Chapter 19 - The Night Comes Down

Hermione awoke much later that night from an easy sleep to a sound that she couldn't place. Her eyelids separated into darkness and her head lifted from the cushion upon which it had rested. It was a moment before the image of a sliver of moonlight shining over a white sheet reminded Hermione of everything that had happened the day before.

Her fingers were still interlaced with Severus', and it was yet another moment before she realised that the loose pressure she was applying to his slightly calloused hand was being returned. The sound that had awoken her rang out again, clearly coming from the potions master. It was then that she looked to his face to see that his eyes were open and staring straight ahead. She smiled sleepily. "You're awake." Severus turned to face her, but did not speak or return the friendly expression. His face seemed tense and Hermione began to worry. "Are you alright?" He attempted a smile as a reply, but could only manage a grimace. He took a sharp inhalation of breath before speaking in a hoarse and strained voice. "I've been better. If my memory is correct, it's quite serious. The pain is doing nothing to erase that memory." Hermione nodded understandingly and reached for the goblet Madam Pomfrey had spoken of earlier. "Drink this." She held it to his lips, placing her left hand firmly behind his head. After the first mouthful, Severus raised an eyebrow. "You do realise that I still have the full use of one of my arms, don't you?" But he allowed Hermione to continue pouring the faintly caustic liquid down his throat.

When the goblet's contents had emptied and the strain in his features had lessened, he sighed his thanks in an already drowsy voice. "I'm just glad that you're okay." Severus lazily raised an eyebrow once more. "Okay is not the word I would use." Hermione laughed quietly, locking her brown eyes with his black ones. Silence fell between them for a moment as Hermione remembered everything that had passed through her mind in the last month. "I love you." The words she spoke were little more than a whisper, but from the way he tightened his grip upon her fingers before his eyes drifted to a close, she knew that Severus had heard.

The following morning Severus' eyes snapped open upon hearing the unmistakable sound of Madam Pomfrey bustling beside his bed. The pain in his arm was dull and throbbing, nothing compared to the stabbing agony he'd endured during the night while trying not to wake Hermione. "Ah Severus, good morning." He scowled and replied in a monotone. "I wouldn't label it as such." The matron laughed exasperatedly. "Now, now Professor. You should try to sound a little more grateful. Does the arm still hurt?" The scowl deepened and the potions master's voice dripped with sarcasm as he said in response, "Not in the slightest." Madam Pomfrey chuckled once more and handed Severus another goblet. "This will help a little. You'll need to continue taking that potion everyday for the next little while to keep the pain at bay."

There was a moment's silence as he gulped down the steaming liquid. Madam Pomfrey then busied herself with the changing of Severus' bandages, and he tilted his head to the still sleeping Hermione curled upon the armchair beside him. Her hand rested on the sheet beside his own. He did not reach forward to hold it. He was not one for public displays of affection of any description, but it was not merely Madan Pomfrey's presence that held him back. With uncomfortable thoughts running through the back of his mind, he continued to stare at the dozing young woman long after the matron had finished tending to him. It wasn't a great amount of time before the sights of a very light smile upon her relaxed face and the rise and fall of her chest unwrinkled the frown upon his forehead a little. But his eyes remained clouded. So engrossed in his contemplation of Hermione's features and his own darker thoughts was he, that Severus did not see or hear the approach of Albus Dumbledore.

"Ah, the picture of innocence one paints as they sleep." Severus attempted to conceal the surprise these unexpected words caused as he greeted the headmaster tersely. Dumbledore raised his eyebrows in mock surprise. "Why so grim, Severus? You're alive, despite your very best efforts to achieve otherwise. From what I can gather, you've managed to make a significant dent in the population of remaining Deatheaters. And yesterday you returned to a genuinely moving reception from a person who truly cares about your wellbeing. What is there not to be happy about?" After a few moments of silence the headmaster realised that Snape was pretending not to have heard him. "Severus, I know you well enough to have my suspicions about what you're considering. And if I was deluded enough to think I had any influence over you, I'd advise strongly against it." Another pause before Snape unexpectedly replied. "You're right." Dumbledore almost did a double take at such an odd response from the man with whom he always seemed in disagreement. "Am I?" The potions master's lips almost curved into a smirk as he continued. "You don't have any influence over me." The older man laughed despite himself, and Hermione shifted lazily upon the armchair as though on the verge of waking up. Dumbledore's voice became softer. "But seriously, please don't do anything without first thinking long and hard about the consequences. For everybody, especially you." Once again, Snape did not say anything in reply. Returning to his regular volume, Dumbledore said in a business-like manner, "Having said that, I must really tend to something else. Good day, Severus." Snape watched the retreating back of the man who caused so much needless trouble in his life, brow furrowed.

Beside him, Hermione shifted once more and her eyes opened as she yawned into consciousness. Massaging her neck, she smiled and took his hand in hers once again. He did not pull away, but the lines in his forehead deepened slightly. "What is it? Does your arm hurt?" Snape's features softened a little at the sight of her worried eyes. "It's nothing I can't deal with." There were some seconds of silence as the young witch gazed at him with unfettered fondness and he avoided her eyes because of the wave of guilt they caused to rise up.

"Hermione, you should return to my quarters and go to bed. You can hardly have had a restful sleep, sitting there." Hermione moved her hand to tenderly feel Snape's forehead and tuck a few more loose strands away before speaking. "Actually, I slept wonderfully. So much better than I have been for the last little while, for obvious reasons. Also, we have a fair amount of lost time to catch up on." She grinned slyly, but his now gaunt face did not mirror hers as it usually did.

He sighed deeply, preparing himself. If there was one thing that being a double agent had taught him, it was that putting off something unpleasant did nobody any favours. "There's something I must speak to you about, Hermione. And I need you to realise that I think only of your wellbeing in everything I do, including this. In the rare moments of rest and solitude experienced while away, especially after receiving your letter, I thought extensively about our... situation. And the damage it has been and will inevitably cause for you. A woman like you deserves nothing but the best, from every aspect of life. In pursuing a relationship with you, I've been so selfish. So incredibly selfish. I've thought only of my own happiness, the happiness you bring me. But it is time for such self-centeredness to cease. You may not yet realise it, or perhaps it's beginning to become clear, but I am not a man with whom it is a good idea to attach yourself. I am old and weary. And I am broken. I am not the whole young man, filled with the hope and high expectation for life, that you should be with. I know that if we continued with this, you'd come to regret it in time. If you stay with me you will not be able to live the full life that should lie before you."

Severus said all of this in a very measured and pained voice. And as Hermione had listened, tears formed in her eyes but none fell into her lap. Her voice shook slightly when she began speaking, following a ringing silence. "I know you will hate me for saying this, but sometimes you are so similar to Harry." Severus blinked confusedly at her. "He would always give Ron and I stern speeches, about how we should leave him in any particular dangerous moment and protect ourselves. Of course, we never paid any attention." Her companion opened his mouth to speak but she cut across him. "You're probably surprised that I'm not more upset, but to be honest, I did expect something like this. Look, we both know what it is that we have. And I understand that you believe you're acting in my best interests, and I'm willing to go along with it until you realise that you're not." She smiled sadly at him. "Hermione... I..."

But once again, she cut across him. "You know, I think I might go back to your quarters. I have a lot of revision to catch up on. Only four weeks until the final exams! I'll drop by later to see how everything is going." And with that, she stood and walked calmly from the hospital wing, pausing only to wipe her wet eyes with the back of her hand.

…

Here's another chapter. I think I'm fairly happy with it. Severus can be so bothersome sometimes, can't he? But don't worry, I'm sure Hermione isn't going to give up too easily. ;)