I would like to thank ECISLove2010, shannoninn369, elaine67, nicolleio and Rbeccap for their reviews. Hoping to hear from you on what you think of this one

BPOV

I'd spent a restless afternoon. Jake and Charlie had both thought something was really wrong with me. I had told them that my hand was hurting and had come to bed early. I couldn't believe what I had done! And I can just imagine Edward's response to all this. I remembered all the times that we had kissed and he would pull back whenever I went too far. Too far then would have only meant that I had pulled on his hair too much or put my arm around him too tightly! What I did today would I guess earn a total break-up or something!

Will he leave again now? He might….. I got a sinking feeling in my chest at that… but Alice had promised me that she would never ever leave me again and I trusted her. Even if he left I would still have Alice…. I felt tears stinging my eyes. I am sure he would think this was really bad behaviour and try to distance himself from me. But but…he was the one who wanted to be friends with me…. but I went way over the friendship line…. I practically raped him in front of everyone. A shy Victorian with out dated morals! He must have felt humiliated and that is something I never intended to do. I had only just wanted to get a ruse out of him for all the touchy feely things he'd been doing all day. That was some kiss though! I never thought Edward would be so passionate. Making love with him would be….

I was brought out of my day dream by a musical voice coming through the window.

"Bella, are you there? Can I talk to you?"

Oh god! oh god! he's here. Has he come to say good bye again? …..

"Edward can you give me a minute?"

I had started locking my window and pulling the curtain closed at night since Victoria had decided to come to Forks. The wolves had been guarding around at night and now the Cullen's were on guard duty along with them. I didn't want anyone to catch any unnecessary glimpses of me while I was sleeping. I wanted some privacy. So I had put heavy drapes and started locking the window. I'd even got Jake to get my room sound proof so that they wouldn't hear me sleep talking. I am not sure how well it worked with their sensitive hearing but I couldn't hear Charlie snoring at night now. Jake had assured me that he has never heard me talking in my sleep. So I guess I'd stopped that habit. If Jake wanted to talk to me he had always done it during the day. I just hope no one had x-ray vision! With these crazy mythical creatures you never know. But anyway they had all respected my privacy so far.

I looked down at my clothes. I was wearing one of the beautiful nightgowns that Alice and I had picked out. They had had them on sale three for the price of two and I had grabbed three in different designs. They had lace in them and looked very girly. In fact Alice said I looked very pretty in them. I'd never worn night dresses to bed. I'd always worn my comfy pants. But with my wardrobe change I'd gone all out and decided what the hell if I'm doing this I'll do the whole works. What should I do now? Will Edward think I'm provoking him further if I keep this on? I wasn't wearing anything underneath it. I didn't want to change. Well, I guess I could put on some underwear and my over coat. I grabbed some panties and a bra and climbed into my wardrobe and quickly put them on. I didn't want to have to rush to the bathroom to change it would take too much time. After pulling on the matching over coat I opened the lock and quickly climbed into the bed and covered myself with the bed cover.

"You can come in now. I'm sorry you caught me by surprise."

I felt a rush of cold air and then I saw Edward standing on the further most corner in the room from the bed. I was glad Charlie was doing the night shift today. If we had to talk from that far I was sure he would have heard us even with the sound proofing. I looked at Edward. He was looking at the floor. So not good! He's definitely regretting the kiss and it looked like he was upset. Was he waiting for me to talk? What do I say?

"Did you hunt?" Shit! That's a wrong thing to ask! Now he'll think I'm scared of him if he had not hunted.

"Yes during the weekend. Since it was sunny I spent the time in the forest."

Ok thank god for that. He didn't sound offended. I tucked the bed cover more closely to my body. He still didn't look up at me. So now what? Things were getting very awkward. Edward had spent so many nights in this room alone with me but I had never felt uncomfortable like I did now. We'd never had such a distance separating us before. It was as if he was trying to put as much distance as he could between us. Well I wasn't going to start another topic of conversation he can talk he's the one who came for a visit. I couldn't just ask whether he wanted to talk about the kiss now could I? He'd completely flip over! Well he might offer to give you another sample a small voice inside me was murmuring….may be he came to get another one…. Yeah right! He wouldn't even look at me let alone ask for a kiss!

It must have been nearly five minutes since I last asked the question about hunting when he finally spoke. Stupid vampires and immortality! Time doesn't seem to mean much to them. Guess they could go without talking for days on end.

"Bella, You must be wondering why I invaded your privacy and came uninvited to your bedroom. I'm very sorry if I made you uncomfortable by this. I just wanted to talk to you in private and didn't want to do it at school."

Ok. He didn't want Alice to hear. I get it.

"It's ok Edward."

"Please accept my sincere apologies for my conduct this afternoon in school. My behaviour was reprehensible I should never have behaved that way with you. I tarnished your reputation. I don't know what I can do to remedy the situation. I'm so sorry Bella. It was inexcusable of me. Please please.. forgive me I'm..…"

I couldn't stand it anymore. He thought he was to blame for the fiasco when it was all my fault. I should have realized he would take the blame. He was always so good at doing that.

"Edward please stop. It was all my fault. I'm the one who behaved inappropriately. I'm the one who kissed you. I'm so sorry. I was just trying to get back at you for flirting with me. Honestly I didn't expect it to get so… so… out of hand."

Now I was the one blushing and apologizing.

"No Bella, at least you had the good sense to walk away when things got too.. too.. you know what I mean. But I was totally lost. I lost control Bella. I'm so sorry. I will understand if you find me very repulsive from now on. I can't even begin to explain to you how much I regret my behaviour. I even….. god….. I'm so sorry Bella. I was a total Cad… I .. I…"

Guess it's time to be honest.

"Edward you are not the only one who got carried away. I was also completely lost."

I must be blushing beet red by now. I didn't care. I just wanted him to know what really went on.

"Then how did you walk away when you did?"

Oh here is comes. Well I was going for honesty. I just hoped vampires don't faint or go into shock.

"I aha.. I heard you moan…..and…and…."

Edward covered his face with his hands and gracefully sank down on to the floor near the window.

Shit! Is he crying? But he wanted to know the truth. What do I do now?

"Edward are you alright?" No response. He was stock still like a statue.

Now what? I guess I should give him some time to recover. I waited while looking at the bed side clock. I watched the time go. Ten minutes. No change. I was getting impatient. Should I call Alice? I realized she would have already called Edward on his phone or me if something was seriously wrong or dropped in through the window. Another five minutes passed. Nothing doing. Well I'd had enough of the dramatics.

I got up from the bed and went to him. He didn't even acknowledge that I was near him. I touched his shoulder. No response. Now I was getting really worried. Was he breathing? No he wasn't. I was just about to go into panic when I realized that he didn't actually need to breathe. He had said it was out of habit that they breathed. So he'd forgotten to even breathe. Great! just great! He looked very vulnerable huddled in the corner. It was like he was hiding from the world. He's embarrassed! And I'd thought I was the one who should be embarrassed. How do I make him see that it was ok and I hadn't really thought anything bad about it? In fact I thought his moan was the most beautiful sound in the world….

I stroked his hair.

"Edward, please talk to me. I'm not upset honest."

I sat down on the floor near him.

"Please Edward you have to understand. I didn't find anything we did offensive. In fact…"

Oh what the hell. I'd go for broke.

"It was the most wonderful kiss you'd ever given me."

He suddenly looked straight up at me as soon as I said this. I almost fell back because his movement was so sudden.

"Don't lie to me Bella. I mauled you. I forced my attentions on you."

Now I was getting mad. This stupid idiot didn't realize how amazing that kiss was. I had been day dreaming about it moments before he barged into my room.

"Edward Anthony Mason Cullen, I will not have you spoil my memory of that kiss. It was the best kiss I'd ever had and I found it very pleasurable. Nothing you say will ever change that. So there."

"How could you enjoy something like that the way I was forcing myself on to you?"

He looked bewildered.

"Well did you enjoy it?"

"Yes. Well …"

"I enjoyed it the same way. I only wished we didn't have an audience and we could have continued with it."

"Bella you don't mean that." He looked at his feet. Now he looked embarrassed again. Swell!

"Yes I mean it and I was hoping some time we can have a repeat performance of it. Minus the audience of course."

This got his attention. He looked uncomfortable. He hugged his legs to himself, his arms tight around his knees. What had gotten in to me? I was making passes as Edward Cullen!

"Edward I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…." I was mortified. I'd just asked him for another kiss!

I saw a small smile creeping into his lips.

"I'd like that very much Bella….."

His voice was husky and low. I felt shivers run down my spine. Oh god oh god. He's turning on the charm!

It was my turn to wrap my arms around my knees and hide my face in my lap. What had I said! Shit! He must think I was trying to seduce him or something.

I felt a cold hand around my shoulders. Cool lips on my hair…..

"Bella…." The sound of his voice came from near my ear. "Can I ….hold you?" It was velvety soft. How can I refuse?

I automatically moved towards him. He took hold of me and pulled me on to his lap holding me tightly to him. I rested my head in his chest. He was stroking my hair. I don't know how long we sat like that. After a very long time I felt contented and relaxed.

"Edward I'm sleepy."

I started to move away to get up.

"Bella can I kiss you good night?"

I slowly looked up at him and looked at his beautiful face. He was smiling. I looked at his lips. He moved down and planted a gentle kiss on my lips. Oh no you don't! That wasn't even a proper kiss. I leaned up towards him and took his lips in mine. He didn't pull back he deepned the kiss. Oh god this was heaven. I pulled his hair to get a better grip, holding him tightly to me. He was crushing me to his body and hungrily devouring my mouth. I felt something nudge me. OH! He was aroused. Wow! And he didn't pull back but kept kissing me very passionately.

"Bella…..Bella I love you so much….."

It was like a bucket of cold water spilling on to me. Oh dear. Was I leading him on?

"Edward we should stop." He immediately pulled away.

I attempted to get up and he started to help me up and then stopped and looked at me.

"Bella I want to ask you something."

"Yes?"

"Will you….will you go out with me?"

"Ha?" Brilliant answer Bella.

"I mean like will you be more than my friend….. what I'm asking is… can I have permission to court you?"

"What?"

"I would like to take you out…. on dates….and and be your boyfriend… I think what we share now is more than what friends would share…. so .."

Did I want that? Yes I did… but that would mean I should love him right? I was feeling confused. I did care about him a lot. And I wanted him…. God knows how I wanted him…. But I don't think I love him…

"I would like that Edward. But…"

"Yes Bella?"

"I don't know what my feelings are towards you. I want to be honest with you. I really care about you a lot…. But I don't think I love you the same way you love me. I know that I… I want you. I'm sure about that. You already know how much…. But you have to understand that I really don't know what I feel for you…. I don't want to lead you on and then disappoint you…."

His face fell at this. But I didn't want to lie to him. He has to know what I was feeling if we were going to try to have a relationship. He held me to him a little more tightly and was stroking my hair. With his other hand I saw him touch the bridge of his nose. He was lost in deep thought. I knew that look. So I waited. After some time he turned to me and planted another soft kiss on my forehead.

"It's ok Bella. We'll take things as they come. Thank you for agreeing to go out with me…..it means a lot to me. I love you Bella, that will never change. Whatever happens I will always love you for an eternity. I'm willing to be with you in whatever way you want me. I just can't live without you in my life…"

I felt sad for all that we had lost. I knew I was not capable of trusting him the way I trusted him before. As for love I knew for sure that I didn't feel what I used to feel for him.

"Can I sleep with you Bella?"

I quickly looked at him. I couldn't help it I gave him 'the man wants to get in my pants right after he asked me out' look in my surprise.

He looked mortified at my look.

"No no. Bella I meant I .. I just… can I hold you in bed like I used to …"

I had to smile at this. Of course I knew what he meant but just for a split second my instincts had kicked in and I had given him that look.

"Oh it's ok if you did want to you know.. but I think we should wait for that don't you think?"

He gulped at this. Ok I was having a bit of fun at his expense. This new Edward was very entertaining and I knew just how to twist things to make it more interesting.

"I think I should sleep now Edward. And I think it's time you left."

I was actually very tired. I had been hyperventilating all afternoon after that kiss thing and I was totally drained.

Edward's face was anguished. I could tell that he had hoped that he would now get to spend the night with me again in my room like before. But I truly didn't want him to stay with me. I wasn't ready for things to go back to what they were. I wasn't comfortable with having him in my bedroom in my bed when I really didn't know what I was feeling for him other than this undeniable desire.

"Edward I agreed to try to be more than a friend to you but I can't promise you anything. And things can't just go back to what they were. I'm not comfortable with you holding me in the night anymore."

He looked sad and heart broken.

"Edward you have to understand that I need time."

"It's ok Bella. I understand."

He and I both got up from the floor.

"Good night Bella."

He placed a chaste kiss on my lips and I smiled back at him. He turned just before going out the window.

"By the way Bella I love your night dress. It looks very sexy on you."

Then he gave me his crooked dazzling smile and left. I stood there gaping at his back. I had forgotten all about my night dress. I looked down to check whether it was transparent. It wasn't thank god.

I knew the Cullen's were the ones on guard duty today so I assumed Edward would be spending the night at my place. I closed the window and locked it. Pulling the drapes closed. I took deep calming breathes to calm myself before going to sleep. I hoped and prayed that I wouldn't start sleep talking again now that I had opened up to Edward. I will have to check with the werewolf who'd be on duty tomorrow on that. I know the sound proofing would make it almost impossible for even a werewolf to hear me according to Jake but I didn't want to take the risk. I wanted my privacy and I wanted to make sure no one could hear me.

I didn't want Edward listening to my inner most thoughts. I really wasn't sure what I would say. I was glad he hadn't thought badly of me for my demonstration in the school hall way. On top of everything I felt guilty for not returning his feelings. I didn't want to hurt him any further. He had gone through enough today as it was with my little plan! But for once I was not sorry that I had gone through with it.

So what did you think ? Waiting to hear from you!