Author's Note: Allura learns a lot in this chapter, between eavesdropping, and chatting to her Dad!
Breaking Barriers
It was late at night, and Allura was heading down to sick bay. They had received word earlier in the evening that Larmina would be all right. She had been sitting in her study when the word had come, and she was still surprised at her reaction to it.
Allura had not, until then, realized how scared she had been, that she might lose Larmina. The girl was her only family, and someone that she was close to. She thought about how Larmina had always, at the end of the day, stood by her, and supported her. Allura knew that underneath Larmina's tough persona she was actually a caring person.
She smiled when she remembered those first couple of weeks, when she was transiting to the queen role, and working so hard. Larmina would bring her something to eat, and make her take a break from the work. Allura knew that she would have had a much harder time if it had not been for Larmina.
Allura also gave a lot of thought to what Keith and Lance had said, about love and sex. She admitted that she knew very little about the real world, and nothing about sex. She also admitted that both of them knew about those things, so she would have to take their word! Allura loved Larmina, and if Larmina loved Pidge so be it.
Pidge was a good person, and someone who had done a lot for Arus, Allura knew. They had always been good friends, and if her niece had to marry someone, well she couldn't be happier. 'However', she thought to herself, 'they are going to get married'!
Allura had gone to sick bay earlier, to talk to Pidge, after she'd had her revelation. She had been ashamed of herself, when she thought about what she had done in her rage, and hoped he would forgive her. However, he wasn't there, being told that he had gone to get something to eat. She had sat with Larmina, and had a nice talk even though it was one sided.
The one thing she didn't talk to Larmina about was Keith and Lance! Allura could hardly bring herself to acknowledge what had happened with both of them in her study. She remembered, several days earlier, wishing one of them would say something about their feelings. She thought of Nanny's old saying 'be careful what you wish for'!
Allura went back upstairs and spent the rest of the evening in her study, pretending to work. However, all her thoughts were on Keith and Lance, and her feelings for both of them. She knew that now that they had spoken, she was going to have to deal with it.
She was surprised, when she looked at the clock, to see how late it was! Allura had gotten nothing done but stared at the drapes in her study. She had decided though, that when Larmina was up for it, she wanted her study and bedroom redone! Allura wanted to say good night to Larmina, even if she wouldn't hear it, before she went to bed. She figured she would talk to Pidge tomorrow, if he would talk to her.
Entering sick bay through the back door, she was all set to go to Larmina's bed when she saw the front doorway open. Allura hid behind the wall as she watched Pidge come in with a cup of coffee, and sit down in a chair that had been placed next to the bed. He put the cup on the table as he leaned over and stroked Larmina's head. His back was to her, but Allura was sure that Pidge was looking at Larmina the same way he had during the confrontation in the rec room, with love.
"Mina, I hope you wake up soon!" Allura head Pidge say, and he went on "I was so scared earlier, when we didn't know what was going to happen. You couldn't go away; we still have so much to do! Don't forget, you promised to show me the Arusian Ocean, which you have reassured me is the best there is! I want to take you to New Balto to. It isn't the same as Old Balto, which was wonderful by the way, though not as pretty as Arus, I will give you that. Chip has promised to take us to some fun places when we go to New Balto, and you have to wear that black dress! He will be so jealous!"
Allura listened as Pidge talked about what he and Larmina would see, and do together. Listening to him she realized that he loved Larmina very much. It made her feel even worse than she already did. It also made her feel very lonely. She turned, and left the sick bay.
It was about 4:00 in the morning, and Allura had tossed and turned all night. She was a mess, and didn't know what to do about it. Finally, she decided to see if maybe her Father could help her. It wasn't a Voltron matter, but it was something that concerned Arus.
Once she dressed, and got down to his tomb, she lit the candles and waited for him to appear. Allura had almost given up, thinking her Father was as upset with her as everyone else was, when suddenly he was there. "Daughter, you have caused a lot of sorrow." King Alfor said, and Allura hung her head in shame.
"Don't you have anything to say?" He went on, and she thought about that. "Father, I was only trying to do what is right! It has been so hard, trying to be a good queen. I was only trying to protect Larmina, and I got mad because I felt like no one was listening to me." Allura said in a small voice.
King Alfor looked at her and said "Did you take the time to listen to them? Or did you just assume you knew best?" Allura sighed, and realized that he was right, she hadn't listened to anyone. "I was trying to take care of them, as a queen should, Father." She tried to explain what she had done.
"One of the most important lessons in ruling is to understand that your role is guide and help your people. It is through your example, and your understanding, that they find their way. Otherwise, you become a dictator, and no one prospers or is happy under that type of government." King Alfor told her in a grave tone of voice.
Allura looked at him and said "I guess I missed that lesson!" Her Father smiled and said "Some lessons are not taught in the classroom, but only in real life." Allura sighed and said "Well, I failed this one." He shook his head and said "No, Daughter, you didn't! You would not be down here if that was the case."
"I think I like classroom learning better than this way!" Allura said, looking sad. King Alfor went to touch her, and for just a minute Allura thought she could almost feel him. "My Granddaughter has chosen a good man, and you are not to stand in their way. It isn't how you would do it, but it works for them."
Allura looked startled at what her Father said and asked "Can I ask them to get married?" The King laughed and said "Definitely! Actually the young man will be quite happy, as he has wanted to marry her. However, she thought it would be embarrassing for you if she got married first."
She looked shocked, and then gave a tender smile "Larmina always thinks of me, more than I think of her!" Allura hung her head, thinking about how she had shortchanged her niece. He said "I think we need to talk about that too."
"Being a ruler is hard, lonely work! Your cousin has figured that out." He said, and Allura looked at him not understanding at first. Suddenly she knew who he was referring to. "Oh, you mean Bandor! What am I going to do; he is coming next week to see Larmina! And what do you mean he has figured it out?" Allura said, thinking about the earlier call she had received.
King Alfor smiled and said "You need a mate to support you, and care about you. Bandor understands that, which is why he is looking for a wife." Allura looked at her Father who went on "Let Bandor come, and make him welcome. He is not going to be alone for long, and you are an instrument in how that comes about."
Allura nodded her head, knowing that her Father would not tell her more. However, his remark about being lonely made her think of listening Pidge talk to Larmina. "Father, I was so sad when I heard Pidge telling Larmina all the places they would go to." The King laughed and said "Yes, my Granddaughter is going to see a great deal of the galaxy, and will realize that we Arusians don't do everything well!"
She smiled sadly, and said "I am happy for her, but rather jealous." He said "She listened to her heart, which is what you need to do now. Two very good men, who have been in love with you for a long time, have declared their feelings about you, Daughter."
Allura sighed and said "Father, I don't know what to do! I have feelings for both of them!" She paused and then said "I don't have the luxury of listening to my heart! I am Queen, and must think of what is best for my people!" He looked at her and said "Yes, you have to take care of your people, but before you can take care of them, you have to take care of yourself!"
"What do you mean I must take care of myself?" Allura asked, not understanding how she was supposed to do that. King Alfor looked at her, looking so young and innocent. He said "Only a bucket that is full can give to others, an empty bucket is no use to anyone. Your duty is to Arus, but in order for you to fulfill that, you must be full yourself."
Allura looked at him and said "You are telling me that I can't be a good queen if I don't have a mate? Should I not be strong enough to rule in my own right?" Her Father said "You will rule in your own right, but you can't rule all day! Think back to what Bandor said, Daughter. He is pompous, but has learned wisdom the hard way."
"How does this relate to my feelings for Keith and Lance? I have feelings for both of them, but they are so different!" Allura said, almost petulantly, and then felt embarrassed at how she sounded. "Father, why is it so hard?"
King Alfor said "Why don't you tell me what those feelings are? Maybe saying them out loud will help you." She thought about that for a while, before she spoke.
"Keith is wonderful! He is good, kind, and very strong. I've been in love with him since I first met him, all those years ago." Allura stopped, and then went on "Those five years that he was gone were hard, and I still remember how happy I was when he returned. And now, knowing that he is Arusian, and descended from the Knights, it just seems like it was meant to be."
He smiled and said "Keith is from an old family that has served our family for generations." Allura looked startled and was all set to say something but the King wouldn't let her. "It is Keith's journey, to find out about his family. He needs to make it alone, and at his own pace. Only then will he understand everything that happened." King Alfor said and then "His journey will be similar the 'knight's journey' that every knight makes. Keith will understand that."
Allura thought about that for a bit, and then said "Keith has been helpful to me for so long, and now that I am Queen he has advised me on several situations very well." The King smiled and said "He sounds like the perfect consort, and with his linage an obvious choice. What is stopping you?" She smiled and realized that her Father was very clever indeed.
"Lance!" Allura summed it up in one word. "Ah, yes, another knight of impeccable linage. No, it is not Arusian, but a very old earth family." King Alfor said and Allura smiled. Lance was from an old American family, from a place called South Carolina. His family had served their country for generations, as soldiers, statesmen, and even a president. Lance liked to say that one of his ancestors had fired the opening shot from Ft. Sumter, which started a war. When he had said that, Pidge had remarked 'those are the McClains for you, always starting trouble'!
Allura thought about all that, as she thought about Lance. "Father he is so impossible sometimes!" She declared in an exasperated tone, and going on "He says the most incredible things, and can be badly behaved! Earlier today, he strode in my study, like he owned it!" The King smiled and said "Why was he there anyway?"
She sighed, wishing she had not brought it up now, because it was not her best moment. "He was furious about the way I was behaving to Pidge." King Alfor said "Lance is a man of strong opinions and ideals. He is not afraid to speak his mind, and he cares about his teammates very much." Allura nodded her head, and then said "He also reminded me of how much fun we used to have. Lance would visit, and he always made me laugh. We would talk about places to go to, and what we would do. Today he made me miss his company so much. He also had the courage to tell me I was wrong."
King Alfor said "If I have heard you right, Keith is good, kind, Arusian, and very helpful to you in running the Kingdom, right?" Allura nodded her head and said "He is easy and comforting to talk to, and I feel like he understands where I am coming from." The King went on "Lance is strong, opinionated, loyal, rather wild, but good company, right?"
She smiled and said "I always feel so much better after I've been with him. But he knows almost nothing about running a Kingdom, he drinks, chases women, and plays cards!" Her Father got a knowing look on his face as he said "Daughter that is what single men do! Well, most single men anyway and doesn't Count Fredericks like him?"
Allura, as she thought about the Count's behavior in her study earlier, sat up straight, and was all set to say something, but her Father held up his hand. "Count Fredericks was looking out for your best interests. He knew you needed to hear what Lance had to say to you. Be kind to the Count, my dear, he did you a great favor today!"
Allura then said "So who should I choose, Father?" He got a tender smile on his face as he said "You must do what Larmina did, listen to your heart!" He was gone, leaving Allura alone with her thoughts.