Edward's POV

We were almost home when Alice asked me whether I would go hunting with her. Bella was supposed to stay in hospital till tomorrow. Carlisle had offered to work the night shift to keep an eye on Bella in case Victoria decided to make an appearance. I agreed and we started out almost immediately. We had hunted and were on our way back when Alice finally spoke to me.

"Edward I need to talk to you about something. I'm not sure you would be willing but I love you and want you to be happy. Will you let me openly discuss this with you?"

I couldn't imagine what she wanted to talk about but then I remembered about that bike ride. Oh no! not that. But she looked very serious and she was thinking about the argument with Bella rather than the bike ride.

"Sure Alice. You can talk to me about anything."

"Don't be angry Edward but I think the way you are trying to win Bella's love back is only pushing her away from you."

"What do you mean?"

"I think you should let Bella make her own decisions."

"But Alice she….. her decisions are so reckless! She goes on bike rides in that flimsy motor cycle! and now cliff diving! I can't imagine her doing that again after nearly loosing her life the last time! I don't know what else she had been doing. She should know better. She knows how uncoordinated she is."

"But it is not your place to show her this. She has to make her own mistakes and learn from it. Every human teenager goes through this…. The rebellious stage, where they experiment with stuff and they all learn from it. It's part of growing up. Even you went through it when you left Carlisle and Esme and went on your killing spree."

I flinched at her words but had to admit that she was speaking the truth.

"Edward your relationship with Bella has always been out of balance, first with you being a vampire and her being a human. But even if you were human your relationship would not have progressed that well."

I was surprised to hear this. Alice was a good judge of character and she knew how much Bella and I had both loved each other. I had always thought that if I was human I would have been able to lead a very happy family life with her.

"You had control over every aspect of your relationship. You decided what was good for her and the amount of intimacy you shared. She had no power to do anything. She was just a puppet rather than an equal participant. I'm sure she felt useless and worthless." The pixie was waving her hands to emphasize her point.

"But I have always treated Bella with so much respect and love. I never even touched her inappropriately." I was at a loss for words. How could I have ever made my Bella feel worthless?

"Did she want to be touched inappropriately Edward?" Alice was having her hands on her waist giving me that look.

Now this conversation was going some where I would rather it did not. But I wanted to know what Alice was getting at with all this. Although I felt awkward talking to my sister about this I remembered my earlier resolve, if she shared so much of herself with me I should be able to be comfortable sharing with her too. So I answered her truthfully.

"Yes. I think so."

"Think so? I think you knew. Even I could smell her arousal when you kissed or touched her."

Now this was embarrassing. No point hiding that she was right.

"Yes I knew."

"So what did you do about it?"

"I made sure things didn't progress to the extent that it got inappropriate or I lost control."

She was glaring at me now.

"And how did it work? The two of you were driving Jasper wild with your sexual frustration and I was the target Jasper used to release it. I did enjoy it but like I said before I would prefer it to be me who drove him there."

Now she had images of Jasper's frustration and how they released it in her head.

"Please Alice…." I couldn't look at her face I looked down scratching the back of my neck. This was mortifying for both of us. Usually she was better at controlling her thoughts around me but she must have forgotten with her agitation with me.

"Oh sorry I didn't mean to…." She understood immediately what I meant and focused on the hospital gown Bella was wearing. She thought that it could be made more fashionable. She was wondering whether to approach Carlisle about changing the hospital gowns.

"Oh come on Alice. They won't be practical if they become fashionable."

"But there has got to be a way. Bella's gown looked horrible."

I had to agree with her on that. It was a shapeless thing that hid her lovely figure.

"Well getting back to the topic, I think you were a very uncaring partner. You didn't satisfy your mate's needs and did not respect her wishes."

"WHAT? How can you say that Alice you know how easily I could loose control and kill her."

When I thought of it now I realized my feelings on the subject had changed a bit.

"But I guess given another opportunity I would.. I guess… like to be more close to her."

I admitted very shamefully. Alice's response took me by surprise.

She hugged me to her.

"Now you are getting it brother! You have to let your partner be an equal part in your relationship. You have to ask her what she wants before making decisions on your own about the two of you. I know you are older and more experienced than Bella but this is the first time you are in a relationship. Underneath everything you are also still a seventeen year old teenager with the needs of a seventeen year old. Bella's needs are similar. You have to be able to have the type of relationship that normal teenagers have."

I couldn't help remembering Mike Newton and Jessica. At least I knew the technicalities of pleasing a women better. Will I actually be able to please my Bella?... Oh this is so in appropriate. I glared at Alice for making me think these things about my Bella.

"Come on Edward! I know your love for her and her love for you those days went much deeper than normal teenagers but the physical needs remained the same. I think from now on you should try to listen to her and understand what she needs. Be there for her and show her how much you need her and love her. I have a feeling that one of the reasons Bella is pushing you away is because she thinks she will end up getting sexually rejected by you again. This must have been one of the reasons she believed you so easily when you said you didn't love or need her anymore."

Now that I think about it I remembered the hurt look on Bella's face every time I stopped her from kissing me deeper or getting more intimate. She was right!

"Oh Alice. How could I not have seen this?"

I sat on a nearby fallen tree and Alice sat next to me. I rested my head on her lap as I do with Esme and she stroked my hair. I closed my eyes and finally let myself relax. We had just hunted and I was not thirsty. It was comforting to be near her. I had messed up really badly with Bella and I didn't even know it. I was so glad I had my little pixie to help me through this.

"I want to share some memories with you Edward. If it gets uncomfortable for you please let me know. I want to show you how mates can share their love equally."

I nodded my head ok.

She showed me how she met Jasper again. I had seen this many times but she gave me a live commentary on what she thought and what they did the first few weeks. Jasper made sure to ask Alice whether she was ok with it when they did things. He could have easily known that Alice would see whatever he decided but he would still ask. Alice did the same with him. She had actually asked whether it was ok the first time she brought him cloths. He had requested from then on for her to purchase anything she thought he would like and told her he would immediately let her know if he didn't like anything. True to his word he had refused to wear an Elvis costume Alice had got him once. I remembered the incident and it brought a smile to my face. She had had the vision of him refusing but she had not been able to help herself. I could still remember the horrified look on Jasper's face!

The deepening of their intimacy was also done in stages when both of them felt comfortable with it. Alice had felt that Jasper wanted more from her and had asked him what he wanted even though she already knew. Jasper had been honest on where he wanted their relationship to progress but at the time Alice had not felt that confident to go all the way making love to him. She had made her wishes known to him and they had decided to take things in small steps. The love they had for each other and the need to mate was very evident in Alice's memories of her thoughts but they had both respected each others limits and had worked with them sharing uncertainties and pushing boundaries. I had always felt like an outsider when I came across them staring at each other in silent communication. I had never really thought much about it. But now I knew the importance of that communication.

"Have you ever shown Bella how much you want her?"

"Of course I have. I have told her so many times."

"I mean physically?"

"Sure." I couldn't believe she was even asking me this.

"So you told her that you were physically aroused when you were with her?"

That got me. Well I had sort of admitted it.

"Yes. I told her that I was a man and had the same feelings and wants that a human man had."

"Did she actually get confirmation of it?"

"What do you mean conformation?" I was puzzled.

"Physical evidence?"

"WHAT?" I jumped off the log as if she'd bitten me. She couldn't be serious? Could she?

"That would have been totally inappropriate. My mother would have turned in her grave." I couldn't believe this! This is preposterous!

"Edward, things have changed from the time you were born. The way people thought has changed. The world today is more open about things. How do you expect Bella to know you actually wanted her if she never really felt or saw the evidence like we did?"

Now she was teasing me! I was not having this conversation with my sister! I turned my back to her and ran towards the river. I felt myself flying through the air when the little pixie tackled me and we both landed in the river.

"Now you've done it Edward! This dress was supposed to be dry clean only." Alice tried to wring the water out of her dress.

"Well that's a poor choice to wear for a hunting trip then." I couldn't help laughing at her at the face she was making at me.

"I wasn't going to wear it again. Oh! Never mind where were we? Has she ever felt your physical need for her?"

I decided I was not going to get out of this conversation and I might as well get her advice on how to proceed from here anyway since I was getting no where with Bella.

"No. I don't think so."

"I thought as much. What about your bike ride? Did she feel it then? The way you were pressed against her I'm sure she would have felt you. Did she give any indication?"

"Actually no. I was really surprised that she didn't blush, even her heart rate didn't increase. She seemed totally oblivious. As long as we are being honest I actually felt disappointed." I know it was shameful to admit this but at this point I would do anything to have Bella notice me.

"When did you actually have your …I mean…..ahem release was it while on the bike or on the ground? I couldn't understand from the visions and I'm dying to know."

I dunked her under the water. The little devious pixie; I should have known what she was getting at from the start! The funny thing was I was actually excited about sharing my special moment and my feelings with someone. Bella didn't even know how much I had shared with her that day. I decided since Alice already knew almost everything I would go all the nine yards and tell her whatever she wanted to know.

"You are going to tell me?" She looked very excited. Ok this was going to be embarrassing.

"Well the first time was on the bike. I had no idea what was happening to me. But I'm sure Bella should have definitely felt me at the time because I was practically bouncing up and down while being pressed to her back when the bike went over bumps. When it hit me I fell off the bike."

We both started laughing. Ok it was funny! I finally had to admit it.

"Was it the only time it happened? I had a vision of her holding you very closely on the ground surely she would have understood then?"

"Well she didn't and I was pretty sure I looked at her with all the desire I had for her in my eyes. She only asked me whether I was hurt and why I had not gone hunting."

"Seriously? Oh! Poor you! Well how many times did you actually .. mm. you know….."

"Come on."

"Please… please tell me. I know it's more than twice because my extra precautions would have protected your modestly up until then. I didn't see a third one coming."

"Oh for the love of god! You are too inquisitive for your own good."

If I could have blushed I would have many times over. I was actually wondering whether something was wrong with me for releasing so many times. I seemed to have no control over it. I decided I might as well ask her. I wasn't about to go to Carlisle with this. He was the only other person I could ask. Well I could ask Emmett or Jasper but that would mean an eternity of more teasing. I decided I might as well trust Alice. She had already saved me a lot of embarrassment after all.

"But you are going to tell me right?"

"Yes. Ok it was four times. Is that normal?"

"Of course you idiot. It's even normal for some human teenage boys, but they need more recovery time, I'm sure you know about all this from your medical knowledge."

I nodded my head yes. "But for vampires?"

"We can go on and on, specially eternal teenage vampires. I thought you knew this with all your mind reading and stuff."

"No. Alice I never kept track of what happened in that way and as you know I've always tried to block out everything to do with the topic when it came to the family. I was never actually interested at all. I only studied the mechanics for my medical degrees."

"For the record I have no idea how many times a vampire can continue to release. So it could be any number of times at one stretch. And with this being new to you I don't honestly know how you will respond."

Oh no! What if I kept loosing control in class. This was going to be really embarrassing. I wasn't sure how to control it.

"Alice, I'm scared. Now that I have started having these .. .. and I didn't actually have any control over it at all. What if it happens in school? Everyone will know. Bella will know. I can't bear to face the humiliation." Oh god! "What if Emmett found out?"

"Calm down. It could happen. But I think you will need more entertainment than sitting in a class with a zombie-like Bella! Besides you have me."

As if that would save me from humiliation; But when I thought of Bella knowing…I actually wanted her to know. Was I becoming a pervert? This was so unlike me.

"Edward, don't think too much. Just remember from now on you have to let Bella decide how she wants your relationship to progress. Just be a good friend to her and show her that you would like to be more than that with her. Try to slowly win back her trust in your love for her. Ok?"

"Yes Alice. Thank you for your advice. Now I think I understand where I went wrong with her." She had given me a lot to think about.

"Thank you for talking to me so openly Edward. I know how difficult it was for you and it went against all your beliefs. But I think you know I'm more than a sister to you, I'm more like your best friend and I feel the same way about you. Bella is my female best friend and you are my male best friend as well as my favourite brother. I'm so lucky to have you. I love you. Just promise me that you will always come to me before you make any radical decisions?"

"I promise you. I'm very lucky to have you too Alice. I love you."

I hugged her to me. I made a vow to myself to follow her advice and win Bella's love back. I also vowed to never again hurt my little pixie. I had caused her too much pain in the past and I couldn't believe it that she still loved me. May be I too deserved to be loved. May be I am worthy of Bella's love too. This thought made me very happy.