"It sounds silly but ask any performer. You can't lie when you put yourself completely into your performance on stage. Words can be hidden but the performance can't. For a dancer? Dancing is the truest form of expression and yourself. The body speaks louder than words." – Nina Sayers, Diane Sawyer Interview on ABC.
- B – B – B -
Lily was visiting the set for the very time. The set Nina created from the events that changed her life forever.
With always the best timing Lily turned to see Thomas and the now opened entryway to their new ballet home. The ballet ensemble cheered like the Berlin Wall had fallen. The warmth from the stadium rushed out like a backdraft. They were now high-tailing it inside as if it was the Running of the Bull.
"Ladies first…"
Thomas glanced around. "Where is your friend Nina?"
"Uh my friend Nina will be here." Lily answered smoothly but annoyed at the gumption. "She said she had to make a stop."
"I see." Thomas walked side by side with Lily down the long hallway to their upgraded venue as the hints did not stop. "So does she stay at your place or vice versa?" He asked snugly and proud like a child (a manly child) who knew a big secret. How forward and awkward was this going to get?
"Excuse me?" Lily peaked over with concerned eyes.
"I've been noticing you two becoming quite close."
"Well keep on noticing and don't speak about it."
"I'm just wondering, no harm meant." Thomas laughed to himself, his true intentions of course always that hazy line. "It's simple mathematics. The minute Nina was in the hospital you were there. Now you two are inseparable and feed off one another. One is happy the other is happy. One is sad the other is sad. I watched you two dance on stage. You cannot lie when you perform that way. You two were not… faking it."
"So what's your point?" Lily shrugged. "We're getting along. Two ballerinas in your production getting along. I know usually we're all supposed to be catty but-"
"Just hold onto her carefully." Thomas smirked with a not so intent clear statement. "… She's a good one."
Lily didn't even answer as Thomas seemed to shoot an analysis beam straight through her soul. He was saying the right things but it was always a bit… off in his delivery. He knew about her relationship Nina but his pompous accent made her almost want to believe he was wrong. Thomas Leroy was such a polarizing figure even in the smallest of ways. Lily still couldn't figure him out. Did he care for Nina in a loving way? Was he just out to unleash her talents? He was one of the few who visited Nina… but was that guilt?
Then again my relationship with her might have started as a guilt trip too.
"Whatever is happening between me and Nina is our deal." Lily kept walking, now a bit faster. "I didn't go to you poking and prodding when everyone thought you two were hooking up."
"Calm down. As long as you two do a great job I see no problem with it." Thomas cleared it up. His smile was either one of a perverted man thinking of two beautiful women getting it on or such a calm cool one. Maybe it was a smile of evil… jealousy.
"It's always about the show… we know." Lily sighed as she wanted to stop thinking about this.
"Strange. You act as if I'm going to pull out a glove and smack you across your face for her hand just like in Old France." Thomas chuckled amused.
"Uh… no because if you did that? We all know where I'm going to stick that glove up right afterwards just like in Old America." Lily shot back with some sting.
Thomas could only look on bemused. He knew not to mess with Lily's feistiness. Not that he was afraid of a 95 pound fireball but he needed every bit of that to motivate her inner Black Swan for his own gain. "By the way, if we're both tired Lily of speaking of the old ways, welcome to your new stage."
The sight of magnificence definitely stopped Lily's thought process and annoyance. In front of the stage she barely sees her peers in the same awe and excitement, bouncing around and looking at the venue they were going to perform in. The stage was being built at the moment at furious pace, surrounded by so many seats that were stacked almost to the rafters. This was where the New York Knicks played, this is where all the big musicians played, and they were going to perform here! A ballet ensemble!
"This is incredible." Lily muttered.
"Nina had a lot to do with the design… you should know." Thomas glanced around as well much calmer.
"I… I know I just… even her descriptions can't… do this justice." Lily turned to Thomas, looking at him with a shifted vibe. Even with all his faults and his hidden goals, the way he let Nina get into his world was kindness. Unless he was trying to woo her over to his side? Lily was very appreciative of this as well.
"You just let Nina into your zone so fast Thomas. This isn't normal Leroy protocol is it?"
Thomas crossed his arms, looking at Lily seriously. "I know you don't believe me but I do care for Nina beyond the show. I thought I proved that the minute I never left her side at the hospital bed. You did the same. Regardless of what Nina thinks of either of us, we should at least have that clear."
"Your heart sounds there but your methods sometimes really make me question you." Lily was always careful with him, much more so than any other Swan Queen he had taken advantage of. "Don't you regret? Don't you wonder sometimes if it's-"
"Life has no time for regret." Thomas answered plainly. "Nina inspired me when she found the strength to come back to the production. Now I am letting her go as far as she can go. She wants to learn the ways behind the scenes? I will support her."
Lily gave him a simple nod, trying to decipher Thomas was like her relationship with a Rubix Cube. "Well either way, thank you for letting her do this. I've never seen her so happy."
"Well, thank you for saving her." Thomas mentioned with a shake of his head, the two going from heated debate to friendly banter in two seconds flat. They were so similar to one another, physically dominating and intelligent figures. Nina felt both of that dangerous combination at her worst. Neither of them dominated the other. Their similarities would of course lead to clashes but there was a respect there that was unspoken. The fact they were both interested in Nina… well…
"Now go enjoy the stage your 'friend' helped create."
"Don't have to tell me twice."
"That's a nice change."
Lily grinned as she walked out towards the main stage with the inner child in her wanting to ogle the entire area down. It was gorgeous and magnificent in scope and in design. The stage was seared in black and white, being drawn of any type of real color, matching the noir look Nina wanted. The castle set was almost complete, being almost as tall as a real castle would be. Across Lily notices the "lake" that was being built for the finale and intro sections, the deep blue mechanism that simulated water using lights being just surreal.
Everything and anything in the set design had a key theme to it. Reflections… there was reflections everywhere. The stage almost looked like a set of mirrors, even the lake itself having a little 'waterfall' that would act as a reflective surface. Nina said she wanted to "Live the Nightmare" again and let people feel it. This Swan Lake was going to be much more intense than any previous incarnation for sure.
"Whoa, Beth!"
Lily suddenly turned as the entire group rushed over towards the entry way at Madeline's yell, Thomas looking the most shocked out of any person there naturally. Not only had Nina arrived but apparently she had brought a surprise with her. Lily was in disbelief but in total amazement of her girlfriend. She thought Beth and Nina weren't really talking.
"I brought a special guest with me everyone." Nina was pushing her wheel chair to the ballet crowd.
"It's nice to see you all... wow… this set is amazing!" Beth was so enthused, looking far from the broken wreck she was last seen, at least in her face. Her legs were disabled now but apparently her spirit was somewhat healed to that dancer the world remembered. Her youth… was partly there.
"Beth we missed you!"
"How come you didn't come sooner?"
"How have you been?"
The answers kept coming, the ballerinas were all hugging Beth in seconds like bees to honey, pampering her to near suffocation. All of them were laughing and joking around remember old times. Nina gave a little wink towards her idol and Beth returned the gesture, walking towards Lily and Thomas quite satisfied.
Not everyone was as ecstatic.
"Nina, why did you bring her here?" Thomas scowled.
"You seem angry." Nina blinked innocently. "I only thought it was natural to bring the person who carried your production for so long to a new venture. She should at least have the opportunity to see what it has become now right?"
"… Nina, I respect that but you're being-"
"I'm being fair." Nina seemed a bit bitter in her finish, looking at Thomas with eyes that barely resembled the frigid girl he once knew. "I've met so many sides of you that I don't know which is real. The Thomas that I look up to as a choreographer is the one I respect and care for. The Thomas that taught me lessons? Confused me and scared me. The Thomas that Beth has spoken about? …"
"Nina quiet!" Thomas threateningly pointed at her. "Do not speak another word."
"I don't need to." Nina shrugged. "You know what I was going to say."
"How can you do this to me after all I've done for you?"
"Oh but I did this because of that Thomas." Nina walked up to him, with a curled and cranked neck. "Somewhere deep down there is a man that is unmatched. But somewhere deep down there is also a man that has many things wrong with him. The way you treated me to bring the Black Swan out. You think I forgot? … I was willing to forgive you… but when Beth told me of the same things…"
"Alright… alright…" Thomas stopped her by holding her by her shoulders. "I get it…"
"Do you?" Nina stood tall, glancing through those blue but mysterious eyes. "I don't even want to know how many girls have been lured in by that wonderful man, only to be finished off by the one that is a creep."
Nina had a pent of fury in her. She could only think when Thomas was seducing her in the studio, kissing her so deeply, his hands against her inner thigh, breasts, and crotch. She thought she was in love but she was only in love with the feelings. She knew herself too well now. The fact he left her there confused… just like she did to Beth at the first reception of the season, made her furious.
"So you wish for me to air out all my problems here in a professional place?" Thomas growled at her.
"Where else do you go? You never stop working." Nina rolled her eyes. "You hide here behind your desk and choreographer status. You hide behind your professional self. Taking no responsibility for what you do to the personal lives of others. You're a great artist but that's not enough. I can't continue looking past your wrongs after talking to Beth. You're not the man I wanted to think you were."
"… I've created a monster." Thomas grumbled as he looked away, letting Nina go.
"We've created a monster." Lily finally chimed in, smirking in total amusement. Watching Nina stand up to the boss… was just a speechless moment.
"Thomas I appreciate you so much. I don't agree with your philosophy but you helped me come out of my shell. You were at my side when I was in the hospital. Why were you barely on Beth's side?" Nina prodded for the answer with no hesitation. "She loved you. She cared for you. She would do anything for you."
"I pushed her away so you could have a clear path without any-"
"Again with the work!" Nina couldn't believe it. "You act like a child. Just because you are the great Thomas Leroy does not make you any less responsible for your actions."
Thomas stayed quiet for once, shaking his head as this Nina was just something he couldn't even grasp. On one hand he wanted to shut her mouth. On the other he cared for her very much. The sad thing out of all this… was he knew what she was saying was true. His ego. His strength. His macho exterior… it was all a barrier.
"Perhaps I could have handled… my relationship with Beth more smoothly." He muttered under his breath.
"You can still fix it. If I could do it… so can you." Nina cleared his pathway to Beth. "Let me handle the practice today. Please talk to her Thomas… it would mean the world to me. I know somewhere inside you there is a man that I can look up to again. I want to look up to you."
Thomas began cursing in French again as he paced back and forth, no one ever challenging him like this. It was so alien. It was so strange. It was so aggravating. He felt guilty. He felt guilty for Nina's situation and he felt bad for Beth. Hiding behind all his power and reputation thinking the rules didn't apply to him. In his mind he was a hero to these women, giving them chances of a lifetime and "improving" them… but perhaps he took it too far.
"F-fine… I will speak to her but I will not promise anything good from this Ms. Sayers." Thomas said with a wounded man's ego.
"It's okay to be uncertain." Nina crossed her arms. "Do as you told me to do whenever I was frail and confused…"
"And what is that?"
"… Attack it…"
Thomas just stared at her for a few seconds, almost in disbelief at what just occurred. This Nina was strong. This Nina was wise. Too much of either really. But she still had a sweetness in her that wouldn't let him get so angry. Thomas put some of the blame on himself deep down in his conscience for her near death. From her words, she meant well with this and Thomas knew it. Perhaps this was a wakeup call that he needed to drop his ego for.
"You heard the lady Thomas." Lily smirked, pointing at Beth's direction. "Seduce it…"
"The intensity of practice better not drop off." Thomas more or less ignored Lily and just nodded at Nina, turning around and walking towards Beth and the entire group in a proud man's walk, parting the sea of people. The two shared a glance that was making everyone kind of hold their breaths.
**"Beth you were my hero. I looked up to you in every way possible. I want us to be friends but I am not forcing anything."**
**"Look Nina, obviously I wasn't in the right state of mind when the switch happened. Heck, when I heard what happened to you on Opening Night, I wasn't cheering I'll tell you that much. You were always so frigid but I knew you could dance. When I saw you dance my old role? I cried. I cried because I knew you were better than me."**
**"You will always be the best dancer in the world to me. I just wanted you to approve of me. That's all."**
**"… Thank you. You are… a sweetheart. You and Lily did a great job of picking up where I left off. Making it even better in fact. That fuck face Thomas doesn't deserve it but you two have my support. I'm happy at least one of us can continue to dance. Hell yes… I approve of you."**
Thomas merely walked behind Beth in silence, taking her wheelchair and rolling the two out of the main entrance so they could be alone, the two beginning to slowly chat a conversation no one would ever hear. Nina knew Thomas probably felt emasculated at the moment, but honestly for those that really knew, this was probably the most courageous act he'd done in far too long. Lily was one of them and took a glance at her girlfriend, still just the fly on the wall.
"Since when did you become Cupid?"
"I don't know if they're in love but they need closure either way." Nina said it seriously. "You can't leave wounds open and bleeding like they had."
Lily wouldn't argue with the expert at that.
"Huh, you are like… the perfect woman or something." Lily got off the table in a rabid hurry; hugging her so tight Nina wanted to gag. The more promiscuous one already had a couple of hands groping all over… making Nina moan too much for comfort.
"G-gah, L-Lily… we're supposed to be professional here." Nina's eyes were wide open pulling away with a biting tongue.
"I know… I know… but you telling Thomas off like that and showing him the error of his ways…" Lily whispered. "God… I just want to fuck you so bad right now. That was a huge turn on."
"I… uh… well… if we have a good practice today…" Nina whispers back happily hearing she was exciting her partner. "Then you will get your wish…"
"… Score…" Lily smiled only to blink. "Hey. Are you trying to motivate me with sex again?"
"… I don't think anything else works nearly as well with you am I right?"
"Point taken…"
- B – B – B –
Forever the mischievous student Lily watched on stage with careful eyes as Nina was standing behind the simulated waterfall, going through the White Swan motions with perfect precision. Of course Lily had her eyes on another 'perfect' aspect. Nina's nice and tight rear never got old.
"You know having you as a choreographer just is so much better." Lily fawned in exaggeration. Nina turned her head to say thank you, only to notice where Lily's eyes were.
"Oh come on Lily. Concentrate." Nina regrouped and centered herself again with a huff. "We both know the White Swan variation so well I think we can match each other on stage perfectly while looking. The only issue is-"
"When I have my back towards you." Lily was already on the same page.
"Right. We're going to have to trust our knowledge in the music and be perfectly in sync blindfolded."
"Piece of cake. I know you better inside out than I know my own hand… which has ironically been inside you. Hah."
"Do you always have to go back to the sex while we're here? What is wrong with you?" Nina poked in angry whisper, not wanting the other girls to hear.
"Ow, no need to get rough now." Lily sighed. "You seem a little stressed. We don't want you to be stressed."
"I… I know… it's just this is so much work." Nina breathed deeply. "So much to worry about."
"Hey maybe we need a break or something. We don't need to travel down roads that we've covered up." Lily smiled.
"Well there's a couple I need to still…"
"LADIES LADIES LADIES! YOUR KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR HAS ARRIVED!"
"What now?" Lily glanced over towards the entrance to see a well suited man walk towards them. He had a nice Gucci suit on with sun glasses and a cellphone to his head like it was glued on there. This was the uniform of a lawyer of some sort or a sleaze ball as Lily knew them by.
"Excuse me sir. Who are you?" Nina asked with a confused look.
"Nina baby. Lily darling. I'm the guy who's going to make you two into global superstars. You guys are hot. You guys are the it thing!" The dark curly haired young man certainly had bravado. "The name is Harry Osborn. Please to meet you both. I can already see you two becoming bigger than the Kardashians!"
"… He sounds like some sort of agent." Lily shrugged at Nina.
"Right on Lily I am your agent. I'm going to handle your soon to be exploding careers. We're going to get your names out there. We're going to let people see the real Lily and Nina."
"Uh, I don't think that's the best idea." Lily answered with a little mix of joke and gloom. "Who are you an agent for?"
"Have you ever heard of Rhianna? Snookie? Topher Grace? Dewayne "The Rock" Johnson?"
"Y-yeah… I've heard of them..." Lily tapped her foot.
"Well my friends are agents for them."
"Huh, impressive. S-so… you… wait a sec your friends? What?" Lily scowled.
"Uh Mr. Osborn, I am sure you mean well but we have a lot of work to-"
"Yes work is important and time is money. Right now we got a little promotion set up to get this show some exposure to the young male sitting at home. Now what do you young boys like?"
"Lesbians making out, beer, and not ballet." Lily answered to kill this young tike's groove.
"Y-yes… true Lily… but what they like is good old fashioned football too! Some pigskin. Some rough and tough guy sports!"
"Foot…ball?" Nina and Lily asked at the same time and in the same stupid tone.
"Yes my girls. Football players do ballet all the time to keep their balance and grace as you know. So Fox Sports wanted to do a joint promotion, letting you guys mingle with professional football players while teaching them some steps. Then they'll teach you football."
"Wow sounds kind of fun." Lily perked up.
"W-we don't have time for this!" Nina glowered. "Mr. Osborn please…"
"Oh come on Nina. We need a break. Everyone's been going at it really hard."
"I… guess."
"Ladies I give you your New York Football Giants!"
All the ballerinas who were practicing suddenly stopped, peering over to see a sight that would freeze a charging rhino. Ignoring the multitude of cameras that came in, watching 250 to 350 pound men running into the building in various skintight leotards of the rainbow and primped tutus were something that was just too much to bear. The entire football team was in their house ready to learn even against their will. The performers were definitely having their amused conversations at their expense.
"Hey ladies! How do I look?" One of the spunkier players began to prance, making his team chuckle.
"H-holy hell…" Lily gasped.
"This is ridiculous." Nina added her own two cents.
"Well does this job have hazard pay if one of those guys falls on us?"
"Ugh…"
- B – B – B –
Nina and Lily were skeptical but surprisingly it was a fun time with the Fox Sports cameras there. Watching the girls try to move the huge men into correct ballet positions, crawling underneath and manipulating their trunks for legs were ridiculous images never to be forgotten. A couple of football players were around Veronica at the moment, so intoxicated with her charm. An offensive lineman even had Madeline and Lynn up by one arm, swinging them around like they were nothing. Two total opposite worlds gelling perfectly… almost like Lily and Nina themselves.
Even Lily and Nina had a little moment.
**"Okay Nina when I toss you the ball, you have to get to the end zone. Which is the stage."**
**"Uh okay…"**
**"What do I do now that she has the ball?"**
**"You Lily have to stop her from getting there. You need to tackle her."**
**"W-wait what?"**
**"Alright. Watch out Nina… here I come!"**
**"H-hey! I don't want to play this! Lily… no! No! I'm serious… g-get away!"**
**"Come on Nina! You're running the wrong way!"**
"I can't believe you actually took me to the ground." Nina rubbed her ginger tail bone.
"I can't believe you made me chase you around the stadium. Haha… they got good footage at least." Lily nuzzled her as Nina could only shake her head.
"Excuse me both you kind ladies." A tall lanky player stepped up, his tutu color a nice pink. "My name is Chad Taylor I'm a wide receiver. I'm a big fan of the both of you."
"Really?" Lily crossed her arms as she didn't believe it. "And this isn't a lame pick up line?"
"Oh god no," Chad shook showing off his ring. "I'm a married man."
"The married ones are the most dangerous…" Lily shrugged. "But my bad…"
"Don't mind Lily, she's just not used to kind strangers." Nina extended her hand. "Thank you for supporting us."
"Well don't really thank me. I wanted you both to meet someone if you two don't mind." Chad waved behind him. "Come on baby, don't be shy. Let's go."
From the distance Lily and Nina could only break their professionalism in girly grins as apparently his wife was helping a young toddler over. She was the cutest girl you'd ever see, with dirty blonde hair and big blue eyes, plumping along on the ground also dressed in an entire matching ballerina outfit to her dad. She even had a cute little princess crown to boot.
"Oh my God, I apologize. You have such a cute kid!" Lily kneeled down as she closed on in. "Hello there!"
Nina could only smile warmly at the shyness as the young girl hid behind her mother, peaking over at Nina and Lily from time to time. It reminded Nina of her to a tee of her younger self.
"She's a little shy but she really loved it when we took her to the ballet performance." Chad smirked. "The wife wanted to get the kid hooked and it worked because of you two. This is my wife Cindy."
"Nice to meet you both. You were there on Opening night?" Nina asked curious.
"Yes actually… and we're all glad you're alright by the way." Cindy smiled. "You've been inspirational to my daughter and even my husband."
"Really?"
"Y-yeah a lot of time he'd fight through the aches and pain of football by saying if a Ballerina can do what you did, damn I better not cry because of this."
"… A little strange compliment but I understand." Nina grinned, kneeling down now with Lily trying to coerce the child to come forth. "H-hey we like your outfit. What's your name?"
"Laura…" The girl finally whispers.
"Laura. That's a nice name. Do you want to meet us?" Lily's kind smile made her nod slowly, eventually walking passed her mother's protection and towards them.
"She's so adorable." Nina looked up towards the parents. "How old is she?"
"A very smart four years old." Cindy rang proudly.
"Of course she's smart if she's a fan of Lily." The dark swan reached out gently and hugged the little girl, showing a bit of maternal instincts Nina had never seen. "So you like ballet huh?"
Lily's such a softie when she wants to be.
"Y-yes…" Laura spoke very punctually.
"What's your favorite ballet?"
"S-swan Lake."
"She has extremely good tastes parents." Lily stated the obvious as Nina laughed in agreement. They were both reaching out to comb her head gently like she was a cute little puppy of some sort.
"She loves you both. I took her to your opening night, and she got to see Lily three times now." Cindy admired.
Chad only sighed. "Are you guys releasing a DVD? No offense… but I can't really sit through another one of those. I've seen the White Swan jump more time than I ever need to. Please make a DVD. Please!"
"I'll talk to my bosses about it." Nina calmed him down with a light laugh.
"Hey Laura can you dance for Nina and Lily?"
"Oh so the costume isn't just for show? Awesome! Dance away Laura!" Lily let her back down, encouraging as she only knew how. With a comfortable toddler's environment Laura began to swing around playfully, in her mind doing a spectacular job.
"T-this is the White Swan dancing! I don't like the Black Swan!"
Nina and Lily could only giggle to themselves in delight, watching the young child perform ballet as any four year old would. A bit crazily. A bit wildly. But she was having so much fun.
"She's having fun." Nina whispers.
"She's loving it." Lily stared on acutely. "I was just like this when I was her age. So cute I was."
"I know… I was the same... I don't know as cute though."
Nina and Lily have had conversations about the childish exuberance of their profession leaving them a while ago. They assumed it just came with the territory. Why couldn't they love ballet in the most innocent manner as they did in their youth? Does money, fame, and ego get in the way? Those… were horrible excuses. Lily put it quite poetically when she explains the moment when that innocent love of ballet was gone.
**"When we became conniving bitches."**
Laura finally finished with a nice cute pose imitating the White Swan, both of the ballerinas clapping loudly at her dramatic conclusion.
"Bravo young lady… you are a great White Swan. Thomas would say you are perfect." Lily clapped with much bravado, mimicking the many chorographers she's had in the past.
"Laura I think you deserve something for your great performance." Nina walked a few feet back, reaching into her bag, pulling out a pair of new ballerina shoes to return. "If you fit them please wear these when you become the best dancer in the world okay? I want to tell everyone she is wearing my shoes."
"Okay!" Laura said simply not understanding totally, smiling at Lily and Nina as she took the shoes quite happily. Both the Swan Queens couldn't help but think of their childhood again. They couldn't help but remember that they were living dreams they once had. To dance this make believe world professionally. To be watched and adored and to live as a ballerina. They've reached their dreams… why the nightmares to deal with now?
"You girls are really dolls." Cindy smiled. "She's wanted to meet you two for the longest time. She doesn't stop talking about ballet and when my husband told me about this. She couldn't sleep."
"She used to want to be a cheerleader." Chad shivered. "Daddy don't want his little girl to be a cheerleader. Go ballet."
"Haha wise choice." Lily complimented patting the Laura's head. "You keep working hard okay? You'll be dancing better than we are in no time."
"Say thank you to Nina and Lily Laura." Her mother urged. "If you do we'll see the new Swan Lake."
"Thank you Nina and Lily. I like you both! I like your dancing!" Laura happily paraded back to her parents with red cheeks as she was picked up.
"… We like you too." Nina waved gingerly as Lily did the same. With the sweetness of a child their minds were almost in another place for a second…
**"And introducing proudly from the 4th grade class, cute little Nina Sayers performing a ballet solo section from Beauty and the Beast…"**
**Mom and dad are so proud of me. Everyone is watching me. I'm doing so well… I'm beautiful… I'm happy…**
- B – B – B –
Waiting for the end to come
Wishing I had strength to stand
This is not what I had planned
It's out of my control
( Old Sayer's Apartment )
Lily made her way down the narrow corridor of the cramped complex, of course not being able to forget the past. She remembered asking Thomas for Nina's address, coming here to take her out for a dinner to make amends for the bad start they had. The night that followed of course had been spoken about quite a few times between the two. For Lily, this was the first time she truly began worrying for Nina. Seeing the relationship between a mother and daughter that unhealthily constricting was frightening.
Her first impressions of Erica Sayers were one of a crazy mother. Lily of course had softened that stance while meeting her at the hospital. Watching a mother fear for her daughter's life at a hospital bedside would soften anyone. Erica was tragic just like Nina was tragic. Both of them had problems but neither of them helped one another.
Like Nina though times were changing quickly for everyone.
"Lily, hey, Nina said you were coming."
"Ms. Sayers. Hi! How's it going?" Lily put on her friendly face.
Erica Sayers stepped out of the doorway with a small box in hand, looking at Lily with a smile. She was still dressed so drab and dark but her face was a change. "Nina is inside packing up her last few things if you want to see her."
"I will in a sec. I had no idea you were moving out today." Lily glanced into the apartment, seeing almost the entire room emptied out.
"I wanted to rush the moving." Erica took a peak around. "There's nothing left for me here. Or Nina for that matter. It's better to move on."
"I see." Lily nodded. "You look good. You look better."
"Yes, yes I feel a bit better." The elder Sayers walked over to Lily, slowly embracing her like a new friend. "Thank you for supporting my daughter when I couldn't. I know I keep telling you this but I cannot stress it enough."
"Not a problem…" Lily could only remember tears from a mother distraught, feeling guilty of hurting her own flesh and blood. When Erica saw that Lily was the only one of the ballerinas visiting Nina so consistently… she knew she was good people. Someone that would be there for Nina no matter what. Another poor judgment by her.
"I apologize writing you off as something you weren't when I first met you." Erica's words were a deep one.
"It's alright. I get bad first impressions all the time. I keep telling you this." Lily made nothing of it. "I'm just hoping there's some type of healing going on here between you two?"
"There is. It's slow but there is. Thank heavens." Erica's plate to deal with was just as much as Nina's.
Flying at the speed of light
Thoughts were spinning in my head
So many things were left unsaid
It's hard to let you go
"Hey Lily. I didn't know you got here already." Nina walked out the door with a few books in her hands, placing them on the table behind the entryway before greeting with a hug of her still secret lover.
"Hey Nina, you told me you needed some help moving so… well… I came."
"I knew you would…" Nina smiled at her, turning to her mother. "Mom I'll take the keys to the apartment while I finish sorting things out. Is that okay? I don't want to keep you and Uncle Ted waiting."
"Of course dear, that's not a problem." Erica took a glance back at the apartment she and Nina called "home" for so long. Sure it didn't feel like home most the time and it was a nightmare situation… but it was all they had. This kept them alive. "I want to say good riddens but for some reason I can't. I know we had a lot of bad times here. But… I saw you grow here."
"Oh m-mother, I'm so proud of you." Nina smiled, convincing her mom to get out of this place like she did. It was almost like Erica's old hope of Nina returning… had disappeared. "I… am glad you and I can… talk again and…"
"Nina it's alright. I know both you and I have a lot to work on. A lot of skeletons to clear out still." Erica smiled back a bit weaker. "It is only natural we do this together. This is my… big first step."
"I'll be there with you every step of the way okay?" Nina hugged her mother appreciating Erica's confession of her own faults.
Living her dreams through her daughter. Squeezing her daughter so tight she wouldn't grow up and leave her alone. Wanting to see her succeed but not too much to eclipse her own career completely… somewhere and at some point in time Erica forgot how to be a mother. Slowly but surely… she hoped to be the mother Nina always needed before. Erica felt a bit saddened either way. Nina… without much help from her has become a woman that any mother would be proud of.
**"When you almost died… I… couldn't live with myself anymore. I wanted to die as well."**
**"Don't say that mommy."**
**"Imagine a mother having a hand in her own daughter's death. What kind of sick person is that? I don't deserve this second chance you are giving me."**
**"You are my mother… I will never turn my back on you no matter what. You nurtured my dream early on. You fed me when I was hungry. Let's help each other heal. Please come with me on this."**
**"Nina… I'll do anything to win your trust again. I love you my child."**
I know what it takes to move on
I know how it feels to lie
All I wanna do is trade this life for something new
Holding on to what I haven't got
"I'll come visit you at Uncle Ted's every week I promise you." Nina reassured.
"Good, because when you moved away and I barely saw you that was a torture I don't need again." Erica had tearful eyes.
"I'm better now mommy. I don't have anything to fear anymore." Nina held her tightly, crying a bit as well with a fighting bite of her lip. "I will help you with whatever you need."
"Just keep going. Keep living this life you've created for yourself. Be the person I failed to be. It is making me happier than you could ever imagine. Don't ever stop for anything understand?"
"Yes… mom." Nina sighed deeply. "I love you…"
"I love you too…" Erica gave her a peck on the cheek, now shaking it off. "Now that we've scared Lily to bits… I better get on out to Ted. He's going to be his grumpy self."
"I'm good Erica…" Lily shrugged with a smirk, feeling a bit heart strung herself over this.
"Tell Uncle I said hello." Nina waved. "Mother I'll come visit you tomorrow. You'll be going to the show on Saturday correct?"
"I wouldn't miss it for the world." Erica waved at Nina, and then at Lily. "Bye you two. Take care of one another okay?"
"You got it." Lily waved it off as Nina stared at her mother walk off and down the stairs.
"Bye mom…" Nina felt it inside her as well. The memories of Erica when she was younger were a much different person then the one that tormented her privacy and it was reemerging. Another dream so close to reality was taking shape. Nina knew she just had to keep working at it. That's one thing that will never change in her. Work, work, work till you get what you desire.
"Your mom looks great now." Lily smiled, going over and kissing Nina's tear littered cheek.
"It took… a lot of talking… and it's going to take a lot more than that to fix what we did to one another." Nina wiped her eyes as she grabbed Lily's hand softly and walked into the apartment, closing the door.
"So how am I supposed to help you when everything is already packed up and ready to go?" Lily walked around, taking notice of a small black box that seemed cracked and damaged. "Hey what's this?"
"… Uh… its… an old gift a long time ago from my mom. It's my music box."
"It looks beat to shit. What happened to it? Does it still work?"
Nina remembers the time she got so angry with herself, smashing the music box to the floor out of fury. "I… don't know if it still works. But it's old. I think it's time to throw it out."
"Well let's go see if it works."
"No." Nina turned to her, holding her hand that was about to reach it.
"Nina, are you scared the box might be dead or something?"
That box represents me at my best and worst times…
What if it's broken forever?
… What if I'm broken forever?
"I just want to remember it when it was working. When I was young, and hearing it for the first time it made me happy… watching the ballerina inside dance." Nina shook her head. "I don't want to see it… broken."
"Nina come on! You're being scared. No more being scared." Lily grabbed it, suddenly opening it. Nina had no time to react.
It was a pleasant result. The music was playing. The porcelain ballerina was spinning. It was damaged but… it still worked.
"You don't need to throw away everything about your old self." Lily caressed her cheek calmly. "You were always a good person Nina. Keep the good… get rid of the bad. Don't nuke your life…"
"Y-yes…" Nina took he box from Lily's hand as she blushed at her girlfriend's touch, staring at her little toy from childhood. The fact it was still working was a miracle in itself. The same miracle that had Nina almost beating down everything that used to bring her down. It was still… like her.
"Now what did you really call me here for? There's nothing to move." Lily glanced around. "You told me you cleaned out your room a week ago."
Nina gently closed the box, and put it down, smiling at her love with a kind look. "I wanted you to help me move… on. In a way."
"Okay…"
"There's a memory that I want replaced." Nina blushed, looking down to the floor. "I had a dream that I thought was so real. I need it to be real. I want it to be real."
"Oh God, are you saying what I'm thinking you're saying?" Lily gasped. "You're talking about that lezzie dream you had about me awhile back."
"Y-yes… can you help me make it real?"
Lily could only smile amused. "Wow this is a strange request…"
"Don't make me feel weirder please." Nina whined, holding her hot cheeks. "I feel so silly."
"Look, you want me to eat your pussy? All you really have to do is grunt, and point down there and most of the time I'll oblige." Lily kissed those tender lips as she thought Nina's request was so cute. "Fine… what do you need me to do?"
Nina toyed with those lips that were touched and locked the door to the apartment with a grin that she couldn't get rid of, trying to imagine in her head again. "Okay, I need to take you by your hand, taking me to my room. I shut the door, locking it… and then I go to you and we make out. I toss you on the bed… and then you get on top of me…"
"I get the picture." Lily looked so sexy, playful, yet curious. "Man you have a kinky little director's head in your mind. No wonder you make such a good choreographer."
"Are you ready now?" Nina was more anxious than she was even.
"… Anything for you Nina."
"… Y-you are a dream you know that?"
"So I've been told…"
- B – B – B –
The rest of the time before the first show at Madison Square Garden was like a rush that couldn't be coherent. For Nina all the hard work, struggles, and her pain was all coming to ahead. In her dressing room she hears the crowd rumbling outside, literally making the ground shake a little. Her eyes remain tight and closed as she kept running through her memories. The night she stabbed herself. The night she let the primal rage out for all to see. The night that forced her to grow into the woman she was now.
You want to come out and challenge me this time?
I'm ready…
Nina had no reply. She dared the darkness to try and get her this time. She wanted to see it. She needed to go to that place. Only this time she would conquer it.
"H-hey Nina…" Lily peered her head into the doorway of the dressing room. "It's show time in fifteen minutes. Group meeting at the greenroom."
Nina opened her eyes at the voice of her lover, staring at the reflection of herself as Lily waited for her. She was dressed as the elegant White Swan like Lily behind her, but her eyes were a dead deep blood red… eyes of the Black Swan glaring through her soul.
"I'm so close to my fairy tale ending…" Nina spoke softly at her mirror image, this hybrid looking Swan so snug and confident. "And only you are in my way…"
"We're all here for you Nina remember okay?" Lily walked over to her, arms wrapping around her lean shoulder blades, nuzzling her head tightly. "Don't' think you're alone in this."
"… When I began this whole healing process, I thought strength had to only be from inside me." Nina turned to Lily, she shook. "My strength comes from you now as much myself."
"Then it's good that I'm going to be there by your side tonight. I want that perfect ending as much as you Nina."
"Thank you…" Nina closed her eyes holding Lily's hand to herself, trying to clear her mind. With Lily behind her she knew her final closure was so close. Nothing was going to stand in her way this time to get it right. There was no White Swan to face anymore. There was no Black Swan.
It was time she faced… herself.
With Lily caressing her so close and feeling her warmth breath, her mind floated into the darkness. She almost heard that dance music again behind the rumbling. The club lights flashing neon colors.
"Come on Nina… time to go dancing…"