A/N: Well, I think this is long overdue, haha, but here's the first side story! This takes place mid-September after Ciel finds Sebastian on the cruise ship. So a few weeks or so after chapter twelve ^^ I wrote this after spending an entire day reading a story written in present tense but I'm hoping that I was able to catch all my mistakes, haha. If not, please ignore them! XD I hope everyone enjoys this chapter and hopefully more will be out soon!
Warnings: Fluff, mental distress an insecurity
Disclaimer: If you've made it this far into the story, you know by now that I don't own Kuroshitsuji ^^
Wind blew lightly across the green grass, gently bending the blades under its touch and sending stray leaves dancing across the paved paths that circled the pond. It made ripples appear on the water's surface and ruffled the feathers on the ducks swimming in the pond, making them quack loudly in the late afternoon.
It was peaceful during this time of the year at the park. School was back in session and not many people came to the park in the middle of the week, leaving it wide open and empty. A few vendors still parked their carts at various points around the park, selling their items and enjoying the final days of summer before autumn started its approach on the land.
Already, the leaves were starting to change color; ever so slightly. A few had fallen from their branches and tired eyes watched them dance around in the wind until they collected around the legs of the benches that lined the sidewalks. A stray leaf darted away from the pack and came to land in front of Sebastian, making him reach out to grab it.
The leaf was soft in between his fingers, having just fallen from the tree earlier that day. With a smile, Sebastian shifted onto his side and wiggled the tip of the leaf at the black kitten that slumbered next to him. Her eyes opened slightly but she did nothing more than yawn at it before going back to sleep once more.
The action had Sebastian smiling and he tucked the leaf into the small basket that sat on the edge of the blanket before crossing his arms under his chin once more. A soft sigh left his mouth as he shifted on the soft blanket, crimson eyes watching two figures off in the distance. Three actually, but Sebastian didn't count the dog. It barked loudly and chased a ball that the two people tossed back and forth, wagging its tail happily.
Shaking his head, Sebastian rolled onto his side and shifted Soot closer to his chest, blocking her small body from the wind. She squeaked at the movement but didn't wake and Sebastian felt his eyes falling shut as well. It had been a long day; a good one, but long nonetheless. DIE had finished shooting their latest season on the cruise ship and now he was enjoying a month long break once more.
Profits were high and by far, this shoot was their most popular season to date. It was a great success and Sebastian was pleased with how everything had turned out. His eyes flickered to the two people across the pond. Yes, even that.
It was hard to believe that Ciel was back in his life and yet, here he was. It had been a little over a month since the younger male found him on the cruise ship, something Sebastian cursed and embraced at the same time. A small part of him had hoped never to see Ciel again after all the pain he had felt at Ciel's hand.
Nevertheless, Ciel alone wasn't to blame for his actions and Sebastian knew that. It was the reason Sebastian had picked a spot so close to Ciel's college, in hopes that he would find the younger male again or that Ciel would find him. Because no matter what happened between them, all the pain and betrayal, from both their sides, Sebastian was still so helplessly in love with Ciel. Had been since the first time he saw the younger male.
And now, Ciel was back at his side once more, despite everything that had happened between them. At times, it seemed like a dream, one that Sebastian would wake up from at any moment and realize that the chess set in his condo was gone; the only thing of Ciel that was currently in his home. It was too soon to allow Ciel back into his bed, but Sebastian had allowed Ciel to visit his condo as often as he wanted.
They played chess nearly every day after Ciel found him and the chess set was well worn now after the many games they played in silence. It took a week of those silent games before Sebastian could finally say something, knocking down the first wall that kept them separated from each other. And there were several walls in place between them, more on Sebastian's side than Ciel's, but they still existed and they kept them apart.
Their fingers never touched each other, not even when they were playing chess and the first time they happened to brush against each other, Sebastian jerked his hand back as if he had been burned. The hurt that had washed over Ciel's face at his action made Sebastian's chest ache and as soon as the game was over, he sent Ciel away.
It was slow going and hard, those first few weeks together. No one ever said it would be easy but Ciel was patient and persistent; and Sebastian was willing to forgive. It was those traits that kept everything from falling apart around them before they even had the chance to try again. Because the next day, Ciel was back, ready to play another game of chess and this time, Sebastian was willing to knock down another wall.
The brush of Ciel's fingers against his hand this time wasn't accidental and Sebastian let the touch linger on his skin. Their eyes darted up to look at each other and Sebastian gave a small nod, silently telling, no begging, Ciel to keep going. They both had to work together at this relationship in order for it to work. Ciel was already building the bridge to reach Sebastian and was patiently waiting for him. Now Sebastian had to do the same thing.
Slowly, Ciel's hand rose, his fingers brushing against the inside of Sebastian's wrists and making him shiver at the touch. "Keep going," he murmured when Ciel stopped suddenly at the action. Ciel nodded and Sebastian shifted closer, the game ignored for the time being. Hands came up to cup his face and Sebastian went to move closer, only to smack his knee against the side of the table.
Ciel chuckled lowly and his hands fell from Sebastian's face. "Maybe doing this with a table between us wasn't a wise idea," he stated, blue eyes dancing slightly.
Sebastian couldn't stop the small smile from crossing his lips and warily moved around the table until he was seated on the floor next to Ciel. "Better?" He asked, carefully reaching out to touch Ciel's cheek. Because it wasn't just Sebastian who had been hurt in all this, but Ciel as well. They had both lost the privilege to touch each other so freely.
"Much," Ciel answered and leaned into the touch that Sebastian offered before reaching up to return the favor.
Crimson eyes closed in pleasure at the simple touch and Sebastian couldn't help but sigh at the feeling of Ciel's fingers brushing across his skin. They stroked his cheeks, tracing the still lingering dark circles under his eyes before moving in a slow arch and following the curve of his jaw. Fingers rested against his pulse, feeling it flutter wildly against Ciel's touch before the younger male pulled back.
"Don't stop," Sebastian whispered and drew Ciel closer to him.
Ciel shook his head and his fingers moved up to lace through dark locks. "I won't. Not until you tell me stop or you push me away," he answered.
Sebastian's eyes opened at the words and he realized his hand had stopped moving. It cupped Ciel's cheek, his fingers rubbing small circles over the skin before he answered. "I have no reason to push you away," he stated. "I missed you."
"I missed you too," Ciel breathed. "I missed you so much."
Before Sebastian could stop himself, he pulled Ciel closer until the younger male was pressed up against him. "I'm sorry," he gasped, clutching at Ciel's shirt. "I'm sorry I lied to you and led you on that way. I never should've done that."
Ciel's hands tightened in his hair before they drifted down to cup his cheeks, tilting Sebastian's head up so they could look at each other. "I forgive you," he said softly. "I forgive you, Sebastian. Please stop beating yourself up for this."
Sebastian nodded and buried his face into Ciel's neck, inhaling the familiar scent of the younger male. A scent that a few months ago, he thought he would never smell again. "Okay," he answered quietly.
They spent the rest of the afternoon that way until Ciel had to leave, but even that simple action of forgiveness and acceptance was enough to tear down another wall and weaken several others. No one ever said it would be a fast recovery, but Sebastian could see the progress that was being made and each day that passed after that was like wiping away a layer of filth from a dirty windshield.
It wasn't clean enough that they could see through it clearly, but slowly, the sunlight was starting to permeate the darkness that had surrounded them, allowing them to see what could be.
After that, the touches came more frequently until the chess games were once more a thing of the past. They still played the game, but it was no longer needed to keep the awkward silence at bay. Now, they enjoyed each other's company and Sebastian started to teach Ciel how to cook again, finding that Ciel's cooking skills had somehow worsened in the month they had been apart.
That, and Ciel still couldn't properly read the instructions. Their first lesson together was for a simple cake. The instructions said to bake for fifteen minutes but somehow the timer had been set for fifty, resulting in the smoke detector going off for several minutes. Sebastian could only shake his head as Ciel pulled out the black, charcoaled cake that was supposed to be for dessert that night, and told Ciel to keep fanning the smoke detector while he threw the mess in the trash.
Following that incident, Sebastian thought it would be good to teach Ciel how to cook something on the grill; figuring that it would be easier and the chance of his condo smelling like smoke would be lessened. It was a simple lesson, how to grill chicken breasts. They had already been marinated in a sauce that Sebastian had created himself and all Ciel had to do was place them on the grill and watch them.
Simple enough, Sebastian figured. What he hadn't been counting on though was for Ciel to douse the coals with extra fluid lighter when he wasn't looking. The ending result was a ball of fire shooting up from the pit that engulfed the chicken breasts before it roared hotly while Ciel stared at the flames with wide eyes.
Sebastian, for his troubles, almost lost his eyebrows. After that, Ciel was banned from using a grill anywhere near Sebastian's condo and in the end; they went out to eat for dinner that night. Ciel paid of course.
That had been several weeks ago and Sebastian absently brushed over his eyebrows, feeling that they were thinner than what they once were. Even today, during this little impromptu picnic, Sebastian didn't let Ciel touch the grill. Instead, he told the younger male to keep the dog occupied while he handled the food.
Ciel grumbled at him for that but dragged the dog away nonetheless while Sebastian tended to the grill. Ciel's female friend, Elizabeth, stayed back though to help and Sebastian found that she was helpful despite her claims at being horrible in the kitchen.
"My father usually does all the grilling," she stated, holding out the plate for Sebastian so he could place the food on the grill. "I just carry the plates to him when he needs them."
Sebastian nodded. "My father taught me how to cook, all aspects of it and ever since he passed away, it's one of the things I have left of him. Whenever I cook, I think about him and all the good times we had together, and that way I never forget him."
Elizabeth smiled. "I think you just encouraged me to spend more time with my father and find something we can share," she stated and set the plate to the side. "Life is short."
"It is," Sebastian answered and slipped a few vegetables on a skewer before placing it over the low flame. "We often forget that until it's too late."
"You know, he called me the night you two first kissed," Elizabeth stated, turning slightly to look at Ciel and giggling as she watched her dog chase him around. "I insulted you to see how he felt about you and he tore into me as he defended you. I've never seen him jump to defend someone like that before."
Sebastian was silent for a while as he focused on the flames. "I know he cares," he finally admitted.
Elizabeth nodded. "And you love him, always have." She smiled at Sebastian's silence and continued to speak. "Ciel has never loved anyone before. Lusted yes, but never loved. Until now. I can see the difference in the way he looks at you compared to past interests and I saw how devastated he was after the fight you two had. I know it doesn't mean much coming from me, but I know that he cares for you and loves you back as well. He just, doesn't know how to show it or say the right words."
She looked at him and Sebastian watched her curiously before she stood up on her toes and pressed a light kiss to his cheek. "I know what happened between you two and that something like that is hard to come back from. But I can see you two trying and I know that eventually you two will come together again." She stood flat on her feet again. "Don't be wholly afraid to let him back in Sebastian. Life is too short."
Before Sebastian could say anything in response, Elizabeth darted away and ran over to Ciel's side to save him from the slobbery tongue of the foul beast called a dog. Sebastian could only watch her go and wipe away the remains of her kiss from his cheek. Ciel had warned him about Elizabeth when Sebastian had suggested bringing her to the picnic, but Sebastian found he was rather curious to meet Elizabeth.
They had talked once on the phone when she had swiped Ciel's phone one day, claiming she wanted to talk to him. Ciel had fought long and hard to get the phone back, and Sebastian could hear the younger male's attempts in the background as Elizabeth demanded that they met one day. In the end, Sebastian had agreed to meet the female and the rest, as they say, was history.
After all, Ciel already knew all of Sebastian's friends and co-workers. It only seemed fair that Sebastian meet Elizabeth, who was Ciel's best friend; even though the younger male claimed that Elizabeth was often times the devil in disguise. A she-devil, Ciel had grumbled often after the incident.
Seeing her after their little talk, Sebastian couldn't help but shake his head. Perhaps she-devil was a little harsh and unnecessary. A proud lion was more Elizabeth's style. She knew what she wanted and wasn't afraid to protect those she cared about. She had earned Sebastian's respect and he was glad that Ciel had a friend like Elizabeth.
Sebastian's gaze darted across the pond once more, watching as Ciel dropped down in the grass while Elizabeth chased her dog with boundless energy. The sight made Sebastian's lips twitch and he found himself amused at how much energy Elizabeth had, even after the long day. Dinner had passed nearly two hours ago and after half an hour of digesting, Elizabeth had tugged Ciel away to burn off the energy while Sebastian lazily waved them away.
Ciel had shouted for mercy, although his attempts were half-hearted as they both ran off to play, acting as though they were children. Sebastian was content to watch them with a small smile while Soot slept next to him, enjoying the setting sun.
Now though, it seemed as though Ciel was ready to call it quits and Sebastian shifted on the blanket once more, rolling back onto his stomach. His fingers twitched as Ciel stood up and started to walk back to their picnic area. It had been weeks since Ciel found him, even longer since they last kissed, and Sebastian longed to pull the younger male close to him.
Was it so wrong to take that next step? To pull Ciel down next to him and slowly press their lips together until there was no space between them, and the only thing they could feel were their beating hearts racing against each other. Sebastian shook his head and closed his eyes. No, there was nothing wrong with that.
They were still moving slowly, keeping from rushing. A simple kiss wouldn't lead to sex. It wouldn't make those three words fall from their mouths when they weren't ready to say it just yet. But it would help tear down more walls that separated them and further strengthen the bridge between them.
Or it could make things worse. There was still a chance that Ciel hadn't forgiven him and wouldn't want Sebastian to touch him in such a way. What if that simple kiss tore down the carefully constructed and still fragile bridge?
For a moment, Sebastian couldn't breathe and he could feel his heart racing as Ciel approached him, cheeks flushed from running around so much. Wouldn't it be better just to keep things as they were and not ruin the delicate balance they worked so hard to build?
"Are you okay?" Ciel asked and Sebastian turned his head to look at him, eyes wide and body trembling. "Sebastian?" Ciel asked again, concern in his voice.
Sebastian grumbled under his breath, given neither a positive or negative answer. Instead, he turned away from Ciel and buried his face in his arms, feeling as though he wanted to hide away from Ciel. It was frustrating, not knowing what to think or feel, and Sebastian felt as though he was drowning in a vast ocean, and no one would save him.
"Sebastian," Ciel called again and he felt his head being lifted up carefully until Sebastian was gazing at the younger male. "Don't do this, don't shut me out. What's wrong?"
The words had Sebastian laughing lightly and he wondered what he did to deserve someone like Ciel. "I'm so broken," he finally murmured. So broken that he couldn't think straight and couldn't believe anything around him. He was so worried that the fragile trust he had slowly built up would be broken again if he allowed himself to believe once more. Believe in Ciel.
Ciel shook his head and slowly shifted over until Sebastian's head was resting in his lap. Fingers played with soft hair and Sebastian sighed lowly at the touch. "You're not broken," he defended. "You're just stubborn and scared. Hiding behind the walls that you've thrown up and you need coaxing until you come out."
Sebastian chuckled lowly and leaned into Ciel's touch, silently asking for more. It was amazing how well Ciel seemed to know him and understand the fears racing through his mind. "I'm not a scared kitten," he said after a few moments of silence.
"I think you are," Ciel teased. "I can see your tail all puffed up and your wide eyes. Just like the time I set off the smoke alarm and poor Soot looked like a puff ball."
"You laughed at her for that," Sebastian pointed out, remembering just how terrified Soot had been that day and how Ciel couldn't stop laughing once he saw her fur standing on end. "My poor kitten."
Ciel snorted with laughter. "She did look rather funny. Even you have to admit that," he stated and poked Sebastian's cheek. "I see a smile on your face."
Sebastian batted away the finger and buried his face in Ciel's lap to hide the growing smile. Perhaps it had been a little funny to see her so puffed up, but at the time, it really wasn't. "I plead the fifth."
"I'll allow that to pass, but you still haven't told me what's wrong," Ciel said patiently. "I'm not going anywhere until you tell me. And even once you do, I'm still not leaving your side. In both the physical and metaphorical sense."
Sebastian grumbled lowly at the words but didn't loosen his grip on Ciel. There was reason to be nervous yes, but Ciel couldn't take all the steps forward in this relationship; Sebastian had to take some as well. That meant taking the chance and believing in Ciel, knowing that the younger male had honestly forgiven him as he had said. That Ciel wanted this as much as Sebastian did.
It meant trusting Ciel more than he currently was. Slowly building the trust with each day that passed, because it was foolish to trust so willingly and so quickly after everything. Trust, once broken could be mended, but it took time and patience from both sides. There would be times when they stepped back but so long as they kept looking forward, then they wouldn't take more steps back than forward.
"I trust you," Sebastian said, his words slightly muffled by Ciel's shirt, which smelt of the grill and a hint of sweat. He tilted his head up so he could look at Ciel and gazed into the blue eyes that watched him so carefully.
"I know you do," Ciel answered.
Sebastian blinked at the words, surprise spreading throughout his body. "What?" He asked carefully.
Ciel smiled. "I know you trust me, even though you have a hard time showing it to me or believing it yourself. Just don't close yourself off to me and I'll always know that."
Sebastian nodded and rolled onto his back, making sure not to squish Soot as she continued to sleep next to him. She was lucky; spoiled little kitten. Eat, sleep, and play. That was a kitten's life and it made Sebastian slightly jealous. "Come here," he said, pulling Ciel close to him. The younger male came willingly, adjusting his body until he was draped over Sebastian like a blanket.
They gazed at each other and it should have been awkward, but instead the feeling was familiar. It was something they had shared once before, in a dingy apartment back in a time when Sebastian had to hide behind several masks thanks to Claude. But that was then and this was now, when they didn't have to hide anymore and Sebastian could feel Ciel's heart racing just as hard as they pressed against each other.
He reached up and cupped Ciel's face, watching as Ciel's eyes fluttered shut at the simple touch. It was something Sebastian missed and now they were so close, all it would take was the closing of a few inches between them and they could have that familiar touch once again. But it was still so hard; so, so hard.
"Ciel," Sebastian murmured, feeling Ciel's heartbeat race even more. The younger male was just as nervous as he was and Sebastian realized that Ciel was probably just as scared to mess something up as well. They weren't alone in this and they were both feeling the same thing. They were scared and nervous, but anxious and eager. They wanted to move on and put this behind them, and for the first time since that day on the cruise ship, Sebastian decided to take the first step forward.
He leaned up, closing the distance between them until nothing remained between their bodies. They pressed flush against each other as lips brushed gently over one another; soft, hesitant, and unsure. But the moment they touched and Sebastian realized the world wasn't going to end; that Ciel wasn't pulling back, he could feel his hesitation melting away.
With eager lips, he pressed harder against Ciel and the younger male responded just as eagerly. Hesitation and fear stripped away from their bodies and they grasped at the familiar until Sebastian felt as though the past had never happened. All that was around him was Ciel and that was all Sebastian wanted. He wanted Ciel; Ciel's touch, his taste, his love, everything. Everything that Ciel had to offer and then more.
Because everything would be okay between them. They had kissed and the world hadn't crumbled beneath their feet in an attempt to keep them apart. Volcanoes hadn't erupted and earthquakes didn't rock the land. But more importantly, Ciel didn't push away and wasn't upset with his actions. Instead, he had welcomed them with a soft sigh and a warm embrace, as though to say, 'it took you long enough, you insufferable idiot.'
They broke apart with a soft noise, their lips parting just enough to let air pass between them before Ciel initiated the next kiss. A pleased hum left Sebastian's throat and his hands rose, one cupping the back of Ciel's neck and the other resting on the small of his back. Another hurdle had been passed, another wall knocked down, and another section of the bridge had been built.
It was slow progress, but wasn't everything in life? Still, there would come a time when that bridge was finished and all the walls between them were gone, leaving nothing between them but the affection they felt for each other. They would make it through this because it was what they wanted and desired. Because the love they had for each other, despite all the bumps along with way, was still strong and they wanted to make it work.
Ciel's hands came up to cup his cheeks as they pulled apart again and the younger male rested his forehead against his as they stared at each before Ciel started to laugh. "You're shaking," he said but didn't pull away.
"So are you," Sebastian pointed out. Was this how nervous they had been about taking this next step? It was almost laughable but at the same time, it was endearing. It simply showed how determined they were not to make a mistake again. But mistakes would happen and they were just that, mistakes. Nothing was wrong with that. You learned through them. "Don't wait so long next time," he teased.
Ciel chuckled. "I could say the same to you. We're not perfect and we'll hurt each other, but never on purpose. Always know that, Sebastian," he stated and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. "I will never hurt you on purpose."
Sebastian nodded. "I know," he answered and tilted his head up to close the distance between them again. "I know," he murmured against Ciel's lips before they were kissing tenderly again.