Bella's POV

"Edward, what's wrong?"

We were home and I was about to get out when I noticed the way Edward was hunched over the steering wheel. It felt as if he had given up on something…. He seemed very lost.. was he crying? We had not spoken at all during the ride home.

"I'm trying to work up the courage to go home to face my family like this. There is no way out of it." I barely heard the words uttered almost in a whisper. This was not the Edward Cullen I knew. This was a very desperate man admitting defeat. He looked so vulnerable.

"Will washing your clothes help?"

I don't know what made me say it. This new Edward was very confusing to me and at the same time I felt I needed to protect him. He had saved my life so many times. And if facing his family in this situation was going to hurt him so much I was going to do what I can to help him.

"I.. I don't have any soap or deodorizers."

"Come inside with me and I'll wash your clothes for you."

"Thank you Bella. It would mean so much to me. You are saving me from an eternity of humiliation…."

He didn't meet my eyes but I felt the overwhelming gratitude in his sincere words. When he said 'eternity' I know he really meant eternity. Poor Edward! Imagine getting teased for .. I couldn't even grasp how long it would mean.

I went upstairs and ran through my clothes. May be my baggy track bottoms would do…. But the thought of having Edward sans underwear wearing it… no… I was not gong to go there. I will have to throw the pants away to get rid of the memory. And right now I couldn't afford it. I had spent some of my savings on the clothes I bought when I went shopping with Alice. I had not let her pay for any of my stuff.

"I … I don't have anything that would fit you."

I wasn't about to give up my track bottoms! And technically they would be too short for him anyway…. But he would have looked good in them…they would have been very tight on him….what am I doing! I scolded myself. This line of thinking was way out.

"And I don't think you should wear Charlie's stuff he's sure to notice your … s…smell."

I saw the look of mortification in Edward's face at that. Oh, oh! Someone is embarrassed. Well serves him right for all the times he must have smelt me and joked about my clumsiness. I knew he had a really good sense of smell and he would have surly smelt my arousal on so many occasions. I felt really bad enjoying his discomfort. But this was so new to me. I couldn't help it. I was really having some fun at his expense for a change rather than the other way around where I was always the source of all the entertainment with my clumsiness.

"You can take a shower while I wash your clothes." Edward in my shower….. oh… he would look glorious.

"Bella I'll put them in the wash. Just give me a moment to change in the laundry."

I could help you with it…god Bella what's happening to you? I questioned myself. It was so unlike me to think such rude thoughts. I should not let Edward have this kind of power over me. I have no control over my physical response to him but I should not let it distract me and get me in more trouble with him. I knew he and Alice were both doing everything they can to try to get me back with Edward. I had to fight this attraction some how. Once he gets me back he might just decide to walk away again. And none of them had actually told me anything about changing me after we got back from Volterra. So I had to get a hold of my emotions. Right now they were going haywire and I didn't like it one bit. I focused once more on the pain that I had suffered. No I was not letting my teenage hormones get the better of me.

"Ahem… Bella I'm going to take that shower now."

Can I help Edward…..oh this has got to stop. Alice will have a field day if she knew. Oh my god! Did she know? What if she did? She might tell Edward and they might both use my over sexed human urges to get the better of me. I couldn't let that happen. I couldn't let Alice see this…. Wait….she can't see the wolves…..she can't see any decisions I make while with Jake… or ones involving Jake. I've got it. Ok let's see. How do I go about this? May be I'll just make a list that involves a lot of wolves in it along with Edward and make decisions based on the whole list! Well who is going to be in my list with Edward? Well Jake obviously ….. I have to think of more wolves…. ok got it! Jared is pretty cool too. Right so I'll just add Paul and Sam? Nope. Paul tried to hurt me when I first visited the wolf pack and Sam is already taken. Embry simply wasn't my type. I had to make sure this list is genuine and had wolves that I found attractive in it. Ok I guess two wolves and a vampire will have to do. I will have to make this real otherwise Alice might see through it. So now what decisions do I make?

Ok. I will not let any of the people in the list make me get close to them in a sexual way. I am going to concentrate on my studies and Charlie. No matter how attractive they are I will not let them take control of me. So there! I felt very happy. Let's just hope Alice doesn't see the list and I'll have to keep it a secret from Jake. I knew he had feelings for me and he would be more than happy to be in the list. Well, enough about the list I have to get on with my studies. I got some munchies from the kitchen and I took out the Spanish notes that Edward had written and started to read them.

What? I was half way through the notes when I read a really odd line in the middle.

"What do I wear, the midnight blue dress or my black mini? Which one would be more sexy?"

I was sure there was no mention of dresses during class and this part was written in English. I had read only a few more lines before another funny line popped up.

"My underwear has to be special. May be the black lace would do. It would look good with the black high heels".

This was definitely not part of the notes and Edward had written them for me not Alice. Unless Edward was now a cross dresser which I seriously doubted judging from his reaction to me today this part of the notes did not belong to either of them. Then who else?

Oh! Edward had written down what our Spanish teacher was thinking. Come to think of it she was a bit preoccupied today in class. I burst out laughing. It must be fun to be able to read people's minds at times. I knew Edward made sure not to share any private thoughts he hears with others but he must have been distracted in class today to have written down the thoughts he was hearing as well as the actual notes! And I can imagine what distracted him! Once again I felt happy. Having some kind of power over Edward was overwhelming. I had always felt very insignificant next to him. To know that I too had affected him at a deeper level made me feel more confident of myself. May be he did love me while we were together. He definitely wanted my body. No I'm not going there. My list! Yes. I will not let anyone in the list have that kind of power over me again.

I got back to reading more of the Spanish notes. They really were entertaining. I didn't know our teacher was such a seductress! May be I could learn a thing or two from her. There we go again. No I will not seduce anyone in my list.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I was going to remove the teacher's thoughts before giving them to you. I didn't get to do it. I'll do it now."

"No I'm enjoying this. Just let me keep this set." I really was enjoying it. I looked up at Edward.

Holy shit! I didn't realize a bed sheet could look so sexy on him! Correction a bed sheet on one of the people from the list. He had draped it sarong style. I saw Edward sit down on a chair across the room. That was good I was scared that he would join me in the sofa. I didn't want to have to deal with his proximity plus the fact that he was only wearing a bed sheet except for that tight t-shirt. Since when did he start wearing such sexy t-shirts? I remembered while he was with me he wore very baggy clothes. They often covered the most interesting parts of him. I thought it was his normal way of dressing. But lately he had started wearing tight fitting clothes molding his body. Was he trying to seduce me? Was today's incident a role play? No. I was sure it was not. Edward would not put him self in this situation. I don't think he would try to use such an underhand method. He was very quiet and I pretended to continue to read the Spanish notes since I didn't now what to say to him.

I heard him put his clothes in the dryer and then he was right beside me. There was a look of panic in his face.

"Bella, Charlie's about to come home."

Oh ok. I didn't think it was a good idea for Edward to be here specially in a bed sheet in the living room when Charlie came home. I couldn't help thinking what it would look like to Charlie! Oh god. He would surely shoot Edward!

"Hide in my closet. You can't go out in the bed sheet. I'll bring your clothes to you when they are finished."

"I'll first hide the Volvo and then get to your room."

I decided to continue with the notes eating my munchies. I heard Charlie coming into the house.

"Oh Bella, I thought you were at school."

"My wrist hurt dad and I decided to come home and rest."

"Guess you should have stayed home today and taken a good rest. How did you get home? You could have called me I would have come and got you."

"Oh, Edward dropped me." Charlie's face turned red.

Oops. He didn't sound too happy about it. Well, I really couldn't give the real reason so I let it drop.

"Bella what is a bed sheet doing up in the tree in front?

WHAT? Oh my god! I choked on my munchies. Did Edward manage to climb in through my window? I sincerely hoped so otherwise the neighbours were going to get a free show. I suddenly felt very protective of Edward's modesty. No one but me should be allowed to see him naked. WHAT? What did I just think! Oh god! oh god. Right I got it. I didn't want anyone else to see the people in my list naked. Ok that was much better.

"I just hung it out to air." I knew it was a very flimsy excuse. And how could I have managed to hang it wherever it was on the tree with one arm? This was so not good.

I had to distract Charlie.

"Dad there's some left over pizza from yesterday in the kitchen. I'm really sorry I'm not up to cooking any stuff and we have to rely on frozen food."

"It's ok Bells. You can cook for me when you get better."

I heard the dryer beep. I took a deep breath. Charlie was in the kitchen eating. I slowly took Edward's clothes out and put some new laundry on top to cover them and went upstairs. I walked into my room and locked the door. I didn't want Charlie to walk in. Edward was not outside in the room. Ok he's in the closet. I can do this… I can do this. I carefully averted my eyes and opened the closet door and handed him his clothes. While he took them I couldn't help looking down. I was disappointed that he had covered himself with my jacket. Get a hold of yourself Bella! Oh! I was becoming a pervert and I felt guilty for wanting to see him naked. I kept chanting in my head…..I will not be a pervert ….I will not want to see people in my list naked. I went to sit on my bed and I took a deep breath and willed my heart beat to slow.

"Bella, thanks for everything. I… I don't know what to say…"

He was dressed in his jeans. I think I liked him better in the bed sheet.

"It's ok Edward. Let's pretend this didn't happen. You don't have to talk to me about it…."

I really didn't want to talk to him about it. What he did next took me completely by surprise. He knelt in front of me and took my hands in his.

"I… I.. just wanted you to know how much I appreciate what you did for me today….you… you saved me from an eternity of disgrace. I am much ashamed of my very ungentlemanly conduct and beg your forgiveness if it offended your sensibilities in anyway. Please accept my humble apology. I assure you that what happened was unintentional and beyond my control. Please forgive me."

Oh! Edward! He sounded like a character from an old classic! Guess he is.. he was born during that period… I looked into his face and saw the shame and vulnerability. He was exposing himself to me. He was admitting to what happened unlike the day of the bike ride. I was so happy to have helped him. I liked this human side of Edward with all his failings much more than the arrogant know it all control freak I knew before. I felt like hugging him to me and comforting him. I smiled an encouraging smile at him. I wanted him to know that I understood him and he could trust me. He had to know that I would never hurt or humiliate him for his loss of control.

"I'll go home now, or… may be I should go back to school…I guess I'll go to school. Then I'll be able to take the rest of the notes for you. Do you want to come?"

I managed to respond. "N..No.."

I saw him returning my smile with his crooked smile which lit his face with so much love. I felt so torn. I wanted to believe him so much.

"Take care Bella. Just call if you need anything."

With that he disappeared. I sat there for a long time crying. I cried for all that we had lost; I cried for the pain I suffered; I cried for the trusting innocent girl I was when I fell in love with Edward; I was no longer that girl. I had become someone else. The reality of how the world operates had destroyed my trust and innocence forever. I didn't even know whether I will have it in me to ever get married. I don't think that I would ever trust anyone with my love ever again. I guess I'm like Charlie in that. Charlie and I had been hurt deeply by the people we loved and trusted. I don't think I could ever get over it. My hand was hurting and I just cried. The tears didn't seem to want to stop.

I heard Charlie come up the stairs and that took me out of my crying bout. Now I was very angry. Edward Cullen had made me cry! I resented it. No one should be able to make me cry. I was feeling emotional again and I had promised myself that I would not let that happen. No one in my list should have the power to make me cry. I knew I sounded childish but I made a vow to myself. I must some how protect myself and what I believed in. I should not let anyone into my heart again. No I will not let it happen. No one in the list will touch my heart. I was an emotional mess. I needed to give my mind a break. I thought of Jake. My sun; my saviour; I decided I needed to escape, to let go and have some fun. I'm sure he would come up with something to cheer me up.

"Dad, could you drive me over to Jake's? He should be home from school now."