Rocket Man Chapter III

Wow, thank you for the amazing response! I can't thank you enough!
And sorry, for making you wait so long for this chapter. I hope you like it.

forever faerie: Thanks for the correction!

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Disclaimers:

They are not mine. I'm not keeping them, just borrowing, although I wouldn't mind to keep Castle. ;-)

He tried to get past the point. Past the point that could not, no, must not be his first memory. What a pitiful life it would be, where his first and so far mainly his only memory consisted of an ambulance, sirens and pain. It just couldn't be. The doctor had told him not to push, not to try too hard, that his memory would probably return on its own account. But how was he supposed to do that? How was he suppose not to push, to not search his mind, to just wait? How could he face a life without knowing, without remembering? He had been told that his daughter was here. He had a daughter. A daughter that he didn't know because he couldn't remember a thing! He had a million questions and no answers. They wanted him to talk to a psychiatrist as if he were crazy. He had declined, saying he was fine. Saying he was sure it was only a matter of time. The doctor had nodded, leaving the topic alone, for now. And now they wanted him to talk to his daughter and a Detective. He wasn't sure that he wanted to do that. But maybe seeing familiar faces would stir something, would bring back his memories. He had to try and maybe their company would chase away the feeling of loneliness that was filling him, threatening to swallow him. He would put on a brave face. He could do that. It's only been a couple of hours, he told himself. No need to panic. Not yet.

He blinked against the lurid light, looking into the blue eyes of a young red head and noticed that she was clasping his hand. His first intention was to pull away. She didn't look familiar and again he tried to force his mind to work, to bring him past the sirens and the pain. He came up blank. Bound to rely on his recent memories he concluded that this had to be his daughter, "Hey," he whispered hoarsely and tried to put on a friendly face, even though he was looking at a total stranger.

"Hey Dad," she sniffed and then the tears fell.

"Now shhh," he tried to reassure her, feeling totally helpless around the crying teenager and knowing he was the reason for her tears was just adding to the pressure. With a look of alarm, he turned to the woman he ascertained was the Detective the Doctor had mentioned, standing on the other side of his bed. To his surprise, she gave him what he could only interpret to be an encouraging smile. She obviously thought that he could handle this. But how? He had no idea how to be a father. God, he hadn't even known his name, before Dr. Bernstein had told him. Ignoring his eyes, pleading with her to handle it, to handle the girl, for him, the Detective gave him an insisting nod. He knew he had no choice but to turn is attention back to the girl. He didn't want to do this. He felt groggy, sleepy, the anaesthesia still clouding his mind. He shouldn't have agreed to see them. Maybe being alone wasn't so bad after all. But he had to try. He didn't have a choice and so he tried to recall her name, sure the doctor had told him. Something with A. "Alexis?" he asked carefully and was relieved when the girl actually looked at him. "Alexis, right?" he questioned again just to be sure. She gave a small nod. "No need to cry, I'm still in one piece." He looked at himself, "More or less." He tried a joke, but only elicited another sob from the girl. Great! He only made her cry harder. "Ah, look I'm sorry," he said and pulled the small hand that was holding his closer and still reluctantly placed a soft kiss on the back of his daughter's hand, "This is all very confusing." He held her gaze, trying a soft smile and was surprised to feel his heart do a little skip when she returned it. Relieved he turned back to the other woman in the room and was happy that she seemed to approve of his actions. "Hey there," he said, not sure if this was an appropriate way to address an NYPD Detective, but figuring that today was the day that he could get away with it.

"Hey Castle," she said softly, her eyes shining with something that he couldn't place and her hand gently caressing the shoulder that was attached to his broken arm. Okaaaay! He might have lost his memory, but this was definitely not the way a female and notable, beautiful law enforcement representative should look at the victim of a car accident that she didn't know. And was there something wrong with his heart? It certainly wasn't racing like this a minute ago. He must remember to ask them to check that as well.

At his look of confusion, Alexis smiled hesitantly.

"You work with Detective Beckett," she stated softly.

"I'm with the police?" he asked and for a brief moment his face lit up in the typically childish way it always did when he was really excited about something. Kate would have rolled her eyes, if she hadn't been tremendously happy that her Castle was still in there.

"No, Dad!" his daughter shook her head and he noted that her smile widened as well, "You're a novelist. You write mystery novels and shadow Detective Beckett for research." Somehow Alexis made it sound just a tad ridiculous.

"Ah, so you are my muse?" he looked back at Beckett with a raised eyebrow.

Kate's expression turned into something he couldn't quite place, "Well, sort of." She stuttered.

"So a writer, huh?" he let that linger, unsure where to take it from there. He still felt somewhat cautious about the women that stood beside him and yet he felt some kind of strange bond. It made him anxious not knowing where this bond was coming from and to have nothing to connect it to. Silence filled the room and Alexis shot Kate a nervous look.

"Where's your mother?" he suddenly asked, and he noticed Detective Beckett flinch.

"Mom is in L.A." Alexis stated curtly and he sensed that he picked a delicate topic.

"Oh, so I'm …," he trailed off.

"Divorced, yes. Twice." His daughter completed his thought.

"Oh, I'm sorry," he said not exactly knowing why and then, unconsciously glancing at the Detective, noticed that she looked slightly uncomfortable. "So it's just the two of us?" Did he harbour a slight hope the Detective would object? There was just something about the way she looked at him. It was unsettling, not in a good way, but certainly not in a bad one either.

"No, actually," and his head shot towards his daughter, making him flinch, because the abrupt movement made his head throb. "It's you, me and Grams."

"My mother?" he questioned.

Alexis nodded, "Yes, she lives with us."

For a second he looked confused, "Well I'm not sure if that is a good or a bad thing." Out of the corner of his eye he saw the Detective roll her eyes and on some strange unaccountable level enjoyed it, it calmed his nervous agitation. There was something about this eye roll, it felt strangely familiar. His eyes studied her openly as if he was trying to make her elaborate, and he could see her taking a step back from him, shying away not only physically but also emotionally.

"I have to make some phone calls. I'll let you two do some catching up, okay?" Kate avoided his questioning eyes and made sure that Alexis was okay with her leaving. "I'll be back later," she hastily added and left father and daughter alone. Great, first he made his daughter cry and now he scared the Detective away. This was going so well.

She could feel Castle's eyes at her back, but didn't turn around, as she stepped into the corridor and took a deep breath. She had to think. The way he looked at her as if he was looking through her, could read her, it was scary and unsettling. Dr. Bernstein had told them to be honest, to answer the questions he asked. But what if she wasn't ready to answer those questions? She stared at the phone in her hand and finally dialled.

Ryan and Esposito had been pacing the bull pen since Beckett had rushed out of it hours ago. Though they had completed all their paperwork they both refused to go home. Even Gates who at first had not been amused about Beckett's rushed departure had postponed a meeting at 1 Police Plaza and stuck her head out of her office when Esposito's phone rang.

"Beckett?" he almost shouted into the receiver, his eyes fixed on Ryan's.

"Yes, it's me, Espo!" he could hear the exhaustion in her voice. Putting her on speaker, Ryan moved closer and sat down next to Esposito.

"So how is he doing?" Esposito asked and heard her sigh.

Kate leant against the mint green wall opposite of Castle's room and let her hand run through her hair, "He's got a broken arm, some bruises and a laceration on the back of his head."

"I've got a bad feeling there's more," Ryan stated and shot Esposito a look.

"Yes there is," she had wanted to break it gently to the boys but knew that there was no way to do so, "He doesn't remember." She almost chocked on the last word.

"You mean about the accident?" Esposito asked, wondering why this was having such an impact on her. They had questioned enough traumatised victims and witnesses to know that this was a frequent occurrence.

"No," she sighed. "He doesn't remember anything at all!"

"Are you saying he lost his memory?" Ryan couldn't believe it. Why did Castle always have to pull some sort of stunt? He knew it was an inappropriate thought but it was the first one into his mind.

There was silence on the line until Esposito finally said, "I'm sorry, Beckett!" knowing that, no matter how hard it was for them, it was a hundred times harder for her. She didn't answer that. She just listened to the somehow comforting silence that followed his statement.

"How's Alexis holding up?" Ryan was the first to speak again.

"She's doing alright I guess. The only thing worrying me it that we can't get hold of Martha," she added and wondered again why Martha wasn't returning Alexis' calls.

"She's skiing in Aspen, right?" Ryan asked.

"Yes, but we couldn't even get her on the phone so far. It would be good for Alexis to have her here." Kate stated more to herself than to the boys.

"I think she can count herself lucky to have you," Esposito said gently.

"Yeah, well… " again there was silence, no one knowing where to take it from here. But sure enough Captain Gates had her own ideas.

"Detective Beckett!" her voice made them all jump. She had left her spot at the door to her office and had come to stand directly behind Esposito and Ryan, who hadn't heard her approach.

"Yes Sir?" Kate unconsciously straightened up, leaning a bit taller against the wall that she had chosen for support. The thought: What now? circling through her head.

"Is there any other family that can take care of Mr. Castle's daughter until Mrs. Rogers gets back?"

"No, Sir, not that I'm aware of, it's just the three of them." Kate answered, wary of where the conversation was going.

"Then I suggest you take the day off tomorrow. Make arrangements for Miss Castle and let me know when Mrs. Rogers is expected back." Gates ordered.

"Um - Yes Sir!" Kate replied stunned. What the heck?

Obviously satisfied with her handling of the situation, Gates excused herself and left for her meeting; leaving Esposito, Ryan and Beckett to wonder what just happened.

"Can't say, she doesn't have her moments," Beckett murmured and hoped that Gates was actually out of earshot.

"Hey Beckett, tell Castle to hang in there, okay?" Ryan said worry still showing in his voice. "And if he wants some manly company to give us a call!"

"Yeah, and tell him if he wanted to go somewhere with special rights, all he had to do was ask!" Esposito added with a little smile.

"Bye!" she said and hung up with a small grin playing around her lips. Cop humour. She loved the boys for that.

After she had hung up she stayed at her spot at the wall, lost in thoughts and trying to figure out what she should do. A nurse stopped at Castle's room, and after checking her sheet on the tray full of pills she was holding, entered it. It was a reminder that she had to go back in there. She checked her watch, ticking towards 5:00pm and she felt the burden of the day on her shoulders. Flipping through her contacts she made one more attempt to call Martha, but again only got her voicemail. Leaving a short message with a request to get in touch with her, she hung up and with one last breath pushed herself off the wall. Time to go back in.

She stepped back into the room and saw Alexis was still holding her father's hand. She had pulled a chair at his side and they were chatting when Kate joined them. Castle regarded her with a warm smile, something about this woman made him feel at ease and on his toes at the same time. She noticed that he looked more relaxed than when they had first arrived. Obviously she was adjusting to the situation.

"Finished all your calls, Detective?" he asked.

"Yes," she nodded. "The guys say hello!"

He shot her an uncertain look and she realized that he had no idea what she was talking about. "Ryan and Esposito, we work with them," she clarified and he nodded. Again he was somewhat amazed but even more terrified that it was possible not to remember those things.

"More Detectives," he seemed to ponder that, "Ryan and Esposito." He repeated the names, wanting to remember as much as he could, hoping it would stir something or at least give him facts to fill the blank pages in his brain with new information. He had tried to put on a brave face, hiding from the two women how uncomfortable he felt, how uneasy and lost. He was forced to put his trust into two strangers, had to rely on their memories, because his own failed him. And still he felt the responsibility to make them believe he was doing fine. At least as fine as it could be expected. Not letting them in on the panic he felt at the thought what it would mean if his memory would not return. He was getting tired, truth to be told he felt exhausted and he wanted to be alone. Stifling a yawn he glanced at them through half opened eyes.

"Maybe we should let you get some rest," Beckett suggested and glanced over at Alexis who understandably looked reluctant to leave her father.

He just nodded. He didn't have the strength to form a verbal response, physically nor emotionally.

When Alexis and Kate left the hospital, they were both exhausted as well. After leaving Castle's room, they had another short chat with Dr. Bernstein, who filled them in on Castle's next steps of rehabilitation. He had told them that he wanted to involve a psychiatrist, but giving Castle's reluctance he had decided to postpone it for a couple of days. Stepping out into the chilly January evening, they walked towards Kate's Crown Vic in silence. They hadn't discussed Alexis' accommodations for the night and while Kate didn't want to impose anything on the girl, they had to discuss it, and she figured now was as good a moment as any. Once they were in the car, she addressed the sensitive topic.

"Alexis, I've been thinking, maybe it's best you come home with me tonight?" she let that hang in the air, afraid that she had already said too much. To her surprise Alexis nodded.

"Okay," Kate said and smiled to herself. That was easier than expected.

Truth to be told, Alexis had dreaded the moment she had to go home to the empty loft. The thought of having to spend the night on her own had scared her and she was more than relieved that Kate had offered her an alternative. She was even more thankful that she hadn't had to ask for it. She already had the feeling that she had asked for way too much, she had left her comfort zone by calling Kate this morning. And in the end she was happy she did, but it didn't mean that she had forgiven or forgotten what had happened during the summer. But just accepting an offer was something she could do. And she really didn't want to be alone right now.

Stepping into her apartment, Kate was suddenly unsure what to do. She walked into the kitchen nervously opening the fridge to produce something to drink for the two of them. Alexis had stopped in her living room glancing around, nervous herself and feeling a bit like an intruder.

Kate walked up to her and offered her a glass of water, "Thank you," Alexis accepted the glass and gestured around, "You're place is really nice." Kate smiled: there she was with Castle's polite daughter, in a dreadful situation like this, and the girl still managed to say something nice about her apartment.

"Thank you," Kate said and gestured for Alexis to have a seat. Alexis sat down on the couch and looked at Kate who hadn't moved. "Are you hungry?" Kate asked so suddenly it felt as if she had been struck by a lightning. "You must be starving?"

Alexis' first impulse was to decline the offer, but then she heard her stomach growl, looking up at Kate who had heard it as well, "I'll take that as a yes."

An hour later they finished the pizza they had ordered and were sitting on the floor against the couch, having fallen into an unexpected comfortable silence. After a short discussion around who would take the couch and who would sleep in Kate's bed, with Kate winning the rights to the couch, she had changed the sheets, handed Alexis a tooth brush, some yoga pants and a shirt to change into, and ushered Alexis towards the bathroom. Jolting the silence, Alexis' phone rang and knowing the ring tone, she dropped everything on Kate's bed and grabbed for it.

"Grams!"