Breath in. Breath out. Chapter 12 : reminder of the past

I want to apologise for not writing for so long. I hope I'll be able to right and publish more this week, I hope you'll like this chapter !

please leave a comment !

"[From The Norton's Friday Night show, aired on Friday October 12th ]

Gavin Norton : Hello ladies and gentlemen, here we are on The Norton's Friday Nightshow. Today we have the pleasure to host Kathy Swanson ex-police officer, new best seller of the year. Her new crime novel 'Poinson Lips' will be out next week. Everybody, this is Kathy Swanson !

[round of applause, whistles

Kathy enters, Gavin kisses her on the cheek and they sit down]

Gavin : How are you ?

Kathy : Great ! Wow it's quite intimidating...

G: Don't be shy ... This is just a wide crowd of crazy fans ...

[Cheers]

K: Well that's comforting for sure ...

[Gavin laughs along with the public]

G: Don't worry you're not alone in this fight. The least we could say about our next special guest is that he's easily intimidated. He's handsome, talented and the star of Fiona Vanstone's new TV Show. He's also without a doubt the biggest flirt on television, most men and women fall for his charms. Kathy you've been warned... Jack Harkness everybody !

[Cheers , whistles , loud clapping

Jack enters wave at the crowd and winks at the camera. Turns to the host, shakes hands, and kisses Kathy's cheek. That all sit back down]

JH : Hello ... How are you ? [He asks with a cheeky grin]

[Laughter]

G: Stop it ...

JH : I was just saying hello !

G: Whatever Harkness. [Chuckles] So you're the star of Fiona Vanstone's new TV show « Black Out », what can you tell us about it ?

JH : Well first I'm not alone on this show, there are also my co-stars who happen to be exeptional and my closest friends : Owen Harper and Toshiko Sato, I think they deserve a round of applause, and a loud one [ Jack claps and the public follows his lead, some cheers very loudly.]

G : Yeah let's not forget about them ! [ Gavin claps along with Kathy] Okay now stop avoiding the question, talk Harkness. [laughter]

J: Well, my character's name is James Hooper and he's a bit of a dashing Hero.

G: You brought us a clip didn't you ?

J: Yeah it's James's first introduction.

G : Okay let's watch it.

[2 minutes later]

G: Okay that man is quite intense ...

J: Yeah he is ... He's quite mysterious ...

G : A bit dark too ...

J: Yeah you're right he has a dark side but he can be kind and he's also very flirtatious. There's a lot of me in James Harper ...

[cries of laughter]

K: And I bet there is a lot of James in you too ...

[ Jack bursts out laughing and gives Kathy a high five. The public laughs, claps and cheers]

"Seriously Ianto, turn that off !"

"Come on Jack don't be such a baby." Ianto laughed putting the remote out of Jack's reach.

"I don't like to watch myself on television and before you say it yes it does include interviews." Jack said poking him in the chest.

"Then if you don't like it go read a book or something ! And don't bother getting undress it won't work." Ianto said resting against the back of the sofa.

Jack slumped backagainst him, he crossed his arms on his chest, pouting. He was brooding but at least he was keeping it quiet. Ianto re-focused on the Television hanged on his hotel room's wall.

[on the screen Jack is still chuckling and he winks at the audience]

K: The military great coat though ?

J: Would you rather me naked ?

[wild laughter]

K: So what people say is true...

J: Oh no they're wrong, I'm much worse...

[laughs, some people in the public are clapping]

G: Okay stop it Harkness, don't frighten my guests, they're my livelihood for Christ's sake [chuckes]

J: You know you love it Gavin !

G: If it makes you sleep at night...

J: You wouldn't want to know believe me..

G: Yeah you're right I don't! Moving on ! [laugher] So Kathy your turn, what can you tell me about your book ?

K: Well it's a story I've been working on for years before I finally decided to publish it.

G : Why that hesitation ?

K: Well it's quite a personal story, we might say, because it's based on something I've experienced as a police woman. It was the last case I've worked on and I think it was what made me resign.

G: Oh. That horrific ?

K: Yeah definitely.

G: What can you tell us ?

K: Well without giving the whole plot away, it's written from the point of view of a detective, a woman, that would be me. Bodies start dropping, the killer is arrested and then the plot thickens and we learn that there is more behind those crimes. It's quite dark and gruesome.

G: Oh does it really stick to the reality or did you add some things ?

K: The first manuscript were the actual facts, I juste changed the names, the addresses, those kinds of thing but in the end I couldn't publish it that way, because of certain events that were too shocking or because of the secret policy on cases. So I had to change some things but basically what is in the book happened and that's why it's so terrifying.

G: Wow, I can't wait to read it !

J: Me neither !

[Gavin, Jack and the public clap]

G: Well to lighten the mood a bit, let's welcome our next and last guest. He has worked with the best producers and agents for the last ten years or so, he's charming and knows his ways, warnings Jack, you've got competition ! Ladies and Gentlemen please welcome James Morisson !

[ A tall blond man walks on stage, Gavin and Kathy stand up to welcome the Guest, Jack takes a sip of his water drink and then stand. He politely shakes hand with James. The public claps and some people cheer. After a minute, everyone quiets down and the host and his guests are all sat. Gavin is on the right with Kathy next to him and Jack is on the left, James between him and Kathy. ]"

Ianto frowned at the screen. For anyone else Jack would appear pleased to see this man, a smile was on his face. But Ianto could see that it wasn't reaching his eyes, it wasn't really genuine, it even looked like one of those forced smile Jack plastered on his face when he had to. Jack's head was resting on his chest, he looked down at him but Jack didn't look back, his eyes were staring at the space before him.

"What is it ? You're all tensed suddenly ?" Ianto asked but Jack didn't answer. "You already seemed upset when you came back from the emission's shooting the other day. Is it about this guy ? Do you know him?" He continued fishing for an answer.

"I told you, I don't like watching myself on TV." Jack replied before pulling away from his lover.

Ianto watched him getting up from the couch they had been laying on and walk to the bay window. He looked back at the TV and frowned. From what he could see on the screen, James didn't seem to be a bad guy. A bit pretentious maybe, but that was because of the good looks. He had a charming smile, and he definitely knew how to play on his appearance. Polite but not actually posh. He was a bit too flirty for Ianto's liking but then again Jack was too, and he was just overdoing the smiles but not rude. However Jack seemed to be ill-at-ease ever since the man had walked on stage.

He was sitting as far from him as possible while trying to maintain a good front and not fall off the couch. Ianto didn't understand why Jack hadn't started an innuendo squad with him, as he would have done usually.

That was what Jack did. Ianto had watched enough of Jack's interview to know that he was a flirt, always had been, always would be. It didn't matter whether the person was male or female, as long as they were responsive he would flirt with them. Simple as that.

This James was definitely responsive, worse, he was the investigator of the flirting. And he was bloody gorgeous on top of that. So why Jack was acting like that with him ?

Ianto sighed, understanding that Jack wouldn't come back if the Welshman didn't coax him into. He turned the TV off and pushed the covers they had been snuggling into. He got up and walked to Jack who was staring out the city. He stopped behind him, not close enough to touch him but close enough to make him feel he was there.

"You knew him, didn't you ? Before the emission." Jack said nothing but in his silence Ianto found his answer."Is he that guy that put you off relationship before you met me ?"

Jack looked back at him, frowning.

"Tosh said something once" Ianto shrugged "No don't worry she didn't tell me your story." he continued before Jack could say anything "She just said something once in the early stage of our relationship. I didn't ask any further questions, I figured it was your story to tell, in your own time.. If you felt like it... But I always thought someone did something to you, hurt you, and that it was why you were hesitant. You don't have to tell me anything .."

"It was a long time ago" Jack said looking back at the city "I was in my early twenties. I was ecstatic, I had managed to talk my parents into letting me go to London after my studies."

"I thought you said your parents were always supportive." Ianto said.

"They were ! They were just... Parents.. Worried. London was unknown to them. But I wanted to be a musical actor. I needed to start somewhere and I wasn't ready for Broadway." Jack replied. "I met him a couple of months after I arrived, I don't remember exactly when now. I was struggling, I wasn't really doing well with my auditions. I missed my parents and he was there. He was kind at first, supportive, handsome, we both had bigger plans for the future, I think that's what drew me to him, that and you know... The British charm" Jack chuckled sadly. Ianto took a step closer and put his hands on his shoulders.

"At first we were just friends, he was the only friend I had in London until I met Owen. Owen and I grew closer and James became more than a friend. But Owen never liked him, maybe it should have been my warning." Jack sighed.

"Owen is not known for being ."

"Yeah I know... But there was something... Between them.. I've never known... They just hated each other." Jack frowned. "Anyway, at first it was good. Thanks to his family connections he got me into auditions, always pushed me to my limits, to my best."

"What happened ?" Ianto asked quietly.

"One day he pushed me to hard, and everything just snapped." Jack answered darkly.

"Come on Jack ! Put your back into it for Christ's sake !" James growled.

"Listen he can't help it, the doctor said he has to stop for a few months at least or he'll never heal." Owen snapped back, stepping between the two young men.

"You don't have a say in this conversation !" James replied, taking a step towards Owen, he hand forming a fist at his side.

"You're going to fuck his whole career up if you push him too hard. He'll do another audition it's not worth it."

"Oh because you think you know what's best for his career ? You don't even know how to rule yours ! What an example you make ! Taking the first role that directors deign give you out of pity. This audition is his only chance and we all know this. If you don't have enough determination for your own career at least don't weight his down." James laughed cruelly.

"You little shit !" Owen snapped, raising his fist. He would have punched James square in the face if Jack hadn't stood between them.

"Stop it! Both of you ! Stop talking like I'm some kind of a child, like I'm not here. Owen I think you should go, we'll take later, promise." Jack said, looking down.

Owen sighed taking a step. "You know I'm right Jack, please, for once listen to me." he pleaded before walking out of Jack's flat.

"Come on baby you can't let him doubt you. You can do it, you have to, this one is the right one I know it." James said, taking Jack's head in his hands, kissing him softly.

"Let's go to sleep, we'll continue practice tomorrow morningokay ? That way you'll be ready for tomorrow night." he continued.

Jack said nothing bud nodded, his trust and love for the man and his own ambition blinding his judgment.

"I had an audition, the most important of my career, the One audition every one is waiting for. But my throat started aching after every practise, really aching, a few weeks before the due date. A week earlier, several doctors had found important damages on my vocal cords. They all advised me to stop singing, to wait, to have a surgery. But I didn't listen to them. I didn't listen to any of them, even Owen. Guess it was all my fault, I was stupid and arrogant." Jack gritted out. Ianto started massaging his shoulders.

"During the audition, I started coughing blood, my throat ached so much I think I fainted. I woke up two days later in hospital. Owen and the doctors explained that they had to operate to remove the damages but it was too little too late. I couldn't talk for weeks, and in the end even if I could still sing, I couldn't be a professional singer anymore. It would have put too much pressure on my vocal cords." Jack said, with a detached voice.

"What happened with James ?" Ianto asked softly.

"Ah, turned out it wasn't really about love in the end. I was his goose which lays the golden eggs. But I was useless for him after that. He didn't love me, he just needed someone to bring at the top along with himself. He even admitted he slept with most of the directors who auditioned me." Jack chocked out bitterly.

"I'm sorry Jack" Ianto said, wrapping his arms around his waist, hugging him from behind and pressing kisses on his shoulder.

"It doesn't matter, it's in the past." Jack said turning around. "I'm happy now." he continued looking straight at Ianto's eyes.

Ianto hugged him tightly and Jack buried his head in his neck. The Welshman ran his finger through his soft brown hair while a guilty look painted itself on his face.

TBC