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EPOV
We finally managed to get to the parking lot but Angela found us there.
"Come on you two, we are all having a picnic to celebrate the end of high school! You have to join us. Where's Alice?"
"It's weird that the Cullen's always seem to sneak away when there is a party. I'm very curious about tomorrow's party at their place. No one's seen the place except for Bella. But I don't feel like asking her to go into detail about Edward's house. It just doesn't seem right. She looks a bit worried. Wonder what's up. If he's up to no good I'm going to give him a piece of my mind again. Hope they join us. Then I can see them interact with each other then I'd know whether Bella is ok."
"She'll be back shortly. Any mention of any sort of a celebration and Alice is sure to be there." It was Bella who answered. I nodded my head in agreement.
"So come on now, the picnic is over there in the grounds. It's warm enough today. Pity there is no sun."
"Yeah, well. We don't have anything to sit on." Bella responded. It looked like she wanted to join the party.
"I've got a blanket in the car I'll get it love." It was the one we used in the meadow. I'd kept in the car just in case we'd want to use it again.
"Ok then I'm off, see you two later."
After Angela left I got the blanket and Bella and I settled into a quiet corner in the grounds under a tree. If there was any sudden sunlight I didn't want to shine like a disco ball all at once without warning. Everyone was having a great time. Someone had brought some speakers and loud music was playing. The cafeteria staff had put out some tables with food. The student body was sponsoring it.
"Edward… can anyone hear us?"
"Well if they get closer I guess they could but right now no one's close enough. I can tell as soon as someone hears us. Why did you ask?"
"Edward we need to talk." Oh god, here are the words that I've been dreading and also wanting to hear all week.
BPOV
I could tell that Edward was not himself all week and I felt it had something to do with Rosalie and what she said on Sunday. Although we had talked about it on Tuesday I hadn't really wanted to go into a heart to heart chat because of the exams.
"Edward… there are a lot of things I've been worried about lately. And I waited till the exams were out of the way to bring it up. I wanted so much to finish the exams with a clear mind without worrying about the other problems in my life."
I was sitting next to Edward on the blanket and he suddenly pulled me into his lap. His hands reached out to cradle my face.
"Bella love.. you can tell me anything. I'm here for you.. and remember always that what ever you say I will still love you… I promise I will never leave you… I can't ever leave you Bella. Even if you want me to I can't leave… please…. I'm begging you … please love don't leave me.. I can't take it… I won't survive… I promise that I won't try to kill myself.. but I can't live without you. I will be a brother to you or a friend to you anything you want Bella… please.. say you won't leave me…"
Edward pulled me to him kissing me with desperation. It was like the kiss he gave me when he went to hunt James when he thought he might not see me again. He then started sobbing. Oh god! He thought I was going to leave and it was the furthest thing in my mind.
"Edward… Edward.. please listen to me.. I promise I won't leave you ok? I just wanted to talk about some things. Nothing will make me leave you I promise." I knew I could never leave him. Even if I decided not marry him I would still want him in my life.. just like I needed Jake..
He calmed down a bit. I could feel it. But he was still holding on to me like his life depended on it.
"Edward look at me.. I'm seriously considering your proposal."
I felt him relax a bit more and his eyes looked like they got new life in them. They were shining once again. The emotion in them took my breath away. I heaved a sigh of relief. I had no idea that my single minded focus on my studies the past week had made Edward so upset. I had become so good at protecting myself in my own safe cocoon that when I'm inside it I totally shut out everything except for what I am concentrating on. It was something I learnt to do for the sake of surviving when Edward left me. I realised that without consciously making the decision I had shut Edward out as well. It was very important that I shared my worries with Edward so we can learn to trust each other again.
"I want to know more about you Edward. On Sunday I felt like an idiot not even knowing the financial background of the man I was thinking of marrying. We were so carried away by the physical part of our relationship we hadn't really talked about important things that normal people usually know about each other when they are dating. I know we dated for nearly two years now.. but still I know so little about you."
"What do you want to know love, I'll tell you anything. I promise I will not hide a thing from you."
"Exactly how rich are you?" The figure he quoted was unbelievable. He started giving me a detailed list of his investments. I held up my hand.
"Edward, it's ok. I understand. I don't need the details. I just wanted to know that's all."
"And I have a confession to make. Please you have to promise me that you won't ask Charlie about this."
"What's Charlie got to do with it?" He looked very hesitant.
"Well when Charlie got to know that I had proposed to you he had a chat with me. He asked me whether I would be able to provide for you and I told him a bit about me. I think Bella as a father he was worried about you."
So I was the only one in the dark. I knew I should be furious about this but I realised that Edward was feeling bad enough as it was and it was also partly my fault. I should have asked.
"Ok that's fine. So what are your future ambitions?"
Now I sounded like a job interviewer but that was exactly what I should have done to get to know Edward. I had to ask questions.
"I want to be a doctor like Carlisle. I know I would be of great help with my ability to read minds. I would be able to understand patients better and help in diagnosis. Even things that patients think irrelevant and don't mention would be known to me. I might even be able to help patients in comatose states to check their brain activity and meet the needs they are unable to convey. Carlisle and I have talked about it a lot and I have assisted him with some clinical procedures that did not involve blood. The only thing that prevented me from actually practicing medicine was my fear of blood lust but after being with you so intimately I think it is something I can master and I hope to practise after I get my next medical degree."
"Wow that's great Edward."
I was amazed that he wanted to actually work for a living and to be a doctor would be so rewarding for him since I knew he cared deeply about others.
"So what do you want to do Bella? What are your future ambitions?" I was afraid of this question. This was one worry I had.
"I'm ashamed to admit it Edward but this is one of the other things I'm worried about. I only worked on getting entry into university but I haven't really thought about what I want to do."
"How about being a doctor? I know you are good in biology. And you are very perceptive and kind to people. Of course we can also have all our classes together." A huge grin spread across his face. The idea appealed to me too.
"Well that's an idea but what about the newborn bloodlust?"
"You can always stay human and practice medicine Bella."
"No my decision to become a vampire has not changed Edward."
"Well you can control the bloodlust with practise. I'm sure you will be able to do that Bella. You will have eternity to do it."
He smiled at this. I smiled back. Yes eternity sounded like a very long time. I bet Charlie would be very proud of me if I became a doctor and Renee will be over the moon. Oh! Charlie.. will he ever even get to know?
"Edward I'm also worried about Charlie.. I don't want to leave him. He's all I've got. I don't want to tell him I'm dead.. I don't want my mother to think that either.. I want to have him in my life.. please Edward… we've got to find a way." I loved Charlie so much.. and I was all he had as family.
"Well the first year when you are a newborn will be too risky for him. But there is always skype and other technology we can use so that you can communicate with him. And may be later when we have proven to the Volturi that you have been changed they will have no reason to bother us again, we can try to have Charlie in our lives and let him draw his own conclusions about your change. There is always a way Bella. We'll find a way."
"Thank you Edward.. that's a load off my mind."
"What else do you want to know?"
"This is something I've told you many times now I think.. I still feel I'm not attractive enough to hold your attention for long.. you are so handsome … anyone can see that. I'm just so plain next to you."
"Only Rosalie thinks you are plain and I think it's partly because of her jealousy. Even Lauren and Jessica are thinking they were wrong about your looks. Anyone who sees you knows your beauty comes from both within you and from what you look like."
I made a face at him.
"Bella, I have a confession to make.. I'm scared that I might not be good enough for you." I looked at him in surprise. What did he mean?
"You are becoming more beautiful each day…" He took a stray strand of my hair putting it behind my ear, stroking the side of my face with his hand. His cold touch sent tiny shivers down my body.
"The girl I left a year back in my own stupidity had grown into a beautiful young women by the time I got back. Your body had changed so much during my absence and I still see it changing everyday Bella."
"I have a photographic memory of what you looked like those days. Your face has filled out. High cheek bones…. lovely feminine lines... more defined." He stroked my face with the back of his hand.
"And your lips they are plumper.. .. Although I've noticed they've grown more during the past couple of weeks.. is it because of my kisses love? Those lovely lips enticing me to kiss you…" Oh my god he was dazzling me; his eyes glittering. He ran a fingertip along my lower lip.
"I've got to taste you again…" Edward leaned in suddenly kissing me passionately. I forgot everything else and kissed him back. Just as suddenly as he started the kiss he pulled away.
"You make me loose my mind love.. so sexy… so innocent.. the draw you have for me…" He whispered in a husky voice.
"Where were we Bella?" He leaned back and sat straight again. I was of course unable to answer staring at this ethereal creature seducing me with his words.
"Oh it was your rose lips distracting me.. now we come to your neck… you hold yourself more gracefully.. like a swan…"
"Edward! Come on! I trip on my own two feet"
"Not all the time Bella not like before.. you have better balance now. Anyway back to you… your body has filled out love.. less of a girl more of a women… alluring carves begging to be touched…" I felt his erection grow pushing against me. I shuddered with reaction.
"Look what you do to me Bella just the thought of you is enough.. "
"These have grown fuller….lovelier…" He touched my breasts cupping one in his hand.. rubbing his thumb against my nipple.
"Edward! How did you know that? You never touched me before…..or did you?"
Now I was getting very curious. I knew they were bigger for the simple reason that I had to buy bigger bras just last month when I went shopping with Alice.
"No love. I never touched you before. But I could see. My eye sight is excellent and I could see your shape through your clothes…"
"You don't have x ray vision? Do you?"
Now I was getting a bit embarrassed just how much could he see. He laughed at this.
"No love. But some of the tank tops you wore were tight on you and I could easily estimate your size. How do you think Alice gets you stuff that fit you so well? She never measures you."
"Ok I guess you are right."
I remembered all the stuff Alice bought me those days. And even now she knew my exact size when we went shopping. His hand was still on my breast casually holding me to him. Anyone looking would just think he's simply holding me with his hand curved around my back to support my back while I sat on his lap. Only I felt the accidental brushes of his thumb over my nipple and I knew they were not accidental..
"And then your tiny waist.." He ran his other hand along my waist line.
"Then your lovely hips… they have flared out.. into more womanly curves.. and your thighs…" He ran his hand along my denim clad thighs.
"You are so beautiful Bella…. your human body growing filling out making you a lovely young women…" He sighed.
"And I'm stuck in this body of a seventeen year old boy, barely a man.. how will I ever be enough for you love?" I looked at him in surprise. His eyes were intent. He looked very serious.
"Edward you are joking right? You are a living Adonis. Perfect in every way. Your body so beautiful… how could you ever think that you would not be enough for me?"
"Bella.. I will never grow older.. at least my body never will. When you change by the time you are in your twenties you will be in your prime just like Carlisle. Beautiful in everyway.. you will not want a seventeen year old boy for your mate.."
"Will your love for me change by then? Will I be too old for you Edward?"
"No never.. I'll love you this way for an eternity. I told you that Bella. Our vampire temperaments rarely change and when something like what happened to me happens we are altered forever. As I will be like this in this body forever.. my mind will always love you.."
"Ok I understand Edward."
"Human temperaments change. Even yours did.. so when you age you might find me lacking. I'm scared Bella I'm so scared of loosing you.."
He was baring his soul to me I understood his fears. Should I change earlier? I didn't want him to feel this way.
"You won't Edward, I've not changed my mind about becoming one of you. It's just the timing I have to decide on Edward. I'll think about what you said now also before making a decision." He seemed upset now.
"Please Bella don't think of changing sooner for my sake. Like I said my feelings for you will never change. Please live your lovely life to the fullest love before changing." His eyes were pleading.
"I will Edward." And I meant it. I was not going to rush into anything. Edward hugged me tightly to him inhaling deeply.
"So what else do you want to know love?"
"Have you ever had feelings for Rosalie or any other women?"
"No never Bella… like I told you my first .. you know…well .." Oh he was stammering again I knew it was about his first erection but I wanted to bug him and pretend I didn't know. I found it really endearing when Edward talked about things like these which he found very embarrassing.
"What Edward?" I couldn't control the expression in my face he knew I knew what he meant.
"Bella.." he sighed. Then he did something I didn't expect him to do. He pulled the blanket over us placing me beside him and took my hand and put it over his erection. Holy shit he was naked down there. He had already removed his pants and underwear under the blanket.
"You are the only one who ever did that to me love.. and you are the only one I'll ever want in that way… you are the only one I will ever love.."
Oh god..I wanted him so much. It was heaven to be touching him this way again. I pushed him down on the ground and lay on top of him kissing him deeply. I stroked his erection slowly luxuriating in the feel of pure velvet skin..
After a few minutes Edward slightly pulled away.
"Bella,.. ahem I think we have an audience."
Shit! I only realised then that we were in the play ground at school with everyone celebrating the end of exams. I was scared to even look back to check.
"Lauren and Jessica are looking at us." Ok that was fine with me.
"What about the others?"
"No one is paying much attention everyone else is lost in their own celebrations."
I turned slightly and saw what he meant at least ten other couples were making out including Ben and Angela… I was surprised to see them do that in public. I caught sight of Jessica and Lauren but didn't turn their way.
"Bella I want you….I want you so much.. can I touch you?" Oh god here…
"Bella please…" Edward had already unbuttoned my trousers and his hand was on my panties. I was very glad for the blanket no one could actually see the state of our undress and only guess.
I kissed Edward back hungrily and I felt his hand touch me intimately. His other hand was under my blouse cupping my breasts.
"Bella I've got to feel you love.. I simply have to. Please…" He was kissing me passionately and I barely managed to whisper yes.
I was shocked into silence when Edward pushed my trousers and panties down and I felt his erection against my thigh. I was so glad for the blanket it covered me and him both so we couldn't see each others nakedness. I felt myself rubbing more urgently against his thigh. I wasn't going to last long. I kissed Edward desperately. Edward was squeezing my bum. I had never felt his touch there. Then he moved his hand and touched me on my core where I wanted it most. That was my undoing and Edward kissed me while I moaned into his mouth in my ecstasy. He was not far behind I felt the cold liquid spill all over me.
"Bella love we are about to be interrupted. Jessica and Lauren decided to come over."
I felt cool hands on my thigh wiping me off and then I was back in my clothes on Edward's lap with him cuddling me to his chest. I felt his denim against me and knew he had put his clothes back on too.
"Hi Bella, Edward… so have you finished decorating for the party?"
I heard Jessica's voice as if from a far away. I couldn't believe what just happened. Had Edward the Victorian just made love to me in front of the whole school? I know that was a bit dramatic.. but hey at least two people who were right now talking to us knew what happened. My face was still hot and I was sweating in the middle of a very cold breeze not to mention the ice man who was my boyfriend. That tells me exactly how hot the encounter that just happened was… oh dear lord…
"Alice is doing it this afternoon and we are going to go help her with it."
I heard Edward answering. My eyes were still glazed. I knew I was blushing. And I was scared to even open my mouth. I knew no words would come out.
"Where is Alice Edward?" It was Jessica who asked.
"She's just over there by the cafeteria."
Edward pointed her out waving to her. Of course I knew she must have just appeared when Jessica asked about her. Alice couldn't resist talking about fashion and parties. I was surprised she had stayed away so long. She started walking towards us at a human pace with Jasper tagging along.
Lauren hadn't spoken a word but kept staring at me and Edward. She had a very funny look on her face. I just couldn't place it. It wasn't anger, scorn or even jealousy. Those were the emotions I'd learnt to expect from her. I had to ask Edward what she thought since Edward was looking very happy with a proud smile on his face. He didn't seem to have a care in the world. I would have thought he would have been embarrassed at getting caught like this. But it looked like he was thoroughly enjoying himself.
"So Bella what are you wearing?"
Jessica turned to me. Oh shit! I had to talk. I was about to open my mouth when Alice spoke.
"It's a surprise! Come on girls you don't expect us to divulge our secrets to you before the party now do you?"
Jessica smiled at this but I could see that she was really curious now.
"Of course not." She answered.
"Having fun Bella?" It was Jasper who asked me smiling at me.
I opened my useless mouth again to answer him, when Edward spoke up.
"She sure is Jasper… so am I… can't you feel it?"
Oh my god! What's happened to Edward? I stared in bewildered surprise at my Victorian virgin. Did he just invite Jasper to get a feel of our emotions?
"Well, you two ooze of love and satisfaction." Some how when Jasper uttered that sentence I got my voice back.
"Jasper!" I sent a book lying next to us flying towards him. In that moment I forgot he was a vampire and he had last tried to kill me. He was just Edward's brother making fun of us. Of course he caught the book in his hand. His grin widened. Alice was now almost jumping up and down with glee.
"I believe my lady I have something belonging to you in my hand. I apologise if my words offended you. I just told you the truth at the request of my brother."
He said in his Southern drawl he reserved for certain occasions and gave me a mock bow and ceremoniously handed me the book. All of us burst out laughing including Jessica. But Lauren didn't join in, she abruptly turned around and walked away.
"Well see you guys at the party tomorrow. Bella, enjoy yourself." Jessica winked at me and with that started to walk after Lauren.
"Ok, let's move on. We have so much to do. And you two can't simply put on a disappearing act. It's your graduation party."
We stood up and Edward folded the blanket.
"Bella it's good that we spoke so honestly with each other. I think we should do that more often."
"I agree Edward."
He leaned down and placed a chaste kiss on my lips. I deepened the kiss. I just couldn't get enough of him. How had I survived for four days without being with him intimately? We had kissed but it was nothing like what we shared today. I smiled up at him. Edward suddenly leaned towards me and held my face between his hands.
"Bella you are my everything.." He stared intently into my eyes. I felt a strange sense of homecoming as if I was home where I belonged. I couldn't put words to it. We kissed again then he sighed.
"Alice is calling love.. and threatening to replay her vision of us in the broom closet today if we don't come soon. I'd rather she didn't."
We reluctantly went after Alice.
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