Nanao woke up in a room of the 4th division feeling fine. A bit tired, but otherwise fine. She supposed it was to be expected considering she really hadn't been a part of the fight itself, she'd just used a burst of energy she wasn't trained or prepared to use. She swung her feet off the bed and glanced around the barren room giving it a minute for the dizzy spell to pass. She was more than tired of fainting. Finding no one in the room, Nanao closed her eyes and sought out Shunsui's reiatsu. She found it strong and close by. She slipped out of the bed and did a cursory search for her clothes. They seemed to be nowhere to be found so she satisfied herself with the thin white yukuta the 4th had already put her in and quietly moved down the hallway.

Three doors down she quietly opened the door and moved into Shunsui's room. No one was in there either, and Nanao was surprised to not find at least Ukitake next to him. He was bandaged and obviously beaten up, but didn't look like he'd have a horrible recovery ahead of him. No worse than other fights he'd been in at least. Moving her eyes the last few lengths up to his face she found him awake and watching her as she looked him over.

"Like anything you see, Nanao-chan?" he tried to joke, but it came out flat and forced.

"Are you alright?" she asked taking the seat next to him.

"I'll be fine," he answered. She could feel his heavy gaze settle on her when she looked down to fidget with her hands. "How are you feeling? The first bankai can be draining."

"Tired, but otherwise well," she said finally looking up and meeting his eyes. "Do they," she started and then stopped herself.

"I told them you did something funny with the kido encasing the dimension," he said with a shrug and a wince as the cut on his arm pained him. "I was in the middle of a fight. I couldn't be sure what you did. If you claim nerves and adrenaline you should be able to blame it on something plausible, and even if they still don't entirely believe you they won't be able to prove anything else happened. I'm assuming the fact that your shikai increases your kido strength is untrue as well?"

"It's always been spatial manipulation," Nanao answered honestly with a sigh. She glanced around and prayed no one was eavesdropping. "It was easy to pass off as enhanced kido as my spells got where they were going instantly and didn't loose any power or time in between. If no one was watching closely it could just be an enhanced spell."

"You should have told me," Shunsui said quietly. "Did you really think I would sell you out to Yama-jii?"

Nanao let out a bark of laughter. "Quite the opposite actually," she said. "I knew you would keep my secret, and if it ever got out then you would go down with me for knowledge of illegal kido casting."

"You know they wouldn't lock you up for it if it is part of your zanpaktou's power," Shunsui stated. "They're more likely to use that as a threat to ship you off to the covert ops and use that illegal power to its fullest potential."

"I'm aware," Nanao agreed not at all shocked that he'd come to the same conclusions as her so quickly.

"Then you should have told me," Shunsui argued. "Then I would have at least had a clue if they'd found out and tried to maneuver you out of the 8th. That lack of knowledge could have cost us greatly."

"You'd have put a stop to it regardless of knowing the facts or not," Nanao defended. "You never would have let them remove me from the 8th. Even with a legitimate excuse. Keeping you in the dark was the best way to protect you."

"Knowledge is power," Shunsui said.

"Yes, and you already have enough power over me," Nanao said tartly.

"And what is that supposed to mean?" he asked coolly.

"You intentionally had Daiki knock me out of the fight with a binding spell," Nanao accused.

"I couldn't risk it."

"I thought I'd made myself pretty clear about my desires."

"I couldn't have one more ruined life on my shoulders."

"It wasn't your choice to make," Nanao growled. "It wasn't on your shoulders. I am not your responsibility. For kami sake Shunsui, I'm a grown woman and I can take care of myself, and more than that I am the only one that gets to decide how my life goes. Do you think I would have thanked you if you'd lost and left me to be raped by him? I would have never forgiven you, and I never thought there would be something that I couldn't forgive you for."

"He set her on fire, Nanao," Shunsui said seriously, and Nanao heard that dead edge enter his tone. "He set a pregnant woman on fire for no crime other than existing. I could not bear watching the same happen to you. Hate me if you wish for that, but I couldn't take that chance."

Nanao sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose feeling a headache coming on and another wave of fatigue almost overwhelm her. "I'm sorry about Kiyoko-san and the baby," she said trying to remain calm. "But I'm not her, and I'm not Yadomaru-san, and I'm not anyone else you think you've let down in the past. I'm just me and you never seem able to see that without seeing everyone that's come before me. And there were oh so many before me."

"I see you, Nanao," he answered softly. "I see you, and only you, and I can't abide the thought of one day seeing only your shadow on the next woman I fail because I couldn't protect you. You're the one person where failure is utterly unacceptable, even if you hate me for it. It has nothing to do with your capabilities and everything to do with my insecurities."

"You can't protect the whole world," Nanao said meeting his eyes. "You can't bear all the blame."

"Who else was there to blame? It was my family that created this mess. My family that got an innocent woman, an innocent child, murdered," he said and she heard the catch in his voice as he struggled to control his own emotions.

"Your family isn't you," she comforted rising from her seat and touching his face. "Your ancestor's mistakes aren't yours. You were born into it. You're the victim, not the culprit."

"That doesn't make them any less dead," he said fiercely.

"And no amount of blame will bring them back either," Nanao countered quietly. "You should get some rest."

"As my Nanao-chan wishes," he said passively, obviously not wanting anymore fighting either.

"It isn't your fault," she repeated although she knew it wouldn't get through to him. She'd seen that look in his eyes when Lisa had disappeared all those years ago. Only time would mend some of those wounds. He closed his eyes as she resumed her seat, but she could tell he wasn't sleeping. She sighed after twenty minutes of quiet stretched between them and rose from her chair.

"Are you leaving?" he asked cracking one eye open to look at her.

"No," Nanao said moving over to his bedside. "But I'm exhausted and that chair is terrible, so move over."

"This is strictly against regulation," he noted dryly, sliding over all the same.

"Unohana Taicho can yell at you," Nanao said with a shrug.

"Why me?" he asked surprised.

"Like they'll ever believe it was my idea," Nanao answered smugly as she crawled into the bed beside him.

"Sneaky, Nanao-chan," he said with a small smile. He didn't wrap himself around her like he might have at one time in the past, but he left their bodies touching and that was fine with her.

"Now get some rest," Nanao commanded. "You're injured you know."

Several more minutes passed and Nanao actually felt herself drifting off, which hadn't been her intention. She'd been hoping more to offer him comfort than the other way around.

"Nanao-chan?" he asked quietly.

"Mmm-hmm?"

"I'm proud of you, you know," he said. "The first bankai is an achievement, especially when you've been so adamant against practicing with your blade."

"It felt good," Nanao said with her own small grin. She shuddered just remembering the rush of power and the feeling of all her senses being extended. "It was the right time. I had to know who I was, and what I was capable of, and the choices I would make with those capabilities before I was ready to master it. Every time I gain more power I'm always surprised at the weight of responsibility it carries with it."

"That's how you know you're doing it the right way," Shunsui said and she could hear the satisfaction in his tone.

"I had a good teacher," she conceded. "I mean he was a lazy drunkard, but he occasionally knew what he was talking about."

"Yare, if you're just going to insult me when I'm being complimentary you can go to sleep," he said trying to put on a teasing tone. Nanao just smiled slightly, and they both settled again to try and get some rest.

It'd been three weeks since she'd woken up in the hospital. Three weeks of long interrogations, offers to join the kido corps once more, which were more like vague threats, and trips out to the Rukongai to deal with the yakuza relations. The only good that had really come out of this situation was that the Watanabe family had been impressed by her and was interested in hosting a shinigami ambassador of their own. She'd spoken to the Soutaicho about it and he'd seemed mildly open to the idea. Other than that her nights had been filled with collecting a drunk Taicho and making sure he got home safely. Shunsui was handling the recent tragedies much like he'd handled Lisa's disappearance, which mainly consisted of being drunk as much a humanly possible.

She sighed as she shunpoed out to another dingy bar far out in the Rukongai in the wee morning hours. Jyuushiro had gotten him for the past two nights and she didn't want him out that much with his health. Nanao slipped into the bar and glared off the leering looks and avoided the grabbing hands. She was really going to have to speak to Shunsui about frequenting more upscale places.

Nanao found him in a back booth thoroughly wasted and surrounded by some less than morally upstanding women. Given Shunsui seemed to be barely aware of their presence. He was staring down at his sake broodingly as one of the women tried to touch his arm and make him look up at her.

Nanao rapped on the end of the table with her knuckles to get the women's attention. "Get lost," she said coldly.

"Who the hell are you?" one woman asked nastily.

"Get lost," she repeated too tired to be tactful. She flooded the surrounding area with spirit pressure just to give them a hint and waited patiently while they shuffled out of the booth.

"That wasn't very nice Nanao-chan," Shunsui chastised with a slur in his voice.

"Would you rather stay here with them?" Nanao asked. She reached for his arm and started trying to urge him out of the booth.

"As opposed to staying with my lovely Nanao-chan?" he asked with a drunken grin. "Of course not."

"Come on then," she said helping him stagger to his feet. He leaned heavily on her and she supported him as they wandered out of the bar. Once they were outside she got a better hold on him and shunpoed them back to the Seireitei.

"Nanao-chan is trying to take advantage of me," he sing songed when he realized she'd brought him to her apartment and not his own home.

"Yes, Shunsui," she said rolling her eyes. "Lets get you into bed and in the morning I'll make breakfast."

"That's because my Nanao-chan loves me," he sang nearly falling over as she pulled off his shoes.

"Then you and I are going to have a talk," Nanao muttered to herself trying to restrain her anger at him. She barely got his haoris and hat off before he collapsed into the bed. She started to move away when he caught her hand.

"Are you leaving me?" he asked. He tried to focus his eyes on her and the depression she saw there broke her heart a little.

"No," she said letting one hand push his hair back from his face. "I just need to do a few things. I'll be right back."

By the time she came back with water and aspirin he'd already fallen into a restless sleep. She woke him up to get the pills down and then let him fall back asleep. Hopefully he'd be open to listening to some reason in the morning. Boo hopped up on the bed and she raised an eyebrow at the cat. He generally stayed as far away as possible from Shunsui unless he was trying to damage the man. Boo circled once and curled up at Shunsui's side, but not before giving her a look that clearly said she wasn't allowed to tell anyone about this. Nanao laughed quietly and stroked the cat's head before going out to the couch and settling down for the rest of the morning hours.

A few hours later Nanao woke up with a cramp in her neck and got up to check on Shunsui. He was still passed out in her bed and she decided to let him sleep. He'd be hung over, but hopefully mainly functional. She spent a couple hours going through a lazy morning routine as it was Saturday and she had nowhere in particular to be. Finally she started making a heavy breakfast that she knew he liked best when he was hung over. Years of nursing him through hangovers had narrowed down the menu to perfection for getting him well as fast as possible. She finished quickly and did a brief wash up before walking into her bedroom and watching the sleeping man for a few moments.

"Shunsui," she said finally, moving further into the room. Boo lifted his head and watched her advance. "Shunsui," she repeated shaking his shoulder and getting no response. "Fine, the old fashioned way then," Nanao murmured to herself. She grabbed the glass she'd brought in the night before and dumped what was left of the water in it over his head while growling harshly, "Kyouraku Taicho."

"What?" he asked sharply struggling out of sleep. "Jyuu's a liar. I didn't do it! Ugh, I feel awful."

"You drank enough to kill a man so I'm not surprised," Nanao said crossing her arms and glaring down at him.

"And my Nanao-chan came to collect me," he tried to coo.

"Jyuushiro-san had done enough this week," she said with a shrug.

Shunsui glanced around his surroundings blearily and said in surprise, "We're at your place." He did a double take at his side and asked, "Is your cat not trying to kill me?"

"I guess even he can take pity on something as pathetic as you are right now," Nanao said with a shrug as the cat got up to stretch and bound out of the room.

"Please tell me that's hang over breakfast I smell," he groaned.

"It is," she said helping him up into a sitting position.

"Why are you being so nice?" he asked suspiciously.

"As this is your last hang over for a while," Nanao commented as he got to his feet, "I see no reason to be particularly mean. Besides you never bother to listen to me until after you've eaten."

"What was that?" he asked trying to shoot a grin at her and pretend everything was normal.

"Eat, you idiot," she commanded, herding him towards the kitchen.

"Always so pushy," he answered wincing as she touched an injury.

"Should that still be hurting you three weeks later?" she asked with a frown.

"I may have fallen the other night and opened it up again," he said nonchalantly.

Nanao added that to her list of growing complaints and tried to be suitably kind while he woofed his breakfast down.

"Alright, let me have it," he said, leaning back in his chair and rubbing his head.

"I'm not going to yell at you," she said. She started collecting his plates and putting them in the sink for later.

"Really?" he asked. "Because generally when you stick around till the morning and don't just put me to bed and leave, it's to scold me."

"And it obviously hasn't done any good yet," she said.

"So what do you want, Nanao-chan?" he asked.

"I want you to train me," Nanao said calmly.

"You want me to what?"

"I am currently in need of a sword fighting trainer," Nanao said reclaiming her seat, "as my last trainer is not currently speaking to me due to the fact that I slept with my ex. Beyond that, training isn't worth much if I can't even use my shikai or banki, so you are currently the only candidate."

"I thought you were always of the opinion I would be too easy on you?" he asked trying to find the trick.

"You will be more than likely," Nanao said honestly, "but then again my sword's power is going to require you to pay attention."

"Fine," he said. "Is that really all?"

"Well, I'll require a lot of intensive training," Nanao said. "Considering how many years I've put it off."

"Ok?" he answered obviously confused.

"I'll be needing a training session daily," she said. "As my schedule is already full with other training and my job, we'll be starting nightly around 10 PM."

"That's a bit intensive," he said with a small grin. "This wouldn't have anything to do with stopping me from going to the bars, would it?"

"I'd prefer you sober when we're working with swords," she said coldly. "If you think you can handle that."

"I'm not done mourning," he said darkly.

"You're done mourning that way," Nanao answered sharply. "Drinking yourself to death and worrying all the people who care about you isn't going to fix the problem or bring them back."

"It was my child," he said glaring at her table.

Nanao sighed. "And what happened was horrible," Nanao conceded. She couldn't even imagine what he was going through. Despite the circumstances Nanao knew how Shunsui felt about children of his own. He'd have loved that baby to pieces. There was nothing she could do to help that pain, but he couldn't continue on like this, and she couldn't watch him destroy himself. "But when you wake up in the morning does it make it hurt any less? Everyone needs you here. The 8th is falling apart. The Soutaicho pulled me in yesterday to ask if I'd consider taking my fukutaicho position back as it's gotten so bad."

"And?" Shunsui said lifting his head from where he was looking down at the table.

"And I said no," Nanao said simply. "I'm not coming back. I suggested he look into some of the other divisions and see if there was someone at a fukutaicho level for you. I believe there is someone in the 5th he said might do. I'd suggest Rukia-san again, but it seems Kuchiki Taicho has allowed Jyuushiro-san to promote her within the 13th. If you want to spend time with me you can do it during training."

"Maybe I don't want the new fukutaicho," Shunsui said.

"Then you need to get it together," she said calmly. "The 8th needs you, and as far as I'm aware there isn't a child Nanao-chan to pull it back together again. Life goes on."

"It can't be that bad," Shunsui said.

"There's talk of disbanding the 8th," Nanao said. "The problem was probably compounded by my refusal to return."

"Then you really don't care if they disband us?" he asked surprised.

"I'm not a little girl anymore, Taicho," she said sharply. "I'm not going to enable you for lack of knowing what else to do. If you don't care about the 8th, then drink yourself to death. That's your choice. I'm not your keeper. I love the 8th and will grieve its disbanding, but it's not my division anymore, and frankly the members of the 8th deserve better than a Taicho who is too drunk to care."

"Yare, yare, Nanao-chan, I get it," he said. "I'll allow the fukutaicho. I'll do some paperwork. Satisfied?"

"Barley," she answered. Silence reigned as they sat there and finally she broke the tense peace. "I heard the king was so relieved to have the mirror from the imperial regalia back he offered you one of his daughters in marriage."

Shunsui snorted. "You should have seen the looks on my brother's and father's faces when they heard that. It was almost as good as their faces when I turned the offer down."

"It could have been a good deal for you," Nanao said shrugging. "You could have just married in and been rich and drunk for the rest of your life."

"I get it, Nanao-chan," he growled. "I'll cut back on the drinking."

"Your friends are worried about you," she said in simple defense. "Even your mother is concerned. She tried to check with me to see if there was a time she could get workers into your home to undecorated the room she'd had made up for Kiyoko-san and the baby."

"She did it the other day while I was at Jyuu's," he admitted with a hurt tone. "Came home and found it as if they'd never existed. Funny how little I wanted them around until they were gone. Even now I find it hard to mourn her passing beyond that of an innocent life, but the baby." He trailed off and his look was faraway.

"I'm sorry Shunsui," Nanao said, "I should have thought and stopped your mother."

"It doesn't matter," he said shaking his head. "I should be getting home."

"Shunsui," she said and stopped when she realized she had no idea what she wanted to say. "I'm here if you need me."

"I know," he said with a sad smile as he moved towards her entrance way. Retrieving the haoris she'd hung there he slung them back around his shoulders before putting the hat back on. "Thank you for breakfast."

"Of course," she said. She wished there was something she could say to make him feel better.

"I'll be seeing you tonight then?" Shunsui asked quietly as he opened the door.

"Huh?" she asked momentarily thrown.

"I thought you said you'd be needing training nightly. No time better to start."

She gave him a weak smile. "Tonight then," she answered. "You better not go easy on me."

"I'm sure you'll find a way to make me do what you want," he said. "Nanao-chan has always excelled at that."

A/N: So unless I do some intensive editing or find a glaring omission I've only got one chapter left. Can you believe I'm actually going to complete this? As always review and let me know what you think.