she disappeared last night."

"Right," he said nodding. "Right. Thank you Rangiku-san."

"Are you all right?" she asked as he turned to go.

"I'll be fine," he said with a shrug and a forced smile. "I'm a big boy."

"Shunsui," Rangiku called, stopping him once more. He looked back at her and she was biting her lip nervously. "There's something I've always wanted to ask you."

"Go ahead," he said scrutinizing her from under his hat.

"Why'd you do it?"

"If you are referring to Kiyoko-san, I have no recollection of it, so I don't have any answers to give you," he said. "All I know is that I love Nanao, and I wish I could take back what happened but I can't. So here we are."

Rangiku frowned and sighed. "Hisagi-kun is good to her."

"And is he good for her as well?" Shunsui asked with a small smile. "You know that isn't going to last. Hisagi-san is a good sweet boy, and Nanao, Nanao is a girl who needs a challenge. You really think they're going to grow old and soft together? Not my Nanao-chan. She'll break his heart."

"She already has, hasn't she?" Rangiku asked quietly. "She was with you last night, wasn't she?"

He glanced at his feet and back up. "There might be someone other than me out there for her, but Hisagi isn't it, and you know it."

"Is she planning on leaving him then?"

"You know as much as I do," Shunsui answered honestly. "Probably more."

"I think I liked you both a lot better when you were dancing around the fact that you loved each other," Rangiku said shaking her head. "At least no one else was getting dragged into the mess back then. You're both such good people until you start screwing with the other's mind."

"You always hurt the ones you love," Shunsui intoned. "I'll see you around Rangiku-san. If you see Nanao first, tell her I want to speak with her."

"Yes, sir, Kyouraku Taicho," Rangiku replied crisply.

A/N: So most of you called the regret :) Nothing is easy with them. Anyhoo trying to keep the updates coming quickly! About 100 pages to go. Thank you all for the reviews!